Anyone on Yea Forums want to talk?

Anyone on Yea Forums want to talk?
Had a rough week and I just think I would like to hear what other people are going through at this time.
I will start, I've reverted to depression after 8 years and it's at a time in my life where I have to support my family, I can't afford to fight this battle right now and I'm scared.

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Man I'm fucked out of my tree on weed but let's see. Umm I guess it's all good. What do you fixate on when you're depressed?

I get a sort of addiction to sadness, I keep listening to sad music and reading sad things or watching sad films.
I enjoy it in a sense but it kinda makes it hard for me to function. And that's if I'm able to even do that which fortunately I am at this time. I used to get it worse as a teenager.

Yeah man that was me in the 90s. They put me on all those drugs and we all got brain damage off them. Have you thought that maybe you should watch your negative self-talk?

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i dunno man, i think global gal kind just found out about being a goddamn flesh bag, like literally
lole
remind trash smellz

I stopped smoking weed on the 1st and Ive been feeling some anxiety. Im also more eager to make life changes so I think its a good thing. I havent been depressed since 2015 thought so I hope you find your way through it

It hasn't been an issue for me since I was a kid.
I used to get bad thoughts like those when I was young, it seemed to take a different more dire form when I was a teenager where I felt like I was always in pain. That all changed because of a girl basically coming into my life, when she left me I had a breakdown leading me to making a decision, I could have driven myself insane or taken life into my own hands.
Obviously I went for the latter, now I'm married to someone I love but since we got married in July everything has started going wrong for us, now I have to try and support us and my sick dad and try to pay off a debt that isn't really mine, all the while not being able to live with my wife where we planned.
The past year of my efforts was torn down in an instant and to add insult to injury I had to spend a few months breaking it all down myself.
I guess I do hold myself responsible for the whole thing deep down and it kinda hurts.
I've put in effort to various things since I left school and I have never achieved anything, I'm not getting younger and things in life seem to only be getting worse despite all my efforts. I just feel like I am not capable of achieving anything, I am inevitably going to let down my father, my wife and my in-laws who are great people.

Shit man I'm hella baked but ummm.....
You gotta start getting your life into some sort of routine give yourself a plan exercise and stay hydrated you be suprised how much better you might be. I've been pretty low before but once I got out and started getting myself together and started trying to make some friends I started to come up and up.

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What are some of your hobbies? They can take the depression off your mind

Martial arts, I notice when I get depressed I want to learn everything, but I never have the energy for it. I feel like I appreciate the beauty in things more and I want to do things like, try and sing, learn guitar piano AND violin at the same time, I want to be good at singing and maybe even ballet, I want to be good at many many things, I guess it's even sadder that when I'm not depressed I accept who I am and don't want to do any of them.

I've never in my life had real motivation, I've come close I guess, sometimes the most motivation I feel I ever had was managing to get myself to work every day for two years and go to kung fu classes at the same time. But even then I wouldn't say I was motivated, maybe just content with how things were.

Im sick im so fucking weak i almost cant walk and i cant meet my gf and i have some problems with her ;-; fells bad

What kind of problems?

She have depression and all other shit that come with depresion
Selfdestruction etc im working with her about that

Try magic mushrooms. A trip is not even necessary, you can microdose for a few days.

It's difficult for everyone around it, those who suffer and those who suffer for them.
The worst thing about it is that there is no real advice to give to help you through it.
It's often just a waiting game and usually a war of attrition. You have to try and be with her as often as you can, it will try to isolate her and that can only make things worse.

Wouldn't be able to get them.
Also I'm against drugs entirely.

You've got to hold on to your wife and know that you can get through it. Half of that is not letting this daily dread come between you. You've got to make sure that you have positive interactions for extended times in socially significant spaces every day with her.

LOL you've got to get a hold of a teensy weensy bit of that weedle-dee-deed, boombadoop xD

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we've been apart for a few months, she's from America and I'm from Europe. She's getting back tomorrow and I don't want her to find me like this. Usually I'm the one who has to get things done because she's can get worse than me.

Well then it's good that you've got this opportunity to have positive interactions in socially significant spaces (not in the car, not in bed, like a living room or a restaurant) every day, starting tomorrow.