How do I boost my fiance's self esteem. She is so convinced she is fat and ugly that she is borderline suicidal...

She’s setting you up to feel bad for her when you find out she’s been fucking everyone behind your back

That's the obvious solution. But shes not some random. We've been friends for 20 years and dating for 6 (just proposed at christmas) kind of invested at this point

Let her get fucked by some big black bulls so she feels more sexy and fuckable

You still have a chance to bail OP, do you really want to have to deal with this negativity for the rest of your life?

YOU are not going to be able to convince ger. You just keep telling her how you feel because you live her.

Tell her she’s fat and ugly constantly for several months. Then one day in late summer, say this:
“I might be crazy but I swear you haven’t been gaining weight as fast as you used to. Nice.”

She will fucking glow.

Much as I love her, shes not that clever. Rocking an IQ in the 110s...maybe. and she knows she doesnt have to hide that stuff. We do the monogamy thing cause it's her value not mine. I could care less. She is so downtrodden she is oblivious to advances. I've watched guys hit on her when they didnt know I was there and it goes right over her head she cant even grasp the concept that someone would be attracted to her.

Top kek! I'm tempted to try that . She would probably have a come apart. I've tried reverse psychology. Just agreeing with her assessments hoping to provoke her into defending herself. But it just reaffirmed her presuppositions

post pics op

well be the judge of if shes fat and ugly

Just tell her she's right, women don't like to be wrong

I've posted her a lot over the years. You all probably have a fap folder full of her pics. Shes no model, but she has a cute girl next door thing that people seem to dig.

That is no help to us now

This morning I had to hang a towel over the mirror and push her into the bathroom. To go brush her teeth so she would quit staring at a tiny hole in her shirt. And talking about how people would stare and think she is poor. JUST CHANGE YOUR SHIRT

I know Yea Forums is the worst place on the web to seek advice but I'm at a loss at this point. Plus I'm avoiding my homework.

And I was trying to avoid this turning into a fap thread. Lol

An obvious answer is meds. She needs a seratonin reuptake inhibitor. But fucking Latinas have some wierd inhibitions about taking pills.

It sounds like this is something than you can fix OP

Is she on / Is she supposed to be on any meds?

She should see someone if not

Post picks then a bunch of dudes will jerk off to her and she will know she is hot

She has agreed that she need to see someone. She was seeing a cognitive behavioral therapist for a while but he was an hour away and it was inconvenient. It was definitely helping though. Since then she says she wants to see a doctor. But makes no effort to do so. And I dont have access to her insurance info to set it up for her.

I've debated that approach. But she is very conservative. The fact that I have nudes of her is astounding. She believes taking nudes is trashy .

Self esteem comes from your*self*. No one else can boost it.

Truth. But just dwindling my thumbs while watching her deteriorate into a drooling puddle of nut bag seems sub-optimal

Get on her about it... if its that bad she needs more help than you can provide by yourself

Sucks bro, I hope you can get her the help she needs before something bad happens

That’s cause it’s medical depression. She’s chemically incapable of feeling good normally. Her brain just tries to rationalize her shitty feeling. You saying otherwise doesn’t do anything to that state so it’s discounted. Talk to her about it and suggest therapy and medicine.

Drive her to the doctors office. If it’s depression then her lack of motivation to do anything is as baffling to her as it is to you.

Well post pics then so we can see of which degree your slag’s fat and ugly

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Logical. My reluctance in interfering was predicated on the idea that in order to correct the self-esteem deficit she needed to accomplish progress her self. I still hold that as the optimal solution but maybe she is past that point of no return. Maybe time to call in the white coats.

Honestly man, she sounds like she has depression and is so deep in the throws of it that she doesnt want to get out of it, and has no motivation to try. People have to want to get better and try to get better, its up to them. She sounds like a weak willed person, used to having her problems taken care of by other people.

She may scare herself into action with a suicide attempt, but all you can do is sit there and watch.

