What, no secrets thread?

same here

y r u gae

My first gay sexual encounter was with my cousin. We played strip poker and then played truth or dare.

You're a cool kid

It's not gay if you say no homo

That, and the kids, are the only reason i stay.
Sucks doesn't it?

She was drunk too and pretty in to it. Squeezed her ads during it too

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Same here, would love to see them gang banged

It's also not gay if afterward you beat them up and tell them they are going to hell for being a fag

3 kids, yeah it does.. she's divorcing me - -looking forward to getting raped in the process

I used to have a huge thing for my teenage cousin (didn't really know she was a cousin). This was when I was like 7ish? She was 16 at the time. I would spy on her whenever I saw her, and she changed a few times in front of me (she didn't mind). Probably the first girl I saw naked. We cuddled a few times in just underwear. Cool shit

My wife has mentioned divorce too, I'm trying to save up for a lawyer, worried the most about losing my kids, and the house.

Amazing, lived the dream

No shit, I dated a cousin (had no idea we were related even though it was like 5th or 6th cousin) without even knowing because she just moved into town from across the country.

I'm in fact not an internet tough guy or morally and intellectually superior but I'm a 40 year old virgin.
I have called some of you faggots but the truth is I'm a 40 year old virgin and in no position to judge.
I'll stop voting because 40 year old virgins should not have voting rights and I'll just draw a big penis in the ballot in the upcoming eu elections.

I'm really sorry for any discomfort I may have caused you.
You are pretty cool guys.

>pic not related
>that's not me and my smile is fake and gone

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>hs gf asking to be gangbanged
Kids these days, huh?

So you're voting for dick Cheney..

Would date my cousin for sure

It consider myself blessed lol. Just wish I had gone in for a few feels, but I was a stupid kid.

Dude, mood, same. She was from a few states over and like 2nd cousin from a side of the family we'd never really been close to. Shit gets wild, I feel that

I’m fucking a girl whose husband is a guy who could literally rip me in half. Pussy so good tho can’t help risking it

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why is it that virgin females are treated like princesses while virgin males get treated like trash. Fuck sex

Whoa, what the fuck are ads?

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Legit we had no clue until our parents met for coffee and started talking.

Mobile fag, auto correct fucked me up

i've worn panties everyday since i was 13

Kids these days are fucking wild. She was one of those where it was an open secret, no one addressed it till she was out of the room, but there were a lot of tongue in cheek jokes about her being a slut. She never thought people knew, funniest shit.

She was your gf, why didn't defend her, are you a cuck?

It would be nice if an old timer could confirm whether girls were so slutty in the good old days and taking it up the old trusty poopchute as to retain their pussy virginity or is it porn and social media whoring that turned them into wild cumbeasts.

When I was like 10ish, went on some day care trip to indoor pool. About 22 people, more girls than guys, from age 7 to about 13. Chaperones had no idea what was going on, shoved us in some small cramped locker area and left us.
Some autist suggested this was where we changed. Fucking genius. Slowly but surely everyone started stripping down and switching to swim gear.
Naked chicks everywhere. Some people tried to hide, but there was really no room, so most didn't bother. A few seemed uncomfortable, but did it anyway. Shit was a life experience.

This was after she cheated on me and dumped me. I couldn't care less about her rep.

I Second this, old oldfags, can you confirm?

I worked as a support worker for a woman whos 58 and I'm 26. How do I fuck her? I've since left the company 4 months ago but stay in touch with the 58yo because I get on with her son but she's fitness obsessed. We trek through hills together but I don't know how to fuck her and seal the deal.

To her I'm just the old support worker who gets on with her son but in reality all I wanna do is fuck her. Help me bros

Hike somewhere nice and set up a picnic, let the wine and romance flow.

Had a incest relationship with my first cousin.

If it not had been for her being my cousin, I would have married her. Think about her almost daily. Guess you could say I am in love with her.

I ended up marrying someone else. After that my cousin broke off our relationship. I still wanted to fuck her on the side, but she would not do it.

Think about my sister when I jerk off most of the time. She's a little cutie pie and gets me hard quicker than most

Would you have knocked her up if you could?

Her son had the tism and I was the best worker she ever had. She's old but at 58 is fit and I wanna say I banged an older chick. How do I go about this? She's open to manipulation BTW that's how I got so close to her in the first place

I committed the Whitechapel murders back in '88.

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How gay did it get, what were your ages?

j
Doesn't work like a date when I meet her. It's all under the pretense I'm there to walk her half chihuaha/ corgie. Its only an afternoon trip, 2/3 hours we take so I can't pull those moves. How do I bang her lads?

Good job with that, I'm proud of you.

Prove it or fuck off larping fag

If she had not been my cousin I would have knocked her up.

Several years ago she had a uterine ablation so she could not get pregnant.

For my niece's 10th bday I took her shopping at the mall and bought her a bunch of stuff from Victoria's secret, it was all stuff she picked out fyi.

Marrying cousins isn't too bad, user. It was mainstream in America for a very, very long time. It's just enough removed to not be inbreeding.

