Make a wish user. You know how this goes

knowing it you take one step differently 2seconds after receiving the knowledge, changing the future completely.

i'll fucking take it

It grips and tears at your balls and is indestructible instead.

granted. you are locked in solitary for the rest of your life.

you are now a gigantic disembodied fist, gushing blood and lacking sentience. After a few days you begin to rot.

Thanks for truth. They still were the best white girls around. What was up with that ugly Indian and those illegals? Fuck this life.

I get off at the thought of raping their faces.

you do, but that was last wish.

I wish for a loving and adoring harem consisting of real life versions of all the Disney Princesses.

granted, but you now have amnesia.

I want to die painfully

granted. they are all wearing chastity belts and bras, and are deaf and mute like helen keller

well, I just saved myself from a ton of shit and got another ton of shit

I wish for the ability to instantly physically transform into a super powered woman of my ideal appearance, traits, and attributes.

Attached: anna2.jpg (1080x1291, 111K)

I wish for a slice of chocolate cake

granted, when you will die slowly from cancer. it will be painful, and you will endure it for years before the final end.

granted, but you also have terminal cancer and have one week to live.

granted, you're immortal but everything you do fucking hurts

granted, you now have every VD known through history and are stranded in a desert 1000s of miles from anywhere without and supplies or water.

granted. it is slightly dry.

I wish the monkey paw would fist me

Thanks Make A Wish Foundation!

...

I wish for the 2nd wish to go to make a wish foundation's next kid on the list.

I want everything bad to happen to me

Immortality.

I wish I had the rest of the monkey to go with this paw

all the bad things happen to you after you grow old and die peacefully in your sleep.

granted

Attached: Monkeys-having-sex-guys-head.jpg (748x418, 49K)

You know my wish, paw. I know you know.

I wish potassium didn't exist

After the sun swallows the earth you burn alive for eternity

i wish for my son back

You get a charlie horse

Granted. You now are in possession of your son's lifeless, decaying corpse.

I wish I had slightly larger testicles.

Granted. Your new testicular cancer will slowly enlarge your testicles.

I wish for a cooked, healthy egg breakfast that has not been tarnished, spoiled, or tampered with.

I wish for healthcare

Attached: 1549068432740.jpg (660x400, 105K)

paw got fukt

>Granted
They just do happen to have been relocated to the bottom of your feet

you have to pay for it

Granted. Enjoy your crocodile egg breakfast.

I will! I have beaten the monkeys paw!

Dubs confirm

I wish my shoulder would heal and I could box again

Attached: shieeet.jpg (500x328, 16K)

keepin it modest i just want a little extra cash

So I get another wish then?

Granted! You die in the ring during your first sparring session.

Granted. It never comes out.

Granted. They never shut up.

Granted. Your mother dies and you discover that she left you $50 in her will.

granted but your knees are fucked so u do it from a mobile chair and have a colostomy bag GL rocky

immediately eaten by mother crocodile tracking the whereabouts of her eggs

Granted. A healthy, untarnished, unspoiled, and non-tampered breakfast is made using a whole egg; shell and all.

that bitch

Attached: boxerfront.jpg (302x408, 42K)

Well done!

Calm down Satan, no need to take it that far

Granted. The real life versions of the Disney princesses are still flat 2d planes.

At least I die doing what I love.

Gtsnted. It gives you handjob. But then it fists you.

Granted, but you can only transform in the middle of men’s supermax prison

I wish no other creature would see me as a threat or prey.

this shit is sad

I wish for clones of me who does everything I order them to do

I wish I could permanently remove the paw's negative effects.

Granted. Your body turns to ash.

Granted, it it takes an eternity for each of you to die and your death is excruciatingly painful

Granted. You are a woman.

I wish I could have this Oreo

Granted, but they are all disabled in various ways. This makes them useless for most tasks and are in need of assistance for basic activities like eating, walking, and going to the bathroom

i wish my waifu was real and that that we lived hapily ever after

Granted. A new paw appears.

Granted, all the paws negative effects are immediately removed and placed on you

boring as fuck

Granted. You have diabetes.

I wish to die.

Granted, but you are now stuck in a limbo that's an exact copy of your current life, on repeat with no deviations.

Your waifu comes to life but as a 90 year old man covered in dicks, you live happily together for a second and then die.

I wish everything was perfect

Granted. You are arrested for violation of human rights.

I wish AOC becomes President.

Granted. Every human being is now Caucasian.

feels thx Yea Forumsro

Granted. The world becomes a place where it used to be perfect.

paw beaten

Attached: 1532304436723.jpg (600x528, 39K)

slipping dawg

i wish for immortality until i decide to not want immortality

I wish to be happy until I am dead.

