Any other b/ros having an identity crisis?

Is this an existential thread within the normal scope (friends, career, children) or within a dissociated philosophical scope?

why bother? that's why im so defeated. i won't become the rockstar i wanted to be, or the author i wanted to be. so i'll find something i like and make a living out of it.

i am very dissociated. i have no attachments to my family and an attachment to one friend.
it's been suggested i have autism.

but lie ontologically speaking... i'm pretty nihilistic.

how old are you? here is an explanation that introduces a film about a man who goes through his mid-life crisis. it is real. my theory is that it's because the human race only lived to about 35 for hundreds of thousands of years so there is no pre-recorded instinct for how to feel, what to be urged to do, etc once you reach a certain age and then... you're like this:

"My name is Lester Burnham. This is my neighborhood. This is my street. This is my life. I am 42 years old. In less than a year, I will be dead. Of course, I don't know that yet, and in a way, I'm dead already. Look at me, jerking off in the shower. This will be the highlight of my day. It's all downhill from here. That's my wife Carolyn. See the way the handle on those pruning shears match her gardening clogs? That's not an accident. That's our neighbor, Jim, and that's his lover, Jim. Man, I get exhausted just watching her. She wasn't always like this. She used to be happy. We used to be happy. My daughter, Jane. Only child. Janie's a pretty typical teenager–angry, insecure, confused. I wish I could tell her that's all going to pass, but I don't want to lie to her. Both my wife and daughter think I'm this gigantic loser. And they're right. I have lost something. I'm not exactly sure what it is, but I know I didn't always feel this ... sedated. But you know what? It's never too late to get it back."

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im 25. but age shouldn't matter. i had a quarter life crisis at 19. therapist told me too just see how things played out. fucking terrible advice.

why? what's ur point?

also i can't lose something i never had,
and still american beauty is a very fun movie.

where'd u go?

Maybe stop giving meaning to things. Most activities are meaningless. If one is nihilistic, the only goal is short-term happiness or satiscaction, because most people never lose their pleasure-seeking behavior. The most important is to throw away the drive to achieve and overcome as well as learned optimism. Normal people constantly stimulate each other into being survivors. Even a dumb t-shirt with a label "never give up" serves a function of reminding each other to remain hopeful. I stopped doing everything I don't like but have to do (to a possible extent). Forcing myself into doing something I have to, will only make my time from birth do death harder. I don't want to make myself suffer only because of the cult of surving and overcoming and getting through. People praise human's hope ("hope dies last") as something good, but it's just a sad part of being a mind stuck in a sack of flesh. It forces people to remain active and still trying to achieve when you know you have little chances. When all realistic possibilities are gone, hope kicks in. It is really sad.

You don't have to do anything. Take comfort in simply being. You are alive. That is your purpose. To be alive. Simply be. Enjoy a comfort. Explore. Challenge yourself. Do whatever. Anything. Nothing.

The meaning of life is to be alive. Everything else is personal preference.

"I stopped doing everything I don't like but have to do (to a possible extent)"

elaborate? this is kinda my goal. to not have to do shit i don't like doing.
how'd u achieve this?

are you a nihilist too? and you're right i need to stop giving meaning to every little thing.
Are u a nihilist?

I did last year. Still trying to figure things out.

back story
>dad left for greece when i was 9 cuz military blah blah blah (also maybe fights with mom)
>in that year a man falls in love with my mom
>she was an insurance lady and he was a client and kept coming back with gifts
>she told him no but he started following him
>starts calling the house
>mom asks us not to answer the phone unless its her on the caller ID cuz shes afraid it will be him
>me and my brothers are very aware, were all 10 and under but she's not very private with things with us
>this goes on for almost a year
>late in the year we come home from a school musical I Was in
>the back door is wide open
>my mothers panties are strewn all over the place
>we wait in our rooms as my mom talks to the cops
>that night we all sleep in the living room so she can watch over us
>uncle is there with a gun
>she says she can see him standing at the cemetary across the street but tells us to stay on the floor
>this really fucks you up as a kid
>puts you in a really strong adrenaline addiction from a young age
>I go to bed listening to creepypastas and murder mystery docs
>have nightmares so frequently that I film recreations of them, eventually made my own feature film about them
>go to all the haunted houses and mazes
>go for walks at 3am in los angles ghettos
>Even do non horror adrenaline like sky diving, cliff jumping, trapeeze classes etc.

