I wrote a suicide note, Yea Forums. It's like 5 pages long

I don't even enjoy the vidya anymore, man. I've got like 90 games installed because I keep thinking "Oh it'd be neat to play this or that," but once I load up the vidya and play for 10 minutes it's just... stale. Everything is.

And yeah, I'm losing my place in a bit. I don't even have any friends that I could reach out to anymore. I don't socialize, so anybody I once considered a friend has just... drifted away.

If you gain no satisfaction from anything, as dumb as this may seem, even though you wouldn't be alive to feel it, the satisfaction before hand is the reason a lot of people go through with it therefore, it makes more sense to see out the rest of your life to me at least

I have those phases too when I'm half ready to shit my pants if it meant that I didn't have to bother to do something about anything. During those moments I try to come up with something, anything that will change my attention elsewhere.

This is the moment reach out again as your last try before you bail out. There is still a chance that someone will answer and you will see to this shitty life if there is anything that was worth checking.
Its your choice; perish or try again for the sheer fuck of it. There really is no deadline to it you know.

The last sentence made me giggle tho. It seemed like you’ve made up your mind. Tbh, I’ve been thinking abt dying exist but not to the point where I’m planning my own suicide because I lost my dad a few years ago and I don’t wanna do that to my mom. But yeah just wanna let you know that some of us read the note and some of us get it :(

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Worst suicide note. Sounds like an autist wrote it.

0/10

2/10 if you're dead because if you're proud of it you should kill yourself

i haven't read the whole thing yet but i can assure you there are people who lived through a lot worse.
don't be a weakling. that's not how you want to go out. survive and do something you consider a positive contribution to the planet or to humanity
all you need to survive is some shelter and some food. if you live in a first world country then it will almost just handed to you without having to do much

Unfortunately, the argument of 'playing it out' to see what happens, so to speak, just doesn't sway me. I'm not a clairvoyant, but the only things I see happening from here on out is more pain. More unfortunate bullshit. There is a very, very, very deep pit that I'm in that I'd have to climb out of before my life would be worth living, and I'm frankly incapable of climbing that high. Every time I have, without fail, I fall further than I did before.

Sadly, I've done all the reaching out I can. Anybody that's in a position to assist has just come to the conclusion that they're 'enabling' me. Which, I can definitely see their point, but this is a long-term thing. It takes a long time, and a lot of support to even begin working towards things being right, and in that time, things are going to get way worse.

I'm sorry you lost your dad, user. I can't imagine how difficult that must have been for you. I respect your determination to stick around for your mother's sake, though. I appreciate you, mate.

M8 we're on Yea Forums did you expect anybody here to not be an autist? Come on.

cya faggot

Yeah i get you, either way op, i wish you nothing but the best. I hope things get better

Oh, of course there are people that have it worse. I'm well aware of that. I don't concern myself with them, though. I've got my hands full dealing with my own bullshit. Life is more than just survival, though. Of course I could technically survive, but in what condition? What state will my life be in? Not one worth living. Not by my metrics, at least.

I'm not leaving yet, nigger. I've got 2 more weeks of suffering before I check out. Part of me is tempted to livestream it for shits and giggles, though.

Yes please livestream it. Do it in public.

Now that losing a relative or someone close to you came up; do you have any family? Anything you'd consider as such?

fucking do it. Become an hero yah puss

Suicide note 5 pages
>tldr

Don't do it faggot, only losers off themselves, biggest fuck you to the world is to live.

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In public isn't an option, really. Not with the methods I have available to me. Firearms are expensive. I considered buying a box of buckshot and setting the shells up and laying my head on them then hitting the primers, but after a bit of research, that likely wouldn't work. I'd just get a mouthful of lead shot and some powder burns, likely. Helium exit bag or CO poisoning is likely the route I'll take.

I definitely have people that I'm blood related to, but they're also the folks that think they're enabling me. The closest thing I have to family is AJ, and... Yeah, that won't help. Trust me on that. I don't have any sort of support system, is what I'm saying.

Soon, user. Be patient.

But... user. I AM a loser.

Man. That shit was beautiful. I damn near cried.

Though, if yer gonna off yourself, do it in a less lame style, user.

Helium is for pussies

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No, user. Helium is for parties. The only relatively cool suicide method available to me would be a single-vehicle accident at high speed. I've been trying to think of where in the area I'd be able to do that without hurting anyone else, but I'm coming up empty. That, and my gas tank is dead empty. I love this truck, but the damn thing gets like 10mpg. I'm glad somebody "enjoyed" my rambling writing, though. Well. "Glad."

