>be me
>mom tells me I can't live off her forever and that I need to get a job
>tell her I can't imagine working and that i'd rather be homeless
>she doesn't say anything
>redpill her more about how my birth was her fault and that I didn't choose to be born so now she has to take responsibility for me
>she starts to cry a little bit
>tell her to stop crying because she's an adult
>few days later I come home from the liquor store
>her and a couple of family friends are over
>one of them tells me I have to move out right now
>tell them I have no place to go
>they say I have to move anyway
>basically getting kicked out of my own house
>tell mom she owes me for all those years I was on social security and she was basically living off me and my brother's autismbucks
>tell her she should feel ashamed because she spent some of that money on herself instead of giving it to me and that she was basically stealing from me and my brother the entire time
>one of the guys comes out of my room with a suitcase full of clothes
>throws them outside and tells me to leave
>mom is crying
>this is bullshit
>he tries to force me out of the house
>throws me off the porch
>start screaming and crying
>lay there for at least 5 minutes screaming and crying
>scream and cry so hard I start coughing in between crying
>tear down all her wind chimes and start wrecking her flower bed
>one of the guys comes out and tries to wrestle me away form the house
>spit in his face and throw plants/windchimes at him until he goes back inside
>keep screaming and crying until she lets me back inside
>immediately head to me room to watch my favorite twitch streamer to calm me down
>use mom's debit card to donate to him so I can get the text to speech bot to say how my mom almost killed me
Be me
An hero you literal neet faggott
No tendies?! REEEEEE
just imagine reposting a greentext unironically
>assholes think that holding relationships and safety hostage will ever result in a healthy outcome
Here is you (you), have a nice day.
Do everyone a favor and kill yourself
>Family friends
>single mom
A woman cannot raise a man
>shit my pants more than once a week
>cant do anything beyond addition and subtraction and even then I can only do it in intervals up to 12
>people still talk to me in a baby voice even though im adult
>the cashier has to scan my debit card for me or ill mess up
>cant pee standing up
>burn the oven mitts all the time because I always turn on the wrong burners and mommy yells at me
>try to fill my cuppy up with ice but it always overflows because I hold the button too long
>dont know how to make my bed so I need mommy to fix the sheets all the time
>got a kitten for a present and loved it like crazy but ended up killing it when I accidentally sat on it
>dont know how to button up my own shirts
>people make fun of me because my shoes are always on the wrong feet and I still have to wear velcro sneakers
>never learned how to cut my food with a knife and fork so when we go out we have to ask the kitchen to do it special
>half the time forced to order off kids menu because I dont know what im ordering otherwise
>cant remember my television channels when cartoons are on so mommy has to change it for me
>spent my entire life in special ed even though I was too self aware to enjoy it
heh, retard
GOOOOOOOOOOOD BAIT HAHA I FELL FOR IT
Holy shit user I'm high as FUCK right now tutti fruition im in a fucking high ass condition! You gotta get high and jack off
>be me
>be 26
>be NEET
>wake up at 7pm
>mummy has made dinner
>it's vegetables
>i hate vegetables
>refuse to eat it
>"well, you're going to go without dinner tonight, user"
>she thinks she's won
>go back to my room
>hold myself over for a few hours on mountain dew
>wait till mummy is asleep
>start screaming "I WANT FOOD I WANT FOOD" as loud as I can
>mummy wakes up and stumbles to my door
>"user what are you doing?!? It's midnight!"
>walk up real close to my door and stop screaming
>"user, are you ok?"
>mummy opens the door
>me standing right there
>scream "I WANT FOOD!" two inches from her face
>she falls backwards into the hall
>keep screaming "I WANT FOOD" as I head to the kitchen
>start taking food items from the fridge and throw them all over floor
>throw gallon of milk onto the ground and it explodes
>mummy is pleading with me to stop
>"ONLY IF YOU GET ME TENDIES AND TACOS!"
>"GET ME TACOS AND TENDIES NOW. I WANT THEM NOW!"
>mummy crying
>"Why do you do this, user?!? WHY?!"
>mfw I see her getting her car keys
>mfw she comes home with hot, greasy tacos and a double serving of Jack in the Box tendies
>mfw she'll never get rid of her little boy!
