so I don't know where to start, basically, from the time I was 13 to about 16ish, I was downloading and watching CP. it was gross, and it wasn't young kids, just kids around my age and maybe a year or two younger. I think back to it, and I feel gross, unclean and disgusting. I feel huge amounts of regret and guilt, but i had to get this off my chest before i exploded. I'm 19 now, and I could never tell my girlfriend, friends or even therapist, as i'd be dropped and rightfully so. is there any way i can overcome this and forget.
Honestly there are bigger problems in the world. There are starving niggers covered in flies in Africa and you're worried about some videos you saw in your teens
Liam Howard
Ngl bro considering they were near your age I wouldn't say its bad or technically breaking the law, as long as you know its wrong and never do it again you're gucci
Caleb Clark
lol why would you ever think of telling someone that you've downloaded cp just dont think about it at all and itll go away like gangnam style
Asher Murphy
Like gangnam style hahahahahah
Adam Rivera
of course, occasionally id come across a younger kid, but id get grossed out and click away.
Benjamin Anderson
You have repented. The Lord forgives you.
Thomas Collins
Realize that you were a child, and that children make mistakes. Your regret and guilt show that you have learned from those mistakes. Even at 19, you still have more maturing to do. You will need to process that regret and guilt in order to unburden yourself, and if your therapist would drop you for that they should lose their license. You are already on the right path.
the guilt i feel is toward the later years, ie around 16 and once at 17.
Christopher Mitchell
It is fine OP. Everything will be okay. Please stay where you are and do not leave.
Caleb Turner
Remind yourself that it's the fact that you've stopped that matters.
Adam Ross
So were you already starting to feel it was wrong at that point, but did it anyway? You can forgive yourself for that. Your moral compass was, and still is, developing.
Jace Brown
fuck dude, i could apply this to drinking and drugs when i forget why i stopped or wanna go back too. thank you,
Nolan Taylor
dawg I feel you. I pulled the same shit when I was 15 but I torrented a video and my dumbass didn't know what seeding is so the fucking FBI found the video online and linked it to my IP because I was seeding it.
woke up before school one morning to someone screaming my name from the front door. stumbled outside to find my mom and a SWAT TEAM. had zero clue what was going on. mom was just as confused and asked what was up, they gave her the warrant which she read and then handed over to me. reading it was one of the most surreal moments of my life. they probably assumed it was my dad they were after. I spilled the beans and told them everything. instead of going to school that day I rode, handcuffed, to the police station in a cop car. spent a night in juvie before parents bailed me out. the court case dragged out forever, drained like $20k from my parents for lawyer and other stuff to build my defense. I got away fine, I just didn't have internet for more than a year outside of school and completed a bunch of community service.
it's really crazy looking back on it because other than that I've had a normal, quiet, upper-middle-class life making good grades, playing videogames, hanging with friends.
oh, and when I got to juvie EVERYONE was black. the only white people I saw for 36 hours was the nurse who gave me a checkup, some janitor, and the judge. everyone else, the staff, the kids, etc were black lol
Jason Bailey
shiiiiiiiiiiit man that sounds like hell
oh also the SWAT part sounds pretty bad too lol
Anthony Robinson
Just don’t fucking care, faggot. What the fucking shit kind of problem is this? They were your age, retard. You did nothing wrong.
Austin Cook
Lol I still do.
Brayden Long
so they send in a swat team only to politely knock? interesting
Ryan Hill
no shit, mom said when she got to the door they were about to bust it down with a battering ram. she got really freaked out by all the loaded and primed assault rifles, scared of police ever since
Adam Barnes
see post above ^^^
Charles Martin
Holy shit how did your family treated you ? Did more people find out ? How are you now ? That sounds like absolute torture.
Easton Rivera
parents were shocked numb, but supportive. things were very tense for a very long time. 3 of my real life friends know because I told them (one of them is my gf now) and most of my old online friends know (sort of by accident). I feel fine now, it almost feels like a dream because it's so different from the rest of my life. Things are great with my parents now, it was a shitty, stressful, expensive mistake, but what's in the past is in the past
They wouldn't have assault rifles if they were law enforcement. Did they have big mean scary guns?
Asher Young
All I know is that it was a swat team, I had guns pointed at me, and they were big and mean and scary :(
Jace James
I think i couldn't handle that like you. I stress over minor things that happened long ago that doesn't even matter, things that nobody else would stress about. I have depression and anxiety issues, so your story is extremely inspirational to me, that if somebody can get trough that and live a happy life i shouldn't get caught in these stupid unnessecary thoughts. Even though i dont approve your actions everybody makes mistakes, and you did a huge one and came out a winner. Nice.
