fuck Yea Forums how fucked am I? I found out im getting a job offer either tomorrow or Tuesday. it comes with a drug test.
I never had a job before so I dont know when a drug test comes after I accept. im clean from weed but I took a couple of oxycodones yesterday at 8pm.
how soon would they drug test me if I get my offer letter tomorrow or Tuesday? is it within 24 hrs. idk if I'll be clean by then since I took a couple of blue oxycodones.
Is that a silicone bong?
You're fine. Just quit doing drugs now and you'll be fine. You probably won't have to do the pussy test for a week or two. Most likely, your company contracts that out. If so, they will call you to schedule it. Make sure you give yourself enough time to piss clean. Get at-home tests just to make sure.
Never heard of someone getting drug tested at all in a job. But if you actually get drug tested maybe tell a friend who's clean to piss in a bottle so you can use his urine. Idk what else you could do
Companies say that they'll drug test you when offering you the job, but it's usually when you get hurt on the job. I used to work at Kroger and the supervisor told me I have to pass a drug test in order to work there. A week passed by to couple months later, no drug test has happened.
take creatine and drink lots of water
Hahahaha! "Pussy test" my bad on the autocorrect. I meant piss test. I'm sure you figured it out though. you would probably come up positive on the pussy test, but not the piss test.
Most companies drug test after interviews
>never had a job before
are you fucking 17 or just pathetic?
Basement dweller
I had a buddy that smoked a SHIT ton before he went into military and he was stressed about it bad, but this is what he did and he was fine by a week
>drink water
like drink a disgusting amount of water, more than you would like. Urinating one of the bodies most common forms of detoxification. The more you pee the more you get it all out.
>sweat
do anything that causes sweat. Also a natural form of detox. Sweat profusely whether its through cardio or by taking lots n lots of hot showers/spending time in a sauna.
>detox drinks?
he didn't do these, but I know they exist and I am not sure about the science of it all. I know people that swear it worked and others that feel like they wasted their time/fucked up their system.
Don't be too paranoid now. You should be fine and worst case scenario get some clean piss from a friend and use a condom. I know guys that did this and it has actually worked. Try microwaving the piss before that way it can be in the range of a correct temperature. Don't take anymore detectable drugs, and just do these and you'll be fine. Good luck!!
you go to a head shop and buy some fake urine
drug tests for jobs are basically: does this person not do drugs or are they smart enough to pass this simple test
they won't even watch you piss, that's only if it's a court-mandated thing
you take the fake piss, tape it to your leg an hour before you go and it will be room temp
anyways the half-life is about 7 hours so after 48 hours you'll probably be clean anyways, drink a bunch of water tonight and some diuretic like tea to pass the water through your system
also, stop doing opiates, they're the lamest shit in the world unless you're smoking opium on special occasions
Youmare fucked.
>stop doing opiates
yeah gotta agree. You are basically on the same spectrum of a methhead. If you don't want to be sober, do better quality/low risk drugs like weed, alcohol or psychedelics.
better quality/not opiates pick 1
Just stop doing drugs and don’t be a degenerate.
not opiates!
When I got a job at best buy I had to get apiss test a week before my first day. It seems to depend on the employer
yeah. thanks. I actually applied to this job with the hopes of getting it and moving out from my current situation.
it will get me out of this habit of being a Roxy head.
idk, I met meth heads. tweakers are definitely out there. but to be fair, when im w/d im probably the same
I hate alcohol (used to have a drinking problem) and quit. I love weed, but cant smoke it till I get this job. I love psychedelics.
lol so true. opiates is def god tier. my favorite is def benzos
OP here. after I get drug tested, am I safe to do drugs again? or will they drug test me again for any reason? can they comeback to me and say they lost my piss and need another sample? will i get tested again the day of my job>?
they didn't give you an employee handbook or some shit?
Thats morphine you mong.
If you arent absolutely retarded
Hey OP needs some more 14 year old help over here!
You know since he has a job.
They shouldn't, however I got drug tested months after my original, that's because they wanted to switch me to a different building that required one. I thought I was fucked cause Ive been smoking steady and would fail, however they said they would just use my original results from my first test.
Yeah it tells you the exact piss drop schedule on case you want to beat it
You could say you had a script or something and you finished it, just use some white lies and you'll be fine, especially since it's white people pills
it would outline their drug policy, including information about drug tests...
Fake pee is the best if it’s a urine test
Just microwave it 6 seconds, attach the heater pads to it. Wear two pairs of boxer briefs and put the fake piss in between to sneak it in
And exactly what their schedule is, so you can beat it
Yeah just be like... My car is in the shop dog
The absolute state of 14 year olds and jews
No fake pee is best if its a blood test, just kill everything in the microwave first
Adeeedoi
I'm actually neither of those and have been working for 2 years lol, try again newfag
Great its fucking little peep. Rec benz users are the absolute scum out of all tiers.
>haha its so fun having nothing happen then blacking out, best high evar!
God damnit I wish I was you, I’m withdrawaling like shit.
>tries to sound even younger
Guess we are talking brain development then
>Is 15
>Just figured out how to green text
How do you possibly become a bigger faggot?
