The harder I try, the more I want to die

I love how the green part looks like a surprised face looking down at the drop.

OP, what do you do? What's your work, man?

Still stuck in retail hell, have been for over half my life. Had to work as a kid to feed myself because negligent household, had to go skip college for the same reason, bounced between jobs every 3-4 years due to medical and mental conditions, which have all gotten exponentially worse. I'd fucking fight anyone who claimed my failure is because I haven't worked hard enough, because working hard is literally all I know how to do. And now that I can't even do that anymore, where the fuck does that leave me?

Why can't you do that anymore? Not that I think you should, retail is a fucking nightmare, just curious.

My advice is to do it, but if you're coming here for help you're truly at rock bottom so there's nowhere to go but up buddy!

user, the equation is simple. If you are not happy with how your life is going, change it! If someone is making your life hard, get away from them. If something is making your life hard, get away from it. If you are looking for appreciation for your hard work, find it. What is it that you want most in life? Love? Recognition? A friend? Whatever it is, only you have the power to fucking take it my friend. And if anyone stands in your way, learn to kindly tell them to either help you or fuck off. You can do this. It’s right there. All you need to do is start the change. Quit your shitty job. Tell people that put you down that you aren’t taking their shit anymore. See what it truly is you want in front of you, and take it. Only then will you be truly fulfilled in life.

My physical and mental health have declined too much, and I'm too proud to try going on disability or any of that shit. I can't even do simple errands, miss appointments, never see any friends or loved ones, and only manage to not quit because work is necessary to survive. I'm not very marketable due to my lack of education and work history, so I just bounce from shit job to shit job hoping this one will be different. The exhaustion gets worse with each passing year, as does everything else.

if you need someone else to tell you not to off yourself.... then you should off yourself.

Thousands of people with cancer and even worse are fighting each and every day just for a few more breaths and days on this planet.
Did you loose your arms and legs??
Did you go blinde and deaf so you no longer want to live?

or are you one of those with NOTHING wrong and just feeling "bored" and way too much time on your hands so you over think things and want to die.

fuck you
fuck you waste of oxygen
Life is a gift and not one person on this planet is guarantied a tomorrow.

That mindset is the only reason I haven't killed myself over the past 20 years. It sure has gotten me far. You can change things you don't like and sometimes you'll find you're even worse off than where you were, or it could have absolutely no impact on your life in the end. I know people with my mentality tend to be the sedentary types who complain and do fuck all, but a lifetime of attempting every positive bullshit platatude you can think of is exactly why I am as burnt out as I am now.

We need political and economic change, OP. The system is broken. There are people who want to change it, you should go work for them and get paid to do campaign work or something. Find a solid leftist and work for them. You might at least feel like your work is doing some good in the world. I'm serious user.

And to add to this, the only way to make a change in your life is to grow a pair and take charge. You’re in control! You are at the wheel. The most amazing feeling in the world is when you realize that you can have your life change in a moments notice, all because you have the balls to do it. So go ahead. Take the risk. Quit your job. Make yourself happy. Its the only way it works. The best decisions in my own life were the result of big change. Quitting a job and moving to a new town and industry for example. Change your perspective. Scrape up all the money you have and skip town. See where it takes you.

I wouldn't encourage you to kill yourself but all this fake "Noo don't do it"-blahblah is garbage in my opinion

It's not like it would matter anyway so if you want do die then die but if you feel doubts about suicide then live

imagine telling a person who is suffering that they need to cherish their suffering or be called ungrateful. Your comment was all about you and your feelings, you weren't trying to help OP at all.

Fuck that. The political climate in the world is a pretty big part of why billions of people get fucked over. Both sides of the political machine abuse the fuck out of everyone they claim to help, and actively divide the masses with every chance they get.

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Kill yourself

Your blind optimism ignores the concept of consequences. Quit my job? great! now the power is cut off, I'm on the street, and I can't afford to eat. I don't have a safety net, I don't have any way out. By the time I get a new job and quit this one, there's no guarantee it won't be as bad or worse than my current one, continuing the cycle. If I weren't making those kinds of efforts, I'd still be at the job I took out of highschool ages ago.

Fuck it kill yourself. Ill see u in the afterlife bro

Thats the future I am headed in as well.
Only problem is i have a baby on the way and now I have a kid to leave behind...doesnt seem right. But im probably gonna do it anyway. I just need a gun cant gey one tho because I tried killing myself before

I TRIED SO HARD AND GOT SO FAR

I agree man, completely, the democrats and the republicans are garbage and the political climate in the world is hellish today. Democrats and leftists are not the same thing.

Your situation is exactly why leftism exists, though. We have a minimum wage, shit as it is, because people fought for it. We have protections for injured workers because people fought for it. The world is still heavily stacked against the working class, and establishment democrats are as much a part of that status quo as anyone, but leftists are the ones fighting

Maybe you're just an idiot who needs a new strategy.

anyway the main reason I'm recommending leftism to you is because I think anger at the injustice of your situation might sustain you and give you strength.

