Going to a house party tonight. How do I not act like a retard?

wear a super ironic T-shirt, something that shows off your above-average IQ. always try to fill any silent moment with a fun fact or a topical conversation (politics, culture, etc.) also, make sure girls know you are interested in them but always try to maintain the intellectual edge over them

have one or two drinks, don’t get drunk and talk to people. if you have nothing to say, just listen

Look if you are that guy in the photo you gonna be on here bitching at 30 about how you are still a virgin. There is a short time to get out there and get laid. Pussy in your teens and early 20s should be falling in your lap if you arent a complete retard. Sitting at home all day playing video games should come second to getting laid. Quit being such a cuck

No it’s not that bad. Sometimes people just get confused I think.

>not act
Just be a retard
That way you are not acting

I’m not like the guy in the picture lol. I’m 18 and have basically zero experience at party’s.

well i have good news, you're above average.

what makes you nervous? girls? competition with other guys? heckling?

/thread

just get a decent buzz going and fucking take a girls hand, drag her to the dancefloor and dance.

or just talk with everyone, most of them have a few people they know and will introduce you to them. if they dont click say your going to dance and maybe see each other later in the night and proceed to fuck off to some new people

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If you're not attractive or naturally social you're going to hate it.

If you go in there and overthink it you are going to look like a retard, psyche yourself up and say fuck it and go in there and fake being the most interesting fucker there! Keep doing it and it and you will eventually come off acting like an alpha!

Have a couple drinks to boost your confidence and let go of your insecurities but make sure you don't get too drunk. Smoke cigarettes and talk to girls but keep in mind your main goal is just to have a good time. Also, shit in the top of one of the toilets since it's a party the house owner won't know it was you.

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Listen you think anyone does, people just have more confidence than others. No different from playing sports, the first time you picked up the ball you sucked, over time the shit got easier, no difference here, train yourself to be social, its like job interviews, the more you have the better you are at doing them.

I got douche chills from your post. I hope you're trolling.

I’m just nervous I’m gonna hate it and have a bad time.
I’d say I’m like an 8/10. I’ve been lifting for 3 years and I have an above average face.

i second the toilet thing, funny af.

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Throw some shit at the wall call, dump your drink on the couch and call everyone Manlet McClowns drop your pants and annunciate it with your ass.

Kek. I’m friends with the host I don’t wanna do that to her.

This is pretty good advice. I'd add that if you feel like the guy in your pic, op, then also make a conscious effort to step outside of your comfort zone at least a little.

Get really good at making grilled cheese sandwiches.
Learn several different styles. Learn to improvise with whatever is available in the host's kitchen.
Then you can be "that guy who makes grilled cheese sandwiches" at parties.

Source: Some greentext I read here a few years ago.

well friend, if you're 8/10 and you don't blurp out insane shit like you suffer from tourettes, sincerely you have nothing to fear, be fucking self-confident. keep your expectations low.

Bro this is actually a good idea ngl.

>how do i not act like a retard?
>don't act like a retard

Not to be a dick, but this reminds me of what happens when I ask a radfemtumblrsjw what gender is, and they say it's a spectrum and I'm like "a spectrum of what?" and they're like, "of gender!"

Don't be such a nice guy at parties. Be the asshole all those sluts wanna get fucked by.

How do I go about doing this?

No girl wants to fuck "that guy who makes grilled cheese sandwiches" at parties.

then get her to introduce you to some peeps, also just fucking talk, its nothing special. just talk with people and make it seem like they are interesting, dont linger on the same subject too long though, if you see them getting less enthousiastic just try and pry for other shit they like. most people are fucking retarded and have no idea you're manipulating the conversation to your liking without actually caring about the other. just shoot man. say some shit like: hey did you see the new movie that came out. usually they will fill it in with a movie they went to see that they liked. follow up with fav movies etc. shit isnt hard. most humans crave social interaction. they say the more intelligent you are the more you need it, i beg to differ.

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it sounds like you gave up because of your own insecurities.