That sucks for her. Though it would mean you have less fear of cumming inside her

Nothing woukd fit a 10yo

Why?

I have a problem with sleeping with married women. I love making them betray their spouses then after it watching them crumble in guilt, via right after, some crumble or act wierd after at work, some explain to me later how horrible they feel but then 95% of them will do it again because once you break that seal it seems they need to fill this random void/wound they inflicted on themselves... I love it . I’m also married.

Green text

>We are both in our mid-40s
>her husband died a few years ago from cancer
>I was recently divorced.
>She came over one evening to watch movies
>Talk about when we were kids
>Ask her if she knew I always had a crush on her
>She said yes she knew
>I leaned over to kiss her and she went with it
>Relationship lasted several months
>I started dating someone else and cousin broke things off

I miss our time together. She was always dripping wet and left wet spots on the sheets several times. Finally had to put a towel under her butt to keep the sheets dry.

She is homely looking, but firm body with perky titties.

Addicted to masturbation, what do b?

Get a girlfriend

Hi Jack.

U clearly have no idea what you're talking about

Tepid secret.

No sex, constant nagging, boughts of mental illness, the works.

Rape a woman but respectfully and caringly

Why would she want that stuff anyway?

Me being 15, I was sharing the same bed with my sister because my parents was too poor and bought a two bed hotel room. I had a wet dream and came in my pants. I rushed into the bathroom to clean the cum out of my underwear and changed to new pair. My sister asked me what was going on last night and I told her that I pee'd my pants to save face. She later told all her friends.

I don’t seed torrents, and when I look at naked women... I play with my penis.

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There is something about looking into your cousins eyes as you dump a load of cum in her.

The feeling is like nothing you will ever feel. There is no way to describe it.

I'll repost mines from earlier.

I come from a pretty poor area in a shitty country in Europe. My friend fucked his younger sister in front of me and a few other boys from the village, once. After that, a few other boys would fuck her sometimes. She really liked me so eventually I started fucking her. She liked me because I was the only one "nice" to her, and I wouldn't let the other boys "rape" her.
If she didn't want it or started crying, I would stop them. It got to the point where I told her to stop fucking the other boys and fuck only me. She agreed and I knew that she wasn't fucking other boys anymore. Eventually my dad moved us out of that shithole. I found out shortly before I left, from someone, that she was pregnant. I hid from her for two days until we left. That was like 10 years ago. Never heard from her again. Recently heard from my mom's old friend, who still lives there, that my former fucktoy indeed has a 9 year old. Pretty sure that's my child.

>2019
>torrents
Streaming is all the rage these days

It's gotta be because of how taboo it is. Wish to experience that in my life sonehow

What can I say... been here 13 years and am 41. We get stuck in our ways.

I get what you mean.
It's the perfect intersection between "I should do it" and "I shouldn't do it".

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It is a mix of disgust, lust.... very primal feelings.

We were both lonely. As I said earlier, her husband had been dead for a couple of years and she had not dated anyone during that time.

I think it worked out best with us being adults rather than kids.

The only regret is our relationship not lasting longer. If I had it to do over again I would not have dated anyone else. However, family members and friends were getting suspicious of us spending so much time together.

My sister lost her virginity with me. Best sex I ever had.
But we had no chance for relationship.

Now I'm married, she too.

WTF?

>very primal feelings
Does this mean you fucked her rough?
Was she slutty and wild?
Hot.

I take every shower as an opportunity to fist myself. My boyfriend doesn't like the idea of fisting and doesnt even like it for me to masturbate. Usually I listen to him like a faithful gf, but I just love how dirty fishing myself makes me feel

when in doubt...

>fisting
I call bullshit, this shit is nasty.

you can probably get him to do that with you, or even dirtier/kinky stuff. almost everyone gets that absurdly horny sometimes. just gotta find what makes him tick maybe

I still love the man who groomed and molested me when I was a child

How did it happen?

I fucked the shit out of her every chance I got.

Now I long to have an incestuous relationship with cousin

>fucked the shit out of her
Nice!
If you fucked her ass too you are even greater!
Good job!

Cousins are fair game, especially if they are cute and hot.

I think she fits those categories nicely

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I fuck my teenage employees. I'm addicted to the thrill and rush. I cant stop myself

Kek

Anal is the one thing I regret not doing. That and her not giving me a blow job.

I really wish things had lasted longer. Only had a couple of months with her.

She was young and hot interested about sex. I was older and had some practice. She asked me a lot about sex, and once she got a little drunk, so she let me to touch her anywhere. She got horny and tried to mastrubate, but i wanted her too march. So i took off her panties and we became closer, then common bro/sis.

13 and 16 y.o.

Sorry 4 my poor English, it isn't native 4 me.

