34-year-old dude with major depression from schizoaffective disorder. Been through 10 SSRIs and three antipsychotics. I'm at the end of my rope. I exercise, eat right, sleep 8 hours a day, nothing helps. Anything up-and-coming or experimental out there besides ketamine, which I can't afford? NSI-189's been mentioned, anyone have any stories on that?
Just looking for some advice, other than trying weed or killing myself after posting this.
why not just let the psychosis and the depression take over. It's destiny. Accept it
Have you tried joining a gun clu and learning to shoot?
Get a gf.
I'm a single dad (custody arrangement, three-four times a week), so I'd like to be able to put on a good enough act for her until she graduates in 4 years and I can go back to being completely hopeless.
Schizoaffective disorder as well. Took years to find the right medicine. I know how bad it sucks. Hang in there. Antidepressants I’ve been on: prozac, celexa, effexor, trazadone, remeron, Wellbutrin, zoloft, anafranil, Luvox, cymbalta
Anti-psychotics: risperdal, haldol, abilify, latuda, seroquel
BTW it took me over 5 years to get a handle on it. It takes some people decades.
I'm dead on the inside. I don't have that much to give.
nice pic, also what are youre depressions like OP?
I'd try asking at r/AskDrugNerds
Women have lots to give. They love to help people. Tell them how much you need her and how much she means to you. Then unload all of your emotional baggage on her. You really don’t have to give her much.
how many times per week do you view fap materials?
which antidepressant did you end up with?
Which ones ended up working for you?
Antidepressants (in order): Pristiq, Lexapro, Citalopram, Zoloft, Prozac, Viibryd, Prozac (again), Viibryd (again).
Anti-psychotics: Seroquel, latuda, abilifty, vraylar, zyprexa.
Also on Lamictal and 0.5 mg of clonazepam.
The akathisia from antipsychotics makes me want to die.
It's usually about 75% of my week. Getting zero pleasure out of anything, weepy from vividly ruminating about shit, eventually I can't get out of bed for a week at a time. Plus hostile, paranoid, and impulsively angry
Up to 10 minutes each day, 3 days a week maybe?
What does your bedroom look like.
Transcranial stimulation, either intense magnetic fields like Dr. Jill Bolt Taylor endorses, or Infrared radiation which only penetrates a few cm into the brain. Both shown promise.
Also video games from the 90s
I live in a two-bedroom, two-floor apartment in a college town. I have a big bed with a white comforter, desk and some musical instruments.
Clean tho?
yes
The fact that you are asking this shows to me that you are trying to justify the fact that you want to live, but are finding it hard to continue without an immidate goal in mind. Ive been there, and its hard.
What do you want to be? A person who strives for existance for the sake of existing, someone who lives for others, someone who lives for pleasure, someone who lives for the sake of seeing themselves break limits, or something else? Whatever it is that brings you even the most fleeting feeling of contentedness, fight for it.
Power to you my dude
That’s awesome! Lots of people cannot even manage that with normal conditions. You’re alright OP
Thank you. I guess I'd like to be able to find the beauty in things again.
Took me years to break the habit, I know it's a start. Thanks.
>three antipsychotics
Describe the prescribing doctor and offer your opinion as to whether or not the body becomes desensitized to drugs after 6 to 8 weeks.
so 1/4 of the time youre OK. thats not not too bad. Im interested in this ketamin thing, how does it help you with youre depression? took it sometimes for the trip, you tried other drugs/psychedelica?
clozapine did the trick for me
She's not that good but all I got. I have the regular 2 week honeymoon period with an AD, followed by a crash, followed by peaking at 4 weeks, then crashing 2 weeks after that, permanently.
You should look up what ketamine does. Unfortunately schizoaffective and psychedelics aren't supposed to be a good combo.
what stood out about it? any bad side effects?
I gained 120 lbs and I'm tired all the time but other than that I feel pretty good most of the time.
Nardil or Parnate if you can get a psychiatrist to write you a script for either
>peaking at 4 weeks
Have you tried drug rotation every 4 to avoid the crash?
Try with flufenazine and biperiden.
MAOIs have been the next step with me, actually. I'm willing to do the diet restriction. It's just that the "washout" period that I have to endure with tapering off SSRIs might destroy me...like, last time I tried, I ended up in bed for a week.
Do Nardil or Parnate poop out as often as SSRIs?
I've never tried a drug rotation. Tell me more?
You need a community. Purpose
Do not fret. The war will begin soon, then we will all have our place in it. Only when the bombs fell did the epileptics drive ambulances
i'm also curious about nsi-189
I've been on both. And ~40 psych drugs other than them. Nothing worked for me either but I would try MAOIs if you can get a doctor to write a script. There's a patch called Emsam which is extraordinarily expensive in the US anyway but might be safer than Nardil and Parnate.
Like I said they didn't work for me so I don't know if they poop out, I worked up to really high doses of both. I took them for generalized anxiety and panic disorder though not major depression.
The best thing I can suggest is either take up your time exploring new things and trying to find what you think is beautiful in this world, or try to find something you can make beautiful/restore to former beauty, or to simply create (or learn to if you cant.) Find your drive, be it hobby, or proffesion (i feel like this is spelt wrong.)
Look for friends who are inteterested in similar things.
You arent alone.
Also if you don't have prescription insurance you should check out goodrx.com and there are several other companies that do the same thing. I have relationships with several pharmacists at different pharmacies, you push them to find you the lowest discount and I get pills that would cost about $130/month for $10/month just by asking them.
lol must suck to have a brain that's fucked up too much to be normal
Running one drug until the effects wear off based on previous experience, 4 weeks - then switch to a new substance, & so on. Check with your doctor, some drugs might need to be tapered or not mixed.
