I have a question for people who use prostitutes. I'm middle aged and pretty much a shut-in...

>I'd hate to be caught up in a prostitution sweep

As another user said, be up front about what you're looking for. If she pushes you towards sex, even though you're willing to pay the same for not having sex, it's probably a cop.

Sounds like this is a real, long term situation you've been in? Why not get on a plane and travel to somewhere less restrictive? It's only a cuddle you want FFS. Fly to continental Europe, cuddle your way across the land, see some fantastic history, eat some great food, have low priced high quality dental work and then come home a more confident man.

OP. Please please please stop being a shut in. Go volunteer somewhere like a nature center or park or homeless shelter. Hell even go to church if you are religious or can just ignore the religious part and just get the community vibe. Going out more will help and you may meet someone. You certainly will make friends and get a purpose.

You hire a cuddler you gonna feel better at first but then late at night you gonna feel even more withdrawn.

>I'm pretty isolated. I have no friends and no family and no one who cares whether I'm alive or dead. I haven't received a gift in about 35 years or so. Sometimes I go without talking for so long -- months at a time -- that I forget how, and have to practice before I can form words again with my mouth.

I feel badly for you. Where do you live? Maybe I could send you a present.

Being a hermit for decades isn't great for one's financial well-being. As you probably have guessed I'm on the spectrum, so I give off all kinds of "nope" vibes. I'm not capable of ordinary human interactions. My own parents told me they disliked me when they threw me into the street at 17 and told me they wanted nothing further to do with me. Even rapists and serial murderers get support from their parents, so I understand that there must be something pretty damned wrong with me.

I'm honestly okay with being left alone. I've found ways to fill my time; lots of reading, teaching myself skills, playing video games, and so on. Unfortunately, I find I still have some kind of physiological need for human contact. Since I'm not able to disguise myself as a human being, I'm going to have to pay someone to tolerate my presence.

I'm not fixable, unfortunately. I started out pretty strange, and decades of isolation have made me... well, alien. I don't even know what it is I'm saying or doing, but I can tell people find me creepy and avoid even being near me. I did all the stuff you suggested when I was younger, but after enough rejection I realized that no amount of therapy and attempts at socialization would fix me. That's okay. I don't feel too badly for myself. Eventually I got a small disability pension so I didn't have to be on the street any more, and that's enough for me.

Not everyone on this planet can be happy. There are some people who are simply too damaged, broken, or otherwise disagreeable to find a place in this world. I'm fortunate enough to have been born into a time when I wasn't just left in the forest to die or executed for being a sorcerer, the fate of most people like me for most of human history.

You don't need to feel badly. I get by, and my life is pleasant enough, if a bit lonely. There's nothing like homelessness, hunger, and desperation to make you appreciate the little things, like having a roof over your head, a bed to sleep in, and running water.

Transgender m->f also smell like girls if they take hormone blockers and female hormones.
A friend of mine changed his gender, now she really smells like a girl. I don't mean perfume, I mean that body smell. Skin also got softer.
So that's something you may want to look into.

You may also want to look into these japanese lap pillows. Buy some worn clothes from a girl, but them over and you have a lap to sleep on.

Did you ever try to take some drugs?

I'm anhedonic, so drugs don't work on me. For instance, I don't get drunk. Like, at all. I can drink until I'm unconscious, but no one can even tell I'm drunk since my behaviour doesn't change and I don't feel anything but sick. I've tried a variety of drugs, and none of them work the way they're supposed to. My brain just isn't wired right.

That's probably why I'm asexual, too. The feeling of ejaculation just feels like a sneeze from my groin. I've been told it's immensely pleasurable for most people, but I'm not even sure what "pleasure" means, since I've never experienced it.

To be honest, I don't know what will scratch my itch at this point, since it's not really a logical thing. I'm having cravings for feeling someone's body heat with my body the same way I might have cravings for a pizza or a pickle. The craving is for the feel of skin against my skin, and I'm not sure whether clothes or a pillow will satisfy the craving.