Or

Do what tyler durden would do. Put her in danger, and yourself in danger. Put yourself in a situation where you could both die and tell her that if she doesnt want to live her life than she might as well end it. Bring her to the brink of death. Tuen she will learn how it feels to look it in the face, and may reconsider trying to get better or else she may face death again.

Yea Forums nothing if not predictable.

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Shes a qt

>I've watched guys hit on her when they didnt know I was there and it goes right over her head
>she cant even grasp the concept that someone would be attracted to her.
>She is convinced she is fat and ugly
Bruh this better be bait. I'm a social retard and I can see what's going on. It's not whether or not your complimenting her. She is aware of people hitting on her.
>All you look like is that you don't care?
>Why is that? Am I fat and ugly is why?
>These guys sure are giving me attention and socially validating me
Think about the self-esteem/ego boost from when chicks go to guys and start giving them attention and compliments.
>Fuckit, if you're not going to be there for me, these people definitely will
And then you go on /r9k/ and bitch.
Fuck you op, take your (you)

Man you are a social retard

Well, You could just let her cuck you. I would fuck her as a random guy, say that she is objectively fuckable and cute. Second opinion helps.

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>How do I boost my fiance's self esteem
You don't. Once you do she'll realize what a loser she's with and dump your sorry ass.

Honestly at this poi t I think she views it as a relief, so.ethong to look forward to. The thing is she grew up behind the picket fence. She talks about trauma like she is scarred because her parents we reluctant to pay for braces or they dosnt buy the toys she wanted. Meanwhile I was raised by abusive drug addicts in the middle of the arctic wilderness with no plumbing or electricity and aside from a slight temper and no moral compass I seem to be fine.

OP's famous last words before getting cheated on. Oh right though, he "doesn't care" like so many people have said. Naive damn fool

Your argument seems to be based on the assumption that I care more about the status of the relationship then about her sanity. If after achieving some sort of homeostasis she feels that our relationship is not conducive to her continued growth then I support her pursuing her highest aims. My ego is not that fragile.

you can't force somebody to love themself.

Do you love yourself?

Yea Forums needs to bring back ID tags. Was not user not OP

She's sheltered and weak. Trust me, when youre on the verge of death, reality hits you. Terror hits you. It wont be a relief, she'll be scared shitless

I do, not as well as I should. Or perhaps more then I should depending on how you assess value. But to a functional degree in any case.

Get a gf you basement dwelling autist

bruh

If you need to cover mirrors in order to get her to go in the bathroom thats very, very bad.

Thats like well beyond the realm of acceptable behavior. She needs real help dude, pronto.

plan togrther activities which makes them tired (trip, cycling, etc) or busy to think about such (walking trips, table tennis or other sport activity), etc..

Perhaps. I've been to that point several times. At gun point, mid air car crashes, tied In a bag and thrown in a river when I was a kid. Fell into a waterfall. There is a definite shift in conciousness. Emotions shut down, cognitive function accelerates. But a cant say it ever left me with a greater appreciation for life. Just less scared of death.

Well its kinda your fault for getting engaged to a crazy lady...

or go to check out if can go to help to walk dogs who dont have owner. or horse riding. anything connecting to animals. Animals usually used for therapy, so even if she just around them her mood may gets much better

Truth.

This though. Go down to the local humane society and walk dogs once a week. Let her sit in the kitten room. No one can be sad in the kitten room.

Get into incredible shape and be objectively attractive and don't leave her.

Oh. Clearly she needs to see a therapist.

She keeps saying she wants a pet. A dog specifically. I got her a turtle for a while but it was too high maintenance trying to keep the tank clean. Maybe start her off with a goldfish or something.

Lol I wouldn't put it past her

one more thing. if she loves you really then you can ask if you worth her effort to try to solve this together and if she loves you then is it matters much what else may think, if you feel she looks beautiful for you. You have to convince her to change for you and she want solution because you really do count for her. People may tend to change easier for someone they love than for themself. And here is no addiction involved. However take her depression seriously and check w doc too. Make her want to try diffent things for you.

