I’ve been pretty fucked up, Yea Forums

I’ve been pretty fucked up, Yea Forums

So long story but I’ll try and make it short because I get scatterbrained trying to remember everything.

A couple years ago, I met a qt and we started dating. Things were good and we were young so there wasn’t much stress, just both of us doing our thing. She really was someone that, for me, went beyond admiration. This woman gave me a reason to care about anything at all. As we both got older, we started going out and partying together doing tabs, smoking bud, drinking (mostly because she wanted) etc.

So the time goes by and we get older, I struggled to look for a job when we got out of high school. I was finally able to secure a position where her father (he was a good man) works while she continues studying (I always hated it and just wanted to make money). This was my first real job.

Despite being a wage cuck, mostof my paycheck went to her, since I had no other interests except smoking and selling weed all day with my friends. I was starting to feel like a real fuck up because I was 19 and had no license and no car. Slowly but surely slipping into the NEET life, which I couldn’t afford as a poorfag. Eventually I was able to get a raise and promotion at work and make more money, feelsgoodman.jpg.

My gf became more and more possessive of my time. She didn’t care that I had to work or had friends and family to spend time with too. She wanted the entirety of my free time to herself and even though I was bummed about it I obliged bc fuck it, I loved her.

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Continued
Over time, my other relationships with people were strained and I began to do very hard drugs. The days turned into hours and then hours turned into a blur of being high, fucking my gf, and spending over $150 in restaurants every day. We never ran out of drugs, there was always some new plug or some new party we were looking for.

Becoming even more obsessive over what I was doing and who I was speaking to at every moment of the day, my gf insists on coming with me to hang out with my friends. I said no because many of them were heavy drug addicts (I was young, I chose the friends I had bc they were all I had). I think this is when she began to go off the deep end. She started out with heavy drinking, and this led to buying an 1/8 of shrooms, to other shit I don’t want to get into.

One day, while slaving away at my job, I had a sort of “moment of clarity”. I realized what a directionless loser I was. Work, smoke weed, drink, fuck, spend half my paycheck on retarded shit just to please my gf, rinse and repeat. It hadn’t hit me that I would have to plan for a future that involved her, unless I wanted to end up homeless or have her leave me for another guy.

Cont.
So I started school again, studied for my written driving test and began to save more. At this point I had a very hopeful but very bleak outlook on my future because of all the years I had spent doing jack shit. At this point, she was a very different person. She was very high-risk in terms of going out together. She was more keen on going out to the city, drinking, just doing some sketchy shit for fun like drop acid and try and go though the day tripping balls regardless of consequences.

When the consequences (inevitably) came, she looked at me with a sort of expectation to clean up any mess she had made. She had zero tolerance for party pooping, whether from me or anyone else. She took to smoking pot and doing psychedelics regularly and I have always had a deep pit in my heart because I felt that it was all my fault.

Don’t get me wrong, she wanted the best for both of us. It’s just that she expected to continue this decadent lifestyle free of responsibilities while simultaneously investing in literally any type of future. Nevermind 5 years from now, what to do tomorrow was like solving a fucking rubix cube that yells at you.

Cont.

So yeah, eventually I caved and began to fuck up again. She got me in trouble with the law many times and got so drunk on many occasions I had to actually bring her home to her parents passed out drunk or worse, bruised from a fight with other women. I was the man, so naturally, I was blamed for her own actions every time.
One day, we were at a local festival, just spending the day eating Korean food and getting stoned when out of nowhere she turns to me and says, “I cheated on you”.

Now, the thing is she didn’t say it in a way that indicated any sort of remorse or even fear. She kept looking at me waiting for a reaction but I stayed silent, hoping this was some sort of fucked up test.

“Yeah I sucked his dick and he said it was the best thing he ever felt”

Cont.

I don’t remember what happened immediately after, but I found myself sitting at the nearest bus stop contemplating what to do because I couldn’t believe the manner in which she had said it, let alone done it. Immediately she began to try and comfort me and say she was sorry, she started to cry and said she loved me but I was just so confused. I had hatred and sadness and a strong urge to sit in the dirt until I began to rot. All I could say, like a fucking stupid pussy, was:

“Did he cum in your mouth”

I don’t even know where I was going with that or what was going through my mind. It just came out. Like a cuck, I forgave her, but the trust was broken. I was constantly texting her from then on, asking where and who she was with, reminding her that I was hurt and angry, couldn’t look at her the same way etc...

