This man is about to slay you. Quick! Grab the first object to your right to defend yourself. How fucked are you?

My PC. I'll brain him with it.

I guess i could stop the katana with the coffee thermos next to me. Then ram it into his head.

Box fan. I can probably at least use as a shield and make my escape.

hmmm....

Attached: IMG_20190523_193142.jpg (242x182, 15K)

brownies? um...

A whole fucking bathub

m.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSiuQ5Sx98U

A water bottle. I give myself 50/50.

Unless he is a fire ogre, I'm pretty much fucked.

Attached: IMG_20190523_113738.jpg (1465x2066, 720K)

>katana
I chuckled.

a 120 crayola pack of crayons im beyond fucked

oh fuck OP might survive o.0

I got nothing....

Im dead, unless hes deathly allergic to bees

Attached: IMAG0432.jpg (1836x3264, 938K)

You learned nothing from pocket sand?

An actual sharpened axe. Not even a woodcutting one, it's a "viking axe" "replica" I bought back in 2004. It's actually pretty fucking sturdy and has a good edge for 50$ would last against a fatass imo

That's cruel he's already been stung in the face like 20 times

Then maybe id be safe lol!

I've got to try to strangle this hambeast with a fucking shirt

A mirror matchup, cool. My money's on machete, the ogre genetics beat fedora tipper history nerd 9/10

Earplugs FUCK

Water bottle....could hit him hard on the first try...

WTF?

Where are you user?

Jude! JUDE!

Now this is a knife

Attached: 77558845-57B2-4B94-8FFE-A227983C502B.jpg (4032x3024, 1.78M)

lmao 10/10

I've got a bunch of exposed wires plugged into the wall. I'll be fine.

My cell phone. I guess I could call the cops.

A pipe, but it's okay, he's probably gonna get a heart attack before reaching me

Bottle of crushed hot peppers
TO THE FACE

Attached: 1544306468564.jpg (1200x857, 273K)

Mic stand. I'm fine.

My 17 year old cat ;_____;

I’m not, he’s fucked

Here, have an upvote !
Retard.

pint glass
could glass him

my dog
hmmm...well shit

>fat greasy Yea Forums user
>loose slobby clothes
>wal mart machete
>holding his weapon sideways behind his body

Id beat him half to death, fuck him in his fat ass, and head home to sharpen my new bamboo-clearing tool. The difference between fake dangerous and trained dangerous is huge, id love to show you.

Attached: 57486612_1175991859244789_94745900512968704_n.jpg (720x720, 45K)

You don't need to screen cap a fucking clipboard

My pile of straight razors
I got this

>posting anime
ye you just gonna lay down and present your butt to him for the sexing

Attached: 1558293766738.jpg (1280x720, 95K)

You're literally the embodiment of what that picture represents. That same dialogue is reverberating through Shrek's head as he lifts the machete above his head.

A roll of toilet paper. My masturbation days are over.

Attached: 654365.webm (404x720, 1.15M)

Uh

Attached: 2019-05-23 21.16.43.jpg (2880x2160, 1.66M)

Tactical flashlight

Shit. Either my cell recharger or pen tablet D:

MY FACE MAY BE MELTING BUT I'M STILL COMMING FOR YOU

Attached: 1452376345711.jpg (360x360, 32K)

My alarm clock...

>A mega bloks figure of Master Chief in the MK V armor

Yike?

.380 on table to the right of me.

blind him with the ketchup and then cut him with your cards
gg winner winner sweet chilli sauce dinner

2nd amendment pal

Attached: 1558484881416.jpg (734x547, 32K)

It's called wakizashi you dumb fuk

Fucking toilet paper. I'm not even in the bathroom.

*throws voice into opposite corner of room*
Gotta see me first.

My wife. I'm actually ok. She'll either win or lose. Either way, I win.

Joke’s on you im in the kitchen(knife)

Some rotisserie chicken and risotto. I distract and disarm him by offering him the meal then stab him in the back as the fat fuck gorges himself.

A cup of cold coffee, sweet.

i'm not, fat fuck is

Attached: ar15-3.gif (630x173, 50K)

a fridge

Ill block his slash with muh thick binder full of a bunch of papers and punch his throat. Then I'll go behind him and sink my fingers in his throat and crush his windpipe. EZ Pz. Then ill go back to masturbating to midriffs after the cops get him.

Attached: lick lick lick.jpg (1650x2494, 1.24M)