Well?

Well?

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pee in his mouth, then stomp his hands

The Christian way.

Help him up, thank him for doing a great job, and be happy cuz he prolly gave me some money.

Save him and ask for $5 million dollars.

Idiot got it backwards

tell him i'll save him only if he'll pay me a small sum of a million dollars, watch my sides ascend into orbit, then pull him up because i'm not a douche

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save him then become a millionaire

I'm too weak to pull him up, too autistic to talk on the phone (911), to fat to run for help... so I guess I'd just look him straight in the eyes, start shoveling the spaghetti and tendies from my fannypack into my mouth, and try to make him understand I want to help but I'm too retarded.

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nailed it