How does it feel to be depressed?

How does it feel to be depressed?

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How does it feel to not be depressed?

How does it feel to exist?

I don't know, man. I don't think I'm depressed anymore, I've become so detached and void of all emotions. What is this?

>inb4 kys

fun things are no longer fun or it's at least severely dampened, both on a micro and macro level. you don't get any joy out of living.

so someone might say "i wish i could be depressed and not care about anything so i could just travel" but a person with depression could travel to the most amazing places and just have a terrible time, because they can't get any joy out of it.

t. have been depressed for 7 years and tried to kill myself - been vastly improving and i've not had a single episode for over half a year.

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I thought that meant the depression has advanced to a point where you've been so hollowed out by it that you Just feel detached and empty inside?

Not me, but pretty much. I personally lack the motivation to put down in words how I really feel.
Also, that would require me to have to actually feel and evaluate

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show me the money

Thank you, user. I'm glad to hear you've been improving/feeling better. Did you make any changes yourself? what you describe is a lot like I used to feel, or I'd just feel sick of myself but not anymore. It's not that it's gotten better, it's just different
this guy sums it up perfectly I've been seeing a therapist for about a year, she's helped me come to conclusions and new insights, I handle myself better but I don't feel happier or anything. Just extremely bland

most days I'm content with what I have. I'm able to travel in my line of work and have done so, extensively, but it's just me being a stranger in a strange place. Which is usually better than being a stranger in "my own home".

I'm not desperately depressed or in particular pain, I just feel comfortably sentimental about something I've never had because I never really wanted it.

What I THINK it is, is that I have a manipulated view of the world and how it's supposed to be: that being the way I am is not good form

But I believe these expectations are what's really making me unhappy. Although I don't know or think it classifies as depression in my case

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same, it's been awhile since I've felt happy, just the occasional chuckle here and there. Other than that, haven't been feeling at all, no sadness, but no happiness either.

in my personal opinion, that's actually worse than having the ups and downs of a person with a full and functioning emotional spectrum
I used to be on antidepressants for a good ten years but decided to quit and at first I'd break into tears at the most bizarre things, but it felt good. Now it's just like that edge has been worn down and I'm desensitized again, only without chemicals.

Emptiness is the new black

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i got a easy part time job that i could hold (i could technically hold a full time job but it made me feel worse, so i sometimes started drinking and then i quit when it reached a certain point) i made new friends and with small small baby steps i started feeling better. i still had episodes but they were fewer and far between. now i've recently started a real job and im pretty sure i can hold it.

after all those years i too felt "hollow" and i've tried to "rebuild" myself (mainly by trying to establish my morals and opinions and motivating them). i can't entirely explain it but now i actually feel like almost an entire person and not a half-person as gay as it sounds.

about half a year ago i did acid, since around that time i have not had a single episode except just some regular blues, but nothing close to before - however, i do not know if the acid was something that helped, even if i think it actually did - but it might just have happened at the same time, i plan on asking a friend if they have noticed a stark difference between right before and after.

No energy
No desire
Indifference
You think you're numb, but you are triggered into inconsolable sobbing easily
Or overwhelming rage, particularly by individual setbacks
You get fat/thin
Clothes dont fit right
You dont cut your nails when you should, shave as often or even bathe. You might stop all together.
You do the same things, like a ritual, and they do not fulfill you anymore. You might even stop all together.
Substance abuse is epic. You will dive into alcohol and drugs as if you were a seasoned veteran junkie.
You allow others to do things to you that are bad, you dont care to stop them, might think you deserve it.

Its not fun.

that sounds great, man, I'm happy for you. And baby steps are the only way to go. I used to drink too, I've lost jobs and relationships to it. Now I eat cannabis oil occasionally, have been considering acid.
And no, not gay at all. It's my soundtrack tbh: youtube.com/watch?v=ABemQIEhnEE

Thanks, man. I hit the jackpot down to the point of procrastinating cutting my nails now for two weeks. Lost tons of weight and I didn't really have an excess to begin with. Do tons of bensos to the point where I will pitch a fit and have a seizure if I go too long in between

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doesn't sound healthy

discord
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Feelsposting server.

