I'm looking at 18 months for tax fraud. I work out, take care of myself, but I'm no "badass"...

18 months is a long time to be a hermit, faggot.

wow. i guess you dont really stop once you get the ball rolling and it only takes one mistake

>put on a line for punks and snitches

bad idea...

yeah, just keep your mouth shut and don't talk about anyone. shower every day and don't borrow anything. and most important, stick up for yourself.

Note that "do not trust anyone" also applies to prison staff.

I dunno how "fine" you'll be OP. You're not tough, and 18 months is a long time to fly solo. Sooner or later, someone will figure out what you're in for, at which point you're going to get extorted daily.

so he doesnt get bullied for being a stinking piece of shit

In May. I'm not sure what to differ fact from fiction. Being labeled a snitch is a death sentence from what I understand. I'd rather take a beating and be left alone. Bottom line, just wanna be left alone

you don't want people to know you have money, because then they'll shake you down. Just tell everybody that you're in there for molesting a child

>Just tell everybody that you're in there for molesting a child
I may never been to prison before, but I wasn't born yesterday...

Keep your asshole well lubricated because some inmates have really big thick cocks.
Start practicing now with a cucumber before you go in.

lol have fun ..
someone will be cleaning your pipes

Where not when. Racial element and the pace of the judicial make a big difference. In some place violent offenders spend half their sentence in county/parish before they get shipped off or are even sentenced.

If you get put on a line like this you will simply be segregated from general population. Different lines for different level of severity of offenders and different neighborhoods and gangs.

Who cares what happens to you? You're not one of us.

Get ready to be big Tyron’s little Mary if you don’t pay up and or bribe whoever bigger than you tries to extort you when they find out what you did.

Click up with your own race.
Don’t do drugs.
Don’t do favors.
Don’t talk much, Keep to yourself.
Obviously stick to hanging around your own race.
Flush the toilet before your shit hits the water. Seriously, You’ll get your wig split if they hear you farting and pooping and shit, It already smells like man butt in there and nobody is trying to hear all that.
Leave your boots on when you take a shit. There or the shower is where they’ll try to get you.
If you drop the soap, Don’t pick it the fuck up. Buy another from commisary, it’s not that expensive.

Fed or state prison?

Attached: 0FFFB972-4296-4717-A100-00AA80F856C8.png (500x566, 124K)

because you will get beat down for stinking.

dont hermit just solo bolo.
when you get there go take a shower, dont just mope on the tier or sit in your bed going out of the cell gives the others the impression you arent new meat.
Dont look in peoples cells either. no one likes nosey.
dont ever get in someones business. ever.

Attached: 1543031709834.jpg (327x244, 18K)

You are what you think you are, if u just want to be left alone u can achiev this by keeping up a positive mindset about it for your time. Try being respectful when people approach you though. Be smart and calculating.

If you have that kind of cash, granted they didn’t take it from you, Pay for some protection in there from somebody... if you’re really that worried about getting beat the hell up.

Take a gun in with you for protection.
Just get a conceal carry permit before you go in.

Might as well take off one pant leg while you shit in case you get jumped

If you have that much money pay someone to go to jail for you. White collar shit anyhow.

Lol yup. Motherfuckers sat towels on their laps while they shit and held a screwdriver in one hand and left their pants just down to below their dick ready to jump up in case some shit pops off.

it's white collar, likely to be in lower-sec. not many people here are going to offer any good advice.

keep your mouth shut, and don't tell people stuff that they don't need to know. you can sincerely get by very easily by keeping your mouth shut. don't step on people's toes, but don't be a bitch and get your shit knocked in.

just play ball when you have to, but don't get out of line. focus on self improvement, and mark the months off as they pass. it's a long time, but it's not that long, and you'll likely get parole.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=wzKMwp8KENo

I work in a job that happens to be really popular with ex cons.. from what I gather you'll be fine. Criminals are pretty normal people and mostly want to chill and get along. They just either have short tempers or were desperate (which in prison they're not because there's no improving their situation).

