Going to MEPS really soon, what should I expect...

Going to MEPS really soon, what should I expect? I heard there's gonna be a finger in my ass and I really don't like the sound of that.

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Carpal, not corporal. What a stupid fucking joke.

Finger won't actually be inside

more like on your taint area, just prepare for the duck walk

The life of the party guy.

You'll wait in a room of 20ish dudes in their boxers. You'll get height and weight if need be and they'll make you do various stretches and movements (a famous one is the duck walk). Then finally, you'll get called individually into a sepperate room and a doctor will tell you to turn around, bend over, cough, then come right back up. Might check your testicles for cancer with gloves and some awkward silence. He doesn't want to do more than he has to. It's not a big deal. That is one of a dozen stations at MEPS.

Duck walk, sit around and wait all day, have some people be cunts to you. Dont worry that wont stop til you hit your first duty station.

>Dont worry that wont stop til you hit your first duty station.

Don't give the guy hope.

the duck walk is something you need to perfect tho

>implying that stops once you hit a duty station

That's for the air Force and navy. And supreme leader Trump got rid of the transgender bullshit.

Oh dude sexual assault is rampant in the military. Guys on guys mostly. But that's just because there are more of them. However, they keep finding all these porn sites of nude military women. Just remember most of the sjw shit is words. If we want to actually support our troops we should have more clear channels of communication with them. I have a few vet friends and they are all in various states of transition. A few seem alright. Others are going through military court and running from the cops respectively.

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Marine Corps

Nah I want to do military, been waiting a long while to server.

Went for marines, guy fingered my ass then talked to me in his office for 30ish minutes about marine core and special forces, waited an hour and a half for duck walk and went to piss 5 mins literally running back and forth was 2nd in line when i come back he calls them all in tells me i cant go in some real dumb faggot shit.The guys who work there are the biggest faggots in the military think theyre the shit but really there faggots having to get power ego from being a nurse.
Had to wait another hour and ducked walk and gay shit.
My MEPS was nice af tho they had a movie theater pool room etc.
Anyone else get a weird vibe duck walking and shit tho? they had us do weird balerina shit and they yelled at us to try harder and make it look like where trying it was gay af my dick was out my shorts n shit

Good for you, just dont be one of those douches who serves one your, then spends the rest of his life letting others know he did (combat fatigues erryday, stickers on everything, nothing is as jard as mah tour ect) while bitching how insane it was.

what the fuck

yeah I dont plan on it, i'm just tryna get deployed and see some combat. Wanna experience that

Nah I just wanna say I did it, going for recon after basic and to be honest i wont feel proud if i make basic training but dont make special forces.
But i guess it just depends on how bad you want it, gotta run ist in like 6 hours fml but got any tips for a recruit?

Shits not fun, but it is one hell of an experience. If you get statioed somewhere middle east, and some guys ask you to go to a local brothel...dont. Especially if it's an unknown one. They got kids in there as sex slaves and try to blackmail y'all with em.

Yeah reading all these realizing no one else got there ass fingered makes me feel bad yikes

Have something that propells you to keep going. For me it was my f2f at the time and her sister, her sister said if I came back in one piece, shed fuck me. It worked.

Bro, if you're worried about gay shit, why would you join any branch? Regardless of who is the gayEST, the US military involves seeing naked men on a regular basis. Starting at MEPS, continuing into basic/ait/osut and into your actual military career.

You'll never get more pussy in your life. But you'll have to be okay getting surprise dry humped by 3 of your best friends for laughs from time to time. Also, get ready for "marry, fuck, kill" with options like Danny DeVito, Gary Busey and George Clooney while being expected to full explain your answer.

Gf not f2f. Fucking auto correct.

What state are you from?

Thats a lie

yeah that other shit is cool but doing naked duck walks doesnt sound awesome.

Lmfao get through grass days first

Stress Card doesn't exist. That's a long standing rumor. Everyone knows someone that knows a guy that saw a boot use it. Basic isn't as hard as it was back in the day, but you still have to make it to the minimum standard.

USMC boot camp is easier than army basic was through the 80s

Good luck. Spent my whole career in garrison. Unit wouldn't even let me deploy to Korea because I was good at my job and they didn't want to lose me to another unit. Deploying to combat areas doesn't happen much anymore, and combat in itself doesn't happen much anymore either (when it does, it makes news now). Worst thing you'd see right now is an IED.

If you actually got fingered, you may have had a slight bump that the doc had to check.

You will not be naked. You'll be in your underwear. They make a big deal out of it because it's goofy and scares recruits. Also, it's how they find out if your feet are flat and too fucked to join. It's 2 minutes of awkward squat walking. That's it.

Doctor may need to make you fully erect so that your prostate is noticeable. Don't be embarrassed if you ejaculate. It happens to me every time.