They have more than just kinky lengerie

I lived with my ex for a bit, she was tall blonde and a solid 7-7.5 and a total slut, but the relationship was horrible. She had a roommate that also lived with us and one night I was horny as fuck after she fell asleep and instead of waking her up for a go, my 3am horny as fuck mind thought it would be a good idea to walk into the living room where her roommate was sleeping, stick my cock out of my boxers and act like I didn’t know, put it right in her face, wake her up, and ask if she wanted me to turn the tv off.
She said no, so I said okay and went to bed after rubbing one out. I was tired and horny but WOW one of the dumbest things I’ve ever done.
It’s a secret becuase to this day I claim I didn’t know my dick was out. WOW the voyeurism and the prospect of her going along with it had me DIAMONDS

any really memorable things you guys did? how long did you guys keep it up? anyone else find out?

Like?

Regular underwear, pajamas, swim suits, jewelry, booty shirts, hair accessories, perfume.. u have clearly never been there.

This past winter, I conned my neighbors out of some donuts. I would always watch them come home with a box of Dunkin Donuts after church on Sundays and I got insanely jealous. My folks only buy generic grocery store donuts.

So one week, I walked by my neighbor's house and "accidentally" slipped on the black ice outside. I screamed a lot and carried on, pretending to have sprained my ankle. The Mom comes out and asked me if I was okay. I said I needed to get off it. They helped me inside and shared the donuts with me, just like my plan.

And you do what?

the true evil genius of Yea Forums

What kind of donuts???

I am proud of you user.

Buckle up kids cause this is the realest story you ever gonna read in here

>I was 25
>no friends
>doing my practice in a hospital
>have been going to the gym for about a year at this point so i was pretty good shaped
>a girl in my gym was over the top hot and pretty and all that
>and of course in a relationship
>i was in good terms with the trainer there and she gave me her last name so i searched her over on insta and fb and did my stalking
>even though she had a boyfriend i still shot my chance
>she responded politely and i was keeping the conversation way too mild and non sexual so she always came back at me to talk even after a day or two
>i know i know pathetic but i was playing the long game
>eventually after 2 months of strictly talking in insta (she wasn't coming to the gym anymore cause she was involved in a lot of activities) i meet her up at the gym again
>"hey!"
>in general we knew WAY TOO MANY things about each other all through just chatting on insta and we had never spoke in person
>awkward moments of silence but in general it was ok
>next day we started chatting non stop on insta for a week
>i was used to getting ghosted by her at this point but now she was just replying back asap
>her birthday were coming up and she invited me over to a bar she was gonna go with her friends
>her bf was there and was sticked on her like a fucking leech
>we didn't talk much there cause legit her boyfriend was jumping over and participated in whatever the fuck we were talking about
>couple of months went by after that and we were hitting it off as friends going out for coffee and shit
>i even invited her to my sisters wedding but she said it would cause too many problems with her bf if she came
>her bf was an ok dude but he was just jealous of whatever was happening with me and his gf
>i didn't care
>at this point we had started flirting a little bit when we were one on one
>finally summer was here and i invited her to the beach

1

It's nothing new under the sun. I'm 40, my mom lost her v-card when she was 13, was banging my dad, who was 28, at 17. Aunts, friends moms and older sisters, they're all just as adventurous in their own way. Most of the women I've dated have been into 3ways or exhibitionism or just hoe'd around.

>she said ok but in secret and she was gonna tell her bf that she would go with a friend of hers
>we go to the beach with my r6 yamaha
>she liked it
>we go on a small beach very far away and very deserted
>legit 1000 people on the beach
>"wtf i've never seen so many people here"
>she said to go somewhere else
>i told her behind the cliff there is a rocky beach that is super nice but we have to climb down
>she didn't mind
>we go at the point we had to start climbing down and it was way steeper than i was remembering
>we were wearing flops both of us and it was a super bad idea to go down that cliff with those
>i wanted to impress her so i jump down about a 2 meter high cliff and land on a good leveled spot and told her to jump down and i would catch her
>in my stupid mind it would be so simple
>she was scared of jumping down so she was just slowly sliding on the cliff which at some point was completely vertical so she had to jump anyway
>when she reached that point she turned around and layed belly down to get her feet close to me so i can grab her
>nice ass view
>as i was holding her legs and she was sliding down, my foot slipped and as my leg was sliding backwards we both fell
>i ripped my bathing suit shorts and you could see my dick through the net and as i was examing my situation i turn around to see her with a bloody face
>go there and she had broken her two frontal teeth
>her nose was bleeding and she had a scratch on her mouth
>from what i managed to see before i fall she didnt manage to get her hands to protect herself and she fell from really fucking high directly on her face
>she started yelling at me and crying
>i was as shocked as she was and i realized i was holding my dick as she was yelling at me cause my bathing suit was ripped
>after she calmed down and i was recollecting myself i realized we can't fucking leave cause now we need to climb back up
>told her we need to climb back up and round two of yelling started

