Pic related because I'm at least partially self-aware. Anyway, this is just me ranting about nothing in particular, feel free to move on. Of course, I do want to talk to people, but I don't wanna force my shit on random strangers. I'm sick of my family, I can't fucking deal with them. I either live in college with a bunch of dumbfucks who (and I don't normally use this word, but it's honestly the best word to describe them) are the biggest bunch of normalfags i've seen in a fucking while, like more than in high school. At least the high school stupid fucks were at least funny or stupid enough to justify it, but these are honors students in my dorm building. That isn't to say the way they act is wrong, and to be honest the "normalfag" groups are usually just a few people who ruin it for the rest. Some of the people are (from what I've seen) actually pretty cool. Not that it matters, I doubt they'd wanna talk to me anyway, and even if they did, it would mean hanging out with the people who annoy me to no end, and as much as I like ranting and whatnot, I don't really want to hurt anyone or anything. I just can't fucking relate to anyone. The only times I can think of were before I moved to the U.S., and a online friend group I had, but we've all changed and the group is drifting apart. All in all, I wanna make people feel better, it's really the only thing I want to do anymore, outside of basic biological urges, vidya, and youtube shit that is. Maybe I'm just a biological cul-de-sac, and internally I realize that. I don't really know. All the relationships I have end after about a month or so. I just wanna move to the desert with my internet and live alone at this point; it beats pretending I'm gonna succeed anymore. I would live to be able to just fucking give up and accept the fact that im an ugly boring weirdo, and while I acknowledge those things, I'm unable to *accept* it, part of my stubbornness, I suppose. Possibly a coping mechanism, I dont know. (cont'd)
Pic related because I'm at least partially self-aware. Anyway, this is just me ranting about nothing in particular...
Despite the way I come off, i'm not a nihilist, just very pessmistic. I do think its possible for me to succeed and make a bunch of people happy, I just doubt it. My family annoys the hell out of me, but I don't hate them or anything, even if they hurt me inside. Maybe this is all just code for me wanting to be alone and also being lonely. Regardless, I think that's all I had, thanks if you read all this. I don't really know what I stand to gain
Hey man, life will get better; seems like you have a good heart. It may be hard to get the courage, but if you put yourself out there and be yourself, you’ll prolly make some friends. Sure some people won’t like you, but not everyone has too, fuck ‘em.
It seems youre frustrated with not being able to connect with people, user
But since youre in college you need to find your group rather than wait for it like in high school where you were forced into one. Besides, most ppl in college take their studies seriously rather than dicking around. This might be a great oportunity to expand your tastes. Be open w them and see if they have somethibg you like
I guess. I can deal with being alone though, but seeing people in pain makes me hurt a lot. Its kind of hypocritical, sense I end up causing that pain sometimes, but still. I'm sick and tired of everyone hating everyone else because of stupid bullshit and people feeling shitty because biology is fucking gay. I know it sounds stupid but I just want everyone to be functional and happy and seeing the opposite of that in others AND myself breaks me up. Kinda naive, I guess.
Maybe, but there's no one I really want to talk to enough to really risk my future career and/or spend time away from people I do like, or deal with the BS of people they hang out with or do themselves.
Also it seems youre reclutantly isolating yourself rather than preferring it.There may be a deeper issue there other than simple preferences
Oh there's definitely deeper issues, i'm aware of that. Some of them are pretty blatant, in fact. I just didn't express them here.
That said, I don't need this to become a therapy thread. Obviously I would prefer it, but don't feel like, pressured.
No, your feelings are not the problem. You can dislike something common in the world, it’s your mood that’s the problem, if you continue to feel bad maybe think about therapy or pills. Maybe you won’t need them forever, but it’s still ok to take them.
You could give in to hang around once a week and bail whenever you want. Mix thing up now that youre in college~ just actually try if this is what you want to do and dont just stay silent
Regardless i dont think not liking people for not getting your references (normalfags) is enough of a reason to dislike them. Not really a preference either~ i think you'll realize being w the same group of friends and being sad all the time isnt a life to keep livibg and youll branch out eventually.
Maybe. I used to do that begining of freshman semester (I came in with preterm credits, so freshman "year" was only a semester) but it was just kinda awkward. I mean I don't dislike them for their references, I dislike them for their personalities, references to media they use, and other reasons. I can deal with people being normal. Being average isnt the same as being an normalfag imo. I sure hope I feel that way, but it's been like that for a while.
Tried pills, didn't like them. I'm still opposed to pills for mental stuff, both personally and professionally except as a last resort. I am doing therapy, but not for depression. I can handle my depression, it just makes me feel like this.
Hmmm what about their personalities dont u like?
It's hard to explain. One is a mormon girl, and she's nice but she's also like. OMG look at this thing the mormon president did!! OMG THIS FUNNY THING about mormons. She's basically a teenage minion posting mom on facebook but with mormonism (and other stuff obvs). Credit to her though she does go against some of the bullshit stuff like no caffeine and some of the "sexist" stuff (whatever that is, i'm not a mormon). There's one guy I had as a roommate and I can tell you about him if you want but he would need a whole post dedicated to him. There's another girl who is very tumblry, if that makes sense. Not like in the gender stuff way. The way I can explain is she constantly shits on flat-earthers, is an enormous fan of Sorrow TV, and shits on deviantart. Imagine if tumblr and reddit fucked and had a hefty woman. That. She's also like ridiculously against pedophiles. Like, I'm not pro-pedo, but if a video even says the word, she's mad for like 3 days and she talks about them the same way Hitler did about the Slavs.I remember her saying she would brutally torture every pedophile, even the ones who don't offend, see therapists to make sure they don't hurt anyone, etc. One time I said "hey you know CP is disgusting and vile but it is a mental disorder so if they're struggling with it maybe that says something positive yeah" and she still gives me angry looks since I said that. The whole group also talks about memes that died like half a year ago as if they were brand new. They're just generally the human equivalence of reddit. Hopefully im making some sense.