Souce: I get checked once a month and I come nearly every time.

I joined right before they made huge policy changes in Army training. Right around graduation, we saw people with the new uniforms and deadass PATCHES. They would tell us in church (also, OP, always go to church in basic. Always) about how they weren't allowed to be dropped for too long or punished too hard. We were pretty happy to have gotten in before that change.

When I was getting out, we were seeing news from ArmyTimes and on the internet that the "New Army" was a failure and that they were going back a decade or so in standards because recruits never learned discipline and shit.

Oh okay, what if I cant squad for that long? Longest squat I can hold is like 10 seconds

They're looking for specifics. If you're an out of shape turd, they can tell. If you have a ligitimate issue with the duck walk, they're going to assume you have flat feet which can be a disqualification. But they WANT you to pass. So no need to worry about it.

You gonna have a tough time in basic

they won't stick finger in ass but with make you spread your cheeks and bend over.

first you take the asvab, then you get shacked in a hotel and are awoken with violent pounding on your door early in the morning. you are dragged to breakfast and it feels like first day of school. they'll take you by bus.

then from there they will take you for preliminary testing. blood and urine samples. blood pressure. sight and hearing test.

during that process you'll get your asvab score. this makes or breaks people.

somewhere in this process your height and weight and physical are done. and in this process is when you get naked in front of a doctor and they have you bend over and spread your legs. not too invasive.

i was disqualified for a medical reason unrelated to the above.

Dilate your anus now

i sweat a lot, i lied to my recruiter and said I sweat normally but like, if I rub my hands together for like 20-23 seconds they start sweating. If I rub them together for upwards of 54-59 seconds I can make droplets of sweat.

They're definitely going to stare at your butt hole and male you walk around weird in your underwear. Probaby sorta what rape feels like. You just panic and go with it and pretend it never happened after.

Sweat is good lube in the group showers, use it

no

Well, that's weird. But also, if I rub my hands together at an accelerated rate for a minute or so, I will also have hot hands.

That being said, excessive sweating is not a NOGO. They're going to make sure you DRINK WATERRRR whether you're thirsty or not.

I almost got disqualified because they found an 8 year old ticket that I had paid off 3 days after getting it. Lie about everything unless there's proof it happened. You've never drank, smoked weed, done any drug, had premarital sex, winked at a stranger, none of that. You have ALWAYS BEEN PERFECT. That is unless there's state records calling you a liar.

Okay i was fucking around about the sweat thing, but my recruiter is extremely cool but I had to speak to his higher up and he scared the fuck out of me. I hypothetically smoked a lot of weed before and said no in the moment. He even called me out for lying because I paused before answering. I chalked it up to being tired from working all day. But fuck man it was scary

You never smoked weed bruh, sucked some dick, yes, but it was just a phase, no homo, that makes it okay

MEPS is easy, peasy. The medical stuff is just questions and general observations. Just watch what you talk about with other people in MEPS. You are being watched by people looking for bad eggs.

Be sure to get a Badass Recon Marine tattoo before you ship out

Eat a good breakfast cause you're going to be there for a while. Get ready to hurry up and wait. Don't be a fucking retard and piss hot.

Sit back and see if you can overhear the boons talking to each other about their ASVAB scores and laugh quietly to yourself.

You're retarded. You're going to be showering with men very soon stop being a pussy. Also just stop bitching, you literally haven't had anything even happen to you yet. If you already are bitching before meps about something being bullshit you're not cut out for enlistment. The next 4-6 years minimum will be nothing but straight bullshit

Never change your answer. That's one they will try to convince you is fine to be honest about. Doesn't matter. Say no. Say it until you get to your unit and then you're fine to talk about your past. Your real military units won't give a shit as long as you always come up negative on random drug tests. Which absolutely will happen your entire career.

Get an airborne physical even if it's not in your paperwork.

OP take this shit with a grain of salt... Don't lie about shit if there is any possibility they'll find out. You're gonna want your NOGO before you're in then have it fuck you out of no where after you've signed up and/or are at boot camp.

Lie about tons of shit and then need to get a clearance while you're in the service or later in life and you're fucking yourself.

just say "go deeper daddy" he'll stop

Thanks for actually being helpful man, appreciate it.

>this

It's gonna be like 12 hours of waiting and doing boring tests. Honestly, you're gonna hate it. Nothing is hard, but you're gonna get your first taste of slow military processes.

And no finger up the ass, but you WILL have to bend over and spread your cheeks so the doctor can take a look at your asshole. It only takes like 5 seconds though, they're not going to thoroughly inspect it. This will come after you do a bunch of random mobility exercises in your underwear in a room full of around a dozen and a half dudes.

Oh, and they'll do some blood work, so there will be some needles involved. Nothing crazy, but you'll be getting over your fear of needles if you have one.