2

>finally i got angry too cause it was just a fucking accident and i didn't do it on purpose so we were just yelling at each other
>she was sobbing and i was trying to get up while i was thinking how the fuck she gonna come up too cause she is short and cant jump that high to reach my hands or something
>finally tell her to climb on me and just step on my shoulders as a leverage so she can climb up
>as we are doing it im super sweaty from the heat and the frustration
>her flops slide on my shoulder and she hits my shoulder with her knee and her whole weight as she was coming down
>then proceeded to fall even further down the cliff
>i could not lift my fucking arm from the pain
>went further down to her and she was sobbing
>i wanted to tell her "see how accidents happen?" but kept my mouth shut for my mental healths well being
>hugged her without saying anything and she bursts into crying
>blood snots and sweat all over my cheeks and neck
>she was telling me that today was supposed to be perfect
>all i could think about was the piercing pain on my shoulder
>something wasn't right about it
>so we just stood there hugging for a while until she calmed down
>told her we need to try again so we can leave and go to a hospital
>she agreed
>as we were climbing back up another couple was passing by at the top from where we started and i yelled at them to help us
>the dude was the skinniest person in existence and his gf was not far either
>told him to at least find a rope or something so we can grab onto
>eventually he went back to his car to bring some conveyor belt he had
>he tied one end to a nearby rock so we could climb back up
>my hand at this point was killing me
>the dude told me my shoulder is all purple and stuff
>we thanked them and we went to my bike to leave
>i could not lift my hand to place it on the throttle
>lift it with my other hand to place it on and was doing the minimum amount of movement it required
>still painful as fuck

3

>after a 40 minute drive in constant pain we get to a hospital
>fracture clavicle and severe mechanical injury from the hit
>she got stitches on her bottom lip and tied her head with some bandages cause she had a concussion
>we didn't spoke to each other for three months after that
>i wanted to check on her but i was too stubborn to do it cause i was in a more serious situation than her
>after 3 months went by and i could partially move my shoulder again cause i had to keep it still all day
>went to the gym for physiotherapy with rubber bands and shit
>she was there
>new teeth, stitches barely showing
>she saw me but she didn't talk to me
>so i go where she was and asked her watch up
>"hey user, how are you?"
>"why the hell you didn't check on me once all this time?"
>"why didn't you?"
>"are you kidding me? i had to be on a bed for 3 months i wasn't on vacation!"
>we were yelling and people gathered around
>i was so fucking angry
>controlled myself and fucking left
>2 years later
>all these in the past completely moved on
>go out with a buddy of mine and his gf that i had not seen
>she was dead on on setting me up with a friend of hers
>i wasn't particularly happy about it but ok
>she was telling me about her friend
>pretty, smart, single and all that
>and she told me that 2 years ago her boyfriend beat her up cause he thought she was cheating on him
>my buddy was unusually silent about it and i thought it was weird so i asked him who is she
>he said you will see
>i had my past with other girls so my mind went to completely different girls i knew cause i had legit took her out of my mind
>finally set up date came up
>friend his gf and the girl were waiting on me at a cafe
>go there
>it's her
>she was more beautiful
>and having heard she got beat up by what happened changed my mind on her
>she greeted me and was very polite
>just as we were at the begging when we were just chatting

4

>as we were getting ready to leave she asked me if i wanna go for a walk with her
>i agreed
>we went on a park near by
>we talked about our lives and what we were doing all this past time
>she was working as a civil engineer (that's what she was studying) and had just bought a used car and she was very proud of herself
>i had just opened a private lab with two people under me and an intern
>so i asked her if there is something missing in her life now?
>and she said no
>and i told her that in my life there is
>and she said "what?"
>so i grab her and kiss her finally
>we were slow kissing for a long time
>FF 7 years later
>we have a daughter and we live together but not married cause we don't believe in that shit
>she calls me "entropy" to tease me cause everything was so chaotic with us
>life is a roller coaster anons

5 end

>her bf was an ok dude but he was just jealous of whatever was happening with me and his gf
i love this feeling. by no means am i good with women or anything but im 31 now and ive had what i consider to be a lot of partners for someone as miserable and nerdy like me.
still though, when that starts to happen its like a light at the end of the tunnel. when one party in a relationship starts to turn into a baby like that, its usually fuckin doomed

All kinds. The best were these powdered that were filled with this fluffy vanilla filling that makes my mouth water just to think about it.

I call you just fishing for pics, not bs;) lots of sexual stuff is nasty i.e. any thing to do with the butt hole, doesn't make it any less relevant tho.

We were together for one month. Noone knows about it. It was 21 year ago.

jelly doughnuts nigga? bostom creme? everyone loves those. the true best donut is the blueberry donut though

One epic story

In any given secrets thread I make up about 1/4 to 1/3 of my story. Usually to obscure the people places and times, sometimes to make it a better story, sometimes to make it more believable, and once in a while because I just want to shitpost in what's become a masturbate thread.

>Summer of '02
>15 years old
>Vacationing with my family at our beach house in New England
>Neighbor is this hot young wife, husband just deployed to Afghanistan
>She's friendly. I help her out with chores all summer, bring in groceries, clear out the attic, etc.
>Crushing like crazy
>Desperate to make a move
>One day I come by and she's crying
>Her husband was KIA
>She hugs me
>I hold her
>We kiss

She left the next day and I saw her again. I'm still not sure how to feel about the experience. I went back to the island a couple of times and just looking at her house fills me with nostalgia and whimsy.