So if you watch your mouth, be friendly, don't start shit and don't get in with the wrong things or people you'll generally be fine.

Surely someone who's been to prison can say more but working with literal murderers drug dealers and former gangsters, that's my thing.

This is a video of a jail where I'm from. They got dope, a pistol, cash, they even just leave the jail. This place was shut down due to corruption

Don't listen to this guy you wont get parole on a 18 month ride.

dont play ball, dont ever get on the court first
dont EVER sit at the benches.
dont rattle the fence.
you see something on the ground like a bindle or a wad of paper. leave it, its not yours. it'll get you killed.
Always wear your shower shoes in the shower.

Attached: IMAGE@@.jpg (720x960, 76K)

> Federal prisoners may, however, earn a maximum of 54 days good time credit per year against their sentence (18 U.S.C.A. § 3624(b)). At the time of sentencing, the federal judge may also specific a post-imprisonment period of supervised release.

My father in law got jacked by the sec. Lived in a tailer rather than a cell.he doesn't talk much about it but my impression is that it just sorta sucked but wasn't that gnarly. Fuck you for cheating your fellow citizens but whatever I commit crimes too. Best of luck.

im former a correction officer in nyc youll be fine they aren't gonna put you with animals

he will be in county for 12 months then transfer you only get "good time" in prison not county jail. he should push to get processed through so he can start collecting good time.

Attached: 920x920.jpg (736x920, 39K)

very important if anyone tries to fight you, you must fight back no matter what its ok to lose but if you don't fight back your done

You might wanna watch The Shawshank Redemption before you go in.

Keep your bowels half full. If shit goes down, shit yourself and start throwing your shit around like a downed helicopter. No one's going to touch you with shit everywhere.

Rule #1 - dont associate with anyone outside of your own race

Rule #2 - if you associate with anyone outside of your own race prepare to get your ass beat by people of your own race

Rule #3 - don't steal, bitch, cry, whine or take disrespect from anybody. Even if it means taking a beating DO NOT get punked.

Rule #4 - if you let yourself get punked, you will now be everybody's bitch forever.

Rule #5 - this one is obvious, but don't fucking snitch. That means you don't know nothing, you don't say shit about nothing. You don't talk about shit with other inmates, you don't talk about shit with staff. You. Don't. Know. Shit.

Follow these rules, you'll do alright. Don't be a bitch or a punk. Nobody is your friend, don't take any favours, don't do no work for anybody, don't get anybody to do work for you.

Throw your paperwork away as soon as you get it. people will use it against you.

people race mix all the time in prison. dont listen to that bullshit.

Do you have a big asshole? If so, double penetration might be on their agenda. Don't fight it, relax and go with the flow.

Bring a mobile phone with you.
Might need that to call the cops.
Memorise the number 911 before you go in.

Remember, surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to...

With 18 months you will go to low security satellite camp not a USP or FCI. It’s gonna be all low risk offenders. Don’t gamble or do drugs or borrow shit. You will be golden.

Better get this..

Attached: musgo-real-soap-on-a-rope_639x_84c12d62-e557-4729-8788-cbc40c3b5fb7.jpg (1000x1000, 46K)

Tax fraud is usually a federal crime. You'll be in a white collar facility, not San Quentin

>Tax Fraud

OP you’re doing God’s work. Fuck the government

>Every year, 200,000 inmates are raped in American prisons.
Really, I mean it, keep your asshole well lubed.
You'll thank me later, man.

kek

Attached: the highest laugh.jpg (517x768, 180K)

This. Wouldn’t white collar prisons be low security and fairly cruisey?

Oh man I forgot about the card stand, what a hero

Been watching big herc? lol

Hmmm...So he was behind that...?