I just don’t want to follow her around the entire time I’m there though. I’ll try to ask her to introduce me though.

Talk down to them subtley and have them chasing validation. Crack jokes if you're capable of being funny but more importantly always keep your cool. Act like you don't care. Have the girls chase you, not vice versa

also since your 8/10 just bluff that you are hot shit. sometimes you fail, and sometimes you wont. experience makes the man(ipulator). body language is like 70% of comms. learn to read that shit and dont freak out after one bad sign, 2 in a row is a no go, either change the subject if shes hot and bail if shes not.

also these arent some passed around tips or some shit. its my personal advice to you

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It's not just a party.
It's a HOUSE party. BIG DIFFERENCE guyz.

Agree. This is advice on how not to be a loser by people who are losers.

i didnt say to follow her the entire time. make her introduce. get a bit acquainted with the new folks, ask if they know some people at the party, get to introduce etc. repeat until you find something you want. proceed to talk to girl with aforementioned techniques, now here comes the best part. talk to the person that introduced you to her. ask about the girl you want after some buttering up. like: where do you know her from, do you usually hang out etc. when the conversation gets going try and pry for things she likes, try and find mutual interest and BAM. atleast this works with humans that know how to use their brain, if she's dumb just plain compliments and being a bit bold should suffice

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Yeah, "no girl wants to fuck the guy who" has been said about so many different types of activities. There's always at least one, and she's not always going to be a hambeast.

kekk'd

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Is this something you know first hand or are you just speculating? And "not always going to be a hambeast" is less than promising.

Drink, hang with the smokers, and if someone offers you weed, take it. Listen to people's stories and act interested; people love to talk about themselves. Takes some of the heat off you having to talk.

you'd be surprised at how much women like men who cook, it shows more to them than just "omg taystey sammich". it shows interest in health, independence, care for others, selflesness etc. women are fucked

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Weed makes me anxious. I’m going to be drinking though.

For potheads that would be wicked.

>body language is like 70% of comms

If nothing else about this post sticks, take this fucking line and live by it!!
I researched body language and attraction signals (I mean, I googled, but discernment and critical thinking we'll help you here) and determined that yes, my "lesbian" coworker - who was married to a woman - was actually attracted to me.
I made my move, she denied it, things got awkward, we stayed friends, and then after a couple of years I got ready to leave that job. We started getting closer, and she realized she HAD been attracted to me this whole time!
We both left our wives and have been together for just over a year now.
Body language doesn't lie, especially if you don't know what signals you're putting out.

dont take the weed man, im from the netherlands and believe me, weed makes you even more socially inept. its best done when you score though. it makes sex 20x better. not even joking

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yeah, but they will come for a sammich and you will talk to a tipsy girl that already likes you cuz you are giving her a tasty smmich... its way better than approaching them with 'hi, want sum fuck?'- which btw works

>health
>grilled cheese

And I don't think drunken party sluts care about selflessness. In my experience they've always been more attracted to selfishness. Let me guess, you've been friendzoned a lot haven't you?

wrong, the weird looking fuckers were the most popular people at parties.
the chads and stacies either liked them or just did their own thing

You're right. If grilled cheese sandwiches sound too pleb tier, pursue something else.

This guy gets it.

Drink enough alcohol to so people just assume you're drunk

You must be 18 or older to post on this board.

and im not even an expert, just a btard who happens to remember more than i should about biology. wasnt 73% the exact number?

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shitposter detected

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This guy knows. People love to talk about themselves, just ask questions

thats why you act like a dick, but you still make sammiches.... its the sweet and salty mix that everyone likes. act cocky, grab her ass after handing her a samich and ask if she wants some meat on it... this idea is gold tbh- but yeah if you are an autist it wont help you.... it wont help you if she spreads her legs in front of you cuz you will still fuck it up cuz you are an autist

Drink. Don't get blasted, just drink enough to get buzzed. It'll lower your inhibitions but you won't make a fool of yourself. Trust me on this: whenever I go to a party or a gathering and stay sober, my friends think there's something wrong with me, that I'm miserable or pissed off or something. I have three or four beers quickly and boom, life of the party.

this user, it ain't that hard
Once you do it a few times, you'll see how easy and enjoyable it is

I used to do that shit except it was either egg sandwiches or eggs with salsa. this is some fucking sound advice.