No I agree. You are larping.

You evil genius.

I know where Cotton-eye Joe came from and where he went

Please do tell.

I don't think I'm gay. I'm not attracted to 3D guys and I have a girlfriend. But she doesn't know I've got a bizarre fetish for this animated character.

You ever see that cartoon, Scooby Doo? There's something about the blonde guy on that show that drives me nuts. Not the skinny guy who eats a lot, I mean the one with the ascot, the leader. I find him so sexy when he takes control, tells everyone what to do, that I want him to dominate me. When he's taking the bad guy's mask off, I wish he was taking my clothes off.

Sounds pretty gay to me bud

Nice

I saw a movie once with this exact plot except set during ww2.

They had jelly and blueberry, but the Dad is a big Lakers fan, so no Boston creme.

I'm a fucking loser I hate myself and I want to die but I keep the facade so my mother won't be sad

If you care enough for your Mom, that means you have the capacity to care for other people, and they for you.

Sometimes I bump threads

>and they for you
Well my mom cares for me because I'm her son no one else ever cared for me.

girlfriend dumped me tonight.

giving up on ladies for a bit, bought wig, going back to sucking dick on weekends

picking up lunch for myself and coworkers the other day, I stopped at a gas station and nutted in my hot coworker's sandwich.
I was rock hard watching her eat my load, so glad she had no idea

You sick fuck.

What does that even mean lmao I can't larp anything online lmao

Seems like you were halfway there if you could go out that quickly.

I work for communists jews unwittingly they watch u threw my eyes/ears

nah, it's just been shit for weeks, just finally got confirmation

I meant you were halfway gay if as soon as you got dumped you're ready to run out and perform oral on a guy.

you dont just start sucking dick after a bad breaking bro. nothin wrong with being gay as long as you dont behave like a fag. maybe youre bi?
im bi and until i was 30 years old, i thought i just had some weird fetishes or whatever. took me a while to admit to myself that im just attracted to cock plain and simple

Could be worse. My sister makes me wear a diaper when I sleep in her bed because I spiro sprinkle sometimes -_-

Most disgusting thing I have read all night. Even beats that post about fucking his sister.

oh yeah, it's not my first cock rodeo. I just haven't gotten laid in a bit and women are way more work

never claimed to be 100% straight

>I just haven't gotten laid in a bit and women are way more work
tbh i think even more than just being semi-gay and liking cock, this is the bigger attraction to doing things with guys vs women for me. its just so fuckin easy and no hassle with relationship stuff

killed someone

Why not go full time?

whats the context? military? crime? self defense, etc?

into dudes for sex, not for anything else.

Yeah, when you want to get laid it's mostly just picking from whose not going to be creepy and/or dirty

yup its amazing. can you fuckin imagine what itd be like if it was like this for everyone? for both genders, how much easier and laid back a lot of people would probably be if they were getting laid regularly? its like reading brave new world or somethin

I wore a diaper into Endgame because I didn't want to miss a thing. It turns out, it's not really that hard to go three hours without pissing. I sat through the entire movie without getting up or using the diaper and I felt embarrassed about wearing it in the first place.

What do you think of the blonde guy from Scooby Doo?

Nothing wrong with keeping it in the blood.

I've wanted to impregnate my cousins since forever.

Do you ever knock them up and let the husbands take care of it thinking it's theres?

hey, the world needs plenty of transbians ^_^

I'm in a committed relationship with my girlfriend of 3 years but fuck I want to bang my boss so fucking bad. She's got the fattest fucking ass and is sexy as fuck. I kissed her a long time ago before we both got into a relationship when we used to smoke back then but I pussied out when she wanted to have sex. Probably one of the biggest regrets of my life.

You seeded her. Nice job. On to the next.

Ever take it up the ass, get used fully like a girl?

Do you ever cum inside them? Let them walk around with your cum in their womb.

Don't know him personally

fuck the world takes a new meaning

oh that way, lol nah probably still not for me

The most Yea Forums post I've read in a long time.

Want to go farther now. Impregnating her sounds hot as hell

What buisness do you work for

Killed 4 people and never got caught

yep, with transgirl, was fun. 10/10 would recommend

He should go full Yujiro Hanma and go around seeding women and then leaving without a trace.

I stopped wearing mine since I was 12

Did fuck her too?

I left my dignity in my boss's office and I don't know how to get it back. I botched a recent assignment and he called me in to chew me out. I forced myself to cry so he would feel sorry for me. He handed me a box of tissues and asked me if I needed a minute . I said yes and got up to leave. He called me back in half an hour later to finish our little "chat". I was worried he was going to fire me, so I panicked and offered to blow me. He was shocked. Said that wasn't necessary. Told me that I need to double-check a certain detail next time but that it wasn't a real big deal. There was an awkward silence after that. Now I feel embarrassed around him. He might think I'm gay and I hope he didn't tell my co-workers.