Well than keep having a pity party for yourself. If I were you I would do a very unique job that gave me isolation in new locations to push my boundaries. You instead are just going to wallow in your misery until you neck yourself and some postal worker calls the cops due to the smell a month later.
Piss or get off the pot

Take the red pill and unplug from this torturous world, don't waste time on absolute whores. UNPLUG YOURSELF BE FREE

He made it clear he is not feeling sorry for himself you fucking retarded cocksmoker.

Who's having a pity party? I keep saying, I'm okay with my life. I've had some pretty hard times, so having a roof over my head and a bed I can fall into whenever I feel like it is pretty good fishing as far as I'm concerned.

But I know perfectly well this isn't going to matter; I don't know what kind of subtext I'm giving you, but whatever it is, you already can't stand me. I am well aware of the effect I have, which is why I tend not to have these kinds of long discussions.

Anyway, I have a number of serious health conditions which limit my choices. Among them, I am slowly going blind from a rare form of glaucoma. I take an armload of medications for my conditions, so I can't just take off for Antarctica to get a job at a weather station.

Bullshit. He won't do anything to change. Won't move, won't interact, won't change jobs, won't go to a therapist or psychiatrist. He also isn't going to hire a cuddler.

He mistakenly thinks that he's the same person as he was years ago. Life isn't a fucking destination. It is a journey and he's opting out of that too. He can make changes but sabotages himself by convincing himself he has failed before he starts. If you are unwilling to try nearly anything you are a waste of carbon. So he got rejected earlier? Fucking nut up and try again until you die of something else.

Sounds like projection to me. You don't know anything about my earlier life, so the fact you're so certain about everything tells me it's really yourself which is the source of your anger. And for the record, I've been through 15+ years of therapy of every kind imaginable, and none of it did much good except Albert Ellis' Rational Emotive Therapy, which taught me how to be content with what I have.

I pay girls $25 per hug whenever I can.
Supply and demand.

did you try DMT? worked on an autistic anhedonic friend or mine.

No. Should I? Given how broken my brain already is, I'm a bit hesitant to start deliberately trying to throw spanners into the gears.

The needs of a man are like a bad temper.
You can choose to be a loose cannon, out of control, or you can choose to safely take it out only on those hired for the job, and find harmless outlets for release when you cannot.

It doesn't matter about your early life man. That's the point. What matters is NOW. You don't want to put the work in because of past failures. I had an abusive childhood and a broken home. I was on my own at 16, a drug addict, an alcoholic and a misanthrope. I kept working on it man. I had shithead "friends". I've had rejection. It is a part of life. Now I own my own business and have a wife and kids. I have HPPD and disassociation disorder. There is value in trying. There is value in failing. Do it enough and you will reap the benefits and see the value of change.

Dust yourself off and try something now. If it doesn't work out. TRY AGAIN with something different. You can't win a war if you aren't willing to even fight. Go donate your time and find some solace in how good you have it. Join some club. You have to have some interest. There are akward geeks in every possible interest. Go help heroin addicts get off the street. Trust me they are in the same boat as you. Misery loves company.

Please please please do something. Stasis is killing you. Don't wait for death. Go face your life. Paying a whore to snuggle you is ultimately gonna make you feel so much worse. It is literally hanging a pork chop around your neck to get a dog to play with you. I don't dislike you OP. I recognize alot of me in you. I found meaning and worth in struggle. You can too. You deserve and need it. Sorry about telling you to neck yourself. I didn't mean it.

Pathetic

You seem to be missing the point dude. You just sound like a regular fuck-up. He's not regular.

No one is regular. If he is sentient and aware of his needs he can work towards it. Get into rock and mineral collecting or playing Magic the Gathering. There are people in these hobbies that are just as akward as OP. I speak from experience in both.

He can try and put the work in. Ultimately I have no dog in this hunt. My next suggestion is applying to Hand Angels. It is literally a organization that arranges a one time visit by a human woman or guy (your choice) to get a handjob for the disabled person. They give you a handy and some human contact and hugs and cuddles.

