ITT horror stories with online dating
>Be me, year 2008ish, dry dick for years
>Creates OKCupid account
>Sees a cute girl, 'Looking For' section says DTF, ask her out
>She asks me to pick her up at her place
>print out directions from MapQuest
>I pull up to a double-wide at the end of a long dirt driveway
Am I about to get robbed and killed?
>door opens, 4 cats run out
This is bad
>5 more cats run out
This is really bad
>Sit in my truck, look down at cock and think, fuck it, she's still cute
>She gets in my truck
>asks to smoke in my truck
Fuck no, Bitch!
I planned to take her to a nice restaurant. Her smell, and those cats chose otherwise
>We pull up at the mall food court
Date ends
>I take her home, she invites me in
>I look down at my crotch and remember the conversation I had with my dry chode
>I approach the door
>my eyes begin to water
>they're tears from the smell of ammonia.
>The double-wide trailer is hoarded
>The floor is littered with cat turds and cigarette butts
>she picks up several cigarette butts off the floor
>she relights and smokes the stubs of the cigarette butts
>I begin to dry heave and ask to use her bathroom
>standing at her toilet, floor covered in dirty panties and wife beater tops
>I start pissing, i aim at the pile of clothes
>Zip up and exit the bathroom
>I hear my name being called from elsewhere in the house
She's moved to the bedroom
>I walk down the clothing covered floor hallway to the bedroom
>Bedroom is also hoarded
>Her bottom TV is a wood panel tube TV, on top of it is a newer plastic tube TV, on it is a flat panel TV
she's the fucking Xzibit of TVs.
>I walk back to the living room
>I look her right in the face and say, 'look, i know your profile said you were looking to fuck.'
>I don't even think i can get hard after all of this
the cats that are now outdoors start meowing at the door
>I exit the trailer
Some people think about 9/11 to last longer in bed.
Me? I think about the time I almost fucked a pile of trash.
ITT horror stories with online dating
Good story OP, got moar?
Be oldfag. Found younger (legal) girl on dating app. Seems a little plump in pics, but not too bad. Pop Viagra just in case of need. Meet her for lunch. She is much bigger IRL than in pics. Day drinking over lunch, and my standards decline. Go to my place, give her an orgasm with my fingers/fist. Look at her naked and al,ost toss cookies. But alcohol and viagra conspire against my taste and judgement. She rolls on her back and tells me to fuck her. I do. I finish and feel utterly disgusted with myself. She thinks we have connected emotionally. I ghost her.
That was the day I deleted my account.
Yeah, fair enough
Holy crap dude, you should've said screw this, come back to my place, ask her to take a shower, put the fucking condom and get your dick wet. You're complaining about a few cat's and dirty floor, just imagine how a hooker lives. Don't even act like your standards are that high when you're getting nothing.
Fake and gay
2/10 for trying
Not OP but if that dirtyass skank lived in that kind of wasteland, imagine her hygiene
Imagine as soon as she would’ve been butt ass naked and spread her legs
Imagine the smell or whatever fucking shit she would’ve had on her vagene
Fuck that
You nigger
>meet girl online, looking for NSA
>sweet girl, big tits, cute face
>offer to pick her up after work
>gives me address to courthouse
>maybe she's a lawyer?
>waddles out in a subway uniform
>fucking massive. 3x the times of her pictures
>she spots me immediately
>why did i tell her what car I'd be in?
>too nice to drive away and leave her on the curb
>she gets in, my lexus sags under her weight
>this car has never experienced such a load
>literally got my alignment checked the next day
>she wants to go to her place, just to talk
>and "if something happens, it happens"
>her place looks condemned
>large puddle in the middle of the living room
>no water sources anywhere near it
>i take a seat, nervous, already feeling violated
>we talk for a few minutes, she asks me if i like porn
>insists that porn will make things better
>i feel bad, its not like she's unaware of my horror
>but she wants the D bad
>puts porn on a mid-80's big screen
>skinny bimbos, already queued up
>asks if I'll just jerk off for her, just so she can see a dick
>i resist, but i'm a narcissist, love when a girl worships my dick
>still, this girl's praise is not worth having
>i pull it out, get it hard, she's marveling at it
>"please, just let me wrap my hand around it"
>I oblige. Her meaty fist doesn't have the dexterity to fully grip it
>instantly, she goes face down, my whole hog immediately in this hog's throat
>i freak out for a minute, not into it
>but then she does this crazy thing in the back of her throat
>expertly massaging my entire shaft with her tonsils, tongue, her fucking uvula must have gotten in on it
>its heaven. like, indescribably, earth-shatteringly good
>she never pulls off, just 100% deep throat tonsil massage
>bust hard, leg-spasms and everything
>i start to adjust, assuming its over
>she grabs my arms and pins them to my sides
>a full hour passes, 5 nuts in her throat, didn't come up for air once
>i realize the porn finished by my third nut
>no excuse for the other two
Was still living with my parents at the time, and my measly grocery store salary wasn't about to get a room. Also the thought of fucking this chick was just disgusting.