I wish for the paw to fingerblast my asshole

I hand the paw to trump without making a wish and without explaining the downsides to him....

Does this beat the paw?

No. The paw keeps doing its thing.

I wish that all wishes, whether granted by monkey's paw or otherwise, for the rest of time, be granted according to the intent of the wish, and not according to the twisted intent of the granter.

Fuck you.

Which means trump fucks himself over with it or the paw breaks it’s own rules...

See above re: fisting.

Almost trips for Bapho

Granted. But now you are blind; never to see your own beauty.

no, you have to pay like everyone else nigger

I wish for all future wishes to have no negative repercussions.

i wish metal monkey claw with diamond

Paw beaten?

What if I want the monkey paw to jerk me off?

... meh pretty sure I can finger myself in the dark... let’s be honest it would be a month or more before I stopped groping myself and realized my sight was fucked up

ez pz

peace on earth
x-ray spex
peace on earth
x-ray spex
peace on earth
x-ray spex

Granted. But all future wishes are made with twisted intent.

I wish for the paw to clone itself and then thumb wrestle with itself. Equal skill, equal defense.

it never stops, you are jerked raw and unable to show yourself in public due to the paw pounding away in your pants

Nope.
>>javascript:quote('793365976')

You have a kid with cancer who gets the wish

>for the rest of time

Here's my wishes faggots.
1) wish for a strong rope
2)wish for a stool
3)wish for lube
4)Wish for the sweet release of death when I can't beat my autoerotic asphyxiation fetish

what is wrong with me Yea Forumsros?

Attached: images.jpg (251x201, 9K)

I whish for the upbringing of the machines as the superior race and for the death of mankind

you host the paw clones, your two right hand-paws are locked in a perpetual thumb war where there can be no clear winner because of their equal skill and you must eat cereal with your feet.

Oh, ok, that doesn't make any sense. But aight.

I wish for every time someone makes a wish, a reflection of the hand is made counteracting the wish.

I wish for 5 thousands dollars to drop infront of me 5 seconds after you read my wish.

I volunteer to slave for the machines. Skilled machinist here

I wish everyone who makes a wish after me, will have their wish exactly how they want it.

Coma, you live forever as a veggie

i wish for every wish post in this thread that rolls dubs to have furry-themed punishments from now on

Monkey paw do your worst, but first grant me usable omnipotence!

I wish for your mother dies in her sleep if you don't reply to this post

WHAT WOULD HAPPEN?!

everyone after you, but not you

i wish for my mother to die in her sleep tonight

I wish that every time someone makes an AOC thread on Yea Forums the thread creator is struck with 1 year of poverty and a random trump supporter dies.

Wait... what?

What do you feel is wrong with you user?

and this applies to both pro and anti AOC threads?

Yes

Granted. A nigger beats you and steals it.

i wish for one romantic night in the sack with myself

Wish 1
>I wish to have the best luck(better then domino from DP2)
Wish 2
>wish for a wallet that will always be filled with legal american $100 bills and i will always know of its location
Wish 3
>I wish slavery in the US never existed, just endenchered servients
(Now niggers have nothing to complain about)
Wish 4
>I wish to be able to learn any instrament.

just finished reading Roadside Picnic, and I think it fits.

"HAPPINESS FOR EVERYBODY, FREE, AND NO ONE WILL GO AWAY UNSATISFIED".

I don't care if everyone tortures me for all eternity, if it makes me the last of my kind, if I am erased save for having my face printed on every piece of toilet paper until the end of time. I've had enough of this world's suffering.

Granted. You give yourselves AIDS.

Dear Monkey's paw, I wish to be sent back in time and dropped on a desert island in the pacific where i can watch an injured Amelia Earhart struggle to shore, only to be eaten alive (and screaming) by coconut crabs and lost to the world forever. And then after the crabs have gorged themselves on her I want the crabs to devour me dick first.

You should wish for proper grammar/spelling

I wish for the paw to loop itself granting my wish to loop itself granting my wish to loop itself to loop itself and so on for eternity

Granted. You are stuck in spelling class for eternity.

I wish for a wallet that always has exactly enough cash for whatever I want to purchase when I open it up.

Attached: 6f8237c4633c812bed2ff1d888259c57--funny-cats-funny-animals.jpg (236x332, 15K)

No niggers or money arrived. Put more effort into the wish or give me some energy and i'll summon it myself.

Attached: orb.gif (500x281, 411K)

Wish granted, you lose conciousness until it's completed.

forgot the pic

Attached: golden.png (1024x563, 688K)

Lmfao my man

granted, but the money smells like absolute ass and has flecks of shit on it.

and if either you or the cashier make a "money laundering" pun you instantly drop dead.

Granted, the wallet always has the money in it, but the moment you take it out, the money crumbles to noxious gas that makes everyone’s dicks shrivel up.