Eventually the tension between us was broken for a while when I heard the news that my best friend since childhood had been shot and killed. This hit me very hard because I had never lost anyone close to me. We were just hanging out mere hours before he was murdered. During this time I was with friends more and keeping check on the girlfriend mainly through texts/calls. You can probably imagine how fucking stressful things got but I guess I had become a little desensitized and managed to maintain my composure.

Cont.

The next few weeks leading up to my childhood buddy’s funeral were very strange. Many people would not speak to me, only friends I hadn’t seen in months would bother replying to any DMs. Those in my close circles just kept silently shutting me out of their lives, one by one. Every time I bumped into a close friend, they would just sort of maintain this look of anxiousness and a fake smile. The kind of look people get when they’re waiting for something interesting to happen.

Sometime during all this, I was with my girlfriend at home and I was happy for a moment, because it felt like years back when we were younger. I was sitting in the bedroom watching a movie with her when she turns to me and with the most disgusted look of disapproval, says to me, “I don’t need you”. Then she turned right back around and continued to watch the film in silence without another word.

Again. I wasn’t sure what I had just heard, because of the tone in which it was said. At this point I was pretty much on the edge of crying. I felt like a failure working a dead end job and having no further prospects myself other than doing whatever satisfied my craving for a hedonistic lifestyle.

Cont.

At this point, I had decided that there was too much going on and I couldn’t ignore it. One day, my friend (let’s call him Matthew) invites me over for a bottle of liquor. Of course, my girlfriend came along. After a couple shots chased with beers, my girlfriend who had been texting the whole time passed out drunk with her phone open. I couldn’t resist knowing, and so I immediately went through her DMs and FB. I didn’t find anything to bust her with immediately, but there were nudes on her phone that I had never seen. There was a conversation with a guy on Facebook in which she called him babe a few times. I sent him a message saying he was gonna get his shit kicked in when I found him for talking to my girlfriend. That’s when he sent them, full frontal nudes and a picture of my girlfriend smiling with a load on her face.

I got up and slapped her, trying to get here to wake up by shoving her phone in her face and telling her off. She just grunted and moaned and slipped back into a drunk sleep.

Cont.

This is when my friend Matthew began trying to comfort me, telling me we could put this botch in the back of his car and drive her home and that I would never have to see her again. Saying he knew other women etc.
So I decided to take his advice and we left that bitch back at her house. Didn’t even knock or anything, just left her on the chair in the patio. I left her a message with screenshots of her messages saying I was done being treated like a cuck.

Days past and the day of my friend’s funeral was near. Everyone we knew including his family set up a sort of candlelight vigil for him. Many people attended. When I showed up I thought I had upset everyone because I was late, but his family were very welcoming and told me they were glad that I was there. Everyone else, however, kept their distance and did not speak a word to me. I was avoided like the plague and those who did speak to me used very few words and looked uncomfortable as fuck. My friend Matthew, who had been very close to me for years, kept his distance and just stared with fearful raised eyebrows.

Later in the night, I got a call from my now ex girlfriend begging to see her, asking for forgiveness and shit. So I decided to go see her, but promised myself that under no circumstances was I to take her back. I had been cheated on by partners before and my sense of trust was very warped. Don’t get me wrong Yea Forums, I wanted her back, but I just couldn’t look myself the same way after everything.

So I forgave her, but she didn’t give a fuck about that. She wanted to preserve our relationship, which was a huge fucking tragedy at this point. I told her I loved her and that I was sorry I could not provide even the basics, but we could not continue.

She cried, and I honestly can’t say I didn’t feel bad. Before I left her alone for good, she told me that she had cheated on me a number of 8 times. With separate men including my friend Matthew.

Cont.

The next day, I lost my job. I had been missing work or not doing my job right because of stress and depression. My parents hated me for it, I was broke, and I had dropped out of community college.

A few days later, it was time to attend my friend’s funeral. At this point much of my will had been broken down and nothing could fuck me up anymore. Not even looking at the powdered, sewn, plastic looking expression on my friend’s face as he lay in a casket. None of our mutual friends attended. They were too ashamed.