This

ive spent more time in a relationship than out of it the last 10 years. its a subconcious thing you faggot.
if were blatently guessing on gut feeling then im guessing you've never had sex before

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I feel like I'm the oldest person on this thread and I'm only 24

Let me guess, you were chucked in those relationships, weren't you?

no you are one of those retarded idiots that actually believe they are smart

>needing cheese to make something tasty
because there is no option to leave the cheese off

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You forgot about fat chicks

Do not grab anyone's hand and drag them anywhere user fr fr just ask first instead but don't

"Would you like to dance, my darling?"

Say
"Wanna dance?"
It's easy
Keep it fucking casual, and if you don't know what to say after someone says something to you simply smile and throw up the west coast sign and say "thug life" IRONICALLY. People will think you're the guy.

are we honestly discussing the nutritional value of cheese at a fucking house party filled with cheap beer? greasy tastes the bet after alco and this is what counts... the fit chicks will love you cuz one they are already tipsy and they crave that shit 24/7 and you just gave them an excuse to eat that shit up...

I honestly don't know. What I do know is that at least one girl in hs had a crush on me but by then I had faced so many rejections and was still a kv at 17, so I just "knew" that it was just my imagination and/or wishful thinking playing tricks on me "yet again".
TBH, same thing happened with coworker. I went full retard and left a now on her desk that said "Some risks are worth taking." When she found it the next morning, she knew it was me, but I played dumb for most of the day until I finally admitted it was me.
I even still have what I sent to her in my chat history on fb: something along the lines of, "I can't believe I did that", "I will remain professional and respect boundaries", and "I will never pursue your romantically again."
FFW a couple years, she's pursuing ME and it turns out she kept the note!
I never felt so vindicated in my life!
So, the percentages... Dunno. But I do know that it's an extremely beneficial thing to learn body language. Not just to read other people's, but to moderate your own to your advantage.

If you don’t know basically everyone there parties are not fun, I know from experience

>and if you don't know what to say after someone says something to you simply smile and throw up the west coast sign and say "thug life" IRONICALLY. People will think you're the guy.
this is a formula on how to get punched in the face lol

>Weed makes me anxious.

Then only smoke a little.

>chucked
>actual english
pick one
also no ive never been cheated on, they were all virgins except for one, 6 in those 10 years one 18(i was 25), i nympho, one 9/10 fit. so no, you're wrong.
also im assuming you're a virgins since you didnt defend yourself, you also seem like you're underage, not american and a complete asspie

i hear you, 25 here

"Grilled cheese sandwich" and "found out my 'lesbian' coworker was into me" guy here.
I'm 42.

You kids today don't say "pothead" anymore?

LET ME JUST GRILL UP THIS BREAD HERE! MMMMMMMH! GRILLED BREAD!

In this day and age with all the feminists roaming about, grabbing a random woman’s hand is one of the most stupid things you could do. Don’t that retard.

Be sneak about it. Shit in the back of their toilet!

Yes I'm sure the east siders will be upsetti spaghetti

fucking right, grill bread with some butter/olive oil and sprinkle some oregano on it, maybe powdered garlic if they have...

you also forgot the opposite, women that would like to keep it that way will see you as a god at that time
both sides my dude

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no but you seem provocative with that.... just say you gotta return some video tapes, works every time

Can this be a thread about how to make the perfect grilled cheese?

Its basically the same question as OP's

Okay, you know what? That's actually a really good point!
Objection withdrawn, Your Honor.

>day and age

>trying to prove you're not a beta on an anime imageboard

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Grab some random bitches hand and tell me how that goes.