Fuck a few hookers in vegas then come back to me about smell. I doubt she was all that bad, i've dated trailer trash before, better a cat situation than a 5 year old, a toddler and a infant problem.
OKC is full of trans pansexuals and bisexuals, sorry m8, this sexy body only plays with straight ppl
>tried to start conversation with cute girl
>she responds
>i respond
>she doesn't respond
What's the new OKC? I used to get laid on there now it's dead. I dont want to use tinder and bumble doesnt allow me to use my words.
Fucked a 21yo single mom a few times at her place. Was balls deep in her the first time we met within a half hour. Tall, slim, purple hair, big tits and huge gormless green eyes. Fuck several times in the space of a week and one time mid way through fucking asks me if she can ask something. I think she's gonna hit me with kinky shit but no, asked if we could be an item, boyfriend girlfriend. While I was balls deep in her the crazy bitch. Say sure, nut and go home. Decide fuck it I'll bang her a couple more times and ghost her. Find out she LOVES anal, more than pussy stuff, blast her ass 3-4 more times over next few days and never speak again.
Regret it now cause never before or since have I had a girl so desperate for me to stick it in her pooper.
lolwut
I know this is Yea Forums and all but is this fucking real?
Very true, at least she didn't have kids.
Most of my friends are using bumble, few on tinder.
lol whatever
>one man’s trash is another man’s treasure
or something
its real. hand to god. Should I continue? I'm ashamed to say it didn't end there.
go for it.
That's fucking awesome!
Well you already started, might aswell finish it
Right?
.. i swear if you pull a prince of bel air or walk the dinosaur, i’m gonna fucking hunt you down and shove a table leg up your ass
Go on
OKC sucks... its full of chubby basic AF bores.
HotorNot was good
Tinder was good when i was living in hic town, but pretty worthless in LA.
AFF is great
Hookers are even better.
Aff is a real thing? I thought it was a meme
Agreed
What the hell is AFF? Also, at the time the only free dating services that existed were Plenty of Fish and OKCupid, this was before phone apps were a thing. Hell, my phone at the time didn't even have a camera on it.
>a week passes, haven't spoken to her since leaving
>but i can't stop thinking about it
>fuck it, go back to the courthouse, find the subway
>she spots me, fuck
>she holds up her hand, giving me the "5 min" sign
>i go wait in my car
>she gets in, so happy to see me again
>starts talking filthy as fuck about worshipping my dick
>i don't say a word the entire way to her place
>looks like she cleaned it up a little, not enough
>she thinks we'll be more comfortable on the bed than in the chair
>tells me to lie down, take it out
>again, immediately gobbles the entire thing
>she's more active this time, up and down, all 8" in and out of her throat without hesitation
>she's looking up at me, big wide eyes set deep behind pudgy cheekbones
>realize i'm getting blown by a hungry hungry hippo
>still, about to cum, hard
>she pulls off and stops suddenly, i'm blue balled
>"look, i really want you to fuck me"
>my eyes go wide with horror, I start to sputter a protest
>"no no no, not with your dick. My cunt doesn't deserve your dick"
>youretellinme.jpg
>"with this"
>she reaches under the bed and withdraws, wait for it
>a massive, 18", fat as fuck black dildo, poorly lashed to what appeared to be a walking stick
>call me fuckin Ishmael, this landwhale is literally begging to be harpooned
>what happened next is abhorrent to God and every atom of his holy creation.
OP here, now... I know for certain my story is real... I'm starting to think this one is fake... It's still entertaining, so if you've got more, keep em coming (no pun intended there)
Goddamn nigger
Keep going on, not that i like where this is going but this is weirdcock as fuck
>pic related
Tell us about the harpooning. I need to know for scientific reasons.
