4fags, I have been with you all my internet life. I am 29 years old. I need some advice. Now, while I know how Yea Forums is and I know some of the comments are going to be moot, I am betting a few of you can give me actual advice here. I have been with my girlfriend for a little over two years. We fight and have broke up quite a few times, although it is usually resolved before she actually leaves. Today, I sent a message to her ex (whom she has a child with) defending myself on her fb messenger, and when I say defending myself... He told her in fb msg that he didn't want his daughter left her with me, although I have took care of her more and better than anyone in her life since I have been around. I sent a message back calling him a piece of shit and told him basically that. That I have took better care of her in two years than he has her entire life. My girlfriend got extremely upset that I messaged him on her fb. She proceeds to tell me not to message people to which I respond fuck off. See, she has been through every social media outlet I have and have messaged people on my behalf to find things out or try to at least... I had her stuff packed and ready to go, we half ass patched it up, by that I mean me apologizing for messaging on her fb and she went to work. I am so torn on what to do. On one hand I love her more than anyone I have ever met and want to be with her the rest of her life. On the other hand, you have things like this happening, a lot of arguing, and I can never drive logic in to anything she thinks because well when she thinks she is right... You know... Female... I don't want to break up with her, but on the note that may be the correct thing to do. I am currently watching her 3 year old son while she is working and will be until late tonight. Can someone talk to me a little about this or give their input.
4fags, I have been with you all my internet life. I am 29 years old. I need some advice. Now...
When you get with her you get with her kids. Drama inclusive. If you're not ready for that then bounce.
I was ready to take on her kids. It was the fact of her getting mad about me messaging him taking up for myself. Something I felt she should have done.
You say fighting and breaking up a few times (when did that start), then the social media crap (she's giving you?)... I don't know, sounds like a shit show of a relationship to me. I believe you when you say you care about the kid, but that's not your problem (sounds harsh I know, I know). Finish it off, block all communications, move on. Take a few months to get emotionally stable again. Find a woman who is much less trouble to begin with. Just my 2c
Arguing started within a month of the relationship. But I love her and her children... I really love her and don't want to leave her, but like you said it may be best. I don't know
Drama inclusive is what I said. Bounce if you don't like it. If y'all can't get your shit together long enough to not be fighting around kids, then definitely bounce.
So right from the start not much harmony. You love her you say. I don't know what that means because I don't know you. One of my relationships lasted 14 months, I noticed it going downhill after about 6 months (and I still was in it for 8 months. Too long). I was more miserable then happy at most times. Wasn't worth it to me anymore. Easy to say for a random internet person to tell you to quit and care about yourself. But in the long run I fear that's what best for you. You're 29. Men only get better at this age.
It's not always drama though and it is definitely not always bad. It is going to be very very hard to leave this person. I love her. I have taken care of her son from 4 months old for about 2 and a half years now. This isn't a bounce or not kind of situation. This hurts either way
Ask yourself honestly (take a few days for that). Do you see change in the future (for the better of course).
I thought that was about the age we started deteriorating lol
I do ask myself that every single day. Sometimes I go to bed and say I just can't do it anymore, I have to leave her tomorrow and then everything is different the next morning. Some days go by without a hitch. I am always thinking about whether there will be changes in the future. Judging from the two years prior, it doesn't seem it changes much.
It feels like a shit show a lot of times. A lot of times it feels like the greatest moments in my life. I hate the whole situation.
If you don't leave on both y'alls terms, it's just gonna melt down into some shit that'll hurt you, her, and those kids, worse than you could ever fucking imagine. Sack up. Sit down. Have a chat that doesn't turn into y'all just trying to talk over each other. Work something out. If not (which is probably what's gonna happen, y'all been fighting for years) then bounce.
Let me add just a little more context to today. She had to work, therefore needed someone to watch her daughter until she is off work. When she messaged her ex and told him that, he said something to the effect of I don't want him watching her or around her. She replied you don't have any concern of who is watching her when she is with me, but my mom is going to be. I didn't think that was very taking up-like, so I messaged him myself and called him a piece of shit and so on. Her daughter lived with us for the first year and a half that we were together and the biological father has just now pushed for joint custody. I watched her for the year and a half before that happened.. I just don't know if it is her, me, everyone else... I just don't fucking know a lot of things.
Welll. I think this post has died.. Thanks for the advice guys. You are always there and make me laugh harder than I ever had. Thank you for the years of enjoyment.
I know what you mean. These spikes of happiness that make the last few awful days forgotten. Nothing wrong with trying to work on a relationship. But this will require some serious talks, without any filter probably. Both need to look into the mirror. Everyone has moments thinking "ah fuck this, I'll break up with her/him". But it sounds to me these moments are far too often and it's wearing you out. A lot. Could be a phase. But I'm not wiling to bet on that. Will lose phone connection soon now. I sincerely wish you all the best user
I mean is worth talking about again. Me and her have had this talk that we should have probably about 50 times. I know how the talk will end. She will say I'm sorry and I love you. I will say the same. We will agree that we shouldn't fight... But something like this always seems to happen. This is the hardest thing I have ever tried to figure out.
is your relationship to the son a factor stopping you from ending it?
Absolutely. I have raised him from around 4 months old for the last 2 and a half years. Yes, I love him as if he were biologically mine.
you are 29 and self cucking by raising another niggers kids.
leave and find your own way. shes probably fucking the ex anyway
that sounds tough. as harsh as it sounds, that kid will never be biologically yours, and while he might love you back, it is not a reason to stay in a relationship filled with drama that doesn't make you happy
Why the hell did you get into that relationship in the first place? Never, never, NEVER take on another man's kid unless he is permanently out of the picture. And even then its a iffy proposition. You were just the fall back guy and she will definitely leave you. At 3 years kid will barely remember you in 2 years and you'll be forgotten. Or you can wait until the kid is 9 and you can be the 3rd person the kid blames for traumatizing his life when you do finally split..
harsh but true
Honestly I’d probably bring that up to her. Maybe sit down and say something like you are my gf. I have an actual need to be respected. You need to respect me even if you don’tike what I did. I did it for you and your kid.
>You’re right it was wrong of her to be angry about it user
Gosh are there people our age who don't have six children from 8 different guys?!
I fucking hate it.
it's not good for the kids meeting x different strange guys.
it's not good for my fucking nerves to play a parent to children not my own.
You can't even choose to have children or not because everyone seems to have kids from 'accidents' nowadays.
are they all retarded?
Things will never change OP. Your missus’s ex will always be in the picture, and his say will always be valid until the child can think for himself and make cognitive decisions. The thing that sucks is, you will always have him against you. She will always want you to not interfere in her conversations with him. Eventually, that child is gonna grow up and turn against you, because dad by blood will fill his head with bullshit. Dad probably cheated on Mum, which is why they ain’t together anymore, so she’s likely the one who dumped him, and he’s salty as fuck.
A strong man will weather the tide of that and will come through better, but that’s a lot of adversity. Do you think you’ll handle that if you stick this through?