Every day I realize more and more how little I really have in common with other people. I feel like a complete outcast. I unconditionally hate almost every person I meet, I don't know why and I can't really control it. I can't really relate to anyone. I've never really cared about another person in a meaningful way. I don't think I've had a single interesting life experience that I would like to share with others. I've never been able to hold a conversation, and I have no clue what the fuck normal people talk about. I used to have some hobbies but by now I've lost interest in all of them. Nothing makes me laugh and nothing makes me cry, I don't remember the last time I've genuinely done either. I really don't remember the last time I've felt anything. I used to have friends in high school but I haven't kept in touch with any of them and I haven't made any new friends since then. The only romantic relationship I've ever had lasted for a whole 4 days. I've been addicted to.porn since fucking elementary school (no I am not joking). And it probably doesn't help that I've spent the past three years poisoning my brain here.
As much as I want to blame how I feel on the toxic environment I grew up in and the incompetence of my parents, I can't really will myself to believe that those are the only things that make me the loser that I am today.
I feel like other people just have something that I don't, something that is just beyond my comprehension.
I've been trying to fap more in moderation recently but I want to kill myself right now so I'll go watch Asian porn until I feel better.