Im terrified of dying but at the same time im suicidal

You need more than just a small. Change, but a change of lifestyle, new country, new culture, new you style.

After living and working 9-5 in the UK and realising I was going full fucking circle chasing higher salaries just to spend more on shit that didn't even make me happy, I was done. Moved my shit to Spain, still western enough to enjoy capitalistic material spending if you wish but also a quality of life for free that money couldn't buy me in England. Now when I get home instead of gaming or watching fucking Netflix I grab my board and go surfing till the sunsets. Having a life outside of work (and not just on weekends) has saved me.

I dont understand how people are suicidal
If your life is such shit that you want to die, just move your ass and change it
I used to live in a trailer park and was shit ass poor
I joined the Army and turned my life around, eventually getting out and going to college on the GI Bill

You can make a change in your life, you can completely overhaul yourself, you just need to decide to do it

Interesting. Never considered moving to another country except mongolia and scotland. But i am planning on moving back to the small town where im from as soon as i settle a lawsuit.

I have post secondary but im schizophrenic and people just dont want to hire me for some reason. even before i went nuts. I have to rely on social assitence to survive.

I want to work though, i guess ill keep that in mind and put some work towards it

When i move my financial situation might improve and ill jave friends and family around, even been talking to a girl over the interwebs from there. I just dont want to die from an od, i have addictions problems

stop doing drugs
you never meet anyone successful who does drugs
omit them from your life and you will feel so much better about everything

Kill yourself without thinking about it

Im putting some effort into that, im making progress, ill continuebto do better. Thanks

I think jumping off a tall building is the easiest way to do it without a gun and no time for regerts. So im afraid to live more than a few floors up

You have time for regretting if you want to kill yourself and not end in a fucking wheelchair eating from a straw the next 40 years of your life

Ive heard this happens to a lot of people who jump in front of trains too, thats why i wont do it.

I used to get black out drunk and things around my house would indicate that i was suicidal. I stopped drinking 3 weeks ago.

k

You're an idiot. Most successful people do drugs.

Thanks for the replies. I talk to doctors but im afraid to talk about suicide. I still do anyways but once ive been involuntarily admitted into the hospital a few times. I told my psychiatrist about the point to this thread and he kind of smiled. Ill survive im just in fucking agony and want it to stop. Drugs help but thats whats gonna kill me. Im still learning i guess

You are deathfluid which means you're trapped in a fluicidal state between life and death

Sounds like a heavy metal band

why don't you make some original content videos? i know it sounds odd, but i was in a situation similar to you and it gave me something to do in a way that really surprised me. making videos becomes a place where you can spend time, almost like in the dream world the hours of life seem overwhelmingly long and it is a strange place where it is possible to escape and fill the time. you will find surprising things along the way too. i think you will find people are sympathetic and interested in your diagnosis

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So do you want to die or not fag?

Interesting, ive briefly thought about it before. Im scared of social media though... i just recently made an instagram and twitter but i keep it private so i wont have followers. I delete my browsing history all the time too. Im afraid of permanence i think

I’m straight, but I love man dick

Someday for sure, just dont want to suffer from here to there which is a sure thing for me though. Suicide has its pluses. Somedays i wish i have never even existed. I believe in buddha when he says existence is pain

I think ive been happiest when i didnt care either way

What an IDIOT why the FUCK haven't you joined this server yet? Post on #shitpost-chat-nsfw to not get automaticly banned by a niggermod on Yea Forums NIGGER YES YOU ARE A NIGGER, JUST DO IT YASTODAY SAID TODAY THEN J U S T DO IT .
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Copy to your browser... EZ...NO-RULES, no yannies
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CAN YOU FUCKING TELL ME WHY YOU'RE NOT HERE YOU SILLY MOTHER FUCKER
DONT READ KIKE
COPY THAT SHIT TO YOUR FUCKING BROWSER
You're non less then a literal nigger, faggot.

discordapp.com\invite\zSyp9sX
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I can relate. I don't fear death but what comes after, if it's eternal nothingness and I kill myself...who knows? a few more years down the line and I could have won the million dollar lottery or my life could improve, the opposites also true but it's the uncertainty that scares me.

