Best greentexts thread.
OP is mobilefag, so bear with it.
Try not to upload the same that been posted over 1k times
Best greentexts thread
John Bell
Other urls found in this thread:
soundcloud.com
twitter.com
Ian Stewart
Oliver Cook
Camden Ward
Evan James
Jacob Moore
Bentley Nguyen
Is anyone lurking? Should I keep going?
Jayden Walker
Evan Lewis
Angel Torres
Yes, I'm taking a brutal shit. You're doing God's work.
Kayden Miller
Jonathan Stewart
Hunter Roberts
Robert Miller
If someone else's watching, bump the thread. Think system is saging my posts...
Brody Ross
Alright, fags. Thread's gonna fucking 404...
Connor Ortiz
bamp
Wyatt Roberts
Not green but what the kek.
Tyler Young
David Rogers
Christian Rodriguez
Adam Morales
Thnx for the contribution
Gavin Evans
Camden Harris
Jeremiah Lee
>be me
>Oh shit, this reminded me of a time when I crossed the autism threshold. Storytime.
>usually buy my weekly groceries at the same store
>there’s this maybe 7-8/10, not perfect but cute cashier
>she’s always smiling at me and making small talk and shit
>finally realize that she’s not just being nice
>she’s mirin hard
>gather all my courage and go to the store again
>buy my usual stuff and pick her line
>she offers me the receipt
>”How about you write your number on it?”
>she blushes bright red, writes down her number
>I smile and say I’ll call her
>I’m so euphoric I’m not thinking right
>I don’t usually hold on to receipts
>I glance at the receipt, crumple it and toss it in the trash bin by the door in full view from her
>panic and just walk out
>too embarrassed to ever go to that store again
Samuel Jackson
Aiden Smith
>Personal Fav
>No Fucks given if it makes no sense
Gabriel Allen
>>be a single father
>>find a sploof under my 15 year old son’s bed
>>not surprised that he’s smoking weed
>>see him and his friend come home once with clearly bloodshot eyes
>>remember reading here once about how a parent intentionally caught his son smoking weed, pretended to freak out and then smoked it right in front of him
>>think this would be a laugh and decide to replicate it
>>I go out every Saturday night and his friend is always there before I leave so I assume that’s when they smoke weed
>>tell them I’m leaving, drive off, park the car one block away and then walk back to the house
>>slowly enter through the back door and move my way towards his room quiet as a mouse
>>approaching his door I can smell the weed and get ready to go in
>>pull open the door really fast and I see my son sucking his friends dick
>>close door immediately and go lay on my bed for the rest of the night traumatized
>>still haven’t talked to him since then
>>mfw
Nathan Jones
Kayden Reed
Matthew Anderson
Justin Turner
Kek
William Allen
Brandon Morales
Juan Sullivan
Audibly laughed.
Ryder Richardson
Evan Barnes
Connor Martin
Glad to help. Im legit wasted and struggling to read most of this shit im posting.
Try this shit.
Oliver Reyes
Kevin Edwards
Ethan Torres
Oliver Ward
Is anyone still in here?
Im about to go on a beer run and will dump 2-3 lengthy (but fun) GTs to keep thread alive.
Im kinda digging having a challenge in word comprehension...
Charles Cook
Bump. I'm on mobile atm so don't have anything to contribute.
Lucas Roberts
aight
Luis Green
Charles Anderson
I'm having trouble to upload the files, since I'm mobilefag as well
Christopher Lewis
Jaxon Adams
bitDOTly
/2dj3tGq
I don't often share this, because no one posts green-texts anymore so I can't add anything, but tomorrow's my birthday so I'm feeling generous.
>Pic semi-related
William Foster
Manly tears were shed.
Alexander Parker
user makes heroic post.
Cameron Edwards
>unironically kek posting
That's a huge yikes from me
Anthony Powell
>unironically yikes posting
That's a big oof from me
Joseph Thomas
I haven’t seen some of these user, please keep em coming, you are providing me much joy while I poop and bathe.
Isaac Jenkins
Hope you have a shit-ton of time to kill. Some of it is from as early as '07. I had more but my HDD died T_T.
Matthew Hill
OP here. Can't upload anymore. Don't know why. I'm counting on you guys, keep up the good work.
Chase Green
Aw come on man you can’t end with
>mfw
And not have a reaction image. Sigh.
Bentley Fisher
Jayden Wood
They are pastas I got in a notepad. So... Not image saved.
John Hernandez
>be me
>interning at local hospital
>easy gig, few hot nurse prospects
>older lady asks me to take some papers to the lab
>don't know where it is because just started
>"could you point me to where it is? Sorry, I'm a newfag lol"
>newfag
I should probably stay off of Yea Forums
Brandon Hill
not green, but meh
Leo Wood
I had a somewhat traumatic experience recently.