>im in withdrawal
Fuck i can imagine your hillbilly heroin ass talking like that
>Ill... Just use... The insult he is using
>annnd... Call him a newfag!
If they're telling you it's a mandatory drug test then they're going to drug test you after you accept and before you start. If you really want this job, decline and reapply later. You may get black listed for failing a drug test
Most of the other answers here are retarded
I've taken 2 oxy 30's and some coke about 24 hours before a test and passed
Did a bunch of drugs, including weed, in the army and always passed, got tested monthly (shitty chain of command)
Water is a life saver, drink a shit ton, you just have to score below a certain threshold of metabolites in your system
If you're test comes back "diluted" then you'll have to take it again, which is what you want
Opiates only have a 2-3 day detection window which is easy to beat
So if you get called to piss again, it'll already be out of your system
Just explain to your employer that you work out a lot/been dieting/whatever if they bring it up the diluted piss
You can take creatine and vitamin B supplements a couple hours before the test so it doesn't come back diluted
Also, most tests are offered during the weekend, so you most likely have 5 more days
In the army if I smoked too much, I would hide an eye-dropper bottle in some spandex underwear
I'd put bleach in the eye dropper, and add 2-3 drops while pissing
This should be your last resort for supervised testing, just in case
That’s the English spelling I think
You should mail me those 30s so you’re not tempted to take any more :)
Its completely up to the company. I've worked for some that test only new hires and some that test random employees monthly. It should all be in your hire packet or ask someone after you get the job
It’s usually 24hrs after accepting the offer
>No response
I know you came from Tumblr because they banned porn and all but you don't need to be an obvious nigger, hell kid if your lucky enough you'll be able to kek your way to fucking a dead cat
>inb4 straight retarded thread?
>max replies
>thanks for all your help guys drugs are great!
People like this don't actually exist. Smart people know drug halflives, have jobs, don't need advice from middleschoolers, and aren't about being psyched to share their habit with the computer
US or CAN?
It's funny most the people in this thread are actually grown people who have jobs and drug habbits as opposed to the 14 year olds mad that they can't have both
And don’t listen to the user that said to use bleach. They check for adulterants nowadays
>better quality
>weed, alcohol
fucking ceck
also opiates are very safe if you have half a brain and no underlying anxiety issues
why don't you just break your arm or buy casting material and then blame the positive test on medical reasons.
then after you get the job you can get quickly fired for being a druggy
>they will tell you when they drop you in the hire packet
Surprise they will give you an ambiguous window and your boss will put his very best effort into making when it is a surprise.
Just like every other job that isn't taco bell. Waiting for OP to applaud this smattering of shit tier advice
>Obviously underage
>just pretend
Hey I told you that you were retarded once, you better make another suggestion lol
E fukt
never had a jay oh bee
state been paying your heat lights smoke,& cable?,
or was it maw?
clean up,,stay clean,dopes screws with your brains,if you have some.
typical democrat
Cringe thread
I've read this like 10 times. Fucking Grammer is critical man
feel better about your life now?
weird, i got it on the first read... you ok user?
Lolwut?
They drug tested you at Best Buy?
I've never heard of a retail store doing drug tests for no reason.
I mean, sure, if drugs were found on site, or somebody gets injured on the job, maybe do a round of drug tests, but just for a position selling televisions for minimum wage?
Better send me what's left of your roxies just to be safe.
>I have never heard of being drug tested when you get a job
Try getting a job
I’ll buy those off you if you live in kc kek
That refrance completely flew over your head. I feel sorry for you.
Can't say I'm an expert on this but most opiates tend to dissipate within seven days, depending on the dosage, if you only took a little it might even be gone in a day or two
Cringe
>inb4 you try to copy this interaction next adventure on Yea Forums, you just cringe
retail idiot... i never heard of that neither and i work retail
But if you took some, maybe a month
You mean, a job?
It only takes like 5 days for Oxy or Heroin to get out of your system you'll be fine.
Haha, I never hear of seatbelts in a car either.
Fuck.
>Be user
>Be a 14 year old neet
>Waddle from superquaddouble bed to computer
>Struggle to sit down
>Finally bend knees in a 90 degree fashion and sit
>Load old ass 2006 windows 4 computer
>Attempt to open the chan
>Takes an hour longer than dialup
>Finally
>Imin.jpeg
>Look for interesting thread that catches the young mind
>Begin talking down to anons
>Feels so good
>Takes out frustration of being a underage, overweight, antisocial neetbag on alphaanons
>Until
>Somebody wakes me out of my demented reality
>In a rage smashes keyboard
>Notice shiny green text
>Holyshit.mp2
>Try this new invention
>I. AM. GOD.
>Go on a greentext fest
>Gets tiny half chub
>One last post
>While waiting for response
>Get message from fortnite friends
>Ohshit.
>Bolts out of chair and attempts to run towards the shitty 90s tv in room
>Falls over on pissjugs and shit piles
>Slowly realizes no have friends
>Lays there and dies with a smile
>Died happy because i learned to greentext
Wow user you sound like a fag