>be 22 and pussy hungry
>use fucking Tagged
>made a date with some girl who looked cute in the face
>going to see beauty and the beast (when movie was re released in theaters a few years back)
>bitch gets in my car
>weighs more than the car
>fucking disgusted but i'm a nice guy
>went to see movie
>had diarreah during movie
>she thought I left
>came back
>left
>asked to go to the store for a ciggarrete
>should have left her fat ass there
>didn't because I was a faggot
>dropped her off
>never called her back, and she never called me back
>regret not insulting her or just kicking her out my car, or leaving her somewhere
>story done
>Ask cute girl if she's feeling spontaneous
>She said always
>Meet for drinks at a bar on the lake
>Damn shes actually pretty sexy
>Grab a few drinks and bullshit
>Surprisingly cool too
>Shes giving me the eye fuck so I decide to cut to the chase and leave with her
>Invite her back to my place for a nighcap and she's down
>As we are walking out we notice there's a blood orange moon out but some trees were blocking the view
>Decide to take her to this secret long dock on the lake to get a better view of the orange moon
>I was thinking im about to fuck this chick on this dock under a blood orange moon
>Hell yeah
>Drive separately and she follows me though the path to the dock
>Walking on the dock and she drops her phone and it lands right at the edge almost falling in
>Phew close call
>She goes to pick it up and knocks it in the water
>Oh fuck
>She begins to have a mental breakdown
>I understand it sucks but I was telling her it's just a phone you can always get another
>Shes like no you don't understand I have pictures on there of my trip of Europe that aren't backed up
>Shes literally sobbing like she lost a family member
>Shes like im gonna jump in and get it
>I held her back because it was cold out dark and the water was like 20 feet deep there is no way she would have found it
>She lays down and just balls her eyes out
>I'm like fuck what am I gonna do
>So I held her and just sat with her
>I told her that all pictures are backed up on the networks server and they can get them for you
>Complete bullshit I was just making it up
>She gets mad and calls me out on said bullshit
>Gentle shoves me away
>I'm like ok well I'm gonna get going you just text me later okay?
>Text you? She says
>Yeah text me
>... Oh shit you can't thats right your phone is at the bottom of this lake
>She starts to cry again
>I give her my business card and told her to email me
>Walk away
>Never got an email
My fucking sides
sounds like a typical bad date, why would you want to insult her? she already knows she's hideous af
You check your spam folder?
>with all the grace of a walrus, this bitch lifts her leg
>spins around
>straddles me, with her ass in my face
>puts her entire weight on me, pinning me solidly to the bed
>reaches behind her and JAMS that dildo into her sopping wet, hirsute hairy, cream cheese leaking snatch
>6 inches from my face
>the stick hits me in the head
>she giggles and apologizes before stuffing her face with my dick again
>i reach above me and grab the stick
>plunging it DEEP into the abyss
>like drilling for oil
>juice floods out of her, forming a pool on my chest
>i retch, realizing this is probably the same substance that formed that puddle in the living room
>i shut my eyes, breathe thru my mouth, and keep plunging
>like a cartoon plumber working a stubborn shitter
>she's going ape shit, my dick is somehow diamonds
>we 69 like this for at least 45 minutes, during which I nut three times
>invites me to shower
>tiny standing-room-only stall shower
>I get in fast, desperate to sterilize myself
>I'm in there for about 3 minutes before she opens the door
>fully naked, sweating like, well, a pig
>she tries to make sexy eyes at me, unmitigated failure
>she crams herself into the shower stall
>i'm pressed into the corner, claustrophobia engages
>i panic and squeeze my way through her folds to exit the shower
>pants, shirt, don't bother putting on shoes, just grab them and go
And... thats still not the end...
your guys' stories are terribly normie and weak
>reply to ad about 3some
>they like my pics, i like theres
>mid 40a dude and his 20yo gf
>obviously some drug shit for that to happen
>get to place
>it's a doublewide
>just walk in user, we're already at it
>open screen door
>screen door falls off hinges
>door is basically cardboard, no knob
>walk in
>old 40s dude smoking meth while HOT young slut is sucking his cock
>offers me a hit, i say no
>offers me half a viagra, i say no need
>girl is already unzipping my pants and pulling my cock out
>gives good deepthroat
>slap condom on
>keep getting head, guy is fucking her asshole
>can see shit
>fuckinwayshegoesbud.wav
>turn her around, pounding her pussy while she sucks guy as he hits more meth
>random 3rd guy walks in, casually takes dick out and puts it in her mouth
>this is now a 4some
>fastforward
>guy on back, my cock in her throat, 40s guy is in her ass
>"fuck yeah your ass is so tight and young, when do you turn 18 again?"
>"lol next year"
>immediately blow my load
>immediately limp
>run to bathroom and wash up, then immediately leave
>phone blowing up as I'm driving away
>voicemail from guy saying i didn't pay her and that he's gona get hackers to track me down
holy fucking shit that was a crazy one
i have worse though
I currently chat on a webcam site. Its alright, but it reminds me a buttfuckload of high school. People clique and shit, its fucking dumb, so i get on an just say ruide and racist shit. Am i a troll?
Why?
Sorry vague question...if they laugh at my racist and completely uncalled-for attitude, does it make me a troll?
>She is much bigger IRL than in pics.
This is basically every girl on a dating app.
>And... thats still not the end...
Keep going on
I had a friend using match.com and having some success (I was firm in the Friendzone). She convinced me to sign up. Walked me through the entire registration process.
"We're sorry. Your personality is in the 5% of people that we can't match you with other members."