Thus conscience doth make cowards of us all. Hamlets undiscovered country. I memerized that shit when i first had to study it in high school. I wasnt even really depressed then besides tennaged angst

You are at the apex of reinvention, OP. You could go back, but you wouldn't be any more content than you are.

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I used to be able to do this whenever i had to move from one school or place to the next, i always looked forward to it. "Ive furnished an existence in that way"

Reminds me of one of my favourite poems by james fenton
youtu.be/1TWZY14tGsU

what ways you suicidal ? how often do you think of it ?

my family is first, but i defo feel like i'm going insane sometimes.

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Everday I say to myself "suicide tomorrow" or tonight or some other time frame, then i tell myself im not going to. When i really put some effort into it is usually trying to hang myself, ive tried a few times but either got caught or pussied out after choking myself a bit. I never got help after that last incident because i was delusional and didnt know i was schizophrenic so it all seemed real, idk. I think i told my therapist about it breifly though.

I have what are called automatic thoughts about suicide, different methods and stuff, i try not to think about them just incase im drunk one night and figure it out, id rather have to think about how to do it like a child safety lock.

In the past when ive been more depressed than i am recently i used to focus on it a lot more

be ok with dying. or be okay with living. there is many ways to do this, while you are passing the time as an undecided pussy. study new philosophies. people way smarter than you have been in the same boat and had the balls to ask why. figure it out, if you can't, then your just the trash that natural selection is going to throw away. and i'm glad you won't breed into the human story.

i can tell you have no friends and your family is disappointed in you irl

i'm just like you, now stfu with that edge

hmm, i've never tried it before and probably never will. but i am getting to that age where.. i'm starting to feel different, whether it is getting off my anti-depressants or just people around me forcing me to move forward and plan my next few years out, and aspirations .. a feeling of responsibility. it's probably just my depression that's making me amplify it.

Im well educated, ive studied some but i hate reading books. I get delusions of grandeur when i hear the word philosophy. I thought i had it all figured out, then i was hospitalized for two weeks and put on antipsychotics lol

I too am a massive dissapointment, then again i dont think my mothers hopes were ever that high. Feels bad man

Wut? So then you're not suicidal

I keep thinking i will grow out of it. There was only one older suicidal guy in the psych ward when i was there for two weeks.

Are you a sex offender

R u in canada maybe that was me lol

If narwhals exist, why couldn't a unicorn?

Not yet.

Yes, ontario

You feel like dying is the only answer, yet do not wish to die. Simply put you want a way out, but the only way you see is death. the wanting of being free however, prevents you from dying.

Not yet? What does that mean?

Yeah, thats fairly accurate, although i think ill still be depressed even if my situation changes, its been called an escape hatch to me before

Hey man, which hospital?

A lotta sex offenders try committing suicide, did u hurt sum1?

How did the anti psychotics feel

Oh, no, except everyone ive ever loved

Windsor

Theybdidnt give me a buzz but i got akathesia and avolition. So i pace back and forth because i cant stop and at the same time i have lost the desire to do anything

yeah, but that is what is so cool about it though, you get to experiment with the tension between the ephemeral and eternal. i'm the same way, i delete my browsing history out of pure anxiety and shit all the time. videos are so cool cause you reach a threshold of where you hit a certain number of hours, then you don't even remember what you've said. you should do it user. what will happen is you will be pretty much ignored, garner a handful of randos who are interested (i'm talking very small), but you will take your relationship with yourself to the next level.

I have a ton of energy except when it comes to cooking and cleaning, it sounds interesting, maybe sonething to work towards, ill keep it in mind

Do u look at loli threads on b

one of biggest reasons i feel bad is cus i live a double life. one on internet, and one off of it.

my life is fairly vapid, so i get depressed after awhile. i like to fantasize about being someone else every day, which makes it worse. i'm going try change but the darkness loves to drag me back again.

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Nah, not my cup o tea.

If u looked at it even once ur a pedo, maybe thats whats causing your depression

Maybe but how do i get over regret?

U just have to kys probably idk if ur a pedo u just kys

Ok will do, thanks fir the tip

Wut no dont actually do it

Is pic related? Are you a narwhal?

Boo dont do it