>hurr durr LIFE IS A GIFT
Shut the fuck up, faggot.

To be honest, I prefer the shitposts to political recruitment bullshit. You can believe whatever you want, but trying to use a weakened state to push an ideology is more fucking pathetic than my life has been to this day. You are literally no different than military recruiters that target poor people to be used as fodder.

Cash out as mich money as you can and hit up your local strip club, always raises the spirits.

Guess I better start blowing people or something.

Everything you just said was pessimistic and cowardly. Grow a fucking pair and make it work. The only reason you haven’t killed yourself yet is because you’re not that hopeless. Wake the fuck up and take control over your fucking life before you lose it all. You're going to die one day, dumbass. And on your deathbed you’re going to look back on life and the big R of regret is going to fuck you without a condom. You’ll look back to this day when you were too scared to take the risk because of “no safety net.” Make it work. Sell what you own. Sell your house / apartment and live in your car if you have to. Don’t let Regret fuck you in the ass on your deathbed. Ultimately I can’t tell you what to do or not, but for fucks sake. Stop worrying and start taking control over your life.

You are far more delusional than I am pessimistic or cowardly, and I don't deny the former. I congratulate you on having things apparently work out for you in life, but for the rest of us who have to work for every meal, riskand financial management are pretty fucking important skills.

Go with God and avoid ignorance.

Hey I’m not the one that wants to kill myself because I’m not man enough to make it work. But whatever. I hope you make your family proud when you eat a bullet.

I understand the cynicism, it's a product of the world we live in. The harder I try to get around it the more weird and shallow I'll seem.

I don't know what to say, except that you're not the only one in your situation, there are millions of people suffering, each one in their own quiet hell, and that will only change with mass action. You're not the only one with no prospects, treading water ten miles from shore. As long as you all view your struggles as yours alone, nothing will change.

>Not man enough to make it work.
Guess I better just start slapping everything I see with my dick until it goes my way, didn't realize that was the secret to success.

Why the fuck are you even here?
Why are you asking for help?
Go talk to a therapist if you want real help.

18002738255

If you ever actually called a suicide hotline, you'd understand why someone in that position would probably prefer talking to a cambodian tapestry forum than having to wait in line for an hour behind a line of "my girlfriend dumped me" faggots.

I know I'll get shit for this but here's my advice....
"Make wherever you are the coolest place to be".
What???

Just think about it.
I may follow up with a couple of stories if the idea intrigues you.

Ohhhhhh, fuck off mr. high horse.

niggerfaggot

Fucking kill yourself, or some gay bullshit.

waste of life smh

Contrariwise, the less you try, the less you should feel like you want to die. Take a short break and sort yourself, OP.

>what???

dude reinventing how you view your situation is not a new idea. By all means, share your stories with OP, it might help, but don't be patronizing

You want someone to sissify you and rail your tight boipussy?

Just saying, has NOT slapping everything you see with your dick achieved the required results?

how is OP supposed to take a break from retail hell when OP has to pay bills and buy food?

You’re right. You don’t need help. You just need attention. Mommy and daddy never gave you enough attention did they. Mommy and daddy were always too busy. Now you’re frustrated that you didn’t make the right decisions in highschool. Mommy and daddy couldn’t afford college so society is to blame, because you couldn’t land a job that made you happy or financially stable without going to college. Or, its mommy and daddys fault because they didn’t raise you right, so now you wish you were never born. The world is a fucked up place but it’s also what you make it. So you’re right, it’s all society’s fault that you’re in a shitty situation. But the answer is not to kill yourself. The answer is to realize that you only have yourself to blame. And you only have yourself to make it right. I wish you the best of luck.

Well, one of the results is to not be in jail, so its been working out pretty well in that regard so far. Might have to do more field testing though.

only has himself to blame for his neglectful home life growing up, which essentially dumped him directly into a dead-end work life? Who started letting 40 year old middle managers into Yea Forums?

The shame is that he's right, being able to take it easy more often would absolutely help. It's just not an option unfortunately

We are all gonna die soon anyways

"mommy and daddy" weren't in the picture, and I was literally working to survive since I was 12. Nice try faggot.

Yes. Yes, I do. Please fuck my ass like the sissy whore I was meant to be.

Only if you allow yourself to go to jail. Be the badass you may or may not think you are, user.

even that guy probably agrees that you need to get out of retail, somehow.

How are your finances right now? What do you have saved up?

I beg to disagree. Although it might be detrimental, taking it easy is always an option. The only difference is what you take in priority.

>dude reinventing how you view your situation is not a new idea.

I'm not talking about changing your view.
I'm talking about changing your situation.

lost

Take a break and bum it out if OP has to. C'mon. If they can use a computer, they can likely find a way to chill without having to resort to starving.

but superficially, right? "Wherever you are"

Like become close friends with your coworkers, redecorate your shitty apartment to make it more livable, change up how you carry yourself at work, find little ways to make it bearable. Right? That's not bad advice. I'm just saying, it's not new advice.