really defined me as a person on an actual biological level because of the intense adrenaline addiction. Even that year I would stay home sick all the time cuz of stomach pain from the stress. I would make it worse by watching the show 'unsolved mysteries'. You can probably guess what my favorite segments were.

>My mother and I havent been on speaking terms for like two years now
>I'm actually not on speaking terms with any of my nuclear family
>while visiting my extendeds they tell me they were always worried about us in that home because my mom was always a nutter
>my uncle who was there said the whole stalker thing was fake
>it was just a ploy to scare us so that our dad would try to come home early
>the way he tells the story (i was at the school play early for rehearsal) was that they all loaded up into the car to go
>She said she forgot something and ran back inside
>10 minutes later (more than enough time to set up her crime scene) she comes out
>there was never any restraining order
>the police werent even called that night she sent us to our rooms and claimed they came while were in there
>he wasn't across the street
>suddenly all the inconsistencies made sense
>years later i asked his name, she claimed not to forget (I don't believe anyone forgets that sort of thing)
>it explains why she had zero problem leaving me home alone almost once a week while sick considering there was supposedly a man camped out on the hill behind our house in the car
>it explains what I already knew as a kid, why that car was there long before dad even left let alone when the stalker started
>explains why it was parked in a church parking lot instead of being towed by the church owners

There was just so much shit I didn't think about cuz as a kid my mom told me she was in the right. It just feels like so much of me is based on a lie now. Whats sad is the physical changes its made. Adrenaline changes you. You could erase my memories and I'd still have these same cravings because you get addicted to the adrenaline rush. I can't just 'undo it' now and its hard to appreciate these aspects of myself.

thanks for the share homie.

may i ask how u afford all that stuff u do?
so u define urself with your biology. that makes sense.

Wallow in the averageness
Join us

I stopped working, stopped studying, stopped taking shower every day. I do the very minimum just to maintain health. Over time, my internal drive has gone down. Every little thing would put me off. Like, a minor inconvinience in the way and I can spend next two hours in bed doing nothing. Normal people hate what I do, and I did in the beginning, but later I realized (or became depressed and rationalized) that I don't have to do anything I don't feel for at the moment. I gave up and it gave me huge relief. I ditched all obligations and cancelled or resposibilities that I imposed on myself or others imposed on me. I'm not obliged to contribute anymore. Now I don't have to leave a footprint on Earth (getting children etc), I don't have to go through the normal cycle of getting born, studying, working, retiring, dying. I don't force myself anymore because at most things I will fail (not because I can't, but because I'm not motivated enough) and even if I would achieve a goal, it would be just a short reward that is not worth the dffort, even if it's little effort. I fully stopped self-motivating because it's a painful process of inflicting struggling on myself with my own hands.

that sounds like me.
so what do u day on a day to day basis?
do u make money?
do u need money?

>may i ask how u afford all that stuff u do?
What stuff?

>So you define yourself with your biology
It's not that I define myself by it, but you can't ignore your biology. It's a bit irrelevant either way, its just the cherry on top really. I'm still addicted to horror, I still fall asleep listening to scary stories and spend my nights playing silent hill and encourage my friends to jump out and scare me nad make scary movies etc. etc.

Nothing has changed by the revelation of information, I just feel worse about who I am now.

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just life i suppose.
what do u do for a living.