I want to whisper into her ear "Our Family Tree only grows stronger from now." when I seed into her.

Toy Story 3 was OK

Please elaborate

I was playing fortnite and i killed 4 people they never even saw me land behind them

i like alice breads, is she dead?

Quit your job man, you can't be Ok waking up 7 AM in the morning to go to a job knowing your boss thinks you've got a thing for his dick.

Im totally using that the next time I have sex with my sister!

I don't know if she'd love it or cry. Just wanna get between her legs and cum deep inside her

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>on phone with fbi

Dont stop voting, your demographic needs to be represented. You're there to offset all the whores who make the effort to vote or something like that.

Is that what you named the family pet?

Fruitcake

Same here. She thinks things are fine. Found about her slut past after lying to me
Disgusted that I am an Eskimo bro with a coworker. I dread going home every night. I have lost count on how many times I cheated on her. Dream of getting a sailboat and living off the coast

No I call my girlfriend my sister. Dont worry about it bud

I have a fetish for cow udders, I find them sexy the way you would find tits sexy

>deep inside her
>inside her
>inside
Omg the cringe

>I call other people faggot on the internet

under rated post

I hate nigger

I know. I hate it. I'm trying to think of how to set him straight. I was thinking of talking really loudly in the break about performing cunnilingus on my girlfriend and making sure he overhears. Or actually get her to come into the office (I haven't told her yet. Don't know how she'll react) and have her loudly thank me for eating her out, make sure he's in the room when she says it.

y

Dude...if ur being serious this is funny as fuck what a cuck

Take her out to dinner. Drink a bunch of wine. Watch a movie with her after. Basically the same way you fuck any chick.

Well, the good news is, as a human there is an alternative for you. Granny tits are very much like cow udders.

I'm still thinking we can convert you yet

He would be 120 year old jack the ripper, sherlock

Attached: 1523074752253.png (1256x749, 1.21M)

Got drunk enough at a party to get a price quote on a nuclear weapon from a dubious friend (good guy... I think)

Obviously the only way to set him straight is camp in an open toilet cubicle with your gf, in the toilet your boss most frequently visit. You and gf make sexy noises in the cubicle, and then when your boss comes in to wash his hands, you step out with your gf both very unkempt-looking and pretend to be awkward.

I feel like the wet spot thing happens with literally every girl..

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His wifes cooking?

Getting attracted to my lesbian roommate who I moved across the northeast for after only knowing here for 5 months. She throws kinda flirty signs, but she also is basically family at this point and has an on-off girlfriend, but is extremely possessive and territorial over me (even was pissed at my mom for a week for not picking up my birthday call to her I knew she wouldnt answer cause she was out). I've lost 1 car, my sanity, and prolly over $2,000 to allow her to live her life to the fullest. I just want to tell her but she's means the world to me and I can't let her down like that.

at the same time, at many jobs, offering to blow your boss would get your ass fired. maybe even worse if you work at some, you know, place with really "correct" values and rules and stuff. so maybe his boss is perhaps a bit understanding? or at least hes chill enough to not make a big deal of it.
still, not saying dont quit. just that perhaps there is another side to it

Jack the Ripper’s Identity has already been discovered via DNA analyses when one of his family’s descendants got a DNA history test.

I believe there is a psychological relationship between why I like saggy tits and udders

Nope.

Right there with you pal. Luckily we're both poor. So hopefully my Pro Se Divorce goes smoothly with the state of Texas

Someone should tell their sisters

Like him being full of shit.

>Other boys would "rape" her
>If she didnt want it
U wut m8?

i'll gladly take a big titty goth trans gf

There's this guy in my neighborhood who sits in his front yard wearing this ventilation mask hooked up to a bipap machine. I don't know how it works, or if he'd die if I pulled it off, but I'm tempted to try.

Why do I live in a developed rich country. I get sex like once per quarterly if i'm lucky.

I regularly jerk off to the video I took of my kid getting circumcised when he was a newborn.

Got a problem with that?

Oh, wouldn't we all?

There a link to that at all?

Probably could have been a smoother way to do that

Post her panties

Divorce in Texas? I hope your the man, every women I know who tried to get divorced in texas got fucked by the judge. Once litterally.

>the hero we deserve

I engage in consensual sex in the missionary position with my wife for the sole purpose of procreation.

She wears guys underwear

Lame.

Did u make a baby or did u fail at that like you've failed at everything else in your life?

A fellow panty connoisseur?

Jesus, that's not bueno
How old are you and how much psychiatric help have you gotten?

He thought he succeeded, but the baby came out nigger.

>Be in the 5th grade
>end of day announcements
>"librarians husband is very ill in the hospital"
>I didn't like the librarian so I said "Yes!" out loud in the middle of class
>teacher yells who said that
>OhShItTNiGgEr
>Been haunting me ever since...

Just like the 5 previous babies

How cute is she?

The third one is Asian though....