Dog visible into you and loves you and makes you happy. Turtle or fish or any small animal just not good for this purpose. Even dogs are not the same. Small ones are cute and easier to maintain however in most cases are more dumb. Larger ones have more brain for know when you need them or you feel they are like a friends. If you cant afford dog try out the dog walking or anything.

Perhaps I have made it too easy. By assuring her that I have no expectations of her I've negated a function of the relationship, pushing your boundaries to continuously reaffirm your partners approval. I value her for her kindness, generosity, dignity. Intangibles she doesnt have to DO.

Wpp me at +59169284242 had the exact same problem

It's a good suggestion. I would be happy to get her a dog. I am not a fan of pets but it's a minor annoyance. Unfortunately the apartment doesnt allow them.

Wpp?

WhatsApp

I have debated conspiring to have random people approach her and hit on her. The few times someone has been blunt enough about it to get through to her she dismisses it as they are just unattractive or desperate or any excuse to rationalize it.

>assuring her that I have no expectations of her
dont do this to women

They become literal animals. Gotta keep the expectations high.

honestly it sounds like she wants to be fucked up

If she cant see how someone hitting on her is a sign of attractiveness she has actual issues with reality.

Kik? I dont use WhatsApp

go and invest even more in a fail then user

Body dysmorphia I think called. I wish I could just open her up an fix her like a computer. She definitely has a short somewhere.

Holy shit dude

If I'm honest with myself I think the only reason I've shared her on Yea Forums so much is to reaffirm to my self that I'm not the one with a skewed perception of reality. Occasional confirmation that I'm not shallow hal

M8, I'm the guy people are calling autistc, but
you're someone who doesn't seem to know what they want, with a girl who is looking to you to feel valued, isn't getting it, but is staying with you anyway. How do you think that affects things? Show you want that ass and that you genuinely enjoy being with her.
Your "We do the monogamy thing cause it's her value not mine" 2cool4u shit doesn't mean anything to her.
>You're just saying that because you're supposed to
She doesn't feel like what's going on is real, right there. Fuck this b8 thread and fuck you if this is real.

>marrying a nutcase
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Walk away before she takes you down cause she’s gonna

You should post more photos of her and show her the responses saying how pretty she is. That should make her feel better. Ugly she is not, but how she can even think she is fat is beyond me.

If girls thinking they are fat and unattractive makes them nutcases and therefore untouchable you may have to remain a virgin much longer than you think.

leave her

"Leaving your chick because shes crazy is like moving because your house has gravity." Owen Benjamin

I want to give her what she needs. But I cant seem to get a fix on exactly what that is. There seems to be a strong disconnect between physical attraction and sexuality. She has no doubt that I'm physically attracted to her, but that doesnt seem to translate to her being physically attractive. And I try my best to Express how much I enjoy our time together (which we have very little of.) Maybe there is more I can do, but I'll be damned if I know what it is.

"like did you think there were other options?"

Top kek

Did you try fucking her until she comes?

Like when is the last time she had an orgasm. That could be the answer this whole time m8

Lol crazy is just the human condition. I I dont expect her or anyone to be sane. Just functional

It's more that having low self esteem is not exactly a mental illness.

Once or twice a weekend. (The only time we really have together with our work schedules)

Work out and better yourself physically. Not only will that mean that a "good looking guy" is into her, but if you get hit on in public by other chicks, she'll be more into you. If it's not validation from you that's the problem, then maybe it's social validation. I know it sounds retarded, but I'd bet that's close to what's going on in her head.

Have you tried just calling her beautiful. Dont let her argue be like "Its not something I brought up for debate its my opinion and you have to live with it" Force the compliments down her throat like a one spoon of cough medicine.

Thinking shapes your words, your words shape your thoughts. Your words and thoughts shape your perception. Your perception shapes your actions and your words and actions shape how people see you.

Start with the thinking and talking and the rest follows like a body following a head. Try not to argue its pointless, just take a break to calm down. SPECIFICALLY avoid the cycle where you become upset because she is upset. Or vice versa. Thats the real communication killer.

