ITT We work in an office

I told you, we're on a break stop fucking asking

Attached: fuck you're spooky.jpg (1178x766, 297K)

Penny where in the fuck is that cover sheet for the Thompson report? GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!! I asked for that two hours ago.....

Attached: 1.jpg (852x480, 47K)

Come speak with me in my office immediately

Katherine from HR

what floor is this? is this 4th floor?

What do you want?

so you should ask yourself with every decision you make 'is this good for the company?'
oh and remember next friday is hawaiian shirt day ...
so if you want to go ahead and wear a hawaiian shirt and jeans

Those comments you made were unnecessary and rude. Mr.Goldstien worked very hard to set up this workshop and he says that it is necessary to our success in integrating our new non-english speaking POC employees. If I hear another outburst like that your position here will be terminated.

Katherine from HR

sorry guys I clogged the toilet again, can anyone help ?

Bitch I'm from Mexico

Did I ask where you were from?

Katherine from HR

Wolle Rose kaufe?

See Katherine ? When I said "The wetback is a fuck up" what did you say? Now who's a "racist rapist that no longer works here"?

Ahmed from R&D

Im a POC and i hate this pc bullshit. I will not be attending this workshop

Gonna go get a BJ from Trish in accounting in the 4th floor handicapped stall

God damn it. Somebody shit in the Accounting printer again. Call a custodian and Ahmad from IT to fix it

NEVER BUY PENCILS
OR PENS
OR PAPER
TAKE THEM FROM WORK

Calling my lawyer

This is a hostile work environment

HR does nothing

Attached: NOTICE.jpg (316x276, 24K)

You still must attend, Mr.Goldstien asked me to include a second half about LGBTTQQIAAP2K+ acceptance.

Katherine from HR

Holy shit guys I lost the report of the first quarter. The boss is gonna kill me. I can't afford to loose another internship

...

What issues are you experiencing? I'm already doing everything Mr.Goldstien recommends for equality and diversity inclusivity.

Katherine from HR

Y U No Back Up?

It's your own fault
This is why we don't pay you

Can you come into my office?

Steve from Loss Prevention

Nobody respects the fact that I identify as a Unicorn

Attached: Lil asian girl guns.jpg (750x600, 59K)

Just take the numbers from two years ago. Nobody is going to notice as they will turn out to be wrong in any case.

Hi guys, I'm Amie, the new intern.

So how do I get facebook to work on my computer?

You gotta suck my dick first, the internet connection is weird here so just trust me

Who the fuck took my stapler!

Memo:
Steve from loss prevention hasn't been employed here for more than a month, now.
We suspect he may have hacked into our system.
Please ignore any notices you may see bearing his name.

guys, when is penis inspection day?

I'll add that to topics for our workshop tomorrow.

Katherine from HR

Can my missing stapler be added to the list of topics as well?

Every day.
Ask Trish in Accounting

>have $10

Where are the gender neutral toilets?
I need to take a shit asap.

No.

Katherine from HR

As a female trans POC, I feel that this workplace needs to be more inclusive and respecting of my choices.

Uhm, ok I guess. And you gonna fiy ma computer right away after?

But please don't tell anyone

They have been redesignated as Unicorn Only Rest Rooms
We Apologise for any inconvenience

Mr.Goldstien says that we are only allowed to discuss matters concerning the culture of hate that exists in our company and in America in general.

Katherine from HR

Of course, you've gotta swallow too or else your browser will take forever to pull anything up. Trust me

The gender neutral toilets are currently out of order. Unrelatedly, our janitorial department is running low on delousing agent.
-Kevin from the help desk

Hi it's my first day

Attached: 42.jpg (576x960, 153K)

>starts clicking pen repeatedly while reading a spreadsheet
*click click click click click click click click *

>start as mailman/data entry
>climb my way through the ranks
>become CEO
>lay everyone off
>sell the company
>mfw

Attached: 3ef.jpg (500x333, 32K)

We are having a workshop on this exact topic tomorrow after work. I will also let all the white employees know that they are to personally apologize to you for making you suffer because you brought this up to me.

Katherine from HR

hey katherine from hr, i saw steve watching tentacle hentai one of these days. you should check on him.

The janitors closet is that way.

Alright Thomas, this was your last straw. Come to see my in my office NOW!

Katherine, HR

Well tell Mr. Goldstien that there is going to be plenty of hate in this company if I don't get my stapler back!

Mr. Goldstien is possibly the most valuable employee to this company because of all the wonderful things he does for marginalized groups. We will not be checking in on him and you better keep that anti-semitism in check or we will need to have a talk in my office.

Katherine from HR

Mr. Goldstein just got killed in a car accident. I'm Dave, the new CEO. My first order of business is firing You. Katherine, pack your shit and get out. We also will not be having that fucking workshop and everyone gets to go home early today.