You there OP?

Yes, sorry, I was just making lunch.

Just take it as a given that I'm not fixable. I'm not going to go into a long, tedious story about every interaction which has showed me I'm not capable of maintaining normal human relationships. The last group I volunteered for froze me out and, in an attempt to make sure it wasn't me using negative thinking, I just kept showing up until a delegation approached me and told me I wasn't welcome. Oh, they didn't put it that way; they said this was awakward, but that they didn't think I was a good fit, and that they'd help me to find somewhere else if I asked, but as soon as I let them off the hook they just fucked off and never contacted me again, any of them.

I'm not mad, I don't blame them. I know from long experience that I'm incapable of normal human interaction. It's not easy to get a disability pension here, but three doctors -- mind, the government's, and a neutral third party -- all agreed that I am not just disabled but so completely broken that there is no level of accomodation for my disability which will ever make me employable, and that I am to be given a disability pension for life.

My power levels are off the charts. You know those weirdos who spot trains? I'm more broken than them. Not blaming anyone and I don't pity myself, I'm just acknowledging reality.

There's a woman out there who can love you. Many girls like sweet innocent autists, they think it's cute. Don't know if they will fuck you, but you can maybe find some love. There's also lots of lonely women out there and even your weird ass is better than nothing. You might be treated as a child or a pet, but honestly that seems better than what you have going on right now. Also remember that there are autistic women out there too who might be on your same want length.

>Book a trip to Kiev Ukraine
>Go there and get a nice hotel near "the arena"
> Bring 250$ to strip club there
> Get your own table for 200$ pre pay
> Buy two strippers at your choosing for 100 each for two hours and a bottle of champagne each.
> Take them to your room.
>Kill yourself for having to go this low just to get laid.

Lol those are actual prices... I uhh.. my friend told me

I'm not complaining about my life. I have everything I need, and lots to occupy my time. I've learned how to get along without human company, and after so many years I don't miss it. That's why I'm a bit alarmed to find myself craving human contact. I think this is what they mean by "cabin fever." I'm hoping after I hire someone for some touch, I can go back to being a hermit again. Maybe it's manopause and this is the last hurrah of my testosterone output before it starts dropping.

Anyway, you should read about Harlow's "pit of despair" experiments with rhesus monkeys. A monkey which has been isolated for long enough becomes permanently broken and can no longer be introduced to other monkeys without being attacked or killed because it's lost the ability to give and receive social signals. For my own safety, I need to stay safely out of reach of human society.

Fortunately I always have Yea Forums, where being a wildly dysfunctional, antisocial shut-in isn't even especially unusual.

so you committed suicide in the end and you're posting here?
Nice to meet you zombie-chan

Believe me, I had the same feelings, Just get yourself a good sexdoll. they work great to get your dick wet or just to cuddle with.

Yeah I'm familiar with that experiment, but I don't really think that extends to humanity considering we love things that aren't socially similar to ourselves. People love cats and they don't give off the same social signals that a human does. Right now I think you should just find people to vocalize with. You say you like games, throw on a mic! You'll at least get some practice and it's not like you have to break the ice just talk about the game.

I hang out on social media when I need a hit of interaction at a distance. IRC is good for that.

I think a lot of prostitutes dislike this, to be honest. Don't forget for them sex is as impersonal as it is for the client, so it's a barrier that keeps emotional stuff out. I know there are some women who do see themselves as social workers of some sort and do "girlfriend experience" or whatever. Maybe you ought to seek that out, because expecting empathy from a random prostitute could turn into a nasty experience.

No prostitute...get a puppy...raise it...dogs give company and love you unconditionally...

Yeah, I was afraid of that. That's why I created this thread. I'm hoping to get this kind of heads-up from people with experience dealing with prostitutes.

Not sure what country you’re in OP but recently here in Australia there was a story about women who are offering exactly the service you are seeking. I’m sure it’s available wherever you are too.