Attached: 6brn8rb5sgdmshpix227817185400.jpg (1740x1144, 136K)

The key to surviving prison is establishing value, this will help you gain respect. Have something to offer the other prisoners which makes them appreciate your presence and well being. Perhaps tell some jokes. Go around the prison yard telling your favourite clean jokes. Or do palm reading and horoscopes, everyone likes to know their future. And keep your hair conditioned and shines. Grow it out and get some highlights. If you respect yourself others will also respect you. Moisturise daily and shave your entire body like a goddess. Not only will you feel sexy and irresistible but it’ll keep your spirits up and a good aura is important to establishing a pleasant environment for those around you.

Some ex con on YouTube posts videos on what to expect. You’re fucked. Literally

never been to prison before but uh
my recommendation would be to avoid doing anything to be noticed
try to stay invisible
try to stay in the background
dont be the first thing on anyones mind

After Prison Show

If you have Hulu, watch "60 Days In" or something like that. It'll show some hard truths.

Aren't you more worried about the confinement than getting beat up? Isn't it kind of obvious that most inmates don't get killed, even the pedos?

Keep your fucking mouth shut. Never repeat anything you hear. Mind your business and stay out of debt. And you can incur debt in ways you can’t imagine. So don’t let anyone do you any favors cuz there is a fucking price. And these motherfuckers will collect

Please, consider the following.
>find someone to make your bitch
>beat the shit out of anyone that looks at you weird
>start a gang for protection
>meet a spanish guy name Lupe
>Lupe knows a guard who takes bets
>become a bookie...

someone else continue this for me. try to make him like a god-tier prisoner with hundreds of life sentences... Just like Walter white this nibba.

i love that channel

he has a video where he teaches you how to make a prison pizza
that'll come in handy

Gargling semen is good for masking cock breath afterwards.

Call everybody a nigger starting day 1. Let others know that they are below you. They will respect you for your boldness. Every night piss on the floor in your cell. Mark your territory. Maybe even piss a little in your cellmates bed. Let him know that he's your bitch. And if the prison chefs start serving shit on a tray, throw that slop at the nearest guard and demand a Lunchable. Godspeed user.

Request protective custody. They have to grant it. You will be isolated. Everyone will know you're a pussy, but nobody will be able to do anything about it. That's all you have to do.

Yea Forums's declassified prison survival guide...

If anyone tells you to hold their pocket, don't do it. You'll be sold for a carton of cigarettes

Hoop some tobacco in. They'll like you. Get a condom, stuff it full of chew, and slide it up your ass.

If you are homo, I would recommend to drop the soap.......multiple times.

When you are finally released, tip the guard.

this user knows

If anyone gets in your face threaten to squeal to the warden and every prison guard in the building. If you see any crimes or unethical behaviour taking place by the prisoners OR the prison staff threaten to squeal on them too. No one wants to mess with a squealer or else they’ll get squealed on.

Watch OZ, that'll teach you all you need to know.

Don`t get involved in any tunnel digging escape plans.
You`re only in there for 18 months, not worth the hassle.

Don`t put a whole sausage in your mouth. It looks gay and might be misinterpreted as a sign you are a cocksucker.
Cut up sausages into little pieces before you eat.
Same goes for bananas and any long cylindrical food item.

the best way to make friends is just stare at them and if they stare back, call out "wassup, bitch?". it might not work with everyone but you'll find a friend soon.

befriend the guards and tell them everything that goes on... they'll keep u protected.

Fucking lost

Get HIV tested when released, unless you are 100% sure everyone used a condom. Keep a log if you are not good at memorising.

>not working together in the inmate secret lab to creat a massive drill out of ramen noodles and spliffs to bore deep within the earths mantle and create a new order of mole people
OP don't listen to this faggot get digging ASAP.

Did 14 years in the clink. Can confirm that you'll quickly realize you'll need friends if you wanna make it through.

>Did 14 years in the clink.
How many banks you rob you piece of shit.

Didn't rob any banks see, not everything is like a movie see

Attached: downatello.jpg (400x324, 27K)

Tell us what you did then to deserve 14 years.
Maybe manslaughter?

Correctional officer here. OP for that kind of crime you are going to a federal prison camp. It will literally just be a vacation.

>Did 14 years in the clink.
And who the fuck still calls jail, the clink.