Currently about a grand, with some bills coming up. Most consistent I usually have is around 500-800, which ends up functioning as my"well something fucked up and needs fixing" fund faster than it can replenish.

Above is why its not an option. All it takes is a burst pipe, car problems, an accident, health issues, and acquiring necessary money becomes a higher priority than anything.

Yeah, that kind of stuff has been a coping technique for a while. It only does so much, and often relies on outside forces to be viable. Especially when involving other people.

Pah, small fries. At least you have something saved up. I'm shitposting in a library, OP. I don't even have a personal computer.

What's your rent like?

Maybe apply for a job that has a union? I've never worked a union job but the wages are often quite a bit higher.

I think it's clear that before you can do anything else you need some money saved up. Otherwise one mistake and you're homeless. There's lots of things you can try but you need at least some safety net.

Is it possible to massively cut down your expenses?

Read this in mo's voice

Do a flip.

this is the true path to enlightenment. realize that death is only an illusion. we come through life like a hungry ghost. kill yourself user it will be fine

AND IN THE END IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTUuUuUr

Rent is 550/mo for my share, and I already live pretty barebones. Pretty much the only frivolity is occasionally getting some fast food because I'm too exhausted to cook after work. As for union jobs, they have their cons (including union dues pretty much erasing any pay difference) So I don't go for them any more or less than otherwise. Once I do have a net, the idea is to find a less expensive place to live and get a job opportunity there to make a low risk transition. Unfortunately in the past 15 years, that plan has not come to fruition.

Fuck you, you pretentious ill informed ape. :')

Baja Blast is back in stores, OP

OP, you gotta think of it like prison. Keep your thoughts on getting out. Stay calm, but never forget that your sole goal is to get out of there. Start looking for jobs and researching what else you can do out in the world. When you interact with customers at work, be polite but don't try too hard to please them, they're the fucking wardens. Keep your cool. Maybe go to the library and pick up a book or two, because that's what people in prison do to wall off a part of their soul from the situation around them. Also, the library might have resources for people looking for work.

15 years? That's fucking awful. Jesus.

How's the social anxiety? You mentioned mental health issues. That can make it a lot harder to look for other jobs, the social stress of it can be hard to deal with.

kek

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Pretty big roadblock, both in finding new work and being able to make it through my current job. Spend most days on sedatives just to make it through shifts.

You should consider posting on reddit/r/personalfinance, they'll have more and better ideas than I do. Mention the social anxiety, mention your limited savings, mention any other pertinent details (even what kind of car you have can be a useful detail) and mention that you've been at this for 15 years and you can't take it anymore. They'll understand your urgency and desperation and they'll have a lot of useful advice. People post in there all the time with similar situations.

if you decide to, and if it's no problem, maybe tell me your reddit username so I can read the thread and see how things go for you? I stayed up until 6 am and I'm kind of invested now.

don't worry about telling me your reddit username (whether you have one already or decide to make one) if you don't want to.

Let's start with work.
My first real job was picking tobacco when I was 14 yo. Possibly the shittiest job you can imagine. Over 100 deg under the nets. Humid. Your hands get covered with tar and blisters. Minimum agricultural wage.
Day after day. 3 leaves a plant. Row after row. Pick pick pick.
So my friend and I started racing each other to make it interesting. And we got fuckin' fast. Other guys started racing us. Soon, each row was a race and we had a pool ($1 each) that went to the fastest picker of the day.
Now, instead of sweating through a boring day, we're hooting and hollering and trash talking each other. It got kinda fun.
And we were the fastest crew in the fields.
A couple of weeks later my boss called me out of the field to talk to some of the higher ups.
Long story not as long, they needed a "roving crew" to move around to the different fields to keep things on schedule and they want me to be the supervisor.
So, I got to hand pick 8 guys for my crew. Cool. First 14 yo supervisor....ever.
So now I got to walk around with a clipboard and keep everything moving. No more picking.
We were the fastest. We were the best. And everyone knew it. I don't know who started it, but we became know as the "Crazy Eight" and the legend was born.
Turned out to be a great Summer.

The following year, they called me back to run the barn.
Me, 5 guys hanging lats, and 60 Puerto Rican girls sewing tobacco.
An even better summer. But that's another story.

Finding another job while you're working retail will be a pain in the ass. You'll have to save your breaks for when you get phone calls from potential employers. It's possible though.

Hey OP, I'm the watcher. Suicide really hurts post mortum. You'll be stuck in your dead body until your alloted time to die. You'll be awake and aware the whole time unable to move or speak. Then a cleanup angel comes to collect you but they aren't nice about it they rip you out. Usually turning the soul inside out if you're lucky to come off in one piece. It's painful and gruesome. Then you get thrown into the lake of fire where you scream in agony for the rest of eternity.

Tl;dr don't do it, it'll suck.

discord
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/SoS/ - Sons of Saturn General
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