I Quit

send my severance within a week or you'll hear from my attorney

>the ugly new bitch thinks she's the fucking queen

Sorry...

Attached: 55.jpg (828x775, 173K)

Is that a threat? The police have been notified, i'm sickened that people like you still exist in this world.

Katherine from HR

Hey, my daughter is selling chocolate covered almonds for her school trip, how many boxes can I put down for?

(peeks out of the cubicle)
Hehehe
*fapfapfapfapfap*

Attached: istockphoto-93201739-612x612.jpg (612x421, 51K)

I just take the trash bin then

steve;
dogbowl and i went by your office and its totally empty. not even you were there.

john from resources

How much to buy your daughter?

I'm mr. Goldstein's 12th son and he left his company to me in his will. Relinquish your position immediately or you'll hear from my lawyer.

Let them come, maybe the cops will actually do something about my missing property!

My son is selling Xmas wrapping paper

Perhaps we can strike a deal

Attached: Spock-Evil-5-Bill-Canada.jpg (3000x2138, 839K)

Like... two. Are the almonds activated?

And before you start, I identify as a Jamaican Rastafarii, so being stoned at work is part of my culture.

No they won't, Mr.Goldstien told them to arrest you.

All of Mr. Goldstein's sons were killed in a plane crash 2 years ago. Nice try.

HR dept. memo:
Katherine will die soon.
Her flesh will be minced and served in the company bbq.
Katburgers sound delicious, right?
P.S. Stop leaving your workstations unlocked, cunts.

GUYS KATHERINE'S GIVING ME THAT GOOSENECK SLOPPY TOP IN THE HR ROOM, BRING YOUR CAMERAS

That is absurd. I am alive and well, this crash you speak of never happened.
No plane carrying a Goldstein could be allowed to crash.

The entire HR dept,
please stop going in my workstation at night, i sleep there and have seen all of you.
john from resources

Not if I arrest him first! Agent Connors FBI, I've been undercover in this office for 5 years and after all that time I've collected enough evidence of Mr. Goldsteins tax fraud and money laundering to put him in prison for a long time.

sluurp. shut up Tim stop calling people in

Katherine from HR

Oh shit, son. Didn't she bust Carl for jacking off in the bathroom? hyporitical bitch.

OY VEY! I am from the ADL and that sounds wildly antisemitic! Rot in jail, Nazi!

*bolts down the hallway with my video camera *

Attached: gettyimages-149849745-170667a.jpg (338x511, 66K)

Anyone up for an orgy at Katherine's later tonight?

Wow!
This escalated quickly.
Mr. Goldstein is hiding under his desk

Is the body still warm?

Yeah, I'm gonna take my horse to the old town road
I'm gonna ride 'til I can't no more
I'm gonna take my horse to the old town road
I'm gonna ride 'til I can't no more (Kio, Kio)
I got the horses in the back
Horse tack is attached
Hat is matte black
Got the boots that's black to match
Ridin' on a horse, ha
You can whip your Porsche
I been in the valley
You ain't been up off that porch, now

It's gotten a bit cold but we can always chuck her in the server room and turn off the a.c

Oh my god Dave is singing in his cubicle again.
>emails the 167th complaint to HR

I'm going to the cafe, anyone want coffee?

What the hell are we doing here? Expenses, investors, management,
What's it all for?

Profit, baby, Profit!

BTW, you're fired

I want a soy frappucino with goat milk cream, sprinkles, and a few drops of jizz.

*fire alarm goes off*

Attached: firealarmpullstation28.jpg (640x427, 60K)

*grabs Janet's boobs*
I'M NOT DYING A VIRGIN!

Uh huh.
*writes down "1 decaf"*
Anyone else?

Alright which one of you fuckwits put his dick in the printer and ordered 31 copies? I know it was you, Robert, it's only 3 inches and I can see that ugly birth mark on your fat ass.

You're just mad her parents took her to summer camp without telling you

Katherine from HR asking if she can bring a friend along to the 'meeting'

Attached: q5d3avtbk23qt-www.9toutiao.com[1].jpg (800x708, 68K)

*takes pens pencils paper ashtrays trashcans file cabinets desks computers printers televisions and one blue coffee mug from work*

Just checking numbers reports here.
Annnnnnd looks good. You guys are doing a fantastic job.
Everyone else who didn't mean quota, come see me in my office.
-Ted, HR

Attached: 170206_badstock_15.jpg (2100x1400, 1.2M)

>sweats profusely
I... It wasn't me... Sorry Jim

Ted, I am gay. can you provide the same services as Katherine?
-Steve

"Delivery for Stacy."

"OMG GUYS LOOK CHAD GOT ME FLOWERS."

"YAAAAS."

