I think I just took the single worst shit of my entire existence
>be me a week ago >be sitting and thinking about life >my daily schedule has felt off the last few days >realise I haven't shat in a whole week >wonder how the fuck I forget >go to my ivory throne >plant myself, prepare for the shitstorm that will ensue >mfw nothing >keep trying to shit, only letting out the occasional fart >give up and decide to come back later >thebattleislost.jpg >over the next week I start feeling slowly worse >I have no energy, I don't feel hungry anymore >I think I must be coming down with a flu >remember I haven't shat in around 10 days at this point >oh right I should do that >again, no shitting >this is concerning >forget about it the next day >day 13 >my anal muscles, finally unable to hold back almost two fucking weeks of shit, give up >I feel an all too familiar rumble >literally sprint to the toilet and try to shit >mfw just gas >retreat to my room, a shadow of my former self >not even a minute later, my stomach rumbles >this time it's different >the beast has awoken
>I can feel shit moving in my stomach towards my anus >I only just make it to the toilet in time when I completely involuntarily start shitting >I'm not even trying and it's coming out faster than I've ever shat >feels like it's at least an inch and a half in diameter >I'm almost crying in pain from the stretching >literally endless shitting >I'm a prisoner of my own ass >at some point adrenalin starts pumping through my body >The shitting comes in waves >a few inches get pushed out, my anus starts retracting back into a shell of its former self only for more shit to open up >the smell >the smell hits >almost faint from the shock of so much shit and the smell >is this what giving birth feels like? >it finally ends >my toilet bowl is almost 3/4 shit >almost throw up from the smell >mfw I see blood >wipe >there's more blood than shit >cry some more >just fucking sitting in this room of shit and blood, crying like a bitch >spend around 10 minutes flushing the shit down >I sit on the floor of my shower and sob more >retreat to my room, my legs almost giving out on the way >I should have taken laxatives a week ago
I'm fairly sure my anus still hasn't completely closed yet
Brody Russell
>don't shit for like 2 weeks >stomach starts to hurt daily >sitting on toilet is only farts >go to doctor and get over the counter citrus shit >doesn't work >get prune juice at store >drink entire bottle >wait about an hour >shit nonstop for the next 6 hours >asshole raw from all the wiping >shit was pure liquid the entire time >feels good man
> had surgery and couldn't leave the bed for a week > Nurse gave me stool hardeners to spare me the embarrassment of shitting in a bowl lying down > Finally home and still no dump > 2 days later I feel a sting in my lower abdomen > My time has come > Shit is rock hard and shaped like a miniature brick > Tears roll over my cheeks as I tense up completely > Face looks like Jabba the hut being electrocuted
> Slowly and painfully the miniature brick slides out and breaks the porcelein > Anus stings and bleeds for days after
It lasted less than 5 minutes. It felt like half an hour.
Gavin Gutierrez
>Been a while since I laughed so hard! Ty guys! x)
Nicholas Cooper
I have IBS, welcome to any other day for me.
Easton Barnes
If this was normal for me I would kill myself. Tonight alone was torment enough.
Brody Parker
I've seriously considered it. Moments like that can strike when I am out and about. Try holding that in.
Luke Sanders
not one for greentext, but i have 2 notable shits in my life
the first was at download festival. started on wednesday and took a cocktail of drugs + booze and pretty much no food. leaving on monday morning we got to the airport and i felt like i needed to shit so bad but just couldnt. squeezing and squeezing and nothing came out. was a sweaty mess after battling for about 20 mins to get dropping a rabbit would make. i hadnt showered in near a week so it was a real scene. a part of me died in that toilet.
the second was on a uni ski holiday. was a 8 days trip including travveling and i brought 14 bottles of buckfast (which is like a syrupy whine with loads of caffine). then shit i got after that holiday was straight green liquid. was in pieces.
honourable mention to to a shit i saw at bloodstock 2011. there was a severed pigs head in one of the portaloos. that obviously hadnt put someone off as it was covered in shit + tp.
Grayson Turner
Same...if I watch what I eat I only have constant diarrhea. If I eat sour cream or tomatoes it’s 2 days of crying in the bathroom.