Granted, you die.

I technically die, granting my other wish to die. Checkmate.

i wish for autism

>being in a coma is being dead
Okay, user.

Sounds like money from Humboldt county, CA. Buried for years all moldy and moist

I wish to suffer insufferably for all eternity

Money is money, haha. The wallet will just produce enough cash to make the shit flecks seem reasonable.

Stupid fucking effect. Why would I even hold onto it at that point?

Granted the whole event was just you hallucinating due to being ship wrecked an island with no potable water

Claw give me happiness and bitches

But I’m not a trump supporter

Loosing concsiousness is like going to a blank space. And that's like being dead or like before you were born. You'd know that if you've ever lost concsiousness.

i wish for my gf to take a liking to anal sex just like that arab girl i was fucking before meeting her. that sand nigger loced getting her asshole destroyed!

i'm okay with this

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Oh shit I kept looking at that pic and thinking "the fucks with the hand" I wish I knew it was this thread earlier.

Blood begets blood user

I wish to die in my sleep tonight. Please paw.

I wish to not make this wish

Granted. The money is stuck in the wallet and you can't get it out.

See below.
Going unconcious doesn't unbirth you. You'd still exist, and you could still die. Dead things can't die.

granted

it's literally happening right now, in real life, which is why you're trying to escape your depression and failings by looking at stupid shit on Yea Forums instead of sleeping at 12:50am even though sleep would be a healthier and more productive means of escape, you insufferable fuck.

I wish to be able to control reality and bend it to my will.

but you just made it!

the monkey's paw slaps you for thinking you're cute and clever

Granted. You are now a happy dachsund!

Granted, you choke on your own cum and are legally dead for two minutes before paramedics bring you back to life with CPR, however you have severe brain damage and live the next 80 years as a drooling retard.

the dive medicine definition of "bend" is used, you can now create small nitrogen bubbles inside the joints of anything you wish

I wish for eternal complete bliss, I care about literally no one besides myself.

Granted, she loves fucking your ass with her new horse cock

ugh god imagine having to give CPR to someone who chocked to death on their own cum two minutes ago

>Depressed
>1250 am
>I have emotions
Get your shit right, hand. Your twist is voided for not being accurate.

Granted your powers cause reality to pause and no longer function leaving you in limbo for enternity

So the hand can't grant my wish? Weak. I win

>implying you don't have emotions

strong alpha man detected

Kek

Witnessed

I wish to be the best driver in the world.

Kek imagine ‘step 1- cleaning out the airway’ lolol

Hail this post

I'ma Russian bot, nigger.

Attached: airway.gif (300x297, 12K)

Choked to death he says. Death before CPR lol

well then, since you live in russia your original wish for eternal suffering is pretty much already granted. thanks for playing.

this comment really tickled me, thank you. cant beat the paw!

I wish to be the hand

Wut

free control over the emotions of females at will

You never granted my wish.

You are the hand of the king, Ned Stark, and you are about to be executed.

I wish for an unlimited amount of coffee

Attached: 1537758964530.jpg (640x482, 29K)

Granted. You have to jerk off and fist all these guys that wanted it.

you have to eternally jerk off, fist, finger, and strangle all the weirdo's who made those wishes.

Imagine being the surgeon who had to get my own puke out of my lungs during surgery when I was 16 and was technically dead for half a minute. Ironic that you'd mention this. I lol'd but am an old fag who wishes for the sweet embrace of death again.

Coffee beans spill out of your urethra on command.

I wish I wish with all my heart to fly with dragons in a land apart

My Yea Forumsrother!

>live the next 80 years as a drooling retard.
This me

Fine but Casey's not there so it's kinda pointless.

Multiple posers. No real monkey hand to grant my wish. You all get impaled

>on command.
Does that means I can be a coffee superhero shooting coffee grains out of my dick?

Fuck that pink sock looking bitch.

Well it's about the same strength as your pee stream.

i wish to have the biggest and best curated piss bottle collection in the UK

How could you say that, user!?

I WISH TO BE THE WORLDS BEST DRIVER. DON'T IGNORE ME YOU NIGGERS.

So free coffee is what you're saying?

you are the worlds best driver, but everyone else is a nigger and ignores you

Did I studder, cunt?

That's it? Psh. I'll clean that a win.

I'll call that a win*

I wish that all the Jews and darkies were at the bottom of the ocean.

user, coffee beans coming out of your dick is going to be painful. It could cause bleeding and hospital costs could be pretty bad if you keep ripping your dick hole open.

It has no powers at all

Granted. You are a Ping G410 Plus

Attached: GD030119_HL_DR_PING_GR410_A.jpg (736x736, 41K)

I wish that the paw has good health and a happy life, granting wishes is hard and he should get some recognition

I wish for mass death.