"YOU GOT YOU A GOOD ONE GIRL."

"OMGGGG"

Hey all this is Adam from HR.
Whoever keeps coming into the HR break room and taking all the donuts please stop, there's 2 diabetics on this floor and they rely on those for their blood sugar.

>OKAY WE GET IT, STOP COMPLAINING ALREADY
We have soundproofers coming in the delivery tomorrow morning for his cubicle.

Whatever keeps the business running, we do it. At all costs.
Except at the cost of giving workers a raise, fuck that shit.

See me in my office, Steve. I'm sure we can work something out. ;)
-Ted, HR

Yeah, I'm gonna need you to check these dubs.

Attached: download_400x400.jpg (400x400, 34K)

Gawrsh, Ted, you're making me swoon! P-please be gentle!

First off I'll get Franks 3 grande flat whites
2 medium flat whites one with a bit of ginger one with 36.12g of ground cinnamon

2 triple cream espressos one with extra cream

Grab a bag of coffee beans while you're there, we need to top up the coffee machines on floors 3, 17 and 39.

1 Ginger spiced latte no sugar, extra milk, 1/2 teaspoon of 5 spice and blended

6 Hot chocolates with all the trimmings, 1 HAS to be vegan, extra vegan cream, vegan chocolate, vegan marshmallows

And I'll take a tea, 2 sugars, light on the milk.

Make sure you put it on the company card, and don't think you can put any extra payments on it, we got that new Jewish guy sorting out all our numbers, he'll catch you out...

Attached: dickinfection.jpg (2136x1424, 983K)

The automatic accounting software has detected a discrepancy. Supervisors have been notified.
-SYSTEM

Goddamit I've told you countless times it's not gonna make it bigger. Its just making the printer get stuck with your dick coming out of it.

Nobody "works" in an office.
They just spend all day gossiping about everybody else that does all the real work.

My coffee is cold.
This chair has a broken wheel.
I'm working overtime and not getting paid.
Fuckin fax machine is jammed.
Barbara used my god damn pen without asking. AGAIN.
The front desk secretary won't give me a new badge.
AND my car just got towed even though I PAID FOR MY PARKING SPOT.
I QUIT.

Hey Everyone

You are all invited to a two hour anti-money laundering course over lunch. Theres no lunch so bring your own.

Thanks
Cunto

..... Riiiight.
*writes down "8 decaf, 6 hot chocolate, green tea, coffee beans" *
Alright, be back in 10.

Your severance package has been automatically revoked due to breach of company protocol;
Chapter 11, Section IX: Use of profanity is strictly forbidden on official company communication channels.
-SYSTEM

Oh while you're at it can you get me one where they spell my name right k thanks

woo boy we got trips on quads in the office

Attached: 1537997463476.jpg (1124x1260, 1.42M)

checked

*CHUCKS COMPUTER MONITOR OUT THE WINDOW*

Attached: 1556141522009.jpg (297x350, 17K)

ALERT! The asset protection system has detected destruction of company property! Asset protection agents have been notified and will arrive shortly.
Agents are authorized to use lethal force.
-SYSTEM, via intercom

youtube.com/watch?v=azGKRF5r-EM
*angry mexican noises*

*YEETS SELF OUT OF THE WINDOW TOO*

PIECE OF TRASH COMPUTER FROZE IN THE MIDDLE OF MY SPREADSHEET EXAM

Attached: 1534127390447.gif (499x374, 490K)

Uh, to the ruffians on Floor 3, please stop jumping up and down, you're making dust get into my keyboard and it's clogging up the keys. I can't re-write the accounting software at this rate.

- Terrance, I.T.

Sorry Terrance, we were just playing hopscotch and decided to invite your mom. Boy can that girl jump.
-Matt from accounting

PA system: "OP, your ASSistance is needed in the mens room"

She won a medal in the state gymnastic competition. While we're conversing, do you still want the "special" feature on your version of the software, Matt?

- Terrance, I.T.

Attached: Screenshot_20190618_234819.jpg (529x690, 93K)

get fucked, terry

You guys know I'm monitoring emails, right? :)
Matt, please don't be such a sexist pig. I'm going to have to write you up for that one.
Terrance, we'll move your spot to the other side of the room, hon.
-Sandra, MGMT

That feature? Of course. Thanks, Terrance.
-Matt from accounting

I was complimenting her, you neurotic old hag of a succubus.

i need to send a fax real quick i'll brb.

Sorry, the fax machine broke after Sandra tried to send her list of prescriptions to her doctor.
Caused a buffer overflow or something like that.
-Matt from accounting

To Terrance:
I'm putting in some salary data and I seem to have lost your company data entry. Could you send your full name to me? I can piece together the rest.
-Matt from accounting

>ITT We work in an office
*quits*