What do i do

the absolute madman won't do it

Sounds like you have a dark passenger, manifested a little later than most but still there also you have been smart DO NOT START USING ANY DRUGS WHATSOEVER
AND DO NOT TELL A SOUL ABOUT THESE FEELINGS ESPECIALLY A THERAPIST I reccomend martial arts it is demanding and rewarding for mind body and soul and will not starve your dusky friend.and its not something hollow that will insult him . Trust me on this op

>thinks therapists won't go to the cops if they hear something about involving harm of others
don't lie to him

They do not keep secrets past a certain point , following your advice OP is done for

>i'm on medication
>mood stabilizer
i've been on other shit throughout the years but this has been constant. mostly medication was because of anxiety and ocd, and other stuff but also mood stabilizer. so all of that is me after the crazy pills.
i've fantasized about this stuff since i was seven or eight. didn't have fantasies about normal things- kissing, etc- but always about controlling a girl

stop watching porn

This , porn will make it worse

ever seen that netflix show called dexter?

>do that

far as i can figure i'm a sadist. definitely. i have trouble getting off to stuff where the girl is enjoying it. kinks include blood, necro shit especially the blue tinge and coldness, the nails, the tightness, bruising, choking, stabbing, bondage, gagging, basically every fucked up thing you can think of.
i go to a therapist and i just lie through my teeth. i've always been a good liar and good at debate and that sort of shit. i'm a campaign volunteer (see what i meant about that movie scaring me) for the Republican party and i just live a pretty clean cut life externally but boy oh boy is shit rotten inside
i don't feel bad about it, just worried that eventually i'll crash and burn

dexter is shit because you can't choose what you like. everyone's on about how you can get this under control, but it's so fucking hard
like it's JUST about young pretty women, abducting them and murdering them in the middle of nowhere, torture rape necro, like you cannot do that and weaponize it
unless you consider it Extreme Thot Patrol

go full bundy op

i'm trying, seriously, but i'm not too good with self control. sometimes i wonder if the reason i haven't killed anyone is because i don't have a car.

op is a fucking psychopath

If you can't be real with a therapist, I would really recommend trying to quit porn. You don't have to stop jacking it but porn is realllly bad and can only make things worse

>trust me on this
i try to separate out the fucked up part of me and the outside me. user and user 2. two people
how about you?

Get involved in a college club you enjoy

I think instead of killin innocent women, you should, since you’re probably gonna kill no matter what you do, kill people who deserve it. Rich bastards and corrupt politicians. Use that bloodlust of yours to create some good in the world

I know how you feel. Are by chance social yet closed off? A late bloomer in many ways but not in others?angered when you think someone is trying to assert their dominance over you/asserting themselves before your interests?do you constantly run scenarios in your head of everything ranging from mundane social interactions to full scale war? I do not wish to overwhelm you with incessant questions but I am very curious

active republican my dude. also i troll social justice clubs at my school for shits
i wish that was it. but that's light years away from my... stuff. i think people see killing as an all encompassing thing but it's not. i wouldn't want to kill an adult man. has no appeal to me. but young women, older girls? absolutely, snap of the fingers. if i could get away with it i would
and yeah, i'm going to try to quit porn. i've been trying for a while

That is the duality and it is necessary if you wish to survive and do so a free man

I agree with this guy about the martial arts, it's a very healthy activity

all of that. why?
- i have friends but i don't see them that much and don't value them except for material reasons, don't feel any connection to them and lie to them for fun
- i'm a pretty intelligent person, 130 ish iq and good at academics. hit puberty pretty late (16 ish) and pretty shy. never fit in and never really understood people
- i'm an incredibly defensive person and i often seem like i'm attacking people in everyday convos when i'm feeling like they're going after me, which is a LOT. i have to be the best
- i fantasize a lot. a lot about murder. just sort of looking out the window of the bus, i see a random woman and my first though is what she would look like if i stabbed her to death. what her thighs would look like dead. and other stuff too, just weird ass shit
why do you ask
how do you know, do you experience this too

this. very good advice so far guys

fuck i forgot to tag it

Talk to a professional. Yea Forums is not your psychiatrist.