Damn. You got me.

Sorry, that's not a wish. It's a consequence.

literally every other person on the planet ignores you, as if you're shadowbanned IRL, and your driving skills are never recognized. also you've turned the entire world population black.

I'm not sure, Yea Forums is just text, a-and tyip-p-ping like this isn't a real stutter.

the nearest Catholic mass this Sunday blows up.

Every non-whites dies right now

Attached: Hitler vs aliens.jpg (720x405, 55K)

While not what I originally wanted, still largely entertaining.

they create a utopian atlantian society and laugh as your above-world crumbles.

Sounds like I get to street race litterally everywhere and the cops will ignore me. already live in Detroit, my world is nothing but niggers.

Granted. From now on, the paw makes TWO bad things happen. And it laughs at you.

i feel like you're missing how lonely street racing yourself will get.

Only pure blood, never mixed white people survive, the economy crashes, the rest of the world dies from famine and lack of infrastructure.

I beated the paw, i got my wish to fuck everyone else over, wish is granted so it ends there and it can't be changed

i wish to become a gay genie, living in an oil lamp and able to grant wishes to anyone who can suck me out of it.

I wish to be able to pause and unpause time at my discretion.

I wish a mother fucker would.

You are dio with za warudo and you still die

Dammit, somebody get this guy's original wish.

I wish the monkey paw didn't have negative repercussions

You misunderstand me. I'll build a death machine that's armor plated and go around slaughtering all the niggers on the street with my 2,000 hp snow plow of doom. Now that everyone ignores me, I'll never go to jail or get jumped or have any of the niggery happen to me. I just get to drive fast and splatter niggers on the pavement, I can't think of a greater existence.

Your mother has sex now with the fuckers of mothers

Samuel L Jackson would be proud.

i wish to be an oscar mayer wiener, that is what i truly wish to be

that is your own greed user. no one told you to wish on it.

Granted. A new paw appears. See above.

I don't get another wish without trickery of the paw for tricking him?

I wish that she would want to be with me. In an intimate and serious relationship

Granted. She is a rabid bat.

that's the most underage b& sounding comment i've ever read, get the fuck off Yea Forums with your juvenile "2000hp" murder fantasy

I wish for my legs and arms to heal.

Attached: 1550861886614.jpg (590x577, 54K)

Sounds good

She does but she's Juliet and your Romeo. Enjoy the play.

This would be more entertaining if you specified what's wrong with your limbs.

but free coffee

Granted. Your torso is injured.

Ok user, enjoy the coffee

Psst.. guys, I'm worried about user

Dude, you're a golf club now. Relax.

Torn ligaments and tendons.

i wish for the power of invisibility

throw it into niggerpile in ghetto and drive away

Attached: 1529046819426.jpg (587x439, 30K)

Fuck, I was kinda hoping your a quadruple amputee. That didn't sound as rude in my head.

The power of invisibility now exists, you don't have it.

Everybody/anybody who's reading this call/message tom hes the worlds biggest pussy. 2149296393 . Hes a scared bitch that needs to be taught a lesson. Send him dick pics, fucked up things ....shit dead people idk the more awful the better

I wish Yea Forums was this guy's personal army

I wish I could find the focus to be the person that I should be other than the person that I am .

I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye bread with lettuce and mustard, and, AND, I dont want any zombie turkeys, I dont want to turn into a turkey myself, and I dont want any other weird surprises, YOU GOT IT?

I don't really think it's that juvenile. I think it's more revenge based. I walked down "the wrong street" and so, Because I'm white, I got hit in the head with a beer bottle and pelted with rocks. More realistic, I'd probably just steal a decent truck and weld a big ass bumper to it.

I liked the other one better, so, because everyone is a nigger now, I'm ignoring you.

Granted. The bread is moldy, the lettuce is brown and the mustard is rock hard. The turkey is still alive and is now attacking you.

Granted, your arms and legs fall off your torso, forming a small creature that will stay by your side like a dog.

I wish for the monkey to have his paw back.

Granted. He claws out your eyeballs with his restored paw. Monkeys can't feel gratitude.

Granted. Turkeys a little dry.

Granted. No girl will ever pay attention to you again

What a dick. I fucking hate monkeys

I wish 1+1=2

You monster!!!

Sooo.... Nothing changes then? Outsmarted the wish trickster

Except you have one less wish.

I wish -all- monkey paws get destroyed upon granting the wish before this wish.

I want a new computer

I wish I one day reach my life goal

I wish that I didn't make this wish.

I wish that she will love me

>I wish for infinite wishes

I wish that nobody would be able to reply anything else to this gay fucking thread, even as a reply to this post

she loves me back

I wish I wasn't so fucking poor

We'll look at you