Be me, 17 yr old femanon

>be me, 17 yr old femanon
>moderately smart, incredibly lazy and partially unmotivated
>moderately “thicc”, solid 5’6”, cant do sports bc of fucked up knees
>shitty face so i average out to a solid 4/10
>stay at home and mostly play dota and csgo with online friends
>lonely at home school, few friends
>have three or four close friends, madly into one of them
>hes tall and skinny blonde boy, blue eyes
>loves same memes and some music as me, get along really well, been best friend for almost 5 years now
>eventually date after jr prom
>hang out with him more and more on my free time after school just sitting together playing vidya games or listening to music talking
>friend and i get him to smoke weed
>mistake.jpg
>smokes every day, starts coming to school high
>find programs at home school sucks for what i wanna major in
>accepted into accelerated engineering program at local technical school for sr year
>can make new friends with same interests as me likely
>get there
>hardly speak to anyone until nearly december
>hardly make any friends bc im too shy
>woefully depressed bc dreary northeast winters
>1.5 hr drive to class every day
>applying to colleges stressful as fuck
>parents up my ass about making sure i apply to enough “good high ranked colleges bc they love women engineers”
>have a solid b- average in math all through hs so most colleges are out of the question
>apply to a shitload anyways
>get bitched at bc app fees reach upwards of $1300+ in total
>parents start harassing me for applying to so many even tho they made me
>want to kill myself every day more so than usual
>start distancing myself from bf bc he starts acting less and less interested in me
>try and make plans with him every weekend for three months but he blows me off
>”i wanna play blops4” “i wanna just get high and be alone” “dont feel like it”
>sad and hurt but dont fight it
>later bf nearly dies in accident when high driving to school during winter

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>fuck.png
>get more depressed bc he wont stop and worried he’ll kill himself and mad bc worried he’ll kill someone else
>he starts failing sr yr
>1.6 gpa
>yell at him to fix his grades bc he needs to pass
>”just because you have a 3.9 doesnt mean you are entitled to be a dick, user”
>drop entire subject, never mention it again as he silently fails school and doesnt give a fuck
>back at secondary school
>eventually during phys lab paired up with two guys in my class
>call them cam and allen
>very close friends, knew each other before coming to secondary school
>cam is tall 6’ skinny ginger boy, very athletic, plays same vidya games as i do, just on console when im on pc
>def a solid 8.5/10
>sort of california aesthetic sort of dude
>allen is 5’10” chunky-ish boy who loves same games on pc as i do and same music with same interest in cars as me
>is color blind like me so we hit it off really good
>fair 7/10 guy
>dope new friends.png
>move seat over to their table during class
>become friends very quickly
>start hanging out with them after class and during weekends going to movies and mall and fucking around in the city
>become friends with other girl in class
>call her kay
>is shorter girl, long dark hair and thicc as hell
>never had any other female friends bc i was so shy and awkward in middle school n hs
>kay and i hang out a shit load and go prom dress shopping together
>is this what happiness is like
>start missing bf
>suddenly realize id spent the past three months hardly talking to him on an intimate level or anything of the sort
>realize have mad feelings for cam hardcore
>”kay, i think cam is hella fuckin hot”
>”hell yeah he is”
>realize would like to date cam rather than bf

>meanwhile at home
>bf is failing every course hes taking
>1.2 gpa
>need 1.6 to pass
>dont like hanging around him bc he complains and is depressing all the time
>brings me down being around him but dont want to tell him bc id feel horrible about it and dont want to upset him
>want to break up with but dont have the heart to do it
>back 2 other school
>hanging out with cam during class
>sitting together on couch-thing in back looking at reddit together
>feelsgoodman
>kay comes over
>”user i wanna tell u something”
>kay takes me to br
>”allen toootally wants to ask u out”
>panic.jpg
>”like on a date?”
>”no, he wants to really ask u out, and mentioned taking u to prom”
>oh fuck me.wav
>uhhhh.rar
>”idk about it man, i rly like cam”
>”yeah so do i”
>agree to see who cam asks out first
>snap from kay
>”cam asked me out on a date!”
>fuck
>put on facade that im rly happy for her (which i am) but also fucking dying inside
>sudden guilt from remembering bf back at home
>feel fucking horrible even considering the idea of cheating on him bc hes my best friend
>but remember that he never speaks to me and never makes attempts to contact me at all and is a jerk to me on the regular and rly only uses me as his weed courier
>remember allen
>really nice guy and would be okay with being with him but isnt rly what i want
>he deserves better than me, a shitty 4/10
>weekend comes
>text from allen
>”yo we’re gonna go to (classmate)’s party tomorrow, youre my +1”
>sweet