It's a complex question. I used to manage a psychic. It was a lot of fun, I made great money, I loved my life. I went on tons of adventures and could just throw money out for things like sky diving, or trapeze classes, or one time we just paid a couple hundred bucks to give an elephant a bath.

But someone died, things changed, now I'm clawing my way out of grief and back into the world, but I am working some minimum wage job in customer service where all my desk mates think I'm weird because they've seen my resume.

Seek understand the core of your mind, seek understand how the culture happens, understand your why, get an excuse to live, seek what makes it easier, trick yourself to make it the core of tour life. Just stop trying to be happy all the time. Listen to yourself. Fag.

Managed a psychic.
that's a new one.
sorry for your loss. and thanks for your openness. I'm trying to find something odd that i would love to do, make enough money to full enjoy life.

what is the core of the mind?

I struggle with boredom. I have too much time. Lately I started walking all day instead of watching movies because I was so sick of watching movies. I wish to fill my life with drugs. I don't make any money, I have some for very humble lifestyle. I never needed much money because I barely enjoy normal activities that are fun for most people. The only thing I care about is tasty food. Still gives me rewarding feeling. Normal people who are aware that I'm not on _the right_ track suggest me to start doing at least something and once I get into the rhytm, it will become easier to do necessary activities and I will improve my life. It's true however only if one can self-stimulate or receive stimulating signals from others. Secondly, do they think that if I coyld just go for a better option, I wouldn't? I desperatly try to lose myself in time-killing activities. I hate boredom, but doing things that I don't like is even worse. I don't want to get into the rhytm again. The rhytm of never ending self-motivation, hope, obligations, resposibilities and consceqences. Better to wind down and die, than to wind yourself up and function.

i'm with you there. so how old r u, do u live with ur parents? where'd u get that money from?

Who are you to tell yourself you can't be those things? surely you can be those things. Be a yes man. Movement is life homie

This is good advice! Get a routine going and shift it however. Ones true essence is happiness. Laugh for no reason OP

No, I don't live with my parents since young age. I already worked for several years, but I'm in the age when it's definitely not too late to study something new. No need to go to a school, I can learn things online. I have savings from the years when I worked. I'm happy that I have found such enlightment. It's a burden to know that nothing matters, but at least it's not a boulder of obligations on my back. I'm happy that I have lost the obligation to achieve something and develop myself, mainly because I decided that I don't need anything and removed what I have imposed on myself and what society added. Now I don't have the feeling that the clock is ticking but I haven't achieved anything yet.

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you sound like an enlightened bum. how old r u? cause to not have to work with the money you saved. that's gotta be a decent amount of money.
i hate that we need money. r u on welfare?

I love all of you. P.s. quit beating off there is mega tinder pussy to be fucked. I don't even have pics of my face/body and I get matches bcuz females love mystery cock! Go get your dick wet OP. Remember nutting is having a rebirth.

Please stop. I thought this thread is support for those who struggle with the decision whether they have to struggle with functioning or not. People who know me constantly blame me that I wind myself down. Duh, and you are doing exactly the opposite: you constantly wind yourself up and are trying to stimulate me. Poor working ants, they force themselves to give meaning to meaningless things and gently "help" others.

i've pretty much made my decision yeah. i don't want to work, but I need to, and as soon as i can stop even if it means living on scraps i will do that.

personally, i think nihilism is gay. stoicism is good, and it is my own goal to become as noteworthy as possible. to make the biggest mark, and to achieve power. will to power by nietzsche is probably the right way to encapsulate the human psyche

what's the point?
i don't wanna be part of the system you're talking about.

what system? the never-ending rat race that is attempting to make a mark on the world? and if so, why not?

you tell me why you want to first. answering a question with a question is avoiding answering it.

and i'm assuming you're american. the capitalistic system. or the global economic system. the social system of arbitrary cultures, and values. instead of living by other's rules i'll just do what i want. which conveniently isnt harmful to anyone.

sorry, just currently running (essentially) a psychologist thread (feels/advice) in /fit/ where i ask questions literally every post. i also forgot to answer your question.

anyway, the point of it all is to just make a mark. refuse to fade away into nothingness. do you want to have your name forged into history, remembered as powerful, feared, and admired? or work as a fucking wagie?

