>Stepdad Chad took me out for "bro's night" cause i overheard mommy telling him to
>Mommy said I needed male bonding and that she wanted Chad to take more of a father figure role
>It wasn't until we were in the car that Chad dropped the bomb that we weren't going to Wendies but to a new restaurant, Chad's favorite restaurant
>I reeee'd and stamped my feet and punched the dash. Chad told me to shut the fuck up or he would kick me out of his car and leave me in the snow
>I didn't bring any shoes, and I was really hungry from all my reee, so I decided to humor Chad until tendies were delivered
>I slide the back of my sweatpants down and made a little poo smear on Chad's cloth seat
>It was dark, so Chad had no idea my 300lbs+ was permanently grinding the runny poo deep into his car upholstery
>Chad rolled down the window and told me to stop farting in his car
>As we pulled into the restaurant parking lot i saw it was called Hooters
>Not a good sign. Tendies come from chickens, not owls
>"Order me my tendies", I told Chad
>Chad said he would also order me a beer too since I was over 30 but I said "no, choccy milk".
>He told me the don't have choccy milk so i reee'd a weak little reeee cause I was extremely famished and anyway they had Mountain Dew. Maybe this place wasn't too bad.
>WRONG.
>The tendies promised weren't tendies at all. THEY HAD BONES!
>I flung the nasty bonies and began to reeee and reeee harder than I had ever ree'd that night
>"I WANT TENDIES! I WANT TENDIES! I WANT TENDIES!"
>"TAKE ME TO WENDY'S NOW OR I'LL TELL MOMMY YOU TOOK ME TO A STRIP CLUB!"
>Someone said "Get him out of here. He stinks like shit and he's not wearing any shoes"
>They were talking about Chad, but Chad was wearing shoes. Even the people at this restaurant were stupid
>Chad put me in the back seat and took me home, but not before going through the Wendy's drive through
Checkmate. eating my tendies right now as I type this and I can hear mommy and Chad yelling at each other upstairs
Stepdad Chad took me out for "bro's night" cause i overheard mommy telling him to
Soo...nice one Elon Musky!
>be me
>28yo NEET
>3 AM
>really want Waffle House grilled steak melt
>can't drive, never learned
>try to wake mom up to take me there but she keeps telling me to go back to sleep
>start howling so the dog starts barking loudly until she finally gets up
>drives me to waffle house
>get there, remember that local one closes at 2 AM
>nearest 24 hour waffle house is 45 minutes away
>mom refuses to take me, offering McDonald's instead
>grab the steering wheel and veer off the side of the road, threatening to kill us both if she doesn't take me
>she drives me to the 24 hr waffle house
>mfw she cried the whole 45 minutes back while I enjoyed my grilled steak melt
Fucking normalfags, when will they learn?
Do these beings truly exist? I find this hard to believe but wouldn't be surprised if true.
>be me, 27, mummy's special boy
>rudely awakened from an all-night marathon watching my favorite Twitch streamers
>"user GET IN THE CAR, WE'RE GOING TO MCDONALD'S WITH MOMMY'S SPECIAL FRIEND TYRONE"
>mfw my wee wee made the sticky milk that smells like mushrooms and it's stuck to my pajamas
>"Mummy, my jammies are sticky!"
>hear a loud exasperated sigh from the next room
>"user, wipe your wee wee down with the special washcloth and get in the car! Hurry up!"
>rub special washcloth all over wee wee and bum hairs
>get mad
>get FURIOUS
>not even nuggies can tempt me from my cave
>open mummy's door, she and her special friend are having special hugs
>throw special washcloth at mummy
>"AYO BITCH WUT DA FUCK"
>mummy is pissed now
>grounds me for two weeks
>tip my favorite streamer 100 neetbux for showing her tits
>wee-wee milk comes out again
>mfw mummy's gonna have to get me another special washcloth
Just keep posting
>3:00am
>watching some based icarly like I usually do
>also playing minecraft xbox edition
>get distracted from building my poo poo pee pee themed city in creative mode by miranda cosgroves qtness
>pull out my weenie and start masturbating
>imagine what she looked like as a toddler while im doing this
>its too much for me
>realize before I finish that mommy said she is tired of cleaning up my semen from the carpet
>quickly grab one of my shit jugs and cum directly into it
>dont miss a drop
>mommy comes in at 3:01 like she usually does to clean up my mess
>"mommy look!" i exclaim while i lift the shit jug high
>she looks confused, but then notices what ive done
>"o-okay a-user. thats a g-good boy." she says
>"what do I get mommy?" I ask while steping towards her
>"a-a good boy point a-user" she says as she slowly starts to shake
>I run directly into her knocking her over to get through the door
>dont have time to put my weenie back into my undies
>arrive at the fridge panting because it is like a whole 30 feet away
>mom comes up limping with a tears on her cheeks
>she reaches to the top shelf of the fridge because Im only 5'2 and cant reach
>she gives me my tendies with mayonnaise just the way I like them
I stoped cumming in my shit jugs after that though. it was too much work lifting them up
>ever since the GBP inflation I've been a little short on cashies
>need more and I need it fast!