Livestream it fam

When I finally do go through with it, I'll try to remember to livestream it. It likely won't be super interesting to watch except for the morbid fascination of watching somebody else's life end due to my chosen method, but I'll make the attempt.

I can't say I have not considered suiciding. To be honest I still ponder why I haven't done it. My point being is that I lost my little brother a couple of years ago. Losing one's own life? Come on! It's not that you're gonna mourn for it, it's your life.
It's the fact that I saw what it did to my family and what it did to me. I lost him through a snow mobile accident but I know it in my heart that it was not 100% accident.
You might think people don't give a shit if you go but they do. And also if they think it's selfish then fuck them! I know my brother didn't kill himself but even if he did I couldn't blame him. Even when every memory of him rends me I couldn't blame him because I know what makes people to make such choices.

No way you could just get high of whatever s left of meds/gas in the truck and do like a fucking seppukku style suicide?

What story in your place do you live on?

I mean, the note is a solid 9/10
Shame in ruining it

Yeah don't sit inside. Go for a walk. Walk until your feet hurt. Then walk a little more.

Come back and rethink.

Do it faggot

You are attention seeking by making this post. You wont even do it bro.

Not OP.
Even the most suicidal people still cling to life, whether they know it or not. It genetic.

Unfortunately, no. There's no meds of any sort hanging around my place. Involving the truck, I've got CO poisoning as an option if I set up a little grill in there, or just ramming into a tree. Logistically, ramming into a tree isn't a sure bet, though. Even at 100mph, once the truck leaves the road, there's no guarantee I'll hit my target, and I might just wind up rolling it a bunch and surviving as a vegetable. No bueno. And I'm in a single-story house right now. No jumping possible, and all the tall enough structures are outside of the range my very empty gas tank will allow me.

I'm sorry about your brother, man. I know my relatives will be broken up, but I also know that in time they'll heal, and ultimately come to terms with it. I, however, am in for a future filled with shit, and more pain. As shitty as it is, I do prefer a bunch of people in short(ish)-term pain to me in life-long pain.

Walks are boring though, user! >:(
But no, I hear what you're saying. I've put a lot of thought into this, though. Not a snap decision. Hell, that's WHY I wrote the note. I'm getting that out of the way before the date comes. I've been planning this for a fair bit of time by now, trying to see if things would work out a little bit before everything falls apart. It hasn't.

I reccomend you stab yourself repeatedly. The more wounds the merrier. I mean, it s not like the pain is gonna last long.

I feel ya OP. But please, make it worth. Dont die like a faggot. Do some epic shit for the lulz. Nobody was born fucked up in the head. Get it back on the system that fucked you over.

Bro if you are really gonna go out, go out with a bang, leave your mark on the world. You know what to do user

To be honest my relatives are the only reason why I still live. If they call me selfish once I'm gonna fucking murdet myself in front of them. I take life as a joke but no reason to improve on that joke. I think I'm off to playsome vidya( I'm the drunkvidya guy). I hope you consider some more but aren't we all equal in death in the end?
Bless you user.

Honestly, part of me has also considered the possibility of trying to make it as awesome as possible, but y'all know that shit is difficult, right? Human body wants to survive, and there's still the reptile brain to overcome, no matter how much you consciously want to die. If I thought I could actually pull it off, I'd love to just make a cut right under my ribs and breastplate and then reach in and rip my heart out, but let's be real, that's not gonna happen. It'd be cool as shit, but sadly out of scope. I also really just don't want to hurt anybody else.

I just don't have any real agenda that I'd be trying to push forward with that. There's nothing I care about deeply enough for that kinda effort, ykno?

Enjoy your vidya, my dude. I wish you only the best.

"but no reason to improve on that joke"

Meant it as "but no reason not to to improve on that joke"
Fucking beer.

I'm sure if you soul search long enough you will realize the position you're in and the depression that consists of your existence is absolutely caused by other peoples agenda. It's time to show them what their handywork has created in us.

tl;dr

Where is the livestream ?

I can't say I agree with your conclusions, or that I can condone it, but I think I understand and I respect your autonomy to end your life. Bon voyage OP, I hope you find peace in becoming an hero.

Jesus Christ OP this is long as fuck stop rambling if you want people to even finish it

Can you atleast write some shit when you do it, so we see it on the news and know it s you?

