Be you

Kill it with a stick.

Attached: weird-2.jpg (600x450, 59K)

Aww who needs a hug?

Attached: 16FCD617-F55C-4288-AD3D-D8D9A6056CC7.jpg (225x225, 14K)

This, they attack when your back is turned. Though, its important to note that VERY FEW, people have actually fought them off, while MANY MORE, end up dead.

>unarmed

do people actually do this? I carry a full combat load whenever i go backpacking.

i've actually seen mountain lions several times. It's pretty unlikely they will try to attack you. If they do try you will never hear or see them before they jump on you.

I have a family friend who lives in santa cruz who went out to get his mail once and got jumped on. It wasn't fully grown and he was able to choke it to death. He has lacerations all over his head and shoulders.

Charge it with the knife I always have and probably get mauled, but it'd be pretty badass if it worked.

tame it

>Also they are big cats i.e. fucking pussies to anything that fights back
What are you retarded? Big Cats are the most dangerous predators on the fucking planet. There is no fighting back against most of them. Furthermore, the Puma is actually classified as a SMALL cat. Not a Big Cat. Big cats are leopards, jaguars, tigers, lions. You don't fight those animals and win.

Attached: choke.png (620x358, 98K)

Look at these swole kitty arms. You'd be fucked, trust me.

Attached: 0010174.jpg (1057x592, 162K)

Attached: pet.jpg (284x178, 6K)

I'm a small guy 5'9" 140 lbs, so kitty would probably merc me, but I would fight like a savage to my last breath. Jabbing eyes, maybe even choke it out if I get it's back.

Face it, make myself big then start jackin it.

I could bench you when i was 14 you fuckin twink

you forget the number 1 defence strat! finger in ass.

the unironic best answer. make yourself look bigger and spook it away. will work 9/10 times.

This is not true. If they're hungry, they'll come back and keep stalking you if all you do is yell and flap your arms.

Try and go squirrel tactic keep a tree between the two of house. Cats fast so probably wont wirk long if at all. So id grab my keys and go for the eyes and hipe for the best.

Unleash the full power of my 9000 chromosomes in a reality-tearing scream that would awake the very fossils beneath the soil I tread upon so that the soon-to-be diarrheic feline gets paralyzed as I sprint madly at it flailing my flaccid arms and smegma spewing dick, throbbing with the prospect of defiling it's still warm body after I flatten it with my 500 lb retardation-boosted bodyslam.

Attached: root.jpg (720x960, 65K)

I'd just give em' this look.

Attached: 1551071637772.jpg (500x625, 48K)

and now you're a fat insecure loser lol

pet the kitty

Attached: 5648191678_ba4f086235_b.jpg (800x536, 193K)

Just give it some prime meat for about 5 hours straight and boom, you got a new dino. I mean a new pet.

Not much because I have no arms apparently

This is the top post of 2019 so far

Why does my google auto fill say how to electrify my car roof to keep cats off

Quickly post on Yea Forums about it

Under fucking rated post

Kitty has been on /fit/?

Attached: m_162983.webm (640x358, 1.13M)

Yell at it “TRUMP 2020” and watch it run away as it’s probably a liberal

I'd leg it honestly or look for a big stick or something to hit it with. A former coworker of mine did the meme where he stood still, made himself big and loud by spreading out his arms and puffing up his jacket, reeeeing and screeching... But he got mauled pretty bad anyway. He was even on the news back in 2013. He survived but ended up with a deformed face/ear and a glass eye.

Nawww it's so cute, I mean what even is it, its fucking tiny it's couldn't hurt anyone, it's just a over size house cat not a real predator

they are extinct btw

Attached: 1511914551253.jpg (535x525, 64K)

Scream vigorously at it until it submits or runs away.

Attached: 1174477448993.jpg (1280x1037, 203K)

pretend to repent my sins, so I might go to heaven, and then die

Attached: 1551245130279.png (500x512, 149K)

user let's face it, you wouldn't be able to kill it unarmed.

No, mountain lions are classified as big cats.

That is the same posture my cat gets after I pet him too much and he gets too excited and holy shit he's doing it right now sitting next to me get the fuck away you little shit not again YOU FUCKING CUNT I WILL SMACK THE SHIT OUTTA YOU NEXT TIME YOURE GETTING SLOWER YOU OLD PIECE OF SHIT CAT FUCK FUCK FUCK

Attached: gonnagitchoo.jpg (400x289, 17K)

Make myself appear larger than i actually am

you sure do buddy.

things you said make me feel cozy

I don't doubt you, user, but National Geographic disagrees.
nationalgeographic.com/animals/mammals/c/cougar

I see now there is some disagreement on whether or not they are actually big cats.

Stand there with my arms out and my knife in my right hand making strange noises, if it charged I would put out my left arm to block it's mouth and hopefully it would bite down, allowing me a chance to stab it in the neck repeatedly.

You did say unarmed, but I am never outdoors without at least one knife. Though if I were I would attempt to choke it, several people have survived by simply choking the animal to death like a wrestler. One of these includes a Jaguar attack upon a 79 year old Indian woman.

Attached: 1548462976035.jpg (581x838, 421K)

Shoot with Glock 19 then skin it and wear it's pelt during my religious ceremonies.

it's comfy af

Attached: 1 (2).jpg (2004x1128, 513K)

Noice

I panic initially and then remember what to do
>stand up straight
>firm handshake
>maintain eyecontact
And then hopefully it will hire me.

Don't even have those in my country so I just realise i'm super drunk.

the trick is to grab a handful of dirt and smother their eyes onces the pounce happens
start gouging eyes, biting anywhere you can, scratching their face, shoving fingers into their ears, grabbing their tongue, and digging your fingers into their paws
try and wrap your legs around their hips/belly to prevent them from flipping you
they get you from the neck its going to be a fast kill
make it as painful and difficult as possible

Attached: 9110471215.jpg (1612x1270, 156K)

Attached: 3899317985.jpg (1014x1670, 118K)

I've been bulling cats all my life. This was bound to happen. Bring it, bitch. You're just another cat that will fall victim to my bulling.

Attached: 1286417060859.jpg (848x480, 51K)