There is no you tho.. existence is meaningless yeah. We gave it meaning so there is meaning here now weather it's meaningless or not. You can't have one without the other. Enjoy the simulation while you're in it. You sound like a simp with low testosterone. Are you a soy you? Maybe you should seek what our masters sought instead of following their footsteps.. quit whining about oh what is all this and fucking enjoy it or get stuck in eternity like you already are. Learn to swim, you slave..328 7448 263 343

yes, am americuck. i value capitalism and self-worth over everything. i value the lives and the lives of the producers over the wasteful slobs that i view as ignorant. im a randian objectivist neocon with bits of stoicism sprinkled in there.

was not an attack on capitalism. and no i don't want oto be a wage slave, or a historical figure.

yeah, i didnt take it like that. i was just describing myself. what do you want to be then? not insignificant or toiling away for naught, but not necessarily remembered either.

what's with the attack. not everyone wants to join the rat-race, be wage slave, or filthy rich. and who the fuck are the "masters" you speak of?

I just want to be, man.

so just exist, doing what interests you? that sounds pretty nice. i want to be able to do that, but also much more. i want to be important and respected, a titan of industry. but why not be that, if you dont mind me asking?

why not be that? I don't have money to just exist. i'd have to work till i can support myself.

and i used to have grandiose visions, and now I just want something a lot more simple. We'll all be forgotten in the long run anyway. I don't want validation.

why do you wanna be so noteworthy?

so that i can finally be proud of what i would hope to leave in my immediate wake. i dont necessarily want to do good for the world, and i dont want to bad either. i just want to amass wealth and influence, generally power.

i do want validation. people marvelling at my accomplishments, and me shrugging them off and taking my leave. it'd be good. i myself would know that i did more than anyone else, and know that i am superior in will and intelligence. essentially, i want to feed my unbelievable ego and have it reach new heights.

That makes two of us.. not the masters that are in control of your very thoughts right now. The mountain men, the planeteers, the star people. Archons love when you play with their dividing vises. They fit so well in monkey man's grip. It seems they've almost taken all of the light from you. You should find water via a lake or pool. It's the only way to wash yourself from bad energy and demonic spirits. Stay charged my friend, you are losing the primordial battle

yeah it sounds like u got a big ego. go satiate it mane. mine just wants peace. and if i get known, it'd be for peace. like a monk. but i hate organizations.

wtf are you talking about?

same. i cant stand these fucking organizations like PETA because EVERYONE knows deep down it's a load of bullshit and they suck corporations' dicks 24/7. its how the world works. also, an ego isn't necessarily bad, you just have to have genuine drive to back it up and it turns into a massive plus as confidence and self-assurance. but a calmness in life sounds pretty good. i feel bad for people who want that kind of thing but are constantly fucked by politics

good luck with your endeavors.

Because it's a huge effort, of course. It's an endless (as in a rat race) amount of work. You are going to die anyway, you biggest impact and some permanent mark that you will dedicate your life to, mean nothing. But in meanwhile you will make your life harder by imposing some needs and obligations on yourself because you are either pre-programmed to want to function, or because of peer pressure and never-ending mutual stimulation, rats in a wheel reminding each other to keep their head straight and never lose spirit.