>3:00am
>watching some based icarly like I usually do
>also playing minecraft xbox edition
>get distracted from building my poo poo pee pee themed city in creative mode by miranda cosgroves qtness
>pull out my weenie and start masturbating
>imagine what she looked like as a toddler while im doing this
>its too much for me
>realize before I finish that mommy said she is tired of cleaning up my semen from the carpet
>quickly grab one of my shit jugs and cum directly into it
>dont miss a drop
>mommy comes in at 3:01 like she usually does to clean up my mess
>"mommy look!" i exclaim while i lift the shit jug high
>she looks confused, but then notices what ive done
>"o-okay a-user. thats a g-good boy." she says
>"what do I get mommy?" I ask while steping towards her
>"a-a good boy point a-user" she says as she slowly starts to shake
>I run directly into her knocking her over to get through the door
>dont have time to put my weenie back into my undies
>arrive at the fridge panting because it is like a whole 30 feet away
>mom comes up limping with a tears on her cheeks
>she reaches to the top shelf of the fridge because Im only 5'2 and cant reach
>she gives me my tendies with mayonnaise just the way I like them
I stoped cumming in my shit jugs after that though. it was too much work lifting them up
>am now filthy NEET, its almost normie tier
>filthy whore mother informed me NEETBUX can be exchanged for GBP
>I do like GBP
>have her leave work to pick me up
>roll me to car to take me to NEETBUX vendor
>disgusting nazi at bum office asks if ive looked for a job yet
>fucking normie shmuck dares speak to me?
>start breathing in through my teeth and blowing out my nose
>snot starts running down
>starts getting sucked into my mouth
>wait till mouth is filled
>grab wagecuck social benefit bureaucrat by his ugly tie and and scream PUSSY spitting my snot all over his face
>stand up flipping the desk with my belly
>guess mother dearest was tired as 5 security guards carried me to the car
>mfw I dont have to go to bum office anymore
>NEETBUX4LIFE
>be me
>530 Lbs of mummy's golden child
>sitting on toilet squeezing out a big poo that I've held for a day
>finally drops out along with a BRRRRRAPPPPPPFFPPPPTHTHTHTPPP
>look in the bowl at my masterpiece, skidmarks longer than the M6
>"Mummy, MUMMY, come and see what I did!"
>mum unlocks the door from the outside using the special key for emergencies
>proudly point at the toilet bowl
>wow! You've done so well, and it's all in the bowl too! That's 10 good boy points
>clap my hands because I've been saving my good boy points for weeks, finally at 150
>cash them all in for a special hour with my catgirl
>mummy phones up the people who send the catgirl and talks with them
>hear girl arrive at the door and sit on the end of my bed and take off my pants for the first time in 2 days
>can hear them talking downstairs
>"God, it's not him again is it? He's getting too large for me to do anything"
>hear mummy say "Please, we have a system and it's the only way I can get him to do anything"
>girl sighs and says "I have the catears headband too, I'll be wearing it again?"
>clap my hands because I can tell special time is about to begin
>girl comes into my room and meows and purrs
>have special fun time, she makes my peepee feel good
>the next 50 minutes are spent while I tell her about my comics and my video games
>she's really impressed
>eventually leaves after the hour is up
>mummy comes up with my snack of tendies for being such a good boy
>"enjoy your tendies, snookums, I have to leave now for my nightshift"
>eat my tendies in bed and dream about my waifu Mikasa-san afterwards
How can anyone diss the NEET life? Enjoy your long hours and ungrateful wives, wageslaves.
>be me
>moved back in with my parents in my late 20's after spending 12-29 out on my own/in various types of prisons
>now in my 40's
>moved out a few times after becoming NEET, just to goto the USA to live with women from everquest
>left one because she kept wanting me to drive her in planetside, but I wanted to be gunner
>left the other because I wanted to swap main to rogue and not give a fuck about tanking for her cleric
>all I have done for years and years is wake up, smoke weed and play video games
>I cook for my parents but that's really because they both suck at cooking, and it gave me an in to start shopping with their money
>I now have complete control of their money
>but I don't actually want to do anything but smoke weed and play video games, so I don't abuse their money
>they probably couldn't live here if I wasn't here
>one went blind and is stubborn to the point of fucking himself over
>the other is completely fucking demented and invalid, especially after her stroke
>they are the perfect defense against women or friends trying to live with me
Nobody would ever try to make me leave, all of my family that is still alive are afraid of me. And they should be, I did a lot of fucked up shit before I found that I could be completely entertained with just weed and modern video games. I don't even know what I'd do if somebody came in here and tried to fuck with me in any way.
But I know that I'd scream the entire time that I did it.