Not happenin today, bro. Sorry to disappoint. Soon, though.

Even assuming I opted for doing damage to others, I'm really absent the means to do that. I'm destitute, man. Plus, that requires effort. A good deal of effort, if you want to pull anything noteworthy off.

You have an attitude that I deeply appreciate, even if we disagree on this issue. There are too few people who actually respect a person's decision to take their own life, for their own reasons. Thank you.

I mean, I did mention early on that it was a rambling stream of consciousness deal. Seemed the only way to actually get my thoughts out, rather than trying to make a neat and tidy little package.

>implying that some random dude killing himself will make the news

I'll post a thread with a livestream when the time comes, though. Again, assuming I remember. I'm not sure that that's gonna be something that I'm thinking about when I'm getting ready to an hero.

read the whole thing. stupid emo bullshit. see you in hell.

If the random dude killing himself blames the jews, or the niggers for it , maybe CNN puts it on, as a display of "white males being driven to suicide due to their lack of tolerance and shiet"

See you there, fam.

hopefully i have another 50 years before i join you.

how are you going to afford the helium exit you broke dwarf faggot.

suicide notes should be short and sweet just like the act of suicide. Aint no one gonna read a bawwww note longer than a paragraph.

yeah you should revise that shit

I hope you do, too, and I hope they're happy years.

>implying i'm white
>implying i'm not straight-up translucent

Plasma donations. Literally turning my blood into money. It's great. I'm helping others by donating my life to create medications, and getting paid just enough to buy a helium tank and some tubing and shit.

Like I said, I didn't exactly look up a style guide for how to write suicide notes before setting to typing.

in your silly suicide manifesto you claim other people will never understand how you feel and also that you feel much worse than them. how can you assume that when you yourself do not know how they feel? that's some supreme hypocrisy right there.
just stop being pathetic and keep working and loving, a little something like what chekhov did. by whining all the time you just enslave yourself to the universe by giving up your self control, victimising yourself. you clearly can outline your problems, missing smarts and stuff like that, but not seeing the option that you can change that by just not being lazy and pressing through the pain and working towards eliminating those problems, but if you say there is nothing you can do then it must be true apparently

>I didn't exactly look up a style guide for how to write suicide notes
it's not like you have anything else going on, you could at least put out a decent note. good god you've been at this thread for 2 hours. get a fucking life m8

The "you" was meant for the folks that know me personally that will have the chance of reading it. The people that I know well enough to know what they do and don't understand about what's going on. I'm well aware there are folks that struggle with the same shit I do, and who understand what's going on in my brain. Realistically, if I do choose to play this shit out, I'm well aware of what my future is going to look like, working towards fixing the problems or not. It isn't pleasant. It isn't worth seeing through. There's a shitstorm brewing, and I'm checking out before I get rained on.

>get a fucking life
nah fam i'm tryna LOSE a life.

Looks like you already got that one covered

I tried to commit suicide once and was stopped and v& for it... because both liberal and conservative cucks think it's cool to stop suicides, even those who so much as talk about it positively, and lock them up for three days pending a decision to lock you up in a hospital longer.... and then bill you for the ordeal.

Thing is, suicide is a permanent solution to what is often temporary, but for some people, that solution is a permanent one for a permanent problem. I'm sure people here will either seriously or trollishly agree that transpeople are a good target for bullying, whih often drives them to suicide unless sheilded from it (either being well off and established in a good job enough to make bullying inconsequential or jsut having the thickest skin imaginable) or due to a given area being so unfriendly to transfolks that they don't have viable avaenues to trans healthcare available. Neither are my issue. My issue is that my family by and large isn't playing ball with my transition, which hurts. I live with them due to a current lack of options, best friend is moving away and I can't follow, and with her, my best prospect for moving the fuck out of my toxic living situation. I am plenty social, but only keep a handful of people close to me like that, though.

then there's the fact the millennial and younger generation is obliterating the current economy through antisocial eCommerce and less materialistic spending habits. When they do have money, they tend to be among the most fiscally conservative people I've ever met Jewish or not. I mean, they take the Jewish stereotype of lowballing every transaction up to 11. I don't belong in this generation. My views and ideals are outdated. I think tech dependancy in anyone under the age of 25 is a contibuting probem that encourages automation and replaceing high school diplomas with BAs as a minimum education requirement for decent income.

I hate the poltical climate as well.