A lot of them are kindof dicks too. Like I told one girl I wanted to talk to her and she was like "yeah sure" but just left and didnt talk to me. Like I didn't even wanna date her I just wanted to talk to you as a person but I guess youre gonna hate me forever anyways so whatever I guess.
Like they don't really do like, anything strongly wrong, they just do a lot of *small* things that piss me off.
Youve been in Yea Forums/other chans too much imo if you get riled up from the outdated m e m e s. But i see your point
This is a bit common among young ppl who are not interested. Rude as fuck but semi expected (like ghosting when you could say youre not interested).
I don't get riled up by memes per se, it's hearing them everywhere. It's one thing to like outdated memes. Its one thing to say them like theyre new. It's one thing to do this all the time. But it plays into all the other stuff. As I said, not one large problem.
But also, they seem to be moved by mainstream culture easier than you do, so maybe the whole mindset is ingrained in you so when they talk about old ass references theyve seen on a recent vid youre even bothered by it (my hyphothesis since im/was like this, take it if it resonates w you).
But other than that, well thats most people~ they may have a trait or two that you intensely dislike but be pretty chill if its not a dealbreaker. Youre a bit out of your comfort zone i think but it happens (tho its happening hardcore to you)
I know, and maybe im just a fuckass, but I wouldn't have *minded* if she just said "no, i'm not interested", its that she said she would and just left. There's also some stuff theyve done that's kind of. Personal. Not sure if I should share.
Yeah maybe, I don't really make a big deal with mainstream culture, and most mainstream culture (where I live) is actively against my interests, uninteresting or annoying to me. So yeah, fair analysis.
I mean this is the internet no one will know if you dont post face/names but suit yourselff. But yeah young people are rude (ive done this some times as well so im guilty) and dont expect much of a person.
Its an entire culture of le funny maymay if all of these things are constant and conbined. Deffinately not what 4chin used to be
True. Well I have identity issues. It's complicated (i.e. im stupid) but basically, I either like crossdressing or full on want to be a girl. I've seen them put makeup on a guy and be all "*what* a male with makeup?? this is hilarious!" and I think I heard them making fun of me for similar reasons, but I'm not 100% on that one. I don't wear makeup or anything, so it was likely the "bra" i wear.
Ah youre still figuring things out it all makes some sense now.
Focus on yourself now trying to define yourself would be my advice so far. Dont fall for the incel 2 genders thing they are technically right but they dont know a fuck about sexuality and are purposefully retarded about it.
Shits normal theres not that much wrong w you but you should define yourself since you feel so different from other ppl
I dunno, I mean I want to be one or the other. The problem is not knowing more han anything. I dunno, I just wanna be cute and pretty and make people happy and cuddle and be happy and have everything be okay but its just not. Its hard to tell if those and similar thoughts make me trans per se though. Sometimes I want boobs. Sometimes I dont. Sometimes I wanna be masculine (or as close as I get), sometimes I wanna be in a pink fluffy princess dress with makeup. That's sorta the big deal.
Well not an expert here (in fact i even think tumblr is better for this despite the faggotry there) but you shouldnt let your sexuality expand to taking over your whole life and have a personality. That being said, resolving your inner conflict could improve your relationships w people and at the end, your enviroment. Talk to people who know this stuff better and be open with them (you can be fully anonymous on the internet)
I mean its one step closer to growing up so~
My sexuality doesn't, im celibate. Wanting breasts isn't about me wanting to fuck it just feels *wrong*. Like imagine if you woke up one day and your ass was like a different shape. Kinda like that.
Well maybe it does because of past trauma, but that isn't this. I also am trying to do that, but failing.
Yeah i could give u insight but a better one would be found on the LGBT+ community even if its just body dismorphia or youre insecure about it. Take it w a grain of salt and dont start pumpung yourself w estrogen tho
The problem is that a lot of them are biased towards me doing it. My only options so far have been super yay trans or no trans is evil. So it's kinda eugh. Even some of the more neutral ones are like "accept yourself" which is great, but not my problem.
Well youre clearly putting in question traditional gender tastes by having your likes as different, and you fit in the Lgbtq+ for now and for practical purposes.
So you need to tell them you know youre not "normal", but also that youre not trans, and ask them for actual guidance/definition instead of " just be yourself" as a starting point (dont get frustrated tho). This is for a " guru" who delves in these issues to consult tbh.
Well the problem is that I don't know if I *am* trans. Do you have a discord by the way, that'd be easier than changing tabs.
Sadly i dont ;(
Theres a board here in 4chin that delves into those discussions idk if youve posted there. Or /adv/. Try to resolve this aspect of you before the whole "you dont adapt in college and want to be alone on the internet". One at the time, user
The board is /lgbt/ i found it
Yeah, I've thought about it. What social media do you have?
Im in Yea Forums lmao i dont have any social media
Im a ghost irl
fair
Sorry if i wansnt any help tho, but good luck and try posting on the boards/community (but tbh i dont think you needed help ;p ...)
I gotta go bro, hope you resolve most of what bothers u
nah you were pretty good, dw. Thanks man.
>>/lgbt/12655230
...
thanks bruv
Dude these posts are so long i literally stopped reading after the third word
i mean you post astolfo so i don't really respect your opinion so