Ask Lucifer anything

Ask Lucifer anything.

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enie

meeny

miny

How did you fuck around and get a triple doubles?

I'm The Devil, m8

Holy shit!

moe

Why am I locked out of he'll?

Hell

Sounds like you already are in Hell.

I gotta ask: Shkreli, Was that you?

I don't cause humans to do bad things. You are all responsible for your own downfall.

Nobody wants to talk about it but I heard from Ariel recently that you've repented. Why'd you give up your whole gig like that?

thats the dos exis guy's son. triple xxx.

Yeah, I saw "Lucifer" on Netflix too, and for something so soapy it's pretty accurate. And mildly entertaining...

Thats not Lucifer, thats Louis Cyphre!

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When does the new season start?

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We're too poor for that on the compund, she just accended some weeks ago. She speaks the truth Lucifer.

He is I and I is he

Pretty soon now that Netflix is involved. Fucking Fox...

I don't like the way they portrayed Angel of Death. First of all, the real Death is a very beautiful young woman.

I happen to know Lucifer and let me tell you he’s mostly misunderstood. Think of him more like a warden to giant prison. He’s thoughtful and well read. And I happen to know that sacrificing children in his name greatly annoys him.

Are you eternal?

As far as your comprehension of space/time, yes.

You think posing as the devil, just ‘cause it scared... that nutty old man... You think it’s gonna scare me? You’re crazy!

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You know me? Where from?

In other words no.

Check em!!

I’m the accountant. You are not Lucifer.

Nothing is eternal. Even time will end one day.

Time is a concept of the human mind. It was never alive it has no true beggining or end.

Why are you such a fucking faggot?
Do you need me to beat you down again so you go back to hell?

Why not. Besides your puny fists whats my punishment? You not gonna let me back in?

Will i be truly happy this year? Or Will the numbness continue?

Yeah, his ignorance about Ariel proved that.

Whoo!...think was him!?

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Oh, there was a "time" before time, and the Universe moves in time and space, but it will end one day. Only, you humans will never see it end, just as you were not there to see time begin.

Never pretend you are Me. Got it?

Why do you want to be happy? Embrace your misery, because it's the only certain thing.

I wrote this when I was 10 "im 32 now"

"Time is personal, we use time for convenience but the same time now is the same time as 1000 years ago or a billion years ago. The past does not exist and the future does not exist"

My teacher sent me to the school counselor.

I'm guessing... you are Dad?

You're smart. How's that working out for you?

So many larpers. I thought I had a line on an old friend. If you want to talk, text me.
-G 8125121488

Too real dude

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Oh but I am....

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Cheer up, bro, eventually you will die. Stop resisting it, and it won't hurt.

Who was right, Skinner or Chomsky?

No, you're not...

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Why are women the way that they are? Did you do this?

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Skinner. You rise from nothing toward light.

Tried to summon you, but apparently you are still sitting that chair

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Someone far worse than Lucifer did this. Womens liberation has been pushed for 200 hundred years. He might upgrade your accommodations if you can guess who is responsible for it. Protip: they aren't godly, angelic, or even divine.

No, Dad did that. Why do I get blamed for all His shit..?
What particular bad feature are you annoyed by?

I am not really sad, just feeling kinda numb, however i gotta admit this made me genuinely happy. My sincere thanks to you user.

YES. I. AM.

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If I write her tomorrow, will I fuck her next week?

Which particular rite did you use? Nice pic, btw

When can I sell my soul to you

You can't blame dad for everything. Sure he had a role in it, but they needed guidance and cajoling to get this way. We all know you helped out the templar. Why? You knew he would fall to the tribe. His temple to you meant nothing.

NO. YOU. ARE. NOT.

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Hi, Lucifer. Please explain how quaternions protects from gimbal lock.

r u a gay?

Numb is good. For me numb works, because of the alternative.

No.

But I assure you.... I. AM.

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You can't. Souls can't be bought and sold. Your soul is yours, and yours alone.

Hadn't heard about them switching to Netflix. Was Fox being a bunch of cunts again?

why dont you fuck off

Incorrect. Women cannot be Seraphs. The only man to become an angel was Enoch. He is not even a Seraph.

As important as Death is, the angel in such service has to be of the order of Seraphim.

Fuck you, Lucifer.

They don't.

Thanks sir.

I used the rite as Mr Crowley suggested
Soon enough I will try it again

Fuck you too, kid.