Also what do you make of the log phenomenon which has taken over/b/ in recent years?

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I considered it, but the place where I live has toxic black mold. I was told it will kill most animals dead, and the smaller they are the worse is will hurt them.

Also dont become a furry and demolish the poor dogs anus...

Move to a different location if possible

>Anhedonic

Dude, you have a severe dopamine deficiency. skin-to-skin contact has been shown in laboratory settings to dramatically increase dopamine levels (as well as immune response, digestive efficiency and a ton of other stuff).

Start by taking large doses of L Theanine and L Tyrosine, (and small doses of 5HTP for serotonin; don't overdo it, bc excess serotonin can cause seizures), and increase your intake of vitamin C. Consider supplementing Zinc as well, depending on diet.

Look into a powdered herb called Kapikachhu which also significantly increases dopamine production.

After six weeks of taking each supplement on alternating days (the L Theanine may cause drowsiness for 12-18 hours, test it on a weekend first just in case) try taking a single or a half-dose of LSD if you can find it in your area to increase interactivity between different parts of your brain and to hopefully strengthen certain pathways.

I honestly don't know whether synthetic dopamine is a thing you can get, but talk to a psychiatrist (not a therapist; you need someone who can talk real neurochemistry) but it's possible you have something like a glandular condition (I'm starting to get out of my personal depth here, so please forgive my fuzzy description) which either makes dopamine production impossible, or which prevents the hormonal or protein triggers from firing.

I'm sorry, OP. That's an unrewarding way to live. I have a much milder form of your condition myself, but I've been taking supplements and meditating for about a year now, and I'm starting to see what life is like for the people who aren't like this, at least in certain ways.

Good luck, OP.

Man this thread is depressing...

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Thanks for the feedback. I'm not sure I want to start ingesting neurotransmitters, but I don't think adding more zinc and vitamin C to my diet will hurt, and I'll see if I can find some kapikachhu. I experimented with ginseng for a while and that seemed to help a little with giving me energy, but it was too expensive for regular use for what little benefit it gave.

there are many escorts who provide the "girlfriend experience" for a nominal fee. just be a gentleman and treat them special. or you can find a college girl looking for a sugar daddy. either way it will cost you just like having a real girlfriend. so my suggestion is to find a real girlfriend and not waste money on an empty hole that will suck your wallet dry.

Bro try weed..it helps dull the pain...

here's what I recommend: call my buddy Bob Kraft, he can recommend an excellent place in south Florida - they're ultra discreet and the ladies there will take good care of you, love you longtime

Glad to help if I can. Ls Theanine and Tyrosine are also found in green tea, if you'd prefer a food source rather than taking them directly.

(They actually help to mitigate the impact of caffeine; that's why a coffee buzz feels different from the more serene alertness from tea).

I'll add that Kapikachhu is sometimes called "muccuna" and that spellings vary wildly. You might also find it under "velvet bean" iirc.

Ginseng is as you say, better for increasing overall energy, but it doesn't do much for mood.

Dopamine, in an exceedingly quick overview, is responsible for the feeling of elation, reward, accomplishment, or happiness associated with doing something good. Maybe finishing a project, having sex, eating a warm meal, or whatever. It's basic function is to be a reward-chemical (when dumped into your basal ganglia) which promotes behaviours which, originally, conferred an evolutionary benefit. The hominids who ate good food and fucked often passed on their genes, and the ones who tended to do those things also tended to feel good about doing them, if that makes sense.

Alcohol (and THC, and caffeine to a lesser degree) short-circuit that process and dump all your dopamine into your basal ganglia artificially. It's why people say that one drink feels /awesome/ but why they keep going back for more even after the next two or three stop feeling as good. They're craving the feeling of reward.

So-- in basic terms, if you're anhedonic, it's because those neurotransmitters aren't rewarding good behaviour, so you have only an academic, detached motivation for desirable actions. You need food because hunger sucks.