I was also able to get Medicare extremely easily because I have a documented ~30 year medical history. Aside from filling out forms and having my psychiatrist and psychologist submit forms of their own, I had 2 simple phone calls and I was accepted. I went about 5 years without having to even touch base with them, and even then I only had to fill out forms by mail to continue getting coverage.
LOOK INTO KETAMINE THERAPY. IT HAS BEEN SHOWN TO COMPLETELY REMOVE SEVERE DEPRESSION
Look into known history and why you were created as well as what is your purpose as a sentient being. We are fallen creatures with body, mind and soul, the world is messed up and pointless without looking at what everything around us means. I'm with you with the clinical depression but really, drugs are temporary.
John 14:6
6 Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
Find a good protestant church in your area. Jesus is reaching out to us.
yup
Yeah this is a possibility. A company I don't know the name of off the top of my head just got FDA approval and is charging exorbitant amounts of money to get it via a nasal spray, well into the thousands of dollars a month.
You should definitely explore that avenue but be wary of quacks it's in that gray area like CBD oil is right now.
Im there now my dude, thought i hit rock bottom bought a good bottle of scotch was gonna drink it while letting carbon monoxide posioning take me while i watched Netflix. Got me a glass before all that and after drinking it decided i was gonna travel the workd and drink different alcohol fron different countries
Yeah, plus since it inevitably wears off, I don't want to have my dreams crushed AND be broke.
Interestingly enough CBD oil has worked for certain levels of anxiety.
Girls too pretty for porn thread. Post girls who are too pretty, beautiful, pure, and perfect to ever be seen in dirty disgusting porn. I’ll start.
My point is like others have posted youve got to find something worth living for
Not OP, I'm I guess what you'd call a strong atheist, but if you can buy into this type of thing, along with your other treatment maybe it can help lol.
I've decided on what I want. I know what brings me joy. I know what I need to fight for.
I just want to do it without randomly hallucinating and feeling like death
Right. There's a test by Genova called I think NutrEval that you can look into. It might be covered entirely by insurance.
Interesting. What are some of its benefits?
I saw almost immediate improvement by microdosing mushrooms. Look up "Paul Stamets Epigenetic Neurogenesis Stack"
I was in a similar boat; what I did was picture an ideal version of myself, and then just sort of gave myself permission to embody it and the feelings associated with it. At first it just gave me a fleeting sense of emotional comfort; over time my willpower, sense of purpose, and enjoyment of life started to improve as I subconsciously took on the traits of this idealized version of myself. You could go to sleep every night half worried about bedbugs and impending homelessness, but still ultimately feel exactly the way you want to because of the power of your mind.
I'm schizoaffective as well. I also have bipolar, severe anxiety, pain all over, suicidal thoughts, and a ton of other issues. I've tried sooo many meds and none really help. In Jan. I started taking CBD and holy shit, I don't need depression/anxiety meds anymore.
I suggest you try CBD a bit. I have to take ~100mg 3 times a day to be in a really good spot... and no, it doesn't make you high.
At least do some research on it. I buy the 3000mg high potency tincture from Lazarus Naturals.
CBD, Ketamine, LSD. Do research. Don't jump into psychedels without background knowledge, it will help with the first trip. Ketamine is pretty easy going on lower doses, though.
I have been so interested in this but I have an anxiety disorder that makes me scared to try anything at all. I won’t even take the dr prescribed Zoloft or Ativan.
youve got schiz, i'd avoid the psychedelics you're prone to lsd psychosis.
but if i cant talk you out of it, do shrooms instead of LSD; shroom psychosis is way more rare than LSD psychosis.
the warning sign of LSD psychosis is a sudden burst of energy and not needing to sleep after your trip. if you catch yourself in this situation, take a sleeping pill.
I can probably help you, but I'm sick with the flu at the moment, this is my discord
/invite/NGbusjR
experimental magnetic brain fixing shows promise
If you can't get LSD and want some, order some 1P-LSD from Lysergi or another website. It's the same shit.
Don't let it get the best of you, seek help in every way possible. Don't kill yourself.
this has got to be the best deep fake!
Whatever is a schedule 1 and is said to have no therapeutic value is probably the cure you're looking for. Don't take dozens of different pills, one ketamine or psilocybin trip and you're set for at least 3 months usually forever. Fuck pharma, don't fund those sick bastards who have bought out the FDA
Surprisingly positive and helpful anons in here, proud of u Yea Forums. Not much I can say that hasnt already been well said. Just know that I’m pullin for u OP, I once thought I was schizotypal but I was just high and overly self-criticizing myself. I then thanked god because it does seem to be just awful to be that uncomfortable, then I work to be just a little bit less like that negative image of myself and more like an “ideal human with logical behaviors in accordance with the wisdom I have acquired about life”
For your situation: The great thing about finding happiness is it’s incredibly subjective and unique to each Individual and the hedonic treadmill is even more profound than you could imagine. To an inmate on death row happiness is being able to hear a bird sing through the window. For a millionaire it’s growing his 2nd business to 50 million. To you it could be doing something that scares you everyday and seeing even 1% improvement. Happiness is there for everyone but you cannot compare yourself to others. It’s YOUR happiness. Embrace the suffering, love the suffering, thank God for the struggle because that is where happiness is hiding behind. What do u wanna do have an easy boring life til u die? Fuck that, you get to tackle each day and get stronger instead of having a perfect life and getting weaker. You are probably already incredibly strong OP and you must continue to carry your cross and stand tall in the process. There is nothing more satisfying than that.
Find a purpose worthy of dedicating your life and do it with your whole soul. A rising tide lifts all ships. Purpose comes from your love, the gifts you offer to the world, and the way you suffer. Change the relationship you're having with your thoughts. Go to therapy my dude.
I like the way you think.