Nicholas Peterson
Do you ever wake up early in the morning and have diarrhea for no fucking reason? Then your stomach calms down later in the day?
Connor Barnes
Every. Single. Morning. I only eat 2 meals a day and always skip breakfast for this reason. It always makes me incredibly nervous to go out anywhere because I know I’m going to have explosive shits and I don’t want to be caught halfway between point A and B. There is no feeling I’ve ever had in my life worse than being trapped somewhere without a bathroom. I get shaky and cold sweats and it feels like there’s a gerbil in my stomach desperately trying to claw its way out.
Nathaniel Richardson
I can relate so much. The 40 minute drive to work of a morning is a nightmare. Are the attacks done? Is this my calm phase? What was that grumble? OH FUCK DO I HAVE TO?
Worst. Drive.
Jordan Lee
Just like don't eat bad food
Juan Hernandez
I drive occasionally to my brothers place which is a 5 hr drive once every few months and my way to prepare for it is to eat and drink nothing the entire day before so there’s no chance I’ll have to stop. It’s terrible and it makes certain jobs impossible.
Michael Peterson
It’s any food, I’m on a low carb diet and have been eating pretty healthy. Some foods are way worse than others like for me tomatoes are a hard no.
Noah Adams
If I have job interviews I starve myself for days.
But you know what? WHAT IF YOU HIT A CONSTIPATION CYCLE APPROACHING THAT PERIOD? SURPRISE ASSHOLE.
Jason Perry
>Don't eat bad food
Motherfucker if I eat a whisper of garlic I am on the ground with my stomach making noises that resemble a war zone.
Angel Perry
Same here, feels bad bro.
Not usually first thing but I can be at any time in the middle of something and then the familiar rumble, cramps and run for the nearest toilet for a gas powered liquid explosion.
Wyatt Bailey
Just drink water only
Colton Edwards
Oh and lettuce...if I eat lettuce I literally shit a salad.
Kayden Brown
How to die.
Carter Williams
The water thing does help, I had to give up mtn dew. It just wasn’t worth it.
Luis Martin
I shit my pants one time at a maroon 5 concert giving head to some dude who said he worked for the band.
Gabriel Diaz
Whoa
Dominic White
> Nurse gave me stool hardeners to spare me the embarrassment of shitting in a bowl lying down what kind of hospital was that? I was in a hospital only once for about a week (because of heart palpitations) and they asked me daily if I was able to shit. If you don't shit for a few days they give you a laxative, I guess.
Thomas Campbell
Yeah man, I don't think he was really part of the band though.
Nathan Garcia
Atleast you got to practice ya BJ skills though
Landon Cox
You have to take chances. If he did end up being in the band my story would be way cooler.
Ian Smith
Female or faggot? Curious if even their roadhands are as gay as their music.
Landon Kelly
7 days no shitting after surgery... literally trying to claw the shit out if my ass with my hands. Finally get glycerin suppository... slide it in there... feel the rumbling... BOOM!! Brick of shit stretches my asshole and births itself. Two more days of painful shitting. Fucking horrible.
Logan Martin
I'm a guy but I'm not a faggot. He just looked familiar so I took a chance.
Austin Roberts
I’m shitting my nuts out now >fast asleep >wake up 5am to server pain in my balls > familiar pain of an over due shit > sit and fart for 15 min waiting cause I know the dam will break > with one mighty push shit finally breaks > mfw
>be me, 20 something year old. Can't remember exactly cause addicted to drugs at the time. >doing at least 20 perc 10's every single day >slows your gi tract down to nill >haven't shit for a week at this point >keep trying but to no avail >go to hospital, tell them can't shit >they know the deal >faggot nurse feeds tube up my ass >keeps going >and going >start emptying bag of water/fleet enema into intestines >wait about 2 minutes >it hits me >literally feel like I'm about to shit an entire universe out >this must be how we came to be >go to bathroom in er >shit the most painful, yet satisfying shit of my entire life to this day >er nurse tells me to not flush >leave it there and they check it out >feel bad for them >faggot nurse tells me if I'm going to continue doing painkillers to take fiber at the same time >thanks for being cool about it >leave >go home and do more percs+metamucil >never have problem shitting for entire drug doing career
If you're going to do opiates/opiods make sure to take fiber.
