Monkey Paw Wish Thread. You fuckers know how this works, but for the new fags, rules go like this:

Monkey Paw Wish Thread. You fuckers know how this works, but for the new fags, rules go like this:
>Make wish
>Someone corrupts wish
ie;
>I wish for a car
one would reply:
>Granted, but it has no wheels.

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I wish for a stable job with good pay.

I wish for a single cornflake

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Granted, but you have to blow your boss every morning when you clock in, and every evening when you clock out

the job is all you ever have, losing passion for all other aspects of life, making the pay meaningless

the cornflake gives you aids

Oh shit, that's a good one

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Fair trade

I wish to not have autism

Sure but you are now a horse and the payment is a family that loves you and food

I wish NIGGERS tongue my anus

Granted, but you get down syndrome instead

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I wish to have what everyone wants job with stable income, house, wife, children, and a car.

I wish for a sadistic loli girl who is actually a vampire to sexually abuse me and own me

Newfag thinks saying niggers and anus in the same sentence will help him fit in on Yea Forums. He's right.

Granted, but they tongue so vigorously that they give you a rectal prolapse and you die

i wish to graduate

Granted, but you are stuck browsing r9k 10hrs a day, being a fully functional human

Granted, but stable income means cleaning horse stables, your wife and kids hate you, your house is infested with rats, and your car only starts on every second day.

I wish to have a goth gf with the body of Siri

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Granted, but you graduate in gender studies

fuck nvm

Granted, but you get arrested and spend the rest of your life in prison.

Granted, but you have breast cancer.

I wish for some gummies pls

I wish a homeless man breaks into OPs house and takes a dump on his chest

granted but OP likes it

Granted, but I wake up, tie you down, and shit on your chest in turn

>Granted, but they tongue so vigorously that they give you a rectal prolapse and you die

Do you speak from experience?
Also I wish you weren't such a faggot but you become so straight and end up being a priest molesting people

granted, but they are actual human gums

How can i get arrested if I'm owned by a creature who supposedly doesn't exist to the public? Does my wish prove to the populace that vampires exist? If so it's a win win situation

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I wish I had money.

>"Do you speak from experience?"
>Says I die from rectal prolapse
user is a tard

Dudes can't get breast cancer?

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Granted, no catch since I appreciate the gummy grind

Shit, read it wrong. Thought you were tryna be a goth tranny with the body of Siri.

Alright then, granted but you get testicular cancer

Granted, but it's counterfeit

I wish for alchemy, magic, and sorcery to be real

I wish my boyfriend didn't have ginger hair.

Granted, but you're the only one you know who can't learn it and everyone thinks you're the magic version of a tard

>Black Clover in a nutshell
I'm okay with this

Nah bitch, you got it wrong the first time so I get immunity! Suck my raghead gonads!

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Granted, but now you have ginger hair

Fair enough man, congrats

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Dudes can get breast cancer.

Granted, but it's all Venezuelan bolivar

Yes they can you fucking mongoloid.

You're also a fucking spaz.

I wish that everyone was immortal, had perfect health, and had infinite space, air, food, and every other resource on the planet

hahaha fantastic

That I am

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If everyone is immortal, the world gets crowded, so I don't even need to add a catch.

Granted, but you have to deal with the consequences

I wish that that's the last wish the monkey paw grant, with no consequence to anyone

Uh... Granted but you get a really bad curse in the next MPW thread you reply to

I want to use the monkey paw for fapping!

I wished for infinite space in that wish user. Nothing will get crowded

I wish I could shove the monkey paw up ops asshole

Sure, it's no longer granting wishes so knock yourself out *Tosses monkey paw*...
Weird nigga

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Sorry bro, you'll have to ask He's using it for fapping

Anyway, /thread

ill take a lifespan of exactly 1,000,000,3 years

Sorry man, thread ended and some creep's using the paw to masturbate

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I wish for absolutely nothing

I wish you would all kys.

i want a gf that will connect with me

Wish granted she connects with to you with her strapon.

Your girlfriend wont only connect with you emotionally, she will physically be fused to your body, and you be connected with her always.

Granted, but you become super SJW-feminist and an advocate for trannies - which is where you'll meet Pablina, the 6'4 "woman" who needs no bottom surgery to feel like a woman and has a 9" thick cock that naturally never is completely flaccid. She's your gf and she loves to be eaten out.

Everytime you all wish, that paw grabs my dick tighter!

Granted, but you're immediately transported to "the last thing you wished for is the opposite of what will happen" universe.

Now find a gun.

Cool but before I pull the trigger I wish none of you in this detention on b die.

Granted but on the last wish it rips it off.

I wish I could be a better role model for my younger brother.

Oh fuck yeah son

Alright you're the best role model an older brother can be but your younger bro takes the tranny pill at 18 and transitions

I wish I could fuck this loli freshman that goes to my highschool up her tight little asshole.

granted but her father is a former marine turned police officer and he finds out.

Seems wholesome enough, wish granted fam

Granted, but she has a massive dick

I wish that when I die I get no afterlife. Ha! Try corrupting that fuckers. Doesn't get any worse than that.

You die but you get reincarnated as a goat in Pakistan.

Check em nerds i wished for dubs

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Fuck.

Fuck off. I would only bother telling my mom if I got quads or above you loser.

I wish for three uncorrubtable wishes

Granted but bitch only abuses you after she drinks enough of your blood to knock you unconscious

granted, but the monkey paw attaches itself to your tongue

They are given to the person you hate the most, other than yourself.

Granted but if you wish for something that can be in any way considered morally corrupt by anyone from any religion your dick falls off and you spend an eternity gettingass fucked by obese n3ckbeards

It's several years old

Word. I'll use them to make the world a better place.

granted but you're one of us

I wish for the power to do anything.

I dont hate anyone.

Some sects of satanism find that shit reprehensible

I wish that everyone who corrupts a wish gets terminal ass cancer.

Kekkek careful how you word it bro, neckbeards aren’t gentle when they assfuck

Newfag thinking that implying niggers tongue my anus isn't a meme makes them look like a newfag

You just wished a corrupt wish, therefore you give yourself ass cancer

>newfags thinking that calling others newfags for newfagging on other newfags
b never change

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Not my wish. My wish is to give everyone who fucked with another wish, corrupting it, ass cancer. The moral nature of my wish doesn't make it corrupt.

Granted. But you quickly lose interest in doing anything and everything becomes meaningless.

Is t-that a t-teapot?

But in wishing that wish, you fucked with a whole bunch of other peoples wishes. Monkey Paw don’t have to obey time.

I wish for my mother to die

I wish I could turn into a hot girl that can reach wonderful orgasms whenever I want.

But it doesn't affect the nature of wishes. It fucks with anyone who corrupted a wish but if they made a wish as well it doesn't affect their wish in how they wished it.
Just corrupt the fucking wish and quit being a bitch.

Granted, but you'll die too and she'll forever be guarding you in Hell.

You can only orgasm when you humm the complete Eurovision line up of last year.

Granted but you are morbidly obese, black, hairy and hideous.

That's not dubs neeffag

I'm okay with that,enough people to shake hands with there.

Well granted, but actually not granted and for fucking with this cosmic force you're forever vanished from making any more wishes.

"hot girl"

Fuck yeah I can make peace with that.

Beaten, also part of the wish was being hot you stupid, that cannot be messed up with.

You seem upset.

this is dubs

I'm still fapping with the paw!!