>suddenly I get a brainwave
>i slam my body against my mummy's bedroom door, it flies open and I do a gangsta walk in but I'm quickly winded, my cleanest cargo shorts pulled to my knees, my Hannah Montana night shirt tucked into my undies, and my best MAGA cap worn backwards and tilted on my head (something I kissed it for beforehand as a preemptive apology)
>"ay baby wassup, it's yo boy Tendie Fresh in da houuuuse"
>ever since that jungle noise they call (c)rap music has become popular again after years of being rightfully hated by any civilized member of society, I decided to join the fad and become a rapper too
>she sighs "user please go back to sleep. It's 3 AM and I have to get ready for work in a few hours"
>"ay ay ay hoe, don't diss me, I'm here to give yo ass a concert," I feel like I'm doing very well at emulating a black person despite not having any experience being around one, "I call dis single 'Poopoo in da streetz,' I wrote it while I was in a very dark place"
>she massages her temples and sighs again
>i give her the best performance ever, it's a masterpiece of dancing, lyrics, and vocal music. I feel like it's worth a hefty reward of GBP
>I'm breathing heavily but I'm asking for the reward anyway
>she laughs, "you don't just walk in here, scream about hating the Jews between loud 'dun duns' that you make with your mouth and ask for points reserved for when you do something good."
>that whorebag is sitting there mocking me! Me! Her special little angel!
>i almost want to run back to my room crying and poopooing my pants out of embarrassment, but I decide to do what all black people do when their mummy's disrespect them
>i slapped her hard and she collapsed against the bed
>I take her hand and I write a 500,000 GBP coupon in her name with it
>I quickly waddle back to my room with it, farting frantically
>mfw I get more tendies and I'm super hip
Bump
>be me
>I've seen what getting jizzed on by a group of people does to a man, it is not pretty. I wasn't a part of it but when I was 12 or 13 I went to a sleep away summer >camp and this is like when we were starting to discover porn and fapping. Some kid brought some playboys and naked playing cards, shit like that with him. >Anyway, one kid in our cabin was a huge tool, stole stuff like food and money from other people in our cabin. So half a dozen kids decided one night to wake up in >the middle of the night at like 3 a.m and take turns jacking off in the bathroom, running out before they finished and blowing their load on the kid when he was >sleeping. Literally 6-8 kids did this, all over his face, sheets, upper body, and hands, one kid also did it in his shoes. So everyone else wakes up the next morning >and we all knew what had happened but this kid couldn't figure out why he was all sticky for like 15 minutes until a counselor forced it out of a kid. When the kid >found out he went absolutely nuts, like certifiably crazy mental breakdown. He had to leave the camp for psychiatric treatment, worst part was after he took a >shower and went to leave he stepped in the jizz shoes and also like 6 of my friends I never saw again because they got kicked out.
>also i couldnt eat tendies for like a week cuz it reminded me of dicks
First ever green text?
>be 32 year old beautiful, happy bouncy baby boy with a bright future ahead of me
>6pm, just woke up, getting my morning ceweals
>enter mommy, she sits down in front of me as i happily pick apart the marshmellows in the cereal and eat them with a spoon full of milkies
>"honey, your dad and i have been talking, and we think its finally time for you to get a job..."
>i stop her immediately after that
>"mommy...what are you...?"
>an incomprehensible rage takes over me, i quickly lash out at mommy
>grab the poopy diaper that she hasnt fucking changed since last night
>throw it right at her face, makes a big splat sound and she falls back from the force and velocity of the poopy diaper smacking her
>as she is stunned and wiping the poopies off, i stand over her with my fists clutched, she is cowering with her hands over her face, stupid fucking bitch
>i remind her that baby doesnt like it when his diaper changing bonding with mommy time is forgotten
>start peeing all over her, she probably wants to be washed off by now
>give her a black eye just for good measure so she doesnt tell anyone what happened
>later that night, she comes in with a plate full of fresh wendys tendies and a new diaper, kisses my forehead and tells me to have a good night at 10 am
it's a shame there's no more tendies threads on r9k
>25 years old
>in Mcdonalds for their My Little Pony toy promotion
>get mom to order me 10 Happy Meals all with girl toys
>she looks at the ground and sheepishly says "But user, you're getting a little heavy. Maybe you should only have 6 Happy Meals."