Alexander Garcia
Thanks for the tip user
Easton Cooper
I never laughed at a greentext this much >it's about a guy taking a mountain of shit
Damn dude, have you seen a doc about this? Also, what’s your alcohol intake?
I started to get really severe IBS when I became depressed and anxious and seriously stressed out from work. I find that aside from diet and hydration, stress and travel (which is obviously stressful) are the two biggest factors in how bad my IBS is.
I don’t have it as bad as you, but I do get sever pains, probably worse than any other pains I’ve ever had before, just from my small and large intestines mishandling whatever is in me.
Anyways. I saw a really good doc at one point that figured out stress was the primary cause of my intestines locking up and he prescribed me this thing I took 3 or 4 times a day that relaxed my intestines for less than an hour each time. It didn’t mean I would shit right then, but if I took it before each meal, I didn’t end up shitting bile—duct fluid and wasn’t waking up throwing up before breakfast.
Also, it turns out alcohol had almost completely been the cause of the worst symptoms - had basically torn away the lining of my stomach and duodenum, so the pains every time I went on a bender were unbearable, so much so that I would hospitalized myself thinking a doctor would help. They didn’t really, pretty much just made me stay until I didn’t have alcohol in my system, so I’d just sit in the shitty hospital head cold sweating in those fucking blankets for about 12 hours and every once in a while someone would come by and ask how I’m doing.
If you’re in the US and your IBS is due to alcohol, don’t go to a hospital unless you think you’re dying and/or are shitting blood or coffee-bean looking shits regularly. Even after quitting drinking for 7 months my GI tract has serious fucking problems and I continued taking meds, as well as fiber supplements and avoiding lactose.
I fucking hate alcohol, but my body and brain also love it. It fucking sucks. Anyways, go see a GI doc or 2
Christopher Price
Can confirm ball pain from shits - been having this problem since I was about 17 or 18.
I think it has something to do with my mind correlating pain in my lower intestines with the type of pain normally received from a kick in the nuts. You know how that feels like it hurts up in your stomach? Basically it goes the other way as well.
Interestingly, a doctor once explained to me that serotonin in the small intestine works a similar way. I don’t know if I believe him on this, but he said we have more serotonin in our small intestine than in our heads, and therefore anxiety and depression are heavily linked to IBS.
Idk about what he said but I am DAMN CERTAIN of the ball pain. It’s fucking insane and it doesn’t stop even if you try to shit. You just have to wait it out. It’s so painful it literally takes the energy out of me and I usually pass out and fall asleep after an episode like that.
Liam Martin
10/10 relevant gif award
William Young
I had a somewhat traumatic experience recently.
>Be me >Crew leader for a Canadian landscaping company during the winter >IE working snow removal for apartments/condos/businesses/houses >Drive a work truck from site to site, usually work 8-12 hour days
Some of you probably see where this is going...
>One day during a regular 8cm snowfall >About 1/4 of the way through my route >Get a sudden pain in my stomach >Body basically telling me I'm going to shit in 30 seconds >In my pants or at this site, either way it's happening >Luckily at a property with a secluded shed >Take a massive liquid shit by the shed and wipe my asshole with snow >mfw my crew didn't see
>Hope the pain is over >Is wrong
>Continue to have rolling, uncontrollable, liquid shits all day >Shitting all over my city whenever I can find a place >Feel like a hobo >Also my underwear is wet from all the snow I'm using to try and wipe
>Finally get to toilet about 1/2 into my route and three outdoor shits >Destroy the toilet 3 times over the course of 45min while my crew is working and throw my underwear away >Crewman asks if I want a coffee >HARD PASS >Tell him whats going on >mfw the crew thinks I'm a hero for working through it
>Continue to work for another 5 hours >No more toilets on my route >Literally shit out in the open of a condo courtyard because there was no cover >Getting dehydrated and weak at this point >8 hours of diarrhea while working >Finally finish >Boss wants me to do more work >Tell him go go fuck himself i'm dying
>Get home and take Pepto >Don't shit for 12 hours >Wake up sweating and unleash a massive pent up liquid shit >Pure black from the pepto