Not that bad ass, manufacturing drugs bud

Prison Mike does

Attached: Prisonmike.png (700x393, 297K)

>It will literally just be a vacation.
Sure, that's what they all say.

So, you are responsible for ruining many lives.
How does it feel knowing you made money off human misery? Are you a better person now?

Are you white? And what state do you live in?

I ruined many lives and I suppose I ruined many families as well. I think about that a lot, it's the not knowing that gets to me. I'm not proud of what I did and in prison I had a lot of time to reflect, and I like to think I'm a much better person. Truthfully I was a product of my environment. But I can't change the past I can only change the future

Truely

>Correctional officer here.
How does it feel knowing you haven`t corrected anything?

All of this OP

This will get you stabbed

Don't take so much stock in tv/ movies... 99% of other inmates want the same thing. You'll be fine.

Attached: images (3).jpg (246x205, 8K)

You'll make a couple of good friends. Just mind your own business. And whatever you do, DO NOT RAT on anyone.

Attached: mfWzkZh_d.jpg (640x480, 24K)

Attached: 1551027152482.jpg (236x172, 12K)

Yeah. It's like a country club.

You sound genuine. Sorry for any offence.
And yes sometimes we are a product of our environment. Hope all goes well for you. Once again apologies.

I did 32 months in prison for a crime i do not wish to discuss. Take it from me, the most important thing is that when you get assigned your pod, find the biggest, meanest looking black guy and suck his massive bbc and right as he cums in your eyes call him "nigger". You will be a god

No offence taken my friend. Thanks for the well wishes, hope life is going well for you.

this.

Is OP even around anymore?

>Heard way too many horror stories.
Most are a myth and you ain't going to supermax for tax fraud.
Relax. Don't fuck with anyone. Do your time. Go on with your life.

Yes, but can't post due to hanging from his ceiling.

OZ taught me the stub of your penis can still get erect after half on it gets bitten off.

vot americanski dokument:

youtube.com/watch?v=PEGmJclcmZw

Are you forgetting the responsibility of the consumer? The buyers ruin their own lives. Pushers simply add supply where there's demand. If people stopped abusing drugs, the drug market would collapse and drug dealers would be non-existent.

Less than 2 years in club Fed is totally different than 14 fucking years.

Kek

"I'm definitely a libertarian. Consenting adults want what they want and if I'm not supplying it they will get it somewhere else. At least with me they're getting exactly what they pay for; no added toxins or impurities." - Gale Boetticher

Not true. Prisoners have small cocks. That's why they ended up in jail: small cock rage.

Attached: get.png (200x219, 88K)

>Keep a log

Attached: logdog.jpg (960x960, 469K)

>I ruined many lives
You pathetic faggot. Do you think liquor store owners or tobacconists or pharmacists mope about all the lives they ruined? You supplied a demand, nothing more. If you didn't, someone else would have. Stop letting the law do your thinking for you, you absurd, spastic, triple-nigger faggotmaggot.

Feels good man, I get paid even if they get their lives back on track or not.

Is this now an andy sixx thread?

Attached: 1549647964829.png (711x571, 463K)

If dubs, the thread is log

Attached: clogged.jpg (809x856, 374K)

Holy shit

Attached: 1547658861705.jpg (768x1024, 84K)

Attached: log20.png (627x652, 352K)

Attached: 1547230335803.png (618x413, 242K)

Attached: log24.jpg (1024x1024, 187K)

Just don't gamble and don't owe anyone shit and be generally polite, but not too polite where you're considered a bitch. That's it. And work out every day in there and you'll be in the top 30% nobody fucks with.

>don't owe anyone shit
What if this guy drops one down your throat and demands quid pro quo?

Attached: log4.jpg (700x400, 77K)

you fucking yoshi

>quid pro quo?
i don't speak spanish que que que

I log you, you log me. Got it?

Attached: log21.jpg (947x1024, 145K)

Holy shit that is vintage Yea Forums. I was there that night. Lol

Rip