Benzos are the worst. You need to get help with that, it cant be fun dealing with you after you wake up and get a rage fit, but soon you're not gonna be able to take less than 8 at a time.

discord
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this is about right.

If you add anxiety to the mix you get a constant loop of

>I dont want to do anything because I wont derive anything from it
You better care or bad things will happen
>Oh God I better do that thing
>Well that wasn't fun and nothing actually came of it.
>I dont want to do anything because I wont derive anything from it

I'm probably no picnic, I usually wake up on the floor alone in my home. I dislocated my shoulder during one seizure when I fell. Also cut myself open and chipped a tooth. I just pass out and start jumping like I was being electrocuted

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>Benzodiazepine withdrawal syndrome—often abbreviated to benzo withdrawal—is the cluster of symptoms that emerge when a person who has taken benzodiazepines, either medically or recreationally, and has developed a physical dependence undergoes dosage reduction or discontinuation.

fuck me, dude, that's a loop I wouldn't want to be caught in

i completely agree, it's been difficult to build relationships with others, since i don't laugh, smile or grin. I wish i had my emotions back, tbh it's kind of a blessing and a curse (more like a curse). Fucked up childhoods tend to do this to you...

I also quit taking the antidepressants, cold turkey, almost ended in a psicotic state. Im actually surprised i didn't kms that day. FUCK SSRI's.

you're right on the money, sport. Not being able to build relationships simply because it implies relating.
>fucked up childhood
yes, I think that goes for a lot of "us" and "our kind" yet it always surprises me whenever reading or hearing some success story of how people grow from shitty circumstances to become something great.
Not that I'd ever blame my situation on anyone other than myself, my feelings and my actions are my own, I just wish I would have been taught how to handle whatever it is that I'm feeling

I'm so fucking alone yet I just want to live. Have I come to the right thread?

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>the ultimate conclusion to evolution is ruin
mfw

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...

It's rough. But im not a faggot about it.

Most days I can hardly get out of bed because I loath being awake. Yet I do it anyway to work and try to provide myself with a decent life. No matter what I do I come up short, and I've kinda accepted how jaded I am to most things. I haven't totally detached emotionally so thats cool.

We are so lonely in life that we must ask ourselves if the loneliness of dying is not a symbol of our human existence.
>come to a point where you've begun to accept it
would you say that it has made things easier to go along with it and not resisting, or was it always the same?

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It has somewhat made things easier. I use it as more of a crutch- if that makes sense.

Don't get me wrong here, I hate that I've lost interest in everything, my job, hobbies, relationships, but having the ability to just be "done" with all my stress by detaching my self from it it relieving; yet painful at the same time.

thank you. Yes, that's what I was thinking, that in acceptance, or to know that you're done you're no longer seeking rewards to make you happy or working towards a goal, clinging to hope.
Yet, what an awful way to exist. that too

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feels good to be sad, although im self destructive so it's a biased opinion. every single day i think about killing myself and different ways to do it

Thanks for giving me the chance to do a bit of self-reflection today user.

All the best to you-

>feels good to be sad
I can totally relate to that, it's comfy and safe, like a wet blanket. Something familiar and probably the only thing that gives my life a sense of consistency and continuity.
Just don't do it, user.
No problem, I'm curious because after a while of self-reflecting you end up running in circles if you don't share/get fresh input. This thread has been very helpful.
All the best to you too, man

Don't do it user. You have more to offer. There should be a discord for depressed faggots to vent and prevent anything harmful

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>there should be
for what it's worth guys
gg/MANRbr

Suffer through the pain and live just to spite the kikes who want you dead. The only thing keeping me alive is rage and revenge, don't quit like a pussy nigger.

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I'm on the edge of sliding into it, myself, now.