>Be me
>Crew leader for a Canadian landscaping company during the winter
>IE working snow removal for apartments/condos/businesses/houses
>Drive a work truck from site to site, usually work 8-12 hour days
Some of you probably see where this is going...
>One day during a regular 8cm snowfall
>About 1/4 of the way through my route
>Get a sudden pain in my stomach
>Body basically telling me I'm going to shit in 30 seconds
>In my pants or at this site, either way it's happening
>Luckily at a property with a secluded shed
>Take a massive liquid shit by the shed and wipe my asshole with snow
>mfw my crew didn't see
>Hope the pain is over
>Is wrong
>Continue to have rolling, uncontrollable, liquid shits all day
>Shitting all over my city whenever I can find a place
>FeelLikeHobo.jpg
>Also my underwear is wet from all the snow I'm using to try and wipe
>Finally get to toilet about 1/2 into my route and three outdoor shits
>Destroy the toilet 3 times over the course of 45min while my crew is working and throw my underwear away
>I am a slave to my own asshole
>Crewman asks if I want a coffee
>HARD PASS
>Tell him whats going on
>mfw the crew thinks I'm a hero for working through it
>Continue to work for another 5 hours
>No more toilets on my route
>Literally shit out in the open of a condo courtyard because there was no cover
>Getting dehydrated and weak at this point
>8 hours of diarrhea while working
>Finally finish
>Boss wants me to do more work
>Tell him go go fuck himself i'm dying
>Get home and take Pepto
>Don't shit for 12 hours
>Wake up sweating and unleash a massive pent up liquid shit
>Pure black from the pepto
That day was basically hell, or at least heck
Adrian Evans
Wyatt Jenkins
Luke Adams
I HAVENT EVEN FINISHED DRAWING MY BATH YOU MONGRELS BETTER KEEP THEM COMING.
Ethan Thomas
Post moar, I need them so badly. For me I insert the name of a corresponding image in the notepad for a quick reference. Though I didn't do that for years...
Jaxson Torres
Oh fuck. I haven't laughed this hard at a screenshot in a long time. Thank you this was the best.
Jeremiah Sanders
wat
Colton Barnes
>be me
>cook in restaurant
>gottashit.jpg
>go to restroom
>bird nest the toilet
>shit
>fuck yeah
>wipe ass, wash hands, exit restroom
>qt diners smiling at me
>qt servers smiling at me
>I'mfuckingpimping.webm
>get to kitchen
>buddies laughing
>what the fuck is so funny faggots?
>7/10 qt waitress calls me over
>tells me to look down
>fucking 3 feet of toilet paper hanging out of the back of my pants
>remove toilet paper and contemplate sticking my head in the deep fryer
John Ortiz
James Stewart
How many fucking hours you motherfucker are taking your god damn bath?
Evan Scott
I'll take it. But what the fuck is "bird nest"?
Ryder Fisher
A Bird nest a the place where birds lay their fucking eggs.
So in this case I think that user meant it in a metaphorical way, reminiscently sitting like a bird or some shit
Matthew Roberts
Bird nest is when you put toilet paper down over the seat before you sit on it. I thought It was a pretty common term
Jayden Cook
I assumed he wasn't talking about an actual bird's nest. I thought there was a huge wad of tp or something in the toilet (that, obviously, looked like a nest). I prefer your guess though.
Isaac Flores
When you put toilet paper in the bowl before you shit so you don't get poseidons kiss.
Austin Ramirez
Ah, gotcha. Thank you user. It's nice to add at least one greentext/fucking year.
Jace Allen
Angel Richardson
Checked. And no problem
Andrew Wright
OP here. Probably know by all, but this one is in my top 3 faves.
Jaxson Ramirez
Nathan Bell
Do you have the one about being Chinese and eating a baby for breakfast? Lots of weird Chinese stuff that I can't remember but it's funny as shit. Only seen it once
Mason Flores
>Be Me Pretty Dumb but atleast have some common sense
>Play Ultimate Frisbee
> Loosing
> Rip.
> Tard Navy Child Throws a secondary Frisbee Why?
>grab it and put it away
>Be Later in the game one of the chadish dudes called on autist Navy kid for a foul
> He throws fit tries to whip someone with his pinnie shirt things
>Try to stop him
> Grabs my chest
>near the area nipples im a dude btw
> MFW hes an 100% autist
Caleb Gutierrez
Daniel Myers
Aw, man. Just go in there again, apologize and tell her you messed up, and give her a note with your number on it instead.
Austin Gomez
Grayson Russell
Fuck thanks for the six pack user.
John Barnes
Good thread for a change from porn n politics
Carter Price
This is a good thread.