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No.

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Yes, and that #SaveLucifer campaign helped a lot.

No, but I can fuck your mom. Good enough?

no man, u shud fukc off mate, leik go away lol

Kek blessed you with trips,may you find your peace soon user

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Seraphim and Cherubs are a medieval concept, I'm surprised they (concept) survived this long. Also, Hosts can take any shape they wish.

What do you think about the I Ching?

Skulls for the skull throne

Alistair was a pompous dick. Spoiled brat that I had to escort to Hell personally.

Turn around. I'm right behind you.

Should I cheat with this stripper that wants to fuck me? And what’s her name?

lol, why, I told you to fug off man

Thank you. I did. So will you one day.

do demons have sex with underage children souls in hell

Serious stuff wrapped into frivolity. Eastern civilizations have a better grasp of serious matters, like the meaning and path.

Well, I'm fucking you instead.

Incorrect. Hosts can only take the shapes allowed, or cursed, by God. Depending on which side of the rebellion they fell on. All puns intended. The children of fire no longer have free will. They can only serve the functions the Father has designed for them. Only the children of clay have free will now.

Souls are ageless. Once rid of their mortal coil, age becomes immaterial.

what color underpants am I wearing?

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I asked nicely to fuck off, why cant you do it

When shall we meet?

That’s retarded. The only punishment for the fallen is they can no longer hear the word of god. This normally drove them insane but Lucifer taught those who followed how to cope with it. Some of us cope better than others that’s all.

What'll you give me for my energy?

When shall we meet?

And by the way Lucifer’s only commandment is worship no gods. Including those who would see him as one. That’s why he’ll is famous for being torturous when really it’s just lawless. No one is going to save you there.

Do demons rape souls though?

You see the free will is a paradox that not even us that have Fallen or stayed with Father understand. If it was all His will (including the World of Clay), then concepts of sin and punishment are non existent.

>Two sixs Two twos and Two Nines
WW3 in bout a week or so?

are you, a jew?
(rimes :DD)

Black with gray trim.

LOL

Now that is fucktarded in spectacular fashion.

If they had heard the Word of God in the first place, how could they rebel? Really ask yourself Larper? If they actually heard his Voice in their minds, how the FUCK could they go against it?

Answer is, they never heard it, until it pronounced their fate. To be cast beyond his light and love. To never have a chance to redeem themselves. To be cursed only to serve as a fable to teach mankind, his favored children.

To be nothing.

Where did you go? Why won’t you answer my question?

Should I cheat with this stripper that wants to fuck me? If you’re so smart, what’s her name?

Because I want to see you suffer.

What's the time? Oh, soon enough...

what if I am the one who wants to see YOU suffer?

Nothing, Your energy serves you to transcend, If it's low during your lifetime, your ass is mine.

What do you think of Jesus, Lucifer?

nah

I appreciate the vote of confidence, but that's not how it happened.

Lucifer's only words of import are "Damn Michael, why did you have to go and kick my ass out of Heaven? It was a hell of a fall..."

Again, all puns intended.

Occasionally...

How perceptive of you. No, not a week. I'm a little perplexed thou, it was supposed to begin back in 2017...

No, but I'll take your Jew Gold!

Don't forget, kid, I was The Lightbearer. What do you think happened to the Light when I fell?

And don't flatter yourself, you mortals are nobody's favorite children...

Play some rap music.

Who?

Look again.

Lightbringer, Larper. Lucifer translates to Lighbringer, not Lightbearer. Common mistake. And it was because he was the most loved and highest of the Father's Seraphs.

Also because he was the word "Let there be Light."

To bad he lost to another Seraph that kicked his now red ass off the ramparts of Heaven.

Flaming swords made of the Will of God are a bitch...

It was a long time ago, but I said something like "Michael, you ass licker!" And yes, it was Helluva fall...

still no

lol

Now you are learning how to play larper. Have more fun with it. It is always more memorable for the audience when you lean in to the banter then try to deny it.

You only speak one language, and then you use it for nitpicking. Also, who knows Father better, me or you, meatpuppet?

And if you wan't to get really nitpicky, I was an Archangel. There used to be only 12 of us.

Has to be...

Does not even know that Archangels have only four wings and stand beneath the Seraphs who have six.

Must be a Protestant.

If you are in fact the defiled one, kill my wife as proof. I dare you.