Pt 1

Pt 1
>Be me.
>Be a high schooler.
>Be overweight but not morbidly obese, lame and overall that typical kid everyone pushes away in high school but also messes around with from time to time as an ongoing joke.
>I was never rich nor did I know what it felt like to be middle class.
>I was some broke, fat Mexican kid who didn't have a social life because I was raised in a super Catholic home, sheltered from the world by an overly religious mother.
>I never had a phone nor a computer at home till my high school years.
>At the time, what I knew about the world was limited to my studies and what was physically around me.
>One day, my mother had enough money saved up to buy me an iPhone during a Black Friday sale; this was the 10th grade.
>Naturally, I was excited, I had finally had something nice, just like everyone else in my school.
>Within the week, it had finally dawned upon me that I had all of the information in the world on the palm of my hand.
>I knew apps were a thing but I wasn't sure about what to download, however, I remembered that my best friend in class also had an iPhone as well and has shown some memes on iFunny.
>Next thing I knew I was setting up an account and I was really enjoying myself.
>Slowly I started to get to know about Yea Forums, Reddit and Tumblr memes through iFunny. I even started to get to know new people and some of them are really good friends I talk to.
>It was like this for a good while until I met her.
>We'll call her "HM", the initial of her username when I met her.
>At the same time I was pretty desperate for a girlfriend at the time and I was already talking with this girl in my engineering class and HM.
>The girl in my engineering class is named Noel.
>She was a small, very skinny, dark and petite half Native American and half black girl. She was nerdy and cute girl who was one of few people in my high school who actually enjoyed to talk with me and have me around.

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Pt 2
>I started to get to know her out of school, but the same thing happened with HM
>The more I learned about them, the more I started to develop feeling towards them.
>For a while I didn’t know what HM looked like even looked like so I asked her what she looked like.
>It took a while to convince her to send pictures of herself and well, I did it.
>She was beautiful. She was a white, petite yet busty, dirty blonde/brown haired girl with hazel greenish eyes.
>Her hair was curly and would sometimes pass her shoulders but never any longer than that and never shorter before her chin.
>I ended up falling more in love with her, despite also being in love with Noel
>I don't remember who I asked out first, but I ended up e-dating HM after asking her out multiple times and I also ended up asking out Noel.
>However, to this day, they don't know that each other exists, because I never told them.
>I genuinely did fall in love with both of them and accepted them both for their flaws. I was that type of person honestly.
>For a good while I was dating Noel and HM from the middle of the 10th grade until the end of that school year.
>I did have my first kiss with Noel, had 3 dates which one of them I almost lost my virginity at a park hidden behind some bushes.(The reason why I almost lost it was because a cliché moment happened, my mother called.)
>Around the end of the school year, Noel told me that she was moving again (it's not the first time she has moved because her mother had mental problems and made rash decisions).
>I wanted her to focus on her education instead of me so I decided to break it off with her. It wasn't easy for me. I felt really terrible.
>But with time and telling HM that I had "lost a friend because they were moving", I ended up getting over Noel.
>From then on I solely focused on HM and I really did enjoy it.
>Though it wasn't without its hiccups.

Pt 3
>HM, at the time, was depressed and even did try to kill herself within the first week we first dating but thankfully I convinced her to not to do it.
>But she ended up losing it once a month and tried to hurt herself or kill herself and I had to send pictures of myself with a knife against my wrist or a fake gun to my head in order to deter her from doing anything to herself(she didn't know the gun was fake until a few months ago).
>It was like this for about a year and a half.
>Then, something changed with her.
>She was there for me when I graduated and it was really fun but when I started college (about two years and a half from today), she was... different.
>She ended up ghosting me for about for a straight week for no reason and read all my messages but would never reply back.
>I texted her once in the morning, afternoon and night through that week hoping she would respond to it.
>But by the end of the week, I had enough of it and told her was breaking up with and well she FINALLY responded to me but she was writing with a more sad/upset feeling than being completely heartbroken and breaking down crying.
>I didn't understand what I did wrong for her to act like this to me and I slowly started to believe that she got tired of me and found someone else and that's why she didn't act as if it was the end for her.
>It felt like she viewed it as an inconvenience to her.
>And that set me off. I was angry and depressed and broken.
>But with time, those wounds would heal, or so I thought.
>You see, because I was in college, and was a part of a police program, I had things to keep myself busy to not think about her so those wounds haven't really healed, not until today. The day I write this.
>Months go by and then it’s September 27th. Her birthday. A day before mine.
>Thinking that those wounds and pain were gone and that I had forgiven myself and her, I decided to say "Happy birthday" on one of her posts.

