How do I get a GF? I am 28, virgin, live at home with mom, no job, NEET and also fat. Serious replies only please...

Get a job, lose weight, move out. That's 70% of it right there.

Change one thing about your life.
Start with a daily walk around the block. If you don't change SOMETHING nothing will change.
You can get agf and other things that will give your life meaning. Volunteer. Do something

you just need to talk to women. given your circumstances, you can go for the old and ugly ones

Most girls don't want to date a literal loser. You gotta at least make it look like youre trying to get your shit together

>If you don't change SOMETHING nothing will change.
Great advice

Oh also I forgot to mention, I have a deformed penis too. It's very small (nearly micropenis) when not hard, but it grows to a decent below average length when hard, thing is I've masturbated the tip of my penis for so long its gone into a bullet shape.

They can love you but that doesn't mean they want to sleep with you. They want someone who is gonna be a good provider and a fat lazy piece of shit won't cut it.

>28
Not a problem
>virgin
Girls don't care
>live at home with mom, no job
Get a job, get money, get your own flat
>fat
I'm fat loser with basic social skills and I got a nice gf. You can do it too.

move out, get a job, eat less and move more

And where can I find women to talk? Not op I just have the same exact problem

>I've masturbated the tip of my penis for so long its gone into a bullet shape.

Bullshit, I've fapped daily since I was 4 (so 23 years straight) and my dick is fine.

well user be honest...are you someone worth loving?

Shared hobbies and no, anime and video games are not hobbies.

I fapped in an unusual way, I literally just use two or three fingers and masturbate the tip.

What kind of hobbies are gonna help me? Also I haven't played video games for a month bc I got bored and I don't like anime

Post pic

it actually is. Even if they don't make a conscience decision to change nothing, most people still repeat their same daily routine expecting change to just happen to them.

Cooking classes, yoga, dancing, sewing, book clubs, music classes, maker shops, exercise groups, volunteer at animal shelters.

Get a job, move out.
If you can't get a decent job, you may as well take advantage of your mom's kindness for a while longer and go to school while living at home. There's no shame in free rent if you're actually working toward something. Don't get a degree in art history: go get training to be an electrician, plumber, HVAC guy, welder, CNC operator, equipment technician, etc. Those guys are literally never out of work, the pay is potentially great, and you won't be replaced by a machine or algorithm. You can also move wherever the fuck you want, because every city on earth needs electricians.

Get in shape.
Join a cheap gym. It doesn't have to be a fancy place: 10-15 bucks a month can get you into a place with a squat rack and a bench, and that's all you'll need. For cardio, which helps you increase your calorie burn as well as your cardiovascular health and endurance, do HIIT. You basically alternate max effort exercise with rest and thereby get a 20-minute cardio workout over in 5 minutes. An easy example is sprinting for 20 seconds, then walking for 10. Repeat 10 times and you'll have accomplished more than you would during a 20 minute jog.

You also need to do strength training, because if all you do is cut calories and add cardio your body will eat your muscles and reduce its metabolism. Strength training stops both of those things. There's a book called Starting Strength 3rd Edition that you can find as a free epub easily, which explains how to do the best and most basic lifts (low bar squat, bench press, overhead press, bent over row, and deadlift are all you really need).

You'll also need to be an interesting person if you want girls to dig you. Find something you can be passionate about, and share that passion with others. It can be wood working, rock climbing, game design, cooking, 3D printing, table tennis, etc. If all you're into is masturbating and playing Call of Duty no one is going to want to spend time with you.

what can you tell about Hoherdseen?

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As serious as a reply as I can:

1) Learn how to talk more. If you want to take this as learning a subject you can. Watch videos on youtube about how to talk.

2) Improve yourself. Learn how to improve yourself. How to have more confidence in yourself. If you are not happy with your body, change it. If you are, that's ok then.

3) Go out more, talk with strangers and learn their names. This one is crazy, but the moment you start doing this your chance of getting a gf skyrocket. Just by getting friends and knowing people.

just buy one lol

And by the way, you're doing all this for yourself. It just so happens that if you're a self-sustaining, interesting guy in good physical shape, girls will be attracted to you.

As for dating specifically, there are more people in cities, so if you live out in the boonies you may want to relocate. You also only meet people if you can be in the same place at the same time as them, so unless you become so attractive that you can get Tinder dates constantly, you may want to join a club for one of the things you're passionate about. I've only had two girlfriends (still dating one of them), but I met both of them at fencing clubs (and there are a handful of other single girls there that I'm considering Back Up Plans in case my girlfriend decides she wants kids and dumps me).

Try not to try too hard. Just pretend to be a normie.

And don't take it too hard when your first time sucks.

I'm 30, btw.

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Get a job. Move out. Lose weight. Hope for the best. Expect the worst. Don't aim too high. Be happy with what you get, or simply continue as you are and abort your existence.

Don’t

Let's say I'm outside, how do I start a conversation? Do I just go to some random girl and talk to her out of nowhere? And what to say?
(not op)

No, why would you even think that would be a good idea?