Ian Hall
So let me get this straight; you when you were a 13-16 boy, you were looking at pictures of other people who were around the ages of 13-16, and you are now carrying around this emotional weight like you’re some kind of monster pedo child molestor? Why? If you had sex with these people in person, no one would have batted an eye, but because it was pictures downloaded from the internet, now you’re fucking John Wayne Gacy or some shit? Teenagers get horny and want to fuck other teenagers. Yeah, I guess there are laws in place that prohibit the activity you are describing, but I think we both know those laws were not put in place so a 13 year old couldn’t see another 13 year old. Get over it, faggot.
Michael Rodriguez
Thanks :) It's kind of weird, I get emotional about some things really quickly but throughout the whole ordeal I was pretty calm. My voice shook a lot during the police interview they did (which, by the way, never talk to the police. you shut the fuck and contact a lawyer. things would have been a lot simpler if I hadn't given my tired, confused, and rambling testimony to the agent at my kitchen table) but otherwise I pretty much just accepted it; I fucked up, they're doing their job, I'm in the wrong here, just do what they say and try to make things better, etc. It was tough for the year I was on probation but yeah, what's in the past is in the past, no sense stressing about it, best you can do is stay level headed and face the future as a different person who's learned from their mistakes.
How young were the people in the video? Were they around your age or was it, like, small children? I feel like that would majorly impact the way people felt about it.
James Moore
It's ok, I did pretty much the same thing at that age too. I believe my thought process was that I just wanted to see people around my age fucking, because it seemed like it should be more relevant/relatable. Obv I struggled to find such things, but I got over the fact that I was interested in cp. It depends on why you wanted cp I suppose. If you can only get off seeing little girls gettin poked, then there may be some underlying problems you need to address, but if you were just a dumbass kid being a kid then you can wipe the guilt away. Kids are fucking stupid and we were all kids once
Jaxson Rivera
Also i think your countrys justice system is ridiculous, if you would be where im from you wouldn't get anything because you were only fifteen (well social services would have been contacted but that's pretty much it) Fifteen year old kid, made to go trough that, absolutely unreal.
Aiden Hall
I was 15, the girl in the video was somewhere between 12 and 14? My intent was to find people my age because I was sad, lonely, and severely addicted to porn. thought I would die a virgin but I got a gf recently and am very happy
Josiah Perez
I know a dude who's on the sex offender registry because he had nudes of his gf on his phone. I'm completely serious. Both within a year age gap
Jaxson Sanders
How does the sex offendry register work ? Is it the thing where you have to go and tell your neighbours you are one ? And that's surreal too.
Isaac King
not sure exactly but yes, you have to tell your neighbors, can't live near parks, etc
Nathan Rodriguez
Its safer to do that often. Rather then kick in the door of someone who your serving a warrent on for a noviolwnt or aggressive crime they will probably just answrr the door and there you go. If you kick in a dpor though it may be taken as a robbery, and adrenaline and physiology wise you litteraly may not hear them yelling police, and then you have a firefight in a neighbourhood and it looks really bad
Austin Hernandez
Im speechless. How is that helping society if you had some nudes and now you have to tell your neighbours your a sex offender ? My country is a paradise compared to that, i just hope the refugee train wont fuck things up.
Camden Ross
The really sick part is that the longer a case stays on the docket, the more funding the courts get. If they operate efficiently, their budget gets cut.
Joseph Howard
It will. It always does.
Nathaniel Martinez
yeah and guilt is delt with by accepting that at the time, you were less of a person and you lacked the experience required for the justification for your morals - so you can't hold your past self to this new standard. so long as OP realises it's wrong, he's no different from the rest of us.
Noah Jenkins
I did the same thing but then I realized you were literally a kid looking at kids your age porn. Shit happens. Don't feel bad about consuming media that was already out there. It's not like you helped spread and reproduce it.
Nicholas Gutierrez
Relatable but I used tor so i didn't contuine to spread it
Cooper Hughes
Luckily our countrys alt right is getting mad hype in the elections, people has had enough.sweden sadly was the martyr that set the example for other scandinavia what will happen if the mass migration isnt stopped. Sweden used to be beautiful smart peaceful paradise too...
Parker Ramirez
Shit I guess we have to kill off whatever country your from then.
Liam Richardson
>if your therapist would drop you for that they should lose their license Technical note: in some jurisdictions, they still might have to report the account to law enforcement thanks to misguided confidentiality law exceptions.
