Book tomorrow's Raw

YA SEE, THE THING IS CODY

ricochet challenges seth rollins
nia jax returns to face off becky
triple h breaks a golden statue
the usos wrestle zack ryder tag team
goldberg brawls with biker taker in the crowd

>RAW starts
>"No chance in hell plays"
>It's Vince
>picks up the mic
>"So I heard I now have competition again and I am going to be forced to change my ways. With that said I made some new signings so let me introduce them to you"
>all of a sudden out comes Chris Jericho, Kenny Omega, Dean Ambroise and Cody Rhodes
>they are all holding in laughter clearly
>Vince looks back at the audience and says "IT WAS ME YOU RETARDS. IT WAS ME ALL ALONG. I OWN AEW. YOU ALL THOUGHT YOU WERE FREE FROM ME? YOU THINK YOU COULD REALLY GET ME TO CHANGE MY WAYS? LAST NIGHT I GAVE YOU HOPE AND NOW YOUR SPIRITS ARE BROKEN. REMEMBER, YOU ARE HERE WITH THE WWE AND MOST IMPORTANTLY......ME FOREVER"
>drops mic and hugs Cody Rhodes as all the AEW wrestlers point to the crowd and laugh

How hard would you mark?

/wooo/ suicide rates would skyrocket

Don't watch RAW tomorrow.

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>30 minutes of Becky talking
>2vs2 man match
>Usos do something funny
>Sami Zayn cuts a promo
>woman match
>3vs 3 men main event

>Triple H finishes cutting a 1 hour promo on Cody
>Go to commercials
>Commercials end and we get another comedy segment with The Usos and The Revival

Seth Rollins vs Brock Lesnar at Saudi Arabia is gonna be a hot dog match.

DIMES

It's pretaped from last week you retards because of the holiday. AEW actually planned this. They knew when to hold their event so WWE wouldn't immediately blow them out of the water. So now faggots can stroke their sissycocks at tomorrow's supbar taped Raw and splooge all over how WWE is dead. Funny huh. AEW really had long term plans. You just know the only reason Vince is fuming because he can only respond next week by which the hype train will beo over. AEW is WCW they are going to enjoy a little pop but fade into obscurity.

>with a beer in my thighs, I'm watching Wrestlemania WOOOO

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>R-Truth runs around backstage trying to hide from the jobbers
>camera cuts to Renee getting BLACKED
>the revival discusses the future of the mcu while the usos make fun of them for not watching dc kino
>Evil pepe makes the announcer say Best in the World fro 10 staright minutes while he yells its clobbering time
>Moment of Bliss with the raw tag champs
>Zack dares Lexi to take off her shoes and put them on the table
>Ziggler and the third reich
>Big E talks about what would he do to momma Lynch
>main event is shane's bodyguards vs neo shield with Miz
>big sexy hits the big dog with the jacknife powerbomb
>too sweets drew

Abby the Witch for Universal Champion. That would bring in the motherfucking dimes.

>tomorrow's supbar taped Raw
how do you know it is taped? if so, spoilers would be out by now

Baron Corbin in a hotdog on a pole match

based E-drone

>Not so subtle jabs at AEW
>Some things about Jericho, Cody, Dean, and Goldust not being A+ players
>Penis jokes from HHH
>Terrible commentary
>Brock announces via satellite he chooses to face Seth on June 7
>Baron Corbin and Roman thrown into the match too for some reason

Vinny Mac dies on Live TV

you forgot awkward silence from renee and some really uncomfortable rapey angle with her and lashley

somebody is going to have tomato sauce poured on their head to ridicule Dustin

>Triple H does a promo to hype up his match against Orton
>It's way too long
>Hunter works in some smark friendly dig to AEW
>The crowd reacts as if he said he was going to personally fuck Dusty Rhodes decaying corpse

Half hour of Triple H promo.
Kofi Vs Sami.
Bobby vs local jobber
247
Seth promo.
Tag match
Women skit
Women match
Some guy vs some guy
Revivalskit
247
Black dude vs white dude.
Main event is a match

>Vince comes to the stage
>"You may have noticed lately during our third hour that things become a little edgier, it was my brilliant mind that came up with that and it seems to have been a success!"
>"So it is with pleasure that I announce that that the "grittiness" is going to be extended for the whole show! That's right, RAW is going to be rated T from now on, WERE GOING BACK TO THE ATTITUDE ERA!"
>basically nothing changes, the only difference is the lighting is now "grittier"
>corbin, roman, seth and mcintyre are still at the top of the food chain, the women's division is still a botch factory, there are still "feuds" and matches with no decent build up or payout

>next week
>vince comes out to the stage
>"I-It's with pleasure that I announce that there will be no more brand split! That's right everyone from every brand can now do as they please!"
>which leads us to brilliant story lines like Corbin going to 205 and squashing everyone
>"P-please guys watch our show! We will have another announcement next week!"

Literally more over than half the roster.

>Vince McMahon comes out and tells how everyone is calling him a genius about his wildcard, but he says there's more to it. It even includes STARS from outside the WWE, and tonight my son HHH will face on of those STARS.
>HHH comes outs and says gee pops, I always wanted to be your son, but why fight me?
>You'll see once we start the match now!
>Stardust theme
>out comes a midget in gold paint talking about some fucking cosmic key

>Bliss pours coffee on Renee

*squirts coffee
*out of her anus

Vince comes out with a shotgun and blows his brains out
The end.

Robert Roode actually gets to do something that isn't jobbing
Firefly funhouse concludes with Wyatt beating Kofi so hard he gets a jamaican accent
The American Badass beats Brock within an inch of his life via pure strikes

hahahhahahahahahaahahah

>"IT WAS ME YOU RETARDS"

absolutely iconic

*cult of personality starts playing*

>user unironically does a better job booking than the biggest wrestling fed in the world

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too late, it would look so freaking desperate bro, at this point they should just bring based Vinnie Roo (Vince Russo).

*music cuts abruptly*
>I'M AFRAID I'VE GOT SOME BAD NEWS

Renee vs Natty in an evening gown in a mud bath match.

Brock runs in and kills both of them on live television. No chance in hell plays and Vince walks out with a mic.

“You want a war? You got your war! Cody, I’m comin fo you, nigga!”

Mic drops as credits roll.

Theyve never done pretaped Raws for memoral day. They only do them for Christmas or New Year's if they have to.

An entire hours of a bunch of geeks chasing R-Truth like idiots. Also Brock shows up and does a dance with his briefcase for epic people to turn into epic memes. Maybe HHH comes out and is snarky about AEW.

more Becky vs Lacey please

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>Natalya is given another farting gimmick but this time she wears a diaper and accidentally shits her pants mid-match
>the rules of the 24/7 championship are changed so that the only way to win is to anally penetrate Renee Young, only black superstars are eligible
>Alexa Bliss gets locked out of her changing room and spends the entire show wandering around backstage wearing nothing but a tiny towel - this segment gets repeated every week for the next month
>Dana Brooke gets caught deep-throating a security guard and receives a title shot for it
>Jeff Jarrett returns and smashes guitars over the head of every useless backstage interviewer the company currently has hired (multiple segments)
>Naomi and Ember Moon compete in an "ass-off" where they take turns twerking in the ring wearing thongs, the woman to get the most erections from the crowd wins
>Becky Lynch and the IIConics are fined for shit-posting
>something involving Baron Corbin idk

WWE will announce a partnership with NJPW

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Cm punk returns, wrestles Seth, ends in DQ

>Vince comes out
>"today I am sad, I don't want to hear any words, I only want fighting"
>calls out entire roster
>books a 3 hour match, no countouts, no DