If you commanded an army of 1,000,000 squirrels, what would you have them do?

It does. I live in Germany, and our red squirrels are small and timid.

Invade Japan

the virgin nazi squirrel vs the american chad squirrel

Give them all in Paladin gear and raid Jerusalem

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Liberate Antiochia

A million squirrels plated up would fuck anything up.

Except when the enemy has strategically placed magnets

Ze agile squirrels will bolt out of the gear in sec and move forward to sack Jerusalem. It will fall!

I would unleash them at Democratic presidential primary campaign events, taking candidates down one by one, until the field is whittled down to a reasonable number.

I'D PET ALL OF THEM

how long would you pet each one?

Exactly 12.52 pet seconds per squirrel

steal the radioactive materials i require to drag us kicking and screaming out of the 19th century and into the 21st finally.

I'd do 9/11-2.

that's 144 days of squirrel petting. pretty nice!

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-dhb

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-k4j

shilling on another board isnt going to help. into the gas chamber for you rabbi

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Re-destabilize the economy. Refocus labor class outrage from upper to middle, foster a coup, and install a compliant regime.

Retard, that's the opposite
American squirrels are an invasive animal in Europe and they are stealing the oaks of the local squirrels that are dying progressively

Nice

Have them gather at a single location at exactly 12:00 PM every day and make all of them stand perfectly still for an hour.
Then after the hour is over, they go back to doing normal squirrel stuff.

Would freak everyone right the fuck out.

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You are welcome. We still have to deal with your damn boars here, so I think the trade off is more than fair

That's why we kill the grey ones, to protect our red squirrels.

Have them follow me wherever I go and be god

How many squirrels you reckon it would take to kill a person?

depends. is it a toddler, or a navy seal?

I bet one badass squirrel could do it by ramming itself down someone's throat or suicide bombing. Like a squirrel jihad

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-cxe

Bank robbery

Take over the British Government, take over the world again

LOL, do you really think the British Empire could be rebuilt?

steal valuables.

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I bet a single one could kill a toddler. A navy seal tho... where it gets tricky. Say 10 of them jump him and try to bit and sever his jugular. I bet they could manage that pretty quickly? Not quite sure how efficient squirrels can bite tho. They can nom op nuts easily, so flesh should be a cakewalk.

Or even this! Fucker yawns or something, dip in there and lodge itself.

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-li5

they can just claw at his jugular. ive had a squirrel jump onto my arm, and it quickly had me bleeding. they are feisty and dangerous fuckers. and yeah, one could easily murder a toddler.

I would have them rape you.

Rape people

Have them kill themselves. I fucking hate squirrels

Fuck you.

LOOK AT IT'S LITTLE FACE!!! I know you don't mean that.

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Imagine the skill and organization that would take. You would need to open a squirrel Auschwitz

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Reopen the eastern front

This is just a sad reality I am going to face. We are going for a bigger cause.

>disgusting
>spread disease
>cost millions by chewing up electrical wires each year

Or crawling into places causing short outs. Useless tree-rats

Ok. That's it. I change my answer. I would hunt down this fucker

Anyone want to join me, so we can come at him with 5 million+ squirrels

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-81c

My 1.5 year old daughter has a squirrel that comes up to the back door of our house and she feeds it by hand. The squirrel’s name is sweetly pie. My daughter is a cranky red head with a really bad attitude. I’ve wondered if she’s training her squirrel to attack us. True story!

>cute
>spread joy
>keeping electricians employed

Make them all kill themselves, they’re dirty, noisy, destructive rodents.

1 would probably be enough! He'd run away screaming.

To bring me Trumps testicles

>castrated by squirrels

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Rent free, still mad she lost?

Take on the army of a million rats my neighbour has....the bastard.

Who is she?
Your current president is just a humongous idiot with the manners of a Nigger and the brain of a retarded ape in a body of an old, dying man.

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I would make the documentary for this, but I would set it up like an old civil war documentary. To honor the poor souls

>your president
Not murican genius and he’s still living rent free in your head.

>Step 1: Increase numbers through breeding. 1,000,000 squirrels may be a sight, but after a few years I could have many times that
>Step 2: Raise squirrels to be strong warriors. The strong shall mate and the weak shall provide for the army in gathering foodstuffs via scavenging and hordes of store-raiding
>Step 3: Begin to stalk Person(s) of Interest, be they higher-ups, randos, or a hot woman. Do your best to figure out where they are daily using the squirrel's observations.
>Step 4: After pinpointing a period where PoI is alone, gather the army there. Be inconspicuous in how they arrive as to not draw attention
>Step 5: Clothe yourself in life squirrels all grabbing onto you in the shape of clothing
>Step 6: Order the squirrels to surround PoI and use them for a royal entrance. Introduce self as the Squirrel God, and say that the PoI has been chosen to be your servant. If they deny this offer, remind them of the army of squirrels at your command and the fact that squirrels can bite people
>Step 7: Get whatever you want out of PoI. Money, sex, whatever. Go nuts. :)
>Step 8: After this, always leave at least 1 squirrel always watching them as a reminder of the Squirrel God's existence

ok, that's a surprisingly good point

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Dress them all up to look like jews, build a squirrel sized replica of auschwitz and gas them all, post vid on YouTube.

10/10 would read again

Nice.
Nice 171717 as well