Just had the fucking weirdest tinder date
>Be me
>Get match on tinder
>low 7/10
>Only use it for one night stands
>She first has a conversation with me about kinks, she just wants to know what I’m into before we go.
>Just sort of mumble about thigh highs and vanilla. She looks a bit disappointed but I’m already here so she just goes with it.
Only a couple red flags, loooot of pink in her house, and she kept calling herself a “sexy mamacita” despite being white as fuck.
>Now I’m being a bit brief here for the 2k character limit.
>We are mid fuck, I’m feeling aight
>This woman goes, “can mama eat your ass?”
>I’m focused on that pussy scent to try and get me there, and I just auto answer “yeah baby” when I don’t hear her because we are doggy rn and her face is in a cushion
>Suddenly Im in a situation where I want to back down but she is literally using her height to leverage me over
>Fuck it, there has to be something to it right?
>Now she is rimming my hairy asshole and jerking my dick AND tugging my balls with one large hand
>It happens
>I slip a fart, right into her face.
> I fucking farted on a 7/10 amazonian esque face
> I go to turn around, racing for the most eloquent apology a man with a slighted womans hands wrapped around his balls could make.
>She pushes me back and fuckin jams her nose in and snorts my fart
>”I fuckin knew you were like that from the moment I saw your profile you dirty pig”
>Fuckin what?
>”Fart for mommy hunny”
>Still jerking my cock and balls, and sniffing my asshole
>”Are you shy? I can help”
>Stuffs a fucking pinky in my ass
>Now I’ve reached the limit
>Actually jump up and start shuffling towards the door while pulling up pants, turn to see her sniffing her pinky and asking me whats wrong
>Cant do it, just leave and ignore he
>Now I’m at home with a sore asshole because she had long fingernails.
Deleted the fuck out of tinder.
Only told this story because I need to decompress this shit somewhere.
Just had the fucking weirdest tinder date
LOL
>mamacita
user became a BRAP HOG
Wtf does tinder mean?
Nigger, you turned down a perfectly good rim job, am dissapoint
Should've asked her to marry you, that girl is clearly perfect.
You can take a finger to the colon all you want fuck face, I just wanted to nut on her face and leave.
So you are still a virgin then
LMFAO
I imagine you waddling out of there like a penguin with your pants down at your knees.
I’ve had at least one more
girl eat my ass than you retard.
Meh, ive had bigger and gotten a lot less
It aint a fuckin church son
You got a story for the bros round the bar at least. Hope your dignity was worth it.
what the fuck does that jumble of words even mean
I’m sorry but that doesn’t count
I think you need to try homosexuality it would suit you
no kidding.
Did she suck the brains completely out your ass while she was at it
>talks about brains
>Is literally a retard slapping a keyboard
kek
holy shit ahaha
Did your balls make a smacking sound against your asshole when you farded too, where do you get your inspiration young one
Everything you type makes me physically cringe.
your loss dude you coulda shit right in that bitches mouth, made her yours.
lil prude boy
Does one slip out when you do
>zoomerposting
Dude shes out there waiting for you, have at her.
>Sips monster
>advertises like a kike
.....Yoooo
>Is literally a kike
i got me one already. no ragerts
You talk like a bitch and your shits all retarded
>is literally retarded
>is eating my shit
You are probably a 45 year old closeted inbred. adios faggot.
No, nobody is eating your pretentious shit, its probably been held in for so long its gone rotten
Niggah you gay
Pathetic, you had a real freak there and you let her go
yes my children, devour it to sate your hunger for that which rarts you. goood.
It plays like an ed sheeran song, how romantic
Imagine if a guy did this to a girl. Everyone would be posting it to twitter for #MeToo.
Pound me too is over, nothing even happened
Sounds like a nice girl.
Can you give info?
thanks for the laugh user kek
Just clogged up the criminal justice system with a bunch of 20 year old bs cases
I relate to this girl. Too many shyboys out there.