Anyway -- I really do hope some of this helps. I know you've said you're at peace with it, and with what your life looks like, and I don't mean to dispute that. But if there is any way to move up from here, to something even better, I wish you the best in finding it.

Thanks for you help. I drink herbal teas regularly (I'm a big fan of artichoke tea and maple tea), so I'll add some green tea as well. I'm not sure what they'll do, but it's no great labour to brew some green tea on the regular.

I should mention that anhedonia and ASD isn't the only irregularity I experience. For example, I don't process vision the same way other people do other. I see two images superimposed: the regular image which the brain flips, and a second image of just bright lights in the correct (upside down and reversed) orientation. So at night, if a car drives by, I see the headlights move from left to right and a ghostly second image moving from right to left superimposed.

I experience a number of odd effects like that which tell me that my brain doesn't function the way most people's do. In fact, when I was young I had batteries of brain scans done on me because I was hitting all my milestones much too quickly (I was reading and writing by two), and my IQ was stratospheric. They didn't find anything different about my brain, but it was clear even then that I was going to be different.

And as we all know, different is bad.

That's absolutely fascinating. That's an extremely rare condition. Most of my knowledge of the brain comes second-hand (I did some work in cognitive linguistics in my undergrad) but I know enough to know that they don't even have a word for that. I've heard of spatial orientation phenomena that distort vision, but you're saying it's unique to each eye.

My guess is that your two hemispheres aren't talking to each other. You might have a protein buildup in the corpus callosum, like an extremely localized version of something like alzheimers. I agree, you have a physical anomaly. That would explain the milestones, too. You wouldn't have to split neuroplasticity across multiple processes.

If you have the time, there's a book you might enjoy. Blindsight (and sequel Echopraxia) by Peter Watts. I won't spoil it, but I think you'd be very glad to read it.

I've had many years to read, so I share your fascination with psychology and brain function. I've read The Man Who Mistook his Wife for a Hat, among others, but not Blindsight or Echopraxia. I'll read them. Thanks for the recommendation. Any others? For myself, I can recommend Penrose's The Emperor's New Mind and Irvin Shalom's Love's Executioner.

Soo...he was behind all that...

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I've screenshot both; I'm actually at work as we speak, but I'll give them better attention when I can.

If you're after non-fiction, I'd seriously suggest you read Steve Pinker (I came to him through linguistics, but "The Stuff of Thought" actually caps two independent trilogies). I'd also suggest some philosophy; Camus's L'Etranger (The Stranger) in particular. I feel very at home with Absurdism, and you might too. He also wrote The Fall, which was a treat. RIchler's Barney's Version was an interesting exercise in exploring the mind of a man who had all the emotions in the world, but usually the wrong ones, and Sartre, another philosopher, rarely resonated with me except for his short stories (I think the title for the compendium of six was "The Nausea" but it would be better translated as "the visceral disquiet")

Michael Flynn has taught me a great deal about the different kinds of minds in the world, and you might enjoy The Wreck of the River of Stars or his Spiral Arm series.

I don't read as much non-fiction as I ought to, so I very much appreciate your suggestions.

Paul Ekman's "Emotions Revealed" was a good step toward mending my last marriage, but it wasn't enough. Read at your own risk, I guess.

I'd love to keep in touch, if you're open to it.

Sure, give me a public email address and I'll send you some email from my personal account. I've read Pinker, but I find him a bit too smug. Not Dawkins levels of smug, but close. I much prefer Penrose, Jaynes, Jung, Laing, and Foucault as far as theories of mind and consciousness go.

I've read all the existentialists and alienists like Camus and Sartre, for obvious reasons. But I as I have been compared by more than one person to Ignatius J. Reilly from Confederacy of Dunces, I think he's probably a closer match than L'Etranger if I'm being honest with myself.

Don't do it OP. While it will be amazing when you're doing it, it will be a lot worse than before when the feelings come back. It will bring you down even harder knowing it's not genuine. Not worth it.

