What's up, Yea Forums, I'm drunk enough to tell my shit. Hope I'm not killing a decent thread. This is the story of Lucy the Loveless.
>be me (obviously) >decade ago >16 >debate fag >pretty good at it, always making finals in competitions
And lemme say here that high school debate was huge in TX, so making finals wasn't exactly not a big deal
>one competition in Harlingen TX, hit the scariest competition I've ever had >white girl, blonde, big nose, sad eyes, acting bored as fuck >and she fucking thrashes me >most beautiful creature I've ever seen >she wins the round but I win best speaker for being a more convincing human being >they gave me a gavel y todo
And I knew as it was happening, she would break me down as a person, she was going to destroy me. And I'm going to tell you fags the story of how she broke me into my most fundamental components.
Her name doesn't matter, because I always called her by her nickname anyway.
So over the rest of the next year I constantly look forward to seeing her at debate meets (it was TFA, if any TX debate fags are gonna see this). I didn't see much of her, and she was a grade ahead of me so she graduated and went off to college before me.
>in which time I meet someone else >short little Mexican, prison tats, fucked up teeth >badtime.jpg
But I'm texting her every day. Ironically telling her I love her, and eventually she's, not quite reciprocating but talking back. Telling me about her life. About how college is hard and she misses her friends and so forth.
>eventually graduate >break up with prison tat Mexicana >decide that Lucy is the only girl for me >talk to her constantly >she's just lonely enough to talk back
And I realized that I was taking all the energy that I could've invested into girls who were actually around, and giving it to Lucy instead.
But I didn't care. She was special and I just knew that if I only kept it up she would 4reciprocate.
And then something amazing happened. Her dad died.
Lemme take a step back and explain the sort of girl she was. Because I realize how weirdly obsessed I was. But have you ever met that girl that you thought was just for you? That wasn't conventionally attractive, that wasn't nice, that other guys didn't go for, but that just convinced you that she was yours, that God himself put her here just for you, that the shit wrong with her just made her accessible and you were able to see it? That girl?
That was Lucy. And the shit that was wrong with her was that she was mean. /pol/ would love her. She was a little white girl with big tits who said "nigger" and called dudes faggots for expressing interest and shit. She was mean. And it drove people away.
Not me though. So,
>be me >22, now >freshly out of college (summa cum laude but who's counting) >she texts me that we should hang out >she's back in TX after a stint in ND >came home to help take care of her dad >prostate cancer >but he dies, so not anymore >so I do hang out with her >and it's my first time seeing her in the flesh in years >and it all comes back >the adolescent love, the admiration, the intimidation >so I ask her out >and she says yes >and it was a mistake
So what followed was bar none the most grueling, uphill-battle piece of shit relationship I've ever attempted.
>she's distant >she's mean >she blows me off >and I don't care
You have to understand, it's been five years of pining after this chick at this point, and I like to imagine that I have self-respect, but when she's the one, that means she's the one you sacrifice your self-respect for. And I did. Oh man, every day I did.
I remember when she'd joke about fucking my brother and I was so calloused from the whole thing that instead of standing up and drawing a line I said "So do it faggot."
And she said "Stop being such a nigger."
And this is how I was living. I was nervous to talk to her, I felt like I was imposing when I wanted to hang out, but there were these moments, these brief fleeting moments where we connected. And I touched inside, the real her, and it was real. And I loved her. I swear to Christ, I loved her more than anything.
I'd be flattered to make /r/Yea Forums. Make me famous
It's not a great story but I'll finish it, no worries
If you're well-versed in relationships, you'll understand that this shit isn't viable. And I think I probably knew that too. But I stuck it out. How could I not? She was the girl of my dreams. Literally. I saw her every time I went to sleep. I still do.
But she wasn't cut out for a relationship. She wasn't in the right place. And I found that out while I was away.
>best friend wants to move back to California >Texas is better but whatever >couple friends and I drive him out >see the Southwest and then he takes us through NorCal >we were in the redwoods when it happened >over text, of course
"[user], it's not you but I'm breaking up with you bro. I just have too much going on right now. I can't give you what you need from me."
That's a quote, by the way. I don't even have to pull up the text. January 30. It's in my memory.
And I realize that I've been pretending, this whole time, ever since high school. Pretending that she would be capable of reciprocating. Capable of loving. Because I did love her. If you don't take anything out of this, at least take that I did love her.
I'm thinking about all this because I was just dumped again. That's too strong a word. It was only a couple dates. But I fell for her hard.
>met on a dating app which shall remain namess but wasn't Tinder >short, Jewish, snarky, nice teeth >big tits, bigger ass >I'm equal parts smitten and horny >and mean as fuck >just, mean as fuck
But she decided that she wasn't feeling it. And I took it gracefully, I'll have you know. But it got me thinking. Why do I want a woman to treat me like this?
Because I do. I want to be called a nigger and a faggot and a bitch. I want her to hold me down and piss on my face, proverbially. I want her to take my lunch money. I want her to take my self-respect.
And I know why. It's obvious why. I spent my formative years chasing a girl who taught me what love is. And that love is mean, and hard, and hateful. That love is when you don't admit to feeling shit, because she'll call you a bitch. Love is a lie you tell yourself so you don't have to confront how she makes you feel.
But she wasn't the devil. She wasn't Lucifer. She was a scared girl who lost her dad. And she took the love that someone offered her, in a time when she really needed love. But she wasn't obligated to return it. And I tried to make her feel obligated to love me back. But she wasn't obligated. She was suffering and I only put more on her.
And it turned out okay for her, and I'm glad. But it didn't turn out okay for me. Because I learned all the wrong lessons. I learned only about the rough side of relationships, and now it's all I want. I want a girl to do to me what she did to me. And I don't know how to want better for myself. And if I can be so bold as to offer Yea Forums advice, I'd say don't make the mistake I have. Don't fetishize getting hurt in relationships. Remember what you're worth. Don't fall for a Lucy.
Hope it's been a decent read. Take care, Yea Forums.
Email me if you can. Interested in talking to you but I'm studying for a TEST TOMORROW.
Jaxson Hernandez
But why tho
Ryan Turner
I can't make you any worse, can I? Christ, take a chance in your life. If you decide not to, memorize the email so when you're in a garbage place later and can't think of anything better to do you'll email me. Fag.
Josiah Campbell
>fag Careful user. Keep talking like that and I'll fall in love with you next
Owen Williams
Mmm wholesome
Cooper Kelly
Well, like I said, I have a test to study for. Maybe when you hit rock bottom you'll reconsider. Guess you're not there yet. Keep me in mind, though.
Slurs are lazy, by the way. Put more creativity into your life. Much more satisfying to tear people down when you're not leaning on a single word.