I was an everyday weed smoker for the past 5 years, I'm 24 now, I've always worked full time in manual labouring, and while I was working and stoned, things were okay. I could distract myself from things I really wanted by telling myself I didn't have time, or that I didn't really want them, because being stoned was enjoyable enough. But it was slowly creeping up on me that I was gonna be seriously unhappy with life if I didn't do something about it.

Then I started at Uni to try and get out of manual labouring, but the Uni I'm at is filled with immigrant teachers who can barely speak English and don't really care about teaching. I lost my job because they needed a full-time worker, so now I'm unemployed, in a shit school system full of people 5 years younger than me, with very few friends, because they all live in my hometown, not the capital, and on top of all of this, I'm rapidly going bald, and my knee blew out from jogging, so now I have to find a new exercise to do.

I'm not willing to give up the fight, though. Not willing to accept going bald (doing hair loss stuff and saving for hair transplants) not willing to accept a shit schooling system (Google and Youtube will get me over the line) not willing to accept an injury stopping my fitness (I'm gonna switch jogging for swimming) not willing to accept unemployment as an answer (I'll take any job I can and then look for a better one), and I'm not willing to accept social isolation (I'm going to just fucking go to karaoke bars and comedy nights alone and have a few drinks and latch on to whoever's there and try to make friends)

Every day I wake up, thinking, "Fuck, another shitty day." but I know that being at the lowest point I've been in for years is just a temporary slump, and if I give in to the comfortable attrition of misery, I'll lose more and more troops, and eventually lack the resources to do even the most basic of life improvement steps.

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Depression is a constant tired brain, the thought of needing to do something but never doing it, stacking plates in your room, bottles telling yourself a thousand times you need to clean it but never doing it because you cant.

Depression is constantly telling yourself ways to fix yourself but never finding a way to do it.

Emptiness.

>No motivation.
>Find it hard to enjoy anything.
>Always tired/lethargic.
>Waking up and realising you didn't die in your sleep and feeling bitter disappointment is how you start your day.
>You feel less sympathy for those having a bad time.
>You hate yourself.

You sound determined enough to make it happen, even if circumstances sounds really shit. When people say "it's all about mindset" or "just stop being sad" without actually knowing what they're talking about, I think this is what they actually mean.
>go to karaoke bars and comedy nights alone
I've been doing that for years, I meet the same people and it gives me a sense of continuity and consistency in life. It's not like having friends, but it definitely gets you by

Yikes. Just grow up. I'm sick of getting on twitter and seeing literally everyone have "depression" and "anxiety". The world is tough. You have to face it.

Dont feel like doing anything, even eating. Constantly thinking of suicide from when I wake up till I sleep. Sleep a lot. Brain sometimes feels funny when the bad thoughts go for too long. In a nutshell: feels bad man.

I studied two years of psychology before dropping out, during those 5 years of weed smoking. It taught me that the majority of depression is socioenvironmental. There are some poor bastards who get hit with the chemical disorder, one day, out of nowhere, and they're fucked. But the majority of people can at least do a few things to make their lives better.

At the very least, it makes their lives seem a little more satisfying to set goals and work towards them. Hope for something better, ANYTHING better, seems to be more powerful than anything else in getting people out of the hole.

It made me think humans are just existential creatures that jump from one long-term goal to another without really being satisfied with the day to day of their lives. It explains why so many old people get depressed when they retire.

I think most claims that you're "depressed" are fruitless, because of shitty music that promotes the ideology that if you're sad for one day that you're depressed. Im 14 and depressed but I got the diagnosis, I dont post about it and say shit like "Damn I miss X, he cured my depression", this generation being sensitive is a blessing and a curse, most general media is centred around mental health, but at the same time we've got pussies who claim they're depressed and use mental health as their scapegoat whenever they say something stupid