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Man, I have a lot to say, but work is getting louder. I enjoyed Jung despite his Aristotelian need for heavy-handed compartmentalization, and I respect Foucault more as a force for the broader acceptance of his discipline than for his actual work.

Ok, here's a throwaway email, and I'll reply to your message from a real one:

[email protected]

(Yes, this account actually exists. No, I don't use it much. Yes, I was drunk and thought it was hilarious. Yes, I was in my 20s at the time.)

You're absolutely right that Pinker is smug as hell. Beneath that, there are insights, but I do take your point.

If you've been compared to Reilly, you might as well be Smike. It's neuronormative to a fault.

Rigid adherence to the comfortable default isn't the cheat-code to success that it's presented as.

OP Google cuddle parties

Sent. I look forward to alienating you.

Try walking up to a woman at the store or a library, and strike up a conversation. If you hit it off, you might end up cuddling without all these other circus tricks. Just saying.

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Yeah they have dopamine drugs they are used for Parkinson's disease..they have a bunch of wierd addictive side effects like making you a compulsive gambler or a nympho maniac. Velvet bean extract is a herbal source of levodopa.

Get real you spastic triple nigger

Ive read your whole thread OP and Im fascinated by your condition. 1 thing is that you socialize well in text format.
As far as whores, Ive been with quite a few. Some I paid, some not. If you explain your situation, I bet they would be fine with whatever you want

In text, there is a very limited bandwidth of communication. You can't see my facial expression, intonation, eye movements, or body language. If I laugh inappropriately or fail to laugh at something I'm supposed to, you can't tell. Furthermore, the formal language I use in text sounds much more normal than it does coming out of my mouth.

I understand that. You need to explain that to the whore. The actual words are perfectly normal. I honestly think you can get a girl to do whatever for you if they understand. These girls are very understanding. They have had rough lives also

Not entirely relevent but think about alcoholics anonymous. There is a bunch of awkward people. Not fitting in, odd social behaviour, outsiders. You don't have to tell your story, just turn up. They are very keen on handing out hugs. I stopped going for reasons but they are friendly and welcoming to outsiders. Guaranteed hugs and smiles.
Good luck in life fellow outsider.

In my country prostitution is legal. I remember seeing a documentary about this buisiness stating that most man wich visit prostitutes do somthing like you.

Thanks for the suggestion.

>Sometimes I go without talking for so long -- months at a time -- that I forget how, and have to practice before I can form words again with my mouth.
yeah, i have done those things, too. it is an illness called depression. you should get professional help, as i did. best decision of my life

Months without talking? Don't you have a job or something?

Read the thread. Hes on disability

Are you aware Craigslist personal ads don't exist anymore?

look ... in my opinion what you suffer is depression ... and lay down with someone .. just make things worse, because when you leave, you will feel worse not only for this new solo but for having paid for the contato physical ... what I would recommend is that you try to talk more and more with people, in the street at work in the subway, where you see people just try to talk to many ... mentally collect new people to talk to

Tl;dr

They are a genuine lot. Honest that they have problems. A hooker will give you a hug because you paid them. If you turn up at an AA meeting you obviously have problems, just like the rest of us/them. They are people who acknowledge that they have demons and assume you have too. Genuine hugs and they will care in their own limited way. There is a lot of honestly in those rooms. Lots of bullshit and politics too. And drunks.

Don't know if someone has already stated the obvious .
Get a massage.

you can try using leolist

OP, take your autism bucks, get a cheap cargo van, throw a mattress and a camp stove in it and hit the road. Van life is perfect for introverts. You can live cheap as fuck and see the country or spend your time cocooned inside when you choose.

Ugh, no. I don't want someone touching me. I want to be the one doing the touching. What I mean is, I want to be able to regulate how much touch there is, where, and when. When I visit the doctor, they are required to ask my permission before touching me, and must explain why they want to touch me first.

I've been homeless many times and drifted around, sometimes for as long as a year at a time, but I am going slowly blind and can't get a driver's license. I've had that experience, though, thumbing around and living out of a tent.