Pt 4
>I'm not sure if I remember but I think I write it down on one of her featured post on iFunny because I really didn't want her to see it but...
>My phone vibrates.
>Oh, a notification from iFunny.
>"HM has replied to your comment."
>I froze in absolute fear.
>I couldn't breathe. I was stuck where I stood and I was already getting weird looks from other college students making their way to their classes.
>I tapped on the notification to see what she said.
>I don't remember what she said but, what I do remember was that we did start talking again.
>We moved the conversation from the comments section to the new chat feature on the app.
>We talked and caught up with each other.
>Since I stopped talking to her, I became a Sergeant in my police program and even went to Purdue University for the National Law Exploring Competition.
>In return, she told me that since the breakup, she finally got the help she needed so badly and went into therapy and was taking strong anti-depressant drugs.
>But this so-called "peace" was soon to be over.
>Her family was poorer than I was and couldn't afford for her medication nor the therapy and well, things started to fall back somewhat to our bad habits.
>Thankfully she never fell back into her suicidal or cutting tendencies.
>We were genuine friends but out of nowhere, she started to flirt with me again like we used to.
>We ended up sexting like we did when we first dated but she was the one who made the advances not me.
>But we weren't official, she even said it herself after we first sexted.
>To me I thought she was testing the waters before she wanted to give it another go because she did admit to me saying that she and I weren't in the best conditions to date one another.
>We said "I love you" and all that romantic and couples stuff but we both knew we weren't official.
>It was like this until New Year’s Night.
>From that point on, things wouldn't be the same.
>It only grew worse between us.

Pt 5.
>Earlier on New Year’s Day we were sexting and saying our "I love you"s to each other but, New Year’s Night changed that.
>Out of nowhere HM told me that she just wanted to be "friends".
>We never fought between the moment we first talked and that night
>We were both perfectly happy, yet she just wants to forget everything that we did up until that point and go back to being friends?
>Not wanting to make this the situation worse, I reluctantly told her I understood and didn't question it.
>I didn't question it immediately until it kept popping in my mind wondering why she wanted to be just friends.
>It stressed me out and I subconsciously started eating fatty foods and drinking lots of soda to a point where I was hospitalized.
>However, during the short time I was hospitalized, I asked her why she wanted to be friends out of nowhere.
>She didn't even fucking remember what I was talking about!
>I reminded her about what went down on New Year’s Night and it finally clicked in her mind.
>I don't remember what she exactly said word to word but it was along the lines of "I had a thought in my mind about you that gave me a lot of anxiety and that's why I did it."
>Bullshit.
>Absolute fucking bullshit.
>Because a thought about me gave you anxiety, you wanted to be just friends?
>The surprise 180 on me is what laid the foundation for everything to go wrong.
>But this? This kicked it off.

Pt 6
>From then on, I start to try and leave her both explicitly and subtly, trying to convince her that she'll be in pain if she keeps me around and well for a less than a couple of hours I did leave but because I knew the way she would write whenever she was breaking down crying.
>She went the extra mile and even contacted me on all platforms that I was on: Instagram, Snapchat, Kik, Discord, and even iFunny.
>Riddled with guilt I end up coming back to her and asking for forgiveness and I would try to improve who I was but that was always short-lived because there would be more fights.
>I knew she didn't like me in that romantic manner anymore because she said it herself but the reason why we fought was because she wanted a friend she could rely on but I wanted a romantic partner.
>We couldn't give each other what we wanted because I couldn't be that friend she wanted so much because I had so much history with her and I wasn't ready to let go of that.
>She couldn't give me what I wanted because she didn't love me like that anymore and that really fucked me up because I didn't want anyone else to take her from me.
>She was so forgiving despite all the shit I've given her and I wanted to keep her all to myself because I knew from the bottom of my heart that I will never find anyone as forgiving and amazing like her.
>It kept on going like this back and forth for a very long time until...
>Until she told me about her crush at school
>At that point I was completely devastated and gave up.
>I acted as if I was supportive about her and her crush and well...
>I started going back to try to disconnect myself emotionally from her but also started to back out of her life
>She notices this and starts to worry but I started to trick her into thinking that she was being paranoid about me leaving and well she then agrees and stops worrying about it
>I asked her why she acted why she ghosted me
>She told me it was because she was in a mental hospital after trying to take her life

Pt 6
>I asked her when she stopped having feelings for me; the answer is this thread's picture.
>I asked why she made those advances on me if she didn't feel that way.
>"Idk"
>I asked,

"You regret it, don't you?"

"a bit yeah"

"Why only a bit?"

"i dont know, they were fun?"

"HM, you lead me on by doing that"

"im sorry"

>So far, I'm acting as her friend.
>She's currently crying about her crush going on a date with his crush this Sunday.
>She doesn't know that I already broke down about losing her to someone else because I feared that.
>I told her that I'd give her space and I would "cya later".
Thinking about it, I genuinely did feel terrible when I thought about manipulating her by making her think I was still staying around with her but not anymore. She manipulated me so she use me for her personal desires without me even knowing. Her explanation?
>“i didnt intend for it to be that way, i do care about you i just didnt want to be tied in a relationship”
Disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. I didn’t ask if she cared about me, I asked why she led me on like that.
Tonight may be the last time I'll ever talk to her ever again. I wanted to have a genuine future with her. I really did want to have a life with her but there's nothing for me with her anymore. I even wanted to have kids. However, she made me feel something that no one else could make me feel honestly. It's a feeling that once you get a small taste for, you end up craving for. Something you crave for until it's all yours. I genuinely believe that I will never find anyone like her. I will never find someone who can invoke that same feeling like she did. But she doesn't want me like that, we can't give each other what we want. Goodbye Haley. It was nice while it lasted.

Is there a single sentence to summarize this. I don't read novels on Yea Forums.

dude tries to e-date girl, doesn't work out because she lost the feels during their relationship hiatus

Stop asking questions and stop talking to her. It doesn't help you and all it does in her eyes is convince her that she made the right decision. Stop dwelling on it. You won't give a fuck about her in a year.

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