Work Secrets Thread

What happens if you get found out?

Can confirm.

Deny, deny, deny.

>We've contacted law enforcement and they've fingerprinted the medicine bottle.

I've legitimately considered taking on a 2nd job working fast food just so I could get another shot at hangin with/fucking 18-21 y/o girls.

Law enforcement wouldn't waste time with that.

Sounds like a great life. Sneaking through old ladies' medicine cabinets looking for old drugs

run tech at a theatre. fucked my student worker with a big ass in the light booth.

Considered doing this at Popeye's to sate my jungle fever.

Attached: 1550677754095.webm (640x800, 1.39M)

>Be me
>2011
>Work at Kroger in the meat department
>Take two pieces of cut salmon to the bathroom in my pocket
>Fuck the salmon and cum into the toilet

I had sex with so many cut fish during my few month stay here. Never got fired or caught, just ended up leaving because the pay was shit.

okay OP i'm gonna need sauce on this girl and her impossibly low thong

God that would suck. You can't even fuck any of them because you know none of them would keep it a secret or be able to keep their mouth shut.

Well if they manage to get a forensic team out there to investigate the disappearance of the 2 Norcos, I suppose I get fired and catch a charge.

>people are actually attracted to these negative ass girls
Get some standards

Just be white with a job.

It's a reality in a lot of countries.

Helped coach his girls soccer last year. I’m not allowed in the locker room but they just strip on the bus, no warning. It’s like they know I can’t look but want to so bad.

Hank Hill ass drives you crazy?

Short story incoming:

I was collecting unemployment benefits several years ago because I was a neet. In order for me to get benefits I had to prove I was actively looking for work and not just leeching off of system so I had to send job applications out. I didn't really have anything to put in my resume because neet with no diploma or any real work experience so I just bullshitted an application. Faked most of the things except the school I finished and my date of birth.

I got a job in a large company and now I'm working in their human resources department. Here's the secret: we don't actually double check resumes when people apply for jobs. We do a quick glance to make sure you meet the requirements and then schedule an interview. No one actually phones the places you listed as working at to verify. No one contacts your ex bosses to ask what kind of employee you are.

You can literally bullshit your way into most work place as long as you don't write a too good of an application, like don't stand out, and you don't give off psycho serial killer vibes during interview. When you do start working everyone will assume you're retarded and explain you what to do. No one will expect you to show up and just start working with no guidance.

The exception to this are financial positions and manager positions. If you'll be handling money for a company or managing other people then they probably will double check your resume. Things you shouldn't fake is having a driver's license or work experience with heavy machinery / power tools. Pretending you know how to write memos or arrange work meetings is one thing, pretending you know how to drive a forklift is completely different.

Again, make sure your resume meets the minimum and exceeds it by not too much, don't act like an autistic sperglord during interview and don't apply for a job that has any actual responsibilities (money, other employees) and you can get yourself a job easily. No reason to be a neet.

Attached: lips that grip 02.webm (1280x720, 1.18M)

I pay $15 a month for my Wells Fargo account. I'm in the US.

"never buy mutual funds" youre an idiot

Find a credit union. The average person benefits a fuck of a lot more with a union than a big bank.

Enjoy sky high fees for "managed" funds that have inferior returns to simple index funds.

>Here's the secret: we don't actually double check resumes when people apply for jobs

Depends on the job. If you're going for regular wage slave office work, you'd be right.

>don't act like an autistic sperglord during interview

Therein lies my problem.

I was a claims adjuster in the US for ten years before working my way out of that circle of hell.

Do not downplay your claim when you call it in. If you hit a car full of Asians or Russians tell them. What happens when you try to make your claim seem like no big deal is that it will get assigned to someone who exclusively works low-complexity non-injury claims. These people are either very new to the industry or 35-year-old alcoholic burnouts who can't get promoted. Many times they will decide to let some dumbfuck handle your claim instead of reassigning it.

If you have an injury that requires more than a few MD, DC, LMT, LAc visits get a fucking attorney. You will get more money because the attorney knows how to present a claim, the claim will go smoother, and the adjuster won't have to talk to you and try to bust myths like "3 times bills = general damages"

Don't threaten a claims adjuster that you are going to get an attorney. They are praying that you will get an attorney. You are basically threatening to have a reasonable person who knows what they are doing and guaranteeing that they won't have to talk to you anymore.

If a local shop claims to be a champion of the people and an enemy of insurance companies it is a huge red flag. Insurance recommended shops are just good shops in the area that have agreements on labor rates with insurance companies. The goal of every insurance adjuster is to close claims. Doing a half-ass repair on someone's car would be counter-productive and ultimately cost more time than it is worth.

Please, stop being a poorfag and find a credit union, or an online bank or something. There is no excuse for paying for a bank account.

>work in the marketing department at a fortune 200 company
>new in the group so I'm treated as the gopher
>"hey user, we need a private box at the world series, can you get that? and we need like $30K in liquor too"
"hey user, we're talking some customers out for dinner. they might want some entertainment after that, can you get like 10 grand in cash for us?"
"hey user, the VP just gave the waitress a bloody nose and got kicked out of the bar, can you fix that real quick?"
>I whip out my no-limit credit card or start handing out benjamins to any witnesses, and everything is good in 30 seconds.

>literally don't do any real work except for clean up messes and pay for semi-unethical shit.

>"user, you've done a great job this year! everyone loves you and you fit in great. here's your bonus and a fat raise. keep up the awesome effort!"

>don't know whether to feel proud or disgusted

>accidentally use my corporate card on numerous personal occasions due to habit
>take my friends to strip clubs
>pulled a ton of cash out of an atm in vegas

>boss approves it
>finance doesn't care

where is my life going? Is there any meaning in being a person of integrity?

those are some serious digits, but people in your line of work are scumbags and you proved it

I work in the research and development division of Aperture Laboratories

They're lying. They promise...

Never mind, forget I said anything.

Attached: images.jpg (259x194, 6K)

>>don't know whether to feel proud or disgusted

It's the latter. Men need to feel pride in a job well done, in accomplishing something. Being a gopher is never a laurel.

What benefits are you getting for $15.00 a month? I work for U.S. Bank; tell 'em you're former military when opening an account and you get a free Platinum account that is normally $24.95 a month...

>What benefits are you getting for $15.00 a month?

Nothing, just a regular account. They say they are charging me the fee because I don't have enough money in my account to qualify for a free account.