What's a good substitute for a dildo?

A penis

I can't use Grindr. I find it too difficult to talk to people

shampoo bottle and lube? cucumber?

buy one off amazon if you are scared to talk to people.

use parfume bottles, most of them have "funny" shapes, perfect for what you're up to

I'm tempted to do that. But it would probably be too obvious to buy, I have roommates and is they spot a whole cucumber by itself in the rubbish, they'll probably know what's up
Don't want people to find it

just fuck your roommate then.

One of them is hot as fuck, but like I said, I can't talk to people

use the handle of a screwdriver then, most of them have pretty good shapes and it wouldn't be unusual for you to have one. Side note: you'll always want to use a lube and condom for butt stuff.

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That sounds pretty good actually. Thanks man

idk what to tell you then, i am neither gay nor this socially fucked.

It's alright. Thanks anyway

Remember OP the ass has an extreme suckin power and it can come when you least expect it, you're shoving a cucumber up your ass with your titanium grip and whoops it's stuck up all the way inside your ass, that's the ER next. Don't want that let me tell you. So whatever you decide to stick in there, make sure you know it won't have any way of getting stuck.

I would think you could just shit it out unless it's edgy

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That's what you think but it's usually a lot harder than you'd imagine if it's something bigger and harder than a regular log of shit

Nobody gonna acknowledge the quad sixes here?