I have never felt this suicidal but I don't want to make my family sad. I can't take it

How? They'll still be sad about my death anyway.

fuck man, i don't know. i am just tossing out poorly thought out brain nuggets

my alternative suggestion was rape all of your female family members and make them glad you died

I personally suggest to just do it. If your family is sad about it they should have cared more about you from the start and figured out you were depressed

You can’t give in OP. You just got to preserver and live on.

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Sorry for making this dumb thread. I just have nowhere else to go and the pain is unbearable.

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I got some bad news for you, although it might make you feel a little better.
>what you just described applies to most people, they just hide it so you cant tell.
So on the plus side you're not alone, however the odds of overcoming it dont look that good for any of us. So best advice I can give? If you're gonna do it just make an exit bag, dont do something that's going to hurt like hell and might not even kill you. (An exit bag is a plastic bag you hop in and fill with inert gasses like helium, you'll suffocate and die but it wont feel like you are)

Go get some pats on back from reddit.
Here these niggers are gonna push you to siucide.

Dumb nigger.

I'm a fucking loser with no future
>retarded perspective you can change
I'm stuck in a mutually toxic relationship with a girl
>stuck? Bullshit
that I damaged with my emotional instability
>dig the responsibility but let go of the guilt
and who I cheated on when I was having a disassociative episode from her abuse
>nevermind about the responsibility thing. You are just blaming her for your actions now.
and I've been depressed as fuck for 10 years
>acting and thinking like you do I am not surprised.
I destroy everyone around me and feel like everyone is out to hurt me too.
>maybe stop acting like that? Wild theory but give it a shot
I'm a shitty person who has become shittier from being treated like shit.
>keep blaming others. That will get you far
I could keep going on and on but I don't want sympathy.
>you fucking liar
I just want an alternative to killing myself
>get help and make some hard changes
or a way to do it without ruining my already damaged family.
>impossible. Actions have consequences. Stop the childish fantasy of “suicide is the way out”

I'd rather kill myself than listen to leddit

How do I change if I don't know how? Psychologists haven't helped me so far, pills haven't helped me so far.

Stop blaming others is a good starting point. You are responsible for your life. Right and wrong. Therapists or meds can help. But nothing can help someone who doesn’t help themselves.

I sincerely appreciate that. I just live in the dark. It's my turn to live, and I will, even if my life is half over at 25. Life has things to enjoy, albeit small things, it is enjoyment nonetheless.
I promised myself I wouldn't waste my turn until I feel numb. You are not numb if you are sad. Like I said, it's a struggle.

Just do fucking drugs till you die. Life is meaningless anyway so do whatever you fucking want and see if that makes you happy

No anti depressants arent going to work in the long run. Exercise will work!!! Also make a concious effort to do something for yourself, like go to the movies or go eat junkfood that you like. Anything.