Nothing gets me harder than a big pair of milky titties

Attached: Huge_udders.jpg (960x640, 126K)

Probably tiger woods' kid, he's half asian

I can't decide which is worse

Yet

But white rubber glove, fill it with warm milk. Go to town with the new Udder realdoll you've just made.

Honestly, she's 5'1" and 170, kinda chubby but it's well poprtioned. 0 ass, no tits, face is chubby south east asian girl but with guyish features. Prolly a 6 or 5 but somehow in got drawn in smfh

Don't give me ideas, man.

Do what I did
Go on a random and vaguely risky adventure

Short or long hair? I'm betting short.

Dude wtf kind of instincts are those. Maybe stay away from 4 chan for a while and start working out or something.

Obviously , if she's a butch lesbian her hair probably stupid looking, like hawk-eye's hair in Avengers Endgame .

i was addicted to morphine for a while, never told my family or friends

How do you even manage to sleep at night after doing that?

Shoulder length in a ponytail

Donny take your meds
Communists don't fuckin like Jews
Everyone knows this

Please be bait. If serious, theres no turning back. You did this to yourself

Damn, I was picturing the whole tomboy thing.

You're not wrong, most DEFINETLY a tomboy even walks talks like one. Really she's 80% a dude

And dresses in guys clothes exclusively

His waifu is uncultured
I'd rather his Slavic cuisine

Imagine what it's like in Eastern Europe where the girls dont mind being raped

Lol wtf is wrong with you dude. You're worse than the dude who offered to suck his boss's dick

Yah so that 23 yr old butcher probably fucked that prostitute before jack the ripper killed her. Think of it the only semen found in any crime scene and its on a prostitute scarf. She probably cleaned herself off then got jacked.

I am, I fucking hate being this way sometimes lol

There's this girl in my calc class who's really into Sesame Street. Kinda childish, but I love her, so I don't mind. Oscar the Grouch is her favorite, so I thought it would be funny/charming to buy an Oscar costume and hide in the trash can outside her dormitory. I had to wait there for about 45 minutes before she finally came outside, even though she usually just pops in and out of her room after lunch. Anyway, she comes out of the dorm and I pop out. She's not charmed, but instantly freaks out. I then freak out and run away without revealing myself. Now she probably thinks there's some Oscar stalker on campus or something.

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Not really into the rape thing, but I feel like I'm a loser because of how little sex I get. I keep thinking if I had more sex, maybe I'd be a more confident person and that would really motivate me to get out of the slump I'm in.

I am. And I am kinda ashamed how good that made me feel. But then again she left me. And left me with her fucking medical debt. Been together 7 years and still had the black in her heart to abandon me like that. Our happy ending. Leaving that hellhole together

I regularly find underage girls on omegle and make them emotionally dependent on me over the course of months.

An emotional sugar daddy

Nice, enjoy your time with her regardless if you ever tell her how you feel.

I cheated on my boyfriend and felt extremely guilty, so I broke down and confessed. He was confused and said we weren't even boyfriend/girlfriend, that we had only been out thrice and he was still seeing other girls. I said I was just kidding but I don't think he believes me.

I will user, just want to be there for her. She's had it hard enough already, want to make sure when she moves onto bigger places she's set and ready

oh fuck that hurt to read

I Fucked up the reply lol

Can confirm that this sort of thing goes on in the shitty little villages of England, France, Spain, Italy, Greece, etc. Grew up in a garbage village in France.

The little ones just sort of fuck with no regard. The adults don't really care, because they did it too. It only becomes a problem if the girl gets pregnant and can't get an abortion before she's found out. Then they force the boy who knocked her up to marry her. If he refuses, he gets killed or chased out. That still might happen if he comes from a trash family with nothing anyway.

essentially

I have a thing for used panties.

Once sprinted home for like 8 kilometers when I heard that my cousin's family who are staying over at my house were going out to have lunch when I was coming back home from college.

Got home just in time to find her worn panties in her bag. It was so crusted over she must have been really really wet, since she was on her phone so much I was betting she was looking at her crush on instagram or something. She is a 10 out of 10 Asian 16 Year Old at that time, and now she's 20 and is a model. Her stain tasted and smelled heavenly.

I wish I could keep her panty, but I had to settle for taking pictures of them. I keep a collection of all my panty adventures ever since.

Also I go on Wechat which is really big in my country. I use an user profile to chat up girls near the area to ask if I could buy their panties. I have a good job so I could always offer very good prices and I've gotten lucky many times. I only buy from girls who are willing to meet up and exchange the goods.

Btw female panty sellers who don't want to meet up or want to hide behind anonimity can fuck off. You think people would part with their hard earned cash with you putting so little effort?!

Tots or gtfo cunt

Glad it helped? Sometimes the inherent corruption in the system works out to the benifit of the injured party.