discord
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Thank you for sharing, user. I'm getting my head around it, think I'm bordering between sadness and desperate hopelessness
I believe that makes perfect sense. It's a little bit like what Schopenhauer.. shit this is retarded, I've read a lot of philosophy but the only thing that I can currently think of is the pringles-picture (related)
Was your use of weed self-medicating or merely recreational? For me, personally, anything recreational easily becomes habitual because it helps - hence medicinal in a sense.
I agree that the word is being thrown around a lot and used liberally and that it's ridiculous to claim you're depressed because you have to wait for the next season of your favorite show to recommence.
I was diagnosed with MDD in my late teens but got fuck all to help except for prescription meds that ended up fucking me over.
But yes, in general, people need to have a shot of concrete and harden the fuck up. But mental health is declining and there's a need to talk about it. Even if it's just a thread in an anime rape dungeon

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It's the worst. It makes you feel extremely shitty all the time, even though you have a girl that loves you, a few good friends and a decent job. Depression also goes hand in hand with addiction, because being sober is even worse. Fuk

Underage b&

Relate/10
I've ghosted my own girlfriend to the point of her dropping the relationship, not for the lack of want on my behalf but just because of the mere futility of it.

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Depression for me felt like being completely dead inside,everything felt so gray and lifeless,all i could feel was this horrible feeling of dread and hopelessness,its nothing like sadness really its something completely different and way worse

>in past tense
does that mean things are different for you now? what happened/did you do? I sincerely hope you're feeling better

lmao I like the image. I always think of it more like Camus' Sisyphus. Everyone's got a stone they gotta roll uphill, and the consequence for not rolling the stone is worse than not rolling it. So just roll it and look ahead to when you get to rest while it rolls back downhill.

It was recreational at first, and then it became habitual. I began to see it like a cup of coffee. Technically, I didn't need it, but I'd be pretty shitty if I didn't get it. So I made sure to find ways of always having it available. The worst part about it is that you don't notice the dark aspects of it. I didn't notice that I stopped going out to socialize. I didn't notice that all I did was wake up, work, exercise, smoke, play games and watch TV, and sleep. I wasn't improving at anything. I wasn't doing interesting things. I wasn't growing as a person.

I feel like that's kind of an okay thing to do if you're getting older, but not in your early-mid 20s. But when I quit, it felt like I'd lost a best friend. It felt like playing LoL every evening with a friend, and then when I stopped, not only did I not get to enjoy playing LoL anymore, I also lost the friend that I was playing it with. It opened up time in my schedule that I really didn't know what to do with. For a few weeks, I was just drinking, but that was more depressing than smoking, so I've been trying to schedule things to do that fill up my time until bedtime.

That's what I get a lot from people who've kicked a habit, and it's absolutely true for myself as well; all of a sudden you're left with all this time on your hands and nothing to do. It's not the withdrawals but how time suddenly seems so long- and the need to fill it up with something (preferably productive)
definitely think alcohol is more destructive although that's a false comfort to anyone who choose to smoke instead. It's all bad if there's no moderation to it

Sheeeeit mane sometimes I feel like breaking up with her because I don't want to drag her down, but I know I'll feel even worse...
>at least it's Friday, gonna b fucked up soon

discord
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Your standards drop dramatically. You become comfortable in your misery.

Not taking a shower for several days becomesmmore acceptable because who are you trying to impress?

Going to work late, hoping that they'll fire you so you can collect unemployment, because you can't quit yourself.

Clean clothes become least smelly clothes, and you wear them until every inch is covered in stains.

Exercising becomes secondary, because who are you trying to impress?

Cooking real food gets replaced with microwave hot pockets, energy drinks, and top ramen.

Hobbies that you loved get replaced with watching the same shows every day on Netflix, because you don't have the energy to put in a DVD.

There's ways out of it, though. It's not all bad. Switch it out for decaf coffee and read and go to bed on time. Become boring in a productive way. Eventually, you discover you've filled that time you used to sate your cravings with something that at least gets more stuff done.

I just hate the idea of finding myself in a hole with no way out. Every single time in my life that I've found myself in a hole, there's been SOMETHING I could do, even if it didn't seem like it would work, just by doing the thing, it makes it easier to actually drag yourself out.