How exactly is "thug life" and the west coast sign provocative

You got some weird fetishes my guy

Lower heat, cover the bread in something to add flavor (on all sides, in my case butter, I think my parents used to use mayo), never use American cheese. That’s some of what I can say, and I agree this should be a grilled cheese thread.

>But I do know that it's an extremely beneficial thing to learn body language. Not just to read other people's, but to moderate your own to your advantage.

yes

also if the girl at the party still has the hots for you just fucking talk to her man, general interest goes a long way. if you get deep enough in the conversation( and booze) shell probably blurt out she still likes you, if she doesnt just try to hit up a few romantic things, her head will make the click

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Day and age isn’t the right term you cuck, get off here and learn some English

Get drunk or stoned. Otherwise you'll just feel awkward the whole time.

>answering a question
>trying to be alpha

pick one
not that you care but i dare you to try me my dude

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damn, what job was it anyway

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or advertise you are an eater European, and hand out drinks to yourself... there bound to be at least one guy who will think he can out drink you, here right there you have a fun night ahead of you and most of the booze its not even yours

he's an 8/10 so it should be alright, if not the bitch isnt planning on having fun anyway

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my dude

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Listen here you fucking brainlet mongoloid. Everyone has their own form of grammar. My grammar is considerable to be obsolete but NOT incorrect. Go fuck your self faggot.

dont pick the randoms, pick the ones that are trying to dance or are just looking awkward/drunk

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seconded

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Pot heads are usually pretty quiet. Go sit with them. Laugh at the dumb shit they say. It's easy to blow their minds. Most of them like videogames. Might make a friend even if you're not a smoker.

solid plan b

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Found the bitch

>calls out bait
>responds to it anyway

Kek, what a beta

Kek

>Be me making nachos at home circa 21
Went to 1 house party growing up.
Chain smoking fags everywhere.
Loud shitty music and everyone screaming to be heard over it.
Lines for 1 beer pong table.
After spotting the 3rd or 4th highschooler I left.
Cops passed me on the way back to my car a few blocks away.
I texted my friend who invited me, cops are coming and drove off.
A couple hours later I get a text back while eating nachos at home.
I missed the mad scramble to not be charged with providing alcohol to minors.
So everything worked out OK, although staying home would have been easier.

Op here
I’ve grabbed girls asses before without consent and It’s never gotten me into trouble.

oh man i am so mad right now, you made me say frick

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>assuming minors are coming
oh boy

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i have to, it actually turns them

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yo OP you still here or did you just bail

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I'm mostly a software dev with an "IT Jack of all trades" stat boost.

I’m here bro

sweet, ive always been afraid of code, seems like a complete cesspool of things that can fuck eachother up

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nice

Honestly, learning to develop - not just code, but plan for all the systems an application will be interacting with, "wiring up" different resources, etc. - has done a lot to improve my thought processes in other areas of my life.
And it only seems scary if you don't know anything about it. You build with it as if your functions, objects, etc. are virtual Legos. Start small and reuse code bits, put pieces together to build bigger and bigger things, etc.
"Separation of concerns" is a great thing to learn.
Of course, I had the advantage of starting very young with a home PC. It was pretty primitive but I learned the foundational concepts of programming. (It was BASIC though, and depending on whom you ask, I probably had to unlearn a lot of what I learned from that.)
I know I'm kinda all over the place with this, but I'm doing this on my phone while I should be coding.

>House parties
I was over them by 25. 27 now. Would rather go to a bar and guzzle a pitcher over a game of pool.
Not much comes out of it besides free booze, cush, and sex.
Which I could get. Without enduring another motherfucking house party.

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ait

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Moderate your alcohol intake

Be friendly

If you're not good at breaking the ice, memorize some interesting trivia.

Be yourself

Quite frankly user, if you are being yourself and still not having fun, you should try seeking out different peers.

Have fun my guy

Shoo shoo boomer.

Thanks man. Y-you too.

Yeah you can build your reputation as Broly the grilled cheese buddy.

kek
#IStandWithVic
#KickVic
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