It's not a bad idea either

Never thought it was a good idea, I'm just asking how and where to start a conversation because I really don't know

how can you be a legal adult for 10 years and not get a job? that's your first step.
then start working on losing fat
then start on looking into education for a better job. alternatively join the military once you are not too fat. or learn a trade.
upon achieving some sort of financial independence move out.
keep working on improving yourself.
somewhere along the line a wild gf appears.
or keep trolling b asking how to get girlfriend for another decade

Does your mom have big tits?

Fuck off faggot

No, the girl will immediately assume your a creep who wants to rape her and chop up her body with a hacksaw in the bathtub. You can't get away with this unless you're an Adonis-like super human with a cadre of adoring fans following you around town.

You need an excuse to start the conversation: you notice she's reading a book you like, you're at the brewery and overhear that she's about to order that gross beer that smells like latex, you offer friendly advice because you notice she's about to fuck up her back while squatting, etc. All these things come up more often if you're in a book club together, you do beer+yoga on Sunday, or you go to the same gym.

She might still think you're a creep, but at least she's being a bitch now, and it's not your fault.

If the girl doesn't like it it's not gonna matter what you say. You guys think way too hard about this. If you see a girl you like in public, just go over there and talk to her. It's really not that big of a deal honesty unless she's with her parents or something.

I want to go to college but my hairline's receding and thinning and it's really bothering me.

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hey man i feel you. I used to be like that too. Im not gonna something like get off your fat ass and go to the gym u lazy fat fuck. that doesnt work. I want you to right all of your goals down . traits about about you whether good or bad. Before you get a gf , ask yourself if i dont love myself how can i love someone else. if u cant afford the gym, go for walks , play a sport like soccer or basketball. Slowly transition to a healthy. do not cut all junk at once because that will just make you want it more . gradually eat junk less and less. E.G 1 day eat 2 slices of pizza, then after a while say a week or so eat 1 slice. slowly you wont need it anymore. if you could and have the time. Try to learn how to cook for yourself. its easier to manage your calories when u cook. once you feel comfortable, confidence will come and so will a gf and maybe later a wife. Good luck m8 dont give up.

It's not that a big deal only if you don't have social anxiety

Start with a few push-ups and sit-ups every half-hour or so. You don't need to go full cross-fit, just go until you feel like you've done enough.

I'd say ask mom to buy you some "healthier" foods (can be anything from a few veggies to some slightly less saturated and/or more filling). My mom would buy anything as soon as I pitched being healthy to her.

You should shoot for a job as soon as you're more comfortable with how you hold yourself in public, and majing friends with your co-workers is easy enough. People tend to be nicer and more welcoming to others trapped in the same wagecuck shithole as they are.

Self restraint and dieting are going to be a major factor in turning your life around. You might have to ditch your computer and consoles for good, but having someone who genuinely loves you by your side is a lot more fulfilling than waifu pillows.

Other advice; potatoes are cheap as fuck and very filling, eat one with some ground beef and a few carrots and you'll be set for pretty cheap.
Weed speeds your metabolism up a lot, so smoking should help so long as you can resist the munchies. (If you live in a legal state, look into strains containing thc-v, this has the opposite effect of regular pot and reduces appetite, causing weight loss).
You don't need anything super fancy to work out. Just fill a milk jug with sand and do some tricep extentions.
Google fitness tips. Hell you can even follow some normie instagram page for it. They post hot chicks you can nut to along with fitness advice.
And although I don't recommend it at all, you can drink an energy drink a day without having too much to worry about. But if you have a weak heart you shouldn't binge on redbulls, you'll just fucking die.

Excessive weight reduces blood flow to your junk due to all the fat that requires blood too. If you lose your fat, your dick will get significantly bigger.

If you have social anxiety then you have bigger problems than not having a girlfriend and need to fix that first

As dumb as this might sound, the first step to getting a girlfriend is to stop wanting find one and start working on yourself. Women are naturally followers, they desire men who have purpose and a confident stride towards a goal. The truth is a girlfriend is seldom ever a positive thing in your life, instead they are more of a responsibility. Most will see you as just another source of disposable income which is why you must work on yourself, learn to be masculine. Shed the disney romantic point of view of love, since it hardly turns out that way. It is a gruelling task to be in a relationship, some days will be more bright than others but always know the storm is just over the horizon. If you are merely looking for sex then prostitution is the way to go, its cheaper in the long term and a safer bet than putting your total trust into another imperfect being.

Uhm, how?

Find out the best version of yourself and give it to someone who deserves it. You dont have to be perfect, but you cant just be the one for anyone.

Man the fuck up

You can play almost any online gome (gmod, cs, lol, wow, litterally anything with a chat/mic) until you find a cool gamer bro. Just play games with they and eventuality you two will be thick as thieves. This is the easy way to socialising in a controlled environment. The better way is to get a job and chat up some coworkers

something that someone told me that stuck is to make our bed when you wake up everyday. start the day off my completing something and getting that sense of reward. stuff like losing weight and becoming financially independent is hard shit but if you take small steps every day, youll make it. so if you want a girlfriend start now, not tomorrow, now. start making a change in your life