>stand on her feet and refuse to move until she complies with my order
>she cannot move and almost falls as she tries to pull her feet out from under mine
>the bitch begins to cry as she realizes I have trapped her, checkmate whore
>she quietly agrees that big boys need ten Happy Meals and she goes to pay for the food
>while she is ordering I get on my hands and knees, she hands the packages of food to me
>I grab the bags with my mouth and begin walking on all fours to the play area
>I slowly crawl up the slide, barely fitting whilst letting out enormous amounts of gas
>once I'm inside the main play area my flatulence has become to over powering that it even brought a tear to my eye
>the children playing inside begin to run out, complaining of the putrid smell
>I yell "get out normie scum! I claim this as the beta uprising headquarters!"
>I sit in the center of the play gym and begin to have a picnic with my happy meals
>I give each pony a bit of cheeseburger
>I'm setting up an awesome play story with my ponies when my bitch mom and the mcdonalds manager come into the play area
>"Sir we have been getting complaints about an adult in the play area. You must be under 8 years old to use it."
>tell him to fuck off
>mcdonalds employees begin entering the play structure
>my mom is yelling that she can reason with me but I don't negotiate with normalfags
>push my back against the wall and start kicking them as they come towards me
>all of the weight of the normie invasion plus my 350lb-self breaks the play structure
>I fall through to the ball pit, the entire structure collapses
>as the normies try to save a girl trapped under the structure, we escape
>mom begins crying in the van
>make her stop at Dairy Queen for dessert
>be me
>Mummy's perfect little 22 year old
>Daddy passed away a few months ago from a hurt chest after yelling at me to get a job
>before he died he put a little me inside Mummy's tummy
>Mummy starts talking about how nice itll be to have a baby around again
>"But aren't I the baby?"
>"user, you know I'm going to need help raising the baby, you're going to be a big brother and that means responsibility."
>i get mad and tell the whore that I'm not going to share her with that thing inside her
>"user, its time to grow up."
>Mummy gets fat and starts asking me to do shit around the house
>changing my own diaper, answering the door, whatever
>"user, could you throw some chicken tenders in the oven for me and get me a prenatal vitamin shake, I've got a craving!"
>TOO
>FUCKING
>FAR
>go upstairs to Mummy's room and grab her nail polish remover off the nightstand
>go downstairs and pour it into stupid fucking healthy-baby drink
>grab her cunt-face
>"Open wide!"
>Mummy chokes down nasty smelling smoothie and starts to scream and cry
>I keep telling her itll be better this way but she wont stop trying to hit me
>shake all gone so I decide to head back to my room for a nap
>she can make up for everything shes done when I wake up
>Mummy calls 911 screaming about bleeding from her piss-flappy downstairs parts
>I stomp on her phone and tell the bitch that if she calls them again I'll put rat poison in the next smoothie
>Mummy lays on floor for a few hours before she drives herself to the hospital after I fall asleep
>Mummy disobeyed me but baby is gone now
>all is well
nice story but i think it should have included more with the ponies towards the end like on the ride home in the back of the van he said IWTCIRD to his mom (i want to cum inside raibow dash or like he lost 1 in the ball pit and went apeshit but i really like the part where he tells the manager to fuck off
>Finally got enough good boy points to get a 20 piece nug meal at McDonald's
>time to dine like a king
>Ask mumsy to wash my rarity plushy so I can take her on a date (shes my gf and was covered in cummies)
>user, I'll wash it when we get home from McDonald's, I've got laundry running
>"it"
>Oh
>No
>U
>Didnt
>I'm a classy gentleman who will defend his waifu's honor
>walk into the laundry room and open the running dryer, unleashing a torrent of Mountain Dew colored fury from my pee pee into the hot, drying, clothes
>Next, open up the washing machine, sticking my butt in the open lid, filling it with a mess of grumpy dumpies
>After running for a minute, the smell brings mummy in to investigate
>"user, what is that smell?"
>"Now that this load is dirty, you can wash rarity, right?"
>"That does it, user, I'm taking the internet down for the rest of the month and you can forget about chicken nuggets!"