I just keep telling myself that doing SOMETHING is better than sitting around, feeling sorry for myself. Quite a lot of life seems to be "Do this thing for a while and you won't notice it working."

Not gonna give you advice because I'm a royal fuck up, but if nothing else, try to be better for her. I decided to cut her off to spare her from my pain, but it resulted in me not having anything to keep me from going absolutely mad

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this just sounds really shitty. Or like malfunction. Not saying there's a right or wrong, but this is how something broken operates. Thank you for sharing, thanks for broadening my understanding, I appreciate it!
This is good, solid advice. I think, not only would it help people kick a habit, but implementing this way of thinking would help people avoid falling into the pit in the first place.
But not only 'people in general should listen' but really, I need to take this to heart; I know damn well in my mind that this is the right way to go about it, as I read your post - but it's not the same thing as doing.
I really like how you have that mindset/able to share from that side of everything without going all Alan Watts about it. You seem grounded, sound and solid - things you wouldn't have achieved, hadn't you first gone through hardship

If you want something you can do today, if it's still daylight, or tomorrow, if it's dark, is go for a 2km run. If you're not overweight, add 20 or 30 pushups to it. Make this a part of your routine. Eventually push it up to 5km. Remember how I said I blew out my knee running? That was because I woke up at 5am to run 5km and then went through a full day of dragging stones at work. When I got home, my knee was aching, and then every time I ran, I could only get 4km before my knee started aching.

The biggest thing keeping me grounded was this regular, habitual battle. Think of yourself as a conqueror. When I approach life, that's how I see it. Not only have you gotta be smart, and figure out the most efficient way to achieve your goals, but you also gotta carry a healthy degree of endurance. Running is the best way to train endurance. My goal was to run 5.5km in 30 minutes. I got it from 45 minutes when I started, down to 32 minutes, before my knee blew out. Now, rather than lose momentum, I'm simply gonna switch my goal from running a certain distance in a certain time to swimming a certain distance in a certain time. Because it's literally PRACTICE against difficulty. If you wake up and try to tackle some massive goal that's difficult and unfamiliar and you've never done it before, not only are you going to be intimidated and worried, you're not going to have any morale or motivation to draw upon. But if you can lift 50kg above your head, and run 5km in 30 minutes, you can draw upon the motivation that "Yeah, I'm a beast. I can do these things! This problem in front of me is nothing."

It took me a while to develop this mentality, and it was a combination of studying the history of conquerors, slogging through 10 hour days in 38C heat (Australia), and ACTUALLY succeeding at the goals I set, which made me realize "I CAN do these things."

It's exactly like how something broken works. Everything gets stuck, like the record skips.

Eventually, you forget what the song sounds like.

Exactly this.. I am a fuck up as well and I know I can't handle being alone for too long. Thanks for trying to help though m8

GG Sox

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I find whenever I find something to distract me from my sadness I just tend to binge binge binge in that attempt to get away.

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Shit, and my games. Distractions all the way yo.

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>

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ayy

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youtube.com/watch?v=PApus33bRMI

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I feel disconnected, alcohol is my best friend, days last forever but weeks pass in the blink of an eye. I go to sleep with music playing even if I know I'll sleep better without it. Work is automated and my interests never last longer than a few days at most. I'm trying to improve but I wish for a long lasting coma.

Well yeah,one day i just went completely numb,i couldnt feel anything at all,not even the feeling that depression gives.it wasnt so bad tbh,its way better than wishing you die in your sleep
Now i dont feel numb or depressed anymore,i found someone that helped me a lot and can make me feel happiness again,so yeah im doing way better than before

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or this?

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Uh no im not a ponyfag,i found an actual person

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lmaooo

What are you doing here then?

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It's like a flu for your soul, man.

When you drink half a bottle of Robitussin so you stop beating yourself up in your own head, then beating yourself up over drinking Robitussin .

Holy shit that picture.
I've never met a person i want to hug so desperately jesus the look on his face.