yeah this is actually really helpful and not the shitty "do it" and "kill the femoids" shit i was expecting

i do. i can't work it up to be honest

This. They’re legally obligated to tell the cops if illegal shit has gone down

you dont have the balls to do anything. its not a problem.

fetishes are nothing unique or new

You and I have a lot in common OP but I have explored the reaches of our "condition" for the lack of a better term and know of some tips and tricks to keep this shit in line

Couple things...
Addiction is a common word throughout your description. That's actually a positive; addictions are something that you can overcome through will.
This bro is right. Not for the medication so much as for releasing the pressure of having to be isolated. Talking to someone about it will not only give you the trust that you're not 100% those thoughts and feelings but will give you an outside perspective from a professional.

>All thoughts and feelings are illusions.

If you can sublimate your desires into actions that you determine then you'll see that you are the creator of your perceptions not the result.

repetition here is key guys, explain to him that he needs to accept the duality of his dark passenger. you're intelligent enough to survive this and live a fulfilling life.

I figured you were talking to me , now if you have any questions feel free to ask

Things don't change unless you change them. If you're worried about your mental state then you need to take care of it. Google therapists in your area, make an appointment, and go. The whole experience is far, far easier than you've likely made up in your head. I tell you that as someone who walked that road.

These are all from me just so you know. Just keeping the conversation cohesive

do you doubt your decision?

i'm afraid that i'll decide not to do anything and live my life regretting it and wondering about a high i'll never experience but which i desperately, desperately crave. i have walked around my house thinking over and over "i want to kill a girl"

This is it.

You may be able to keep it together now, but if you don't have people to speak to about this (not Yea Forums), you will crash and burn. A therapist would be best, but the best friend you have would still help a lot.

I wish you well OP

also a sh0e fan btw

Do meth pussy

what do you know? i'm prescribed dextroamphetamine, I shoot heroin, and I love ketamine

also, i'm an alcohol

thank you
i'm going to try and find someone to talk to, even if it's just one of those online therapist things. can't show my face but i can at least say something. and i'll try to stop watching porn.
thank you Yea Forumstards this was a good thread

It is best to not let yourself obsess otherwise the duality will be lost and you will be no better than a murderous variant of a chronic masturbator that will explode and do something rash and haphazard resulting in either death or incarceration.The reason I reccomend martial arts Is because it will engage every aspect of your person and keep you wrangled in. I suggest gung fu the tiger crane variant or its little brother jeet kun do for they are all encompassing and equal parts dance/fighting style/and medium for growth and meditation. Do not go the route of petty addiction because I know you have an addictive personality . And avoid porn like the plague it will only twist and pervert you inner sanctum and make you reach for the abstract and frivolous . You can do it OP I know this and so do you

You're an edgelord with a setting that goes to 11

Why is everybody insisting that being a sociopath is a bad thing? It gives you the ability to excel beyond the norms. Be the Übermensch.

Why don't you just give your fantasy a try?

Make a plan, see if you can come up with a good one.
Write it all down, be meticulous.
Read a couple of books about forensics. Think about the upkeep of your regular life. How would the duality you experience be formed into two sustainable personas?
Find balance that strengthens both ways of life without connecting them in reality.

If you can accomplish a plan that satisfies you, excites you, without giving you cause to worry about repercussions from the authorities... Congratulations. You have taken a step into a larger world.

Don't be stupid and start leaving clues.
Never do anyone you have previously interacted with. Find a coping mechanism for dealing with the knowledge, that nobody will ever know how amazing you truly are.

Good luck out there buddy, you're gonna need it.

Traveler?

>Why is everybody insisting that being a sociopath a bad thing?

Because we are innately social creatures and sociopaths by definition don't empathize and don't have a problem fucking people over to benefit themselves.