I'm struggling to find a way to form a relationship with my father, who left my mom before I was born. She always tells me to smile and put on a happy face, but I'm finding it hard. He's married now (he never married my mom) and has a 10 year old son. My half-brother goes to this fancy prep school (my father is very rich. I still live in a one-bedroom apartment with my mom). I hang out sometimes outside the school so I can watch him at recess, which I know is creepy as hell. I just always wanted a brother. I started driving an ice cream truck and parking it outside the school, but I don't know how to tell him who I am. I've never even had a conversation with our father and I don't think he knows my mother exists.

I've always been really curious to know what the titty part of a cow's udder feels like. I've milked a cow before and I know that the teats feel sorta like a flacid dick but I wanna just give those big pendulous bovine titties a squeeze mmmmmmm

Shit that thing goes on wherever there are poor isolated people anywhere.

The towns of the rural midwest, deep woods in the biblebelt, all of fucking Kansas...

I was feeling randy the other night and I asked my brother's wife if she wanted to shag. She said that wasn't funny, but at least I could play it off as a joke.

This thread is full of gold tonight

Once sniffed and rubbed my friends worn panties against my dick when we were out of town for a convention

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I don't wanna fuck cows, just wanna smack around their tits. Putting my dick in the shit-encrusted anus of a cow sounds disgusting. Horse pussies on the other hand...

I work too hard. I care too much. And sometimes I can be too invested in my job. I worry that my employees see me more as a boss than as a friend.

Lets see her pussy or tits

your employees should see you as a boss you fucking retard
nobody wants to be friends with their boss

When I was first married our house caught on fire and we had to move in with my in laws for three months
Everything was cool
On Friday night I wake up at 3 am - like I do every night. Went to the kitchen for a drink.
Found my mother in law coming in from the hot tub
She looked at me...I was in my boxers...my dick a bit hard....as usually is at that time
She said to me...oh good it’s you.
I asked why? Does your user need help again?
She said no he is passed out in bed
She had a string bikini on...then in a flash she undid her top and bottom and fell to her knees
She looked up at me and said ... I need this...handed my boxers down and sucked my dick
I let her...she was a bit drunk and let me fuck her face
I unloaded in her mouth, face, and tits.
She didn’t say a word. Just sat back with a grin on her face.
I pulled my boxers up and went to bed
Next morning my wife got up first...she woke me up ...when I asked what’s up she told me that she found her Mom on the kitchen floor passed out bike naked and cum on her face and tits.
I just said...oh really? And missed it? Too bad.
My Mother in law did net remember what happened...or at least that’s her claim....it’s just my little secret

As a boss, that's exactly what your employees should see you as.

Look, here is the truth. No matter how friendly or comfortable your employees look in front of you, they will never be able to see you as a friend.

Truth is majority of people are just there so they can pay the bills and go home. And you as the boss, should be gunning for being seen as a boss instead of as a friend. You're there to give them tasks and coordinate them so the company gets paid and everyone gets paid.

At the end of the day, until you leave the company or they do, they will not want to see you as a friend.

Heck it's even harder to push my employees to work hard if I get too friendly with them.

I'm a 23 year old virgin.
I never really had issues getting girls interested, going through school sex was just never really a big deal to me and now that I'm older I feel like I missed out on the whole learning process and I'm afraid if I tried it would be embarrassing.
I've told a few of my friends that are girls and most of them seem pretty surprised which seems like a good thing I guess.

>Communists don't fuckin like Jews
>Everyone knows this

found the dirty jew. jews were the majority of the founders of communism.

tits with timestamp, or gtfo

A lot of people have a death date, they just dont know it yet. I do though.

Good for you keep it up

I fart out of my anus

Same. I wasted my 20s on a woman who did nothing for her health, insisted on living in some shithole town in Western Kentucky and expected me to bust my ass at work then come home to cook and clean. I went to the gym, ate healthy, looked fucking great while she got fat, but she wondered why I had no sexual interest in her. I'm surprised I never got caught cheating on her.

Just tell the kid who you are. He’s family. Then tell your dad, he might be one of does peps who does not know how to communicate to your mum or you. Take a leap of fucking Faith

Best advice, try to make it amicable. Be patient as fuck, do whatever it takes to be 'just friends'. Save receipts, track everything you do to accommodate her and look after the kids, screenshot texts, record phone calls you have with her (do it legally). If she decides to make it nasty, you slap that infront of the judge. It worked for me. I got the best divorce I could have ever hoped for.

Also, agree to sell the house

my first time was technically statutory rape lol

There are NO virgin females over the age of 14.

That's disturbingly similar to my situation.
Thanks for the tips user.

I really want the house though, it was my grandfather's.

If nobody calls or texts me by Saturday, I’m just going to commit suicide.

What's the problem, exactly? I do the same thing. This is not a problem.

You monster

kinky (but i approve)

You may think you aren't gay, but bad news, you definitely are.

Pretty much exclusively attracted to tomboys. Am I gay?

My chick took the knott in her ass tonight for the first time

not at all, you're clean user

Bisexual maybe? I mean, I also jack off to the redheaded chick. I really want to see them screw, but I feel like it's unhealthy to be so attracted to Scooby Doo characters.

This is the most depraved secret ever.