Just some random shit I've gathered from a few relationships.

>but if you get hit on in public by other chicks
...she'll notice and think "he's going to leave me for someone better one day". You don't know women at all.

If she loved yo she would suicide herself user

This as fuck. She will just think hes cheating.

Let your friend fuck her "behind your back"

Wise words. When I tell her she is beautiful, daily, she starts to argue trying to convince me I'm wrong. I stop her and make her say thank you and leave it at that.

Clairify first and say "I don't think you are fat but if you want to improve your body so you can be happy then come to the gym with me " if she gets mad break up immediately and tell her to figure herself out before trying to date people because she is too focused on making her problems your problems.

Get a corgi, she be very happy. Small but smart. Big dog bark so he ain't useless for hone protection. Makes good memes too.

1. Make a new thread
2.post her pics
3.Make sure you include nudes.
4.Show her thread.
5.Self esteem now tripled after seeing all the pics of her printed off and cummed on.
6.profit

Oh and post some tits in this thread or gtfo.

The thinking shapes words and words shape thinking is particularly the cycle that needs to be broken. Its easy to say bad things about yourself and in your bubble they become true.

Does she wanna get better or change? If not those are the first words you gotta get her to internalize. "I will get better even if I have to change." Most people wanna get better without changing which obviously is doomed to failure.

Its up to you how you sew your seeds but constant positive affirmation does actually work. Cant be too overtly helpful either or it looks contrived. Which is almost where you are atm.

It may pay to let a distance between you grow and then start trying to help in a different way. You must alter the status quo. Its the most important feature of a relationship that I never hear anyone talk about is how you get used to things being the way they are. No matter how shit.

If you can create a new expectation that is better than the current reality the status quo will shift and potentially lead to change.

If you're not manipulative like me you're gonna struggle. People refuse change unless its forced upon them.

Yea its not a discussion. Its an opinion. Not only can you not alter someones opinion but what would give anyone the right to do so?

This.

Get a lesbian to hit on her and fuck her. Maybe she'll trust a women

Y'know by insulting herself in the mirror by saying the things that hurt her the most is a form of brain washing. This bitch is literally brain washing herself to believe that shes ugly AND YOURE LETTING HER DO IT LMAO I CAANT BEEEEELIEVE IT WHAT A USELESS FUCKIN IDIOT LMAO

God damn OP you are such a faggot. Get a fuckin boner and tell her how sexy she is and fuck her(consentually). Idk. Ask her for some naked pics and fuckin (share em fag) jerk off to em when she isnt in the mood. Print em out and fuckin blast em with cum. I wanna fuck your fiance.
Stop trying to push her into improving her looks dipshit. She already thinks shes ugly, you telling her to try new make-up is a very obvious and not subtle at all way of agreeing with her in her demented mind you stupid loser.

Where you two located OP? I'll fuck her for you if you're too scared.

The she realizes, she has been gay all along and leaves him.

Funny how people on Yea Forums are constantly saying the same thing. What is making people so fucking insecure?
>nothing good will ever happen, why should it?
It's so bad people actively reject the idea of something good happening. Stop being a pussy. Face it, if she cheats, then it was going to happen. If not, you could have something more. But even if she does, then you would have at last bettered yourself and can find someone easier. Would you want to stay with someone who constantly makes you feel like "well it could be worse"?

>if she cheats

Go back and read the thread of posts you replied to. You are really not following this discussion at all.

Throw her a gang-bang.

What are you even talking about? Take your fatalist drivel elsewhere. We're talking about her thinking hes cheating because hes getting hit on.

Its ironic you are shitting on us for pessimism but them bringing a fatalistic pov. Its too good.

Read about Borderline Personality Disorder. If it rings a bell, go over it with her and get her to seek a therapist.

Breaking up might be a good idea.

This sounds nothing like BPD, like not even slightly.

Win some lose some

Truth

Post her nudes here, we all say something nice about her body and you show it to her