>head to party, huge house party like the cliche shits you see in movies with 50 plus ppl
>see cam’s car in driveway
>”is cam here?”
>”yeah he and kay are”
>oh boy
>get to party
>thinking about situation at home w bf
>immediately start drinking
>cam is there with kay, lock eyes across beer pong table as im ripping bong
>kay comes over
>”cmon, we gonna do shots!”
>at this point im floating through the 8th dimension and cant feel anything but my lips
>walk over to bar table
>cam fixes up round of shots for us
>6 total, three each of tequila and some other shit, doesnt matter cant feel anything
>allen comes flying through the crowd
>”user, youre really fucked you shouldnt”
>immediately downs shot simultaneously w kay
>at this point, high and partially drunk to the point where i dont have a filter
>”who the fuck cares, allen”
>take second shot
>third
>disappointed look from allen
>cam smacks me on the back and leads me to pool table
>attempt to play pool
>incredibly uncoordinated and cant hit the fucking cue ball
>realize allen and kay didnt follow us over to table
>realize cam and i have been playing pool for nearly two hours
>”user, lets go find kay and allen”
>drunk adventures.jpg
>nearly 1230 am at this point
>description of house we’re in; huge mansion with gigantic outside garden and hot tub n pool, 6 bed 3 bath
>house is fucking huge
>follow cam around because im tunnel visioning at this point, stumbling after him
>walk inside every room, closet and br
>absolutely nothing
>”where the fuck are they?”
>look outside, allen and cams car still there so no way they couldve left
>see light from backyard and remember theres a pool
>”theyre probably in the hot tub or something cam”
>”oh good idea”

>head outside, hot tub is around the corner of the house
>cam is in front of me, turns corner and goes absolutely rigid
>hear girl scream
>its kay
>i peak around cam around the corner and see kay with her bikini top off making out with allen
>cam is standing there in the ray of the flood light, white knuckled and hurt as fuck
>allen scrambling towards the steps at the hot tub, kay fishing for her top
>”cam, please don--”
>cam grabs my sweatshirt and yanks me back around the house
>yells some shit back at them but i cant comprehend whats happening
>cam takes me to his car, puts me in the passenger seat and drives off to nearby walmart parking lot
>pop open hatchback on his civic and sit there in complete silence
>probably around 2 am at this point
>after nearly thirty minutes of saying nothing, i just blurt out “im so sorry”
>wraps arm around my shoulder
>”it doesnt matter user, it wasnt your fault”
>sit there and smoke for a while, look at reddit on cam’s phone while resting on his shoulder
>lay back in the car and just talk about shit forever
>he curls up on me in a ball half on my lap and just talks with me
>is this what a relationship is meant to be like
>sky begins to brighten, probably around 5 am at this point
>go back to passenger seat of car, check my phone
>19 missed calls from allen
>14 missed calls from kay
>none of them called cam
>cam and i go into walmart, get some chips and sit outside walmart for a few just chilling
>agrees to take me home
>get home around 8 am, check my phone and see lots of messages from allen and kay apologizing
>just completely ignore them

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>monday comes around
>usually park next to each other and all hop in allen’s truck and talk for a few before class
>everyone parks in random spots around the lot
>get to class
>everyone sits in regular seats but in complete silence
>during lunch kay leaves to other room and allen goes and eats in his truck
>just me and cam.jpg
>”you ok?”
>”yeah ill be fine user”
>day ends and none of us talk to each other
>its been three weeks and nothing has changed
>our group chat has been fucking dead for days and no one posts in it anymore
>i send one pic and see if anyone responds
>seen at xx:xx by allen, kay n cam
>fuck
>realize that i dont have anyone close with me anymore after the rifts sent through everyone at my secondary school
>at home school dont even get to see bf because hes been moved to classes to make him pass sr yr
>bf is always angry and shit talks people when im around him
>makes spending time with him miserable
>parents mad at me bc i didnt get into gatech or duke or usc
>feel like shit
>feel like i have no one again
>back to shy as fuck user

>miss my friends and good times fucking around on weekends
>dont even care about romantic shit anymore, just want my boys back
>only 10 weeks left of school anyways until we go to college so it doesnt matter and we’ll never see each other again
>want to die again
>pic related

feel free to skip, really shitty post tbqh

tits or gtfo.
Also shouldn't have been putting your hopes on another guy while in a relationship. You try to make it work until it doesn't then break up, stay single for a while (usually few months), then try to get into another relationship.