How can I kill myself?

How can I kill myself?
I live in the Netherlands, so I don't have a gun. I think most Dutch people kill themselves by trains.

why suicide?
>weak father, chaotic mother.
>I've always been shy
>always feel super lonely, miss-understood, and unnoticed
>been addicted to porn since the age of 10
>at 18 get some kind of awakening. Find out I want to die
>try to better myself so I hopefully don't want to die.
>from now on my mental state is more chaotic, as if I took my first red pill, but can't handle it.
>swing between faces of improvement and falling
>experimented sexually with older men, just to feel wanted
>experimented with bdsm, by paying woman to dominate me.
>now I'm 22
>been working at this chaotic company for 1.5 years.
>boss is chaotic, I don't know what he wants, he doesn't know what he wants, his mood decides a lot.
>try magic truffles for the first time with a girl I like (it was our first date but I fall in love)
>she's even more unstable then me. I feel like the drugs made me understand her, so now I'm even more fucked up after she left me.
>I get more self destructive
>around a month ago I start cutting myself, just to test how it feels.
>turn to findom (financial domination - paying women for nothing)
>I feel so fucking lonely. I feel like my friends don't like me, I try to connect with my parents and brother and I know they love me, but I just fel lost and like I can't make a real connection.
>I'm trying
>I am in the middle of trying to get help for my porn addiction and findom addiction but it takes so long and shit.
>current day. I just gave a findom girl my paypal login, which has access to my bank account.

I really wish I could just make art, music or clothing, or whatever. But my brain stops me from doing it and makes me destroy myself.

>tldr: I wanna die because of chaotic world which I don't understand. I'm fucking my life up, to force myself into killing myself.

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I wont give words of encouragement because 99% of the time they don't do shit. But if it ever comes to that stage where you are positive that you are going to end your life, then instead of doing that drop everything in your life and go explore this world. Just drop every single thing, take your most prized possessions, and go find your calling in this life. Return, or don't return, it's up to you.

What's your favorite song by Rob zombie my dude?

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I'm sure you could find a reason to live if you got some new scenery. If the world you live in and the life you lead are too chaotic for you, go to the new world, make a better life here. Come to America, and if that doesn't satisfy you after a year or 2, we have more guns than people.

This guys got the right idea. Throw yourself out of your own world and see a different side of life before you an hero.

And if you still want to after that just go to a country where getting a gun is easier. Train suicide seems like a lot could go wrong and you could end up suffering for a while before death.

Dit is best wel goed advies, OP. Doe het.

OP if u are too weak for living just fkin do it.
Noone fkin cares. Weak people needs to fkin die.
Ps. Syringe with air is just good enough for this.

Don’t listen to this guy, he’s trying to waste your time/money. Just kill yourself you attention seeking faggot.

Slowly...., with fire.

You are still a kid. You still don't know who you are or what you like. Nothing in life is easy and things that are worth it take hard work. If you truly do feel suicidal or depressed, get professional help. I don't know you but life is worth living. We all have high times and low times. The high times would mean nothing if there were no hard times. Growing up isn't easy for anyone, we all have our own battles and demons. It's cliche, but be yourself and learn what you like.

Burn through the ditches and bang all the witches in the back of mah Dragula.

Fucking boomer.

Ik zit soms te denken om het via de trein te doen of via een hoog gebouw. Well altijd met de idee om alles te vewijderen zodat anderen niet weten waarom.

Maar kan ook, een visa via amerika of canada en proberen to overleven. Sterke touw mee voor de geval dat.

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Hey dude, i live in the netherlands aswell.
Don't kill yourself, if you need anything to talk about ill listen

>hakkuh
take a bunch of mollies and dance like a true dutchman

I would rather be a boomer than a zoomer.

Whine whine whine

At least give us the sauce on that pic

There it is, the late night depressed teen! See you next week OP!

Tell us more about how shitty your dad is next time, or how uncreative you are...
On a more serious note, if you wanna make friends, BE LOUD and crack jokes that you think they'll find funny, boom you got a new bro!

Save up money, go a to place that's doesn't have internet, don't carry or leave anything that will give access to porn at home, and make sure that the place your're going dosn't any near by whores or people willing to do any sexual kinky shit with you.

馬鹿

>Trains
Eh wouldn't recommend. There is a high chance you'll be left in critical condition.
Would instead recommend overdosing medicine or hanging to sbap your neck. There is also helium but that shit is expensive and they put O2 in it now. Same thing for NO2. Castor oil maybe ? In any case, I hope things will get better for you. The ride may not be enjoyable but its the only one we got. But if you really do it, have a nice end of the ride you mad bastard.

Stop watching porn and jerking off, it works miracles

lmao. man up or an hero OP. fucking attention whore acting like a woman

OP here.
thanks for the replies.
to add some things. I have been thinking about suicide since I was 18 almost every day, about why people do it etc. I have had days were I didn't think about it, or where I didn't wish to die. Those days were when I was with a friend and felt really close, or when I had a good day at work and felt usefull. I know those two things could get me through these feelings. all of you guys might be right, maybe I am just a weak person and deserve to die, of course I have thought about that. But some days I am this weak person, and some days not. Maybe I hate that I can change so much, reacting to the place around me. Maybe the feeling will be over next week. I know I will have to quit my job and get away for that to happen. It's so difficult. And you're right, this is life. If I have no one to share it with, why would I want to live?

>voor de geval dat.
hang jezelf maat

Dont kill yourself by train, people will be late at school or work, is annoying. And dont kill yourself. Kom chillen.

But you do have people the share it with right? Also i recommend going to a shooting range and offing yourself or just jump off a tall building.

nigga, here's what you should do. find american girl online, she will fall for the accent. marry her, move to america and become a real estate agent. problem solved. you're welcome.

je moet gwn ff een dikke toeter roken vriend. doe dan wel 1 met pure wiet.

Ever heard of therapy or counseling?
See a shrink
Any other answer is either new age hippie bullshit or telling you to do a flip

just jump off a building, eZ

Ikr? Weak people who spread negativity need to die. So user, when r u streaming your suicide?

if you have no desire to live then die. no one is stopping you and it is your decision to make. life is miserable when you can't experience pleasure. but on the other hand, you will only be happy if you want to be. if you believe that you deserve the pain then there is no stopping it. but if you believe you deserve to be happy then it is easier. happiness will find you if you let it.
trauma is a bitch but you can overcome.

Where should I stream my suicide? What are good platforms for this purpose that don’t go offline mid-suicide?