>haven't shaved or cut my hair this century
I can not stress enough how unlikely it would be that anybody would ever try to stage any kind of intervention that was not directed by armed policemen.
And even then I would just roll with whatever came until I got out and got a hold of whoever caused it.
>Mom gets off work early without calling first
>Finds me in the pantry emptying my poop jug into the cat's litter box
>Starts yelling at me, saying that I'm fucking disgusting
>Tell her that it's all her fault for breaking up with my dad when I was six
>She tells me that I need to be an adult
>Cry and scream and even throw my shit jug at her
>She says that from now on I have to go to bed before midnight
>Tell her to fuck off and go to my room
>Don't go to bed because it's fucking bullshit and I'm not a god damn wage slave
>She opens the door flat out at like one AM and is really pissed
>Tries to push me away from the computer, but I'm too heavy
>I start yelling at the top of my lungs
>She rips my computer tower out of the wall and takes it up to her room
>Knows I'm too fat to climb the stairs and thinks shes won
>Lay down at the bottom of the stairs and scream until my throat hurts
>Still no computer
>She goes to work the next day
>Wake up at like 3 PM and no computer
>Bitch has fucking overstepped her boundaries now
>Go into the bathroom and lift top off toilet tank so I can shit in it
>Sitting on tank and begin to turtle-head when I get an idea
>Pucker up my ass and waddle into the kitchen
>Take huge shit in the microwave and set the timer for three hours
>Mom comes home an hour later and the whole house fucking reeks
>She's screaming about a fire in the kitchen
>Can hear her crying for hours and even hear firemen stamping around
>Later that evening she comes in sobbing
>Sets up my computer tower for me
Flawless victory
Excellent
so stale
If youre real i feel for you. Youre the perfect amount of retarded to make fun of but not feel bad about...till later on in life of course.
>430 I’m the afternoon
>Wake up after marathoning rick and morty the night before
>Get up early to tug it to nick jr
>Make big boy mayonnaise on my hand
>Sweating like like a pro athlete after energetic jerk
>Hankering for some tendies
>Waddle over to gbp chart
>25 points
>Have enough to get a meal at McDonalds
>Mumsie just got home from her second job
>”Mommy your good little boy has enough points for a nuggie meal! Time for McDonald!”
>”user, I just got home, can I take a nap first?”
>Backhand her and explain AGAIN the agreement on the chart
>Mommy grabs her keys, tears in eyes as we go get my prize
>See they have mlp toys for kids meals
>Fuck, spent all my points on 20 nugs
>Start to reeeeeeeeeeee on the floor, until I see a girl with a twighlight sparkle toy
>Run up to her and beg to trade my shirt for it
>Stuck up little Stacy sloot starts to freak out and run away
>Chase after her with shirt half way over head yelling for the little cumdumpster to get back here
>Fucking chad dad gets up in my face about calling his sloot kid a cum dumpster skank and trying to rape her
>Explain I only want my twiley toy, chad, fuck off
>Get punches in face and fall to the floor
>Shit myself and cry for mommy to help her good little boy
>Mommy runs over, crying, apologizing to the chad, and saying I don’t know any better
>”Whatever, lady, that retard has to be in his thirties! Let’s go!”
>Takes his daughter and leaves, probably to fuck her gaping vag, the whore
>Cry whole way home until mommy stops by Walmart and gets me a twiley plush
Feels good man
>be 32 year old beautiful, happy bouncy baby boy with a bright future ahead of me
>6pm, just woke up, getting my morning ceweals
>enter mommy, she sits down in front of me as i happily pick apart the marshmellows in the cereal and eat them with a spoon full of milkies
>"honey, your dad and i have been talking, and we think its finally time for you to get a job..."
>i stop her immediately after that
>"mommy...what are you...?"
>an incomprehensible rage takes over me, i quickly lash out at mommy
>grab the poopy diaper that she hasnt fucking changed since last night
>throw it right at her face, makes a big splat sound and she falls back from the force and velocity of the poopy diaper smacking her
>as she is stunned and wiping the poopies off, i stand over her with my fists clutched, she is cowering with her hands over her face, stupid fucking bitch
>i remind her that baby doesnt like it when his diaper changing bonding with mommy time is forgotten
>start peeing all over her, she probably wants to be washed off by now
>give her a black eye just for good measure so she doesnt tell anyone what happened
>later that night, she comes in with a plate full of fresh wendys tendies and a new diaper, kisses my forehead and tells me to have a good night at 10 am