Really fucked up my shit for about 6 months.
Sorry, that was for the "never got an email" guy.. with the story about the chick that dropped her phone in the water.
wow you are match.com verifiably literally an incel
Talking to a chick on POF and shit was going great. One day she asks me if i wanna meet cuz she's horny and doesnt wanna wait. I get to her place and we chill and watch some netflix. She gets up and sits on my lap and starts making out. Shes getting a bit vicious and is biting hard enough to draw blood. Figure i got a hardcore kinky girl. She gets up and goes down the hallway to her room telling me she will be right back. She calls me down the hall after 10 minutes or so. I go down and she's standing in her room wearing a strap on that's damn near touching the floor. I got the fuck outta there.
get any pics i wanna see what this whore looked like?
why would you subject yourself to this treatment? were the orgasms that good?
Recent ones that were taken a year after this story took place, i hope.
this was many many years ago now
the email i used is long gone
and I'm more than certain the girl was like 20 something actually
they were just weird tweekers
but the guy was 100% serious about me having to pay her and get hackers to track me down
if he wanted me to pay for it, he shoulda told me before it happened, so i could have told him to go fuck himself
Because she should have been happy she got a free movie and some attention from a dude, she should have been sucking my dick right from picking her up, but her piggly wiggly whale ass was acting all uppity like she was actually an attractive girl. From my experience, pretty girls are easier than ugly fugly bitches, crazy enough.
Well, that was about 15 years ago. Still managed to get laid (that girl was a lost cause: wanted to date a PhD, I barely had an associates')
I met my wife about 2 years after that, been happily married ever since.
100% larp
I don't work there anymore but I would rarely check my spam folder. Shit she actually might have emailed me after all and it was buried in there. Probably for the better though. I've never seen someone cry like that over something like pictures. Probably dodged a crazy bullet.
Oh I see, yeah she's like the equivalent of an incel but in female form.
It's pretty good. You can get in the local chat rooms for free and they have meet and greets now and then. You gotta pay to message matches, though.
did he ever get the hackers?
>fast forward a month
>I have now seen this bitch 5 times
>I'm a complete degenerate, zero self-esteem left
>she has now established herself as my "pig"
>apparently she's into being degraded
>the most horrible, fucked up shit I can come up with is only making her suck harder and faster
>she wants to be humiliated more, beyond the bedroom
>my boss' birthday is coming up
>decide to hire her as a stripper for his party
>lay out ground rules, she's not allowed to recognize me
>can't even make eye contact with me
>she arrives in a ratty negligee thats way too small
>she's trying to talk sexy
>all of my co-workers holding back tears of laughter
>we grab my boss and shove him in a chair, holding him down
>she starts to strip for him, he's paralyzed
>my boss is super beta. smart guy, but too nice, horrible with women
>she gives him a lap dance
>we're laughing our asses off as she grinds his face between her tits
>this goes on for a while before she finishes with move that can only be described as twerking-meets-the-worm
>i joke that the shows over, lets go to the back yard and get beer pong going again
>she stays behind with my boss
>30 minutes later, my boss hasn't come outside
>we go in looking for them
>front room, empty. kitchen, empty. bedrooms, empty.
>we go upstairs and hear the shower running
>a single kick breaks in the bathroom door
>he's plowing her from behind in the shower
>she looks right at me and screams pitifully
>I'M SORRRRRRYYYYYYY
he married her. they dated for about 3 months and he fucking married her. She never told him about me, never said a word to anybody. She lost 160 lbs over the last 4 years, still a hog though. Still sends me pictures of her gagging on my boss' cock, with captions like "your piggy still thinks of you always."
Fucking LOL, I got who it was aimed at and it was fucking funny
>just graduated college
>took job outside pittsburgh, pa (fucking yinzers)
>be on okcupid
>i'm overweight, she's overweight
>she's training to be a mortician
>talks too much about work
>dammit, I went to engineering school so I didn't have to think about gross shit
>second date she asks if we can watch movies at my place (had projector)
>we bang on my cheap futon/foldout sofa
>combined weight and fucking break the sofa
>I was on the bottom
>metal hinge pieces slice into the back of my head as the sofa collapses
>blood everywhere
>she's driving me to the urgent care in my truck with every towel I own wrapped around my head
>getting 22 stitches while we both stink like sweaty fat people sex
Did you sue IKEA?
you can't make this shit up. did your head heal or do you still have brain damage or something?
Thank you for this.
it wasn't ikea, and the place I bought it from closed down between purchase and sex collapse
I moved, but we still talk on messenger and stuff
the RN at the urgent care did a great job with the sutures though. So he gets a pass on being obviously gay and giggling about it being a sex accident.
lol, great story
You should fuck that piggy good for old time sake
Reminds me of Wolf of Wall Street, fake and gay.