>She rushes from the laundry room with a pair of scissors to cut the cable
>My 430 pound body is too healthy to catch up to the bitch
>I gasp for air in between 'reeeeeeeeeees' and lumber up the stairs to ex new daddy no. 5's old office
>I have her in my sights
>I attempt to charge, but my left arm has shooting pain, coming from my chest
>I clutch my breast and start to cry
>"moooooooooooommiieeeeeee, save your good boy"
>She grabs the phone in tears and goes to dial, but stops
>She looks at me me with tears and mumbles "It's for the best, user...." as she sets the phone down and walks away
That's all I remember. I guess the neighbor heard the commotion and called the cops. Just got released from the ER. I reasoned with her not to cut internet. She's even gotten me nugs, tendies, and fries for every meal today! She cry's as she hands them to me, and just mumbles 'sorry' or some shit. Glad she's sad about how she treated me and rarity.
i love this one
> Be healthy 380 pound baby with a loving mommy
> wake up right on time at 5:25pm after a night of intense gaming on garys mod
> Go out with mummy to buy the minecraft sword I was promised, to defend against normies
> Arrive at Gamestop, mom makes GBP transaction with the wagey behind the counter
> Feel instant rush of anger when I finally get the sword, because I need to show I'm superior to dumb wagecucks
> I hit the wagey with it, as hard as my big boned muscles will allow me to
> "user! WHY!?"
> "DUMB WAGESLAVE MADE ME CAVE! LET ME GIVE HIM A BOO BOO OR I DO A POO POO!" I wittily reply
> "user! 200GBP GONE MISTER"
> This dumb bitch thinks she can get away with this, I warned her
> "REEEEEEE" I scream, as I pull down the shelves in the store to block off mommy
> Rip down my diaper, the stench immediately causes the other customers in the store to vomit
> Put my brand new awesome sword between my bum bum cheeks, pointing it behind me
> Start fiercely grinding on the sword, the mere sight causes all the normies in the store to get shocked from amazement
> Can feel the individual pixel changing as I do move it
> Sword is now covered in my healthy, thick blood
> Pee on the sword for good measure
> I am now the master of all the elements, blood, pee pee and poo poo
> "GIVE ME TENDIES NOW MUM"
> Start hitting everyone in the store with the amalgamated weapon
> Everyone flees
> Start rolling around in the aftermath
> Pass out, because I was hungry
> Wake up in bed with tendies
> gobble them up and waddle to living room
> mommy happily swinging on a rope by her neck
> doesn't even poke me with the ouchie-medicine like she does everyday
> Decisive victory
>be me
>mums golden prince
>me belly welly starts to gurgle wurgle
>ring the bitch bringing bell
>MUMMMMMMSIEEEEE
>mum shuffles in
"ello me prince, wot you need at this 'our?"
>"bring me thy royal tendies"
"I have the staff make them right quick I will"
>but mumsy I want raison cains I do
"raison cains? wots that?"
>wot did this whore say?
>run full speed I did at her
>give her a right propper wollop to her gullet
>BRING ME CAINS OR I RUB YOUR FACE ON ME PEE PEE MANE
"o-oh alright m-me deary. i-i'll get you those t-tendies"
>took the wench 15 hours to get her boy tendies
copypasta fucked me
>Be my birthday
>Mama got me the Littlest Pet Shop cake I wanted
>Get a card from grammy
>"Enjoy your birthday, sorry I couldn't be there sweety, I hope you can use this"
>A lot of weird green paper in there
>Mamas eyes get big
>Ask her what these are
>"It's money, I use it to buy your chicken and videogames"
>"Can I trade it for good boy points?"
>"Yes you can, of course you can"
>then new daddy walks into the room
>smells like smoke and adult apple juice
>slaps mamas butt
>sees the money
>"I need this for the poker game tonight"
>Mama says no, I traded it with her
>He slaps her faces butt now
>Mama screams
>I'm sitting there eating my cake
>Ask her when dinner is ready
>She says I gotta help her
>This FUCKING NORMIE
>ASKS ME
>TO HELP HER
>ON MY OWN BIRTHDAY
>take off all my clothes and jump on the table
>Press my willy in the cake and run to mama screaming at the top of my lungs flailing my arms
>hit mama in the belly
>hear a loud oomf
>new daddy looks at me
>I look at him
>I get down on my knees and grab his crotch
>he goes back and asks me what I'm doing
>I just wanted to show him I can be mama too
>Run at him and bite him in his crotch
>even though he wore pants he dropped to the ground crying
>now everyone was crying
>my diaper has been full the whole time
>put some cake in diaper since mama isnt changing it and feed it to new daddy
>new daddy never came back after the poker game
>mama made me fresh chicken tendies with a side of pizza that night
>she didn't even charge my good boy points
>best 40th birthday ever