Seek what the mountain men sought.. see you on the ship.. mate. Have fun drinking your tea :) everything on Earth is rented. Even your consciousness. There is no birth. There is no death. I'll be here to tuck you in Jeffery

>do you want to have your name forged into history, remembered as powerful, feared, and admired?
I cannot put into words how much I don't care about leaving a mark. I don't dislike people who do it, but I despise their internal drive that gives them such desires. It is disgusting and sad that they are randomly assigned such a role in this world.

it mainly is about what it means to me personally, though. not what i actually accomplished in regards to the world, but the knowledge i did something great and am great.

thanks user. have a good night

why do you despise their will to power?

youtube.com/watch?v=hwhd2xzc4WI

dude i'd love to hear what you think mountain men were seeking. but you sound incoherent af.

>why do you despise their will to power?
My thinking in this regard is not very rational. I think, I despise it because it's the very opposite of me, and also because they are sort of slaves to life, whose brain forces them to work. That they don't refuse to play this, as it seems, meaningless game.

well i understand despising those who have the drive that fruitlessly pursue it, not realizing that they dont have the means to fulfill it. but for those who do, there is point in chasing it (and fulfilling it) because of the gratification of being powerful. and i personally need work, as without work there is nothing worth living for. and by work, i mean mental stimulation, not plugging away in an office.

This thread is so depressing, just do what makes u happy, stupid people

That is a great song. We actually have alot in common.. I'm also in coherence.. do you know what clear light is? The silver cord? To answer your question they were seeking discovery.. knowledge..happiness.. Do you like these things?

this is the task at hand.
now the problem is most of us need money to do that. to get money you gotta work.
and i dont wanna work at some job i hate, or even slightly dislike.
so therein lies the problem. I just want to be. and i can't do that.

yeah i just want knowledge and peace. not happiness.

no what are those things

Seek for yourself user! Knowledge will take you to peace. Peace and happiness are two of the same. Quit eating Cheetos. Sincerely buzz light year

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dude, what knowledge. where do i start? what do you know, buzz?

But what u want to be? Lol, not everything in life is work, but u need the money to be free, that's the truth, just work for that and enjoy the rest of u life, u always can be better and change u mind. And remember it's never too late to start a new business, where you can be your own boss, maybe it's not what you always dreamed but whatever it is will be much more satisfying for you

"the rest of my life."
i can die tonight. no thanks. i won't do anything that i don't want to do anymore.

Question everything. Read scriptures. Meditate. Practice mindfulness and practice "no mind". Not thinking is where you'll find clear light. It takes practice to sit still and have no thoughts at all. Try for yourself. To infinity and beyond!

you decide if your "rest of u life" is something as empty as you think

sounds like you are gay dude...what your best friends just broke up with you? how does that work exactly?

But don't leaves us, "in the good fortune, more attentive than ever, in the bad times of what you are made of, you will learn"

they stop answering calls, texts. so i never get a chance to see them again.
i am somewhat of an asshole, cause i speak my mind.

You're a good person, they not

i'm really not. I'm so neutral it's ridiculous.
thank you though. that's nice of you.

My whole life tbh. Got used to it, figured it was the usual anyway, and never saw it as anything negative. It's amazing and strange anything exists in the first place. The fact I or any other organism is conscious on some level is so interesting. I want to know more but I could never deduce enough because of so many things I could be overlooking and not even know it.
I still can't get over death. I won't be surprised when it finally happens, but I'm really skeptic about consciousness surviving. Seems it's just generated from our brains with complex dynamic patterns with a mix of different senses and memory forming our perceptions in some ways. Maybe since there is information in everything our information survives and still exists after death. Maybe if past life regression is legit, we're tapping into information from a different state/life we were in somehow.
Then what about what happens to the rest of our data and anything that remains when the universe eventually burns out? Maybe the big bang starts over while black holes and other matter is pulled back together enough to compress into a small object and explode into another form of the observable universe. Possibly more.
No matter how I try to word it and describe anything As far as the things I think about a lot, I've only scratched way less than the surface. And having a short life never learning enough is depressing. So much missed out on in the distant future that's so unpredictable. And with such a short life and the gift of consciousness, I need to try my best not to let what time with it I have go to waste.

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