I just broke up with my BPD girlfriend today...

Don’t lie to them, always show your grateful for everything they do for you. And always be honest about everything. I had a BPD gf and this would’ve helped.

That's how it goes. Don't keep anything from them, either. Be you. As you as you can be. If they can't accept that, then fuck them. Then let them go.

how do i show that i am grateful?
i do appreciate the love. but i think words aren't enough. sometimes i put her down.

And sometimes you put her down. That's how things go. If you're honest, you're honest. Deal with it. Show her you're grateful with your dick.

OP here. The only way I think a BPD can improve themselves is through professional therapy and regular adherance to meds. I had/have absolute confidence that with a significant investment in therapy (at LEAST one year), but probably longer, my ex would have been able to let her light shine through. It is not a short or easy process but I genuinely feel its the only way for a BPD person to have a chance at enjoying a stable life. I think the disorder is too pronounced for a BPD individual to alter their own course.

i'll bet the sex was really good at the start though

Are we talking borderline personality disorder or bipolar disorder? You said mania which implies bipolar disorder, but either way, it's her loss. I've been on both ends of the situation, and it's up to the person who suffers from the disorder to do everything they can to manage it. She, however, did not and you were right to leave her if the relationship was toxic.

A physical defect in the brain that someone can't control isn't a reason to leave them immediately. What IS a reason to leave immediately is if they refuse treatment or do nothing to manage what they deal with.

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Also the thing with BPD is that you wont be able to prevent hurting your partner. You might be able to do a little better for a short time period with extreme mindfulness. In the longterm mood/emotional fluctuations will make it impossible to guarantee you dont hurt your partner- on the contrary I believe the guarantee is that you will hurt your partner. What would certainly soothe them is if you can show them you're 100% committed to therapy and improving yourself.

It was sex. Actually our best sex was last night but it was also the worst sex because it ended with her recounting the story of her rape after we tried anal. She sobbed uncontrollably and I couldn't prevent home drunk even though I begged and pleaded on the floor with my arms around her.

i have BPD gf and anons its fucking hard at times, i really don't know what to do at this point. she is finally making a little progress and has started therapy and is hopeful and willing to try but i feel like its already too late. i don't want to give up on her like everyone else and hurt her but she treats me like garbage sometimes and i've noticed i have fallen out of love a little bit and its become more of as chore than a fun thing. i certainly am experiencing self esteem loss and emotional degradation and am starting to even wonder if im the problem not her which i know is terrible. but it feels nice to know other people are experiencing the same thing as i am and im not alone i guess

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She has both bipolar and bpd.

My guy, I KNOW I am making the right decision. It was hard to make but I KNOW I had to.

NO ONE should be in a relationship with someone who hurts them. It may sound cold but think about it- you can choose anyone in the world to be with and you choose someone who hurts you? You are worth more than that.

Having been through this I would NEVER recommend this type of relationship to another person.

It sounds like you have left the honeymoon phase- this is about 80000000000x more noticable in a person with BPD and she is probably due to leave it soon aswell.

I encourage you to google sharischreiber splitting/splicing and see if you can identify with the article. It took me reading that to see just how much I was hurting myself. It's more than just a chore or discomfort when you're actively and consistently suppressing things to keep/make someone else happy (because you are so reliant on them being happy (a problem in itself that I know now all too well)).

>In the longterm mood/emotional fluctuations will make it impossible to guarantee you dont hurt your partner

I disagree entirely. That's called using your disorder as an excuse to hurt your partner. It's up to someone with bipolar disorder to be aware of the biological signs that show when that person is about to have a mood swing and it's up to them to know when to head to a hospital if things get bad. Coming from someone who IS bipolar, it's your responsibility to be aware of yourself and it's your responsibility to manage your disorder.

With that being said, it's worth noting that in a serious, long-term relationship, there's going to be drama and hurt feelings no matter what. There's a difference between that and abuse that should also be noted.

Being bpd is not only painful to yourself, but also to people around you.

I see myself as a little destruction weap. At least to people crossing my path....

3 ex bfs

2 ex gfs

2 ex husbands

1 husband

And from all this, the only one I never stopped loving is my cat, whos now 14 Years

Bpd are Demons by nature

Not proud. Just self conscious.

Also, you’re a pathetic faggot for many reasons.

i have been down that road the advise i got was that she will be happy when she finds someone equally crazy as she is

She didn't just have bipolar disorder. She had borderline personality disorder. The moodswings seemed to amplify the splitting/splicing behaviors and general emotional outpouring.

That doesn't negate my point. It's her fault for not managing her symptoms and disorder. I'm not arguing that you weren't justified for leaving because a partner isn't a caretaker or a parent, I'm saying that it's her fault that you left her. However, having a mental illness is not a tell-tale sign of an abusive relationship if that person is doing everything they can to manage it.

Regardless of the diagnosis, it's up to the person suffering from it to manage it on their own with the support of their loved ones if they have them.

You're 100% right. Its so easy for people like me to get wrapped up in trying to help someone out. You dip your toes in the pool and next thing you know you could be drowning..

thank you so much this is such good information i never knew existed! i have a gut wrenching feeling and wanna cry but i think i needed to see how far i've let this go. thank you user you have literally changed my life for the better.

Man I am SUPER glad to hear that. Really. It's a scary thought to know how deep you could have gone if you never knew what you were doing to yourself.

I was expecting a crazy relationship to mean scuffles and screaming but it wasn't even that. I was generally able to keep things calm but the cost was there the whole time and when you see it in that light you can actually understand its not worth it. You don't deserve to be hurt in a position where you should be experiencing growth with your partner. Ask yourself if you think the long term prospects of this relationship are good if you are still having any issues making up your mind. 10 years from now? 20? Kids? No fucking way. Your time is better spent growing, not hurting, and you need room in your life for a PARTNER not a black hole that.

We need to find people who treat us right because everyone deserves that.

do you ever use discord? this is OP btw. feel free to add silfra #1539. I think I'd appreciate having someone to talk through all this with and I'm guessing you might aswell.

i would really appreciate that, just sent a request thanks man

My ex has it, we dated for 7 years and one day she had something called "engulfing" fear and took off. I was already struggling with depression so that did the trick. She eventually came back but I dated a relatively normal person in between. It was night and day, really. I encourage you to read about the disorder so you can recognize it earlier and just run. She came back to try again but I had already been "devalued" so it was me who told her I loved her and to go away. Her latest impulse was to take a job in another state, detrimental to her career and without discussing it as a normal couple would, expecting my codependency to kick in, but this time it didn't. One of my closest friends died on a car crash, for which I asked her not to argue that day, it was then when I realized these things aren't really people, they're just shells needed to be filled with your anguish. Don't wait until you end up in jail or broke, just change your locks, block her on everything and talk to a professional. Wish you the best and I hope this reaches you.

Some get incompetent therapist that don't dig deep just or worse, they get attached to their therapist and fear improvement will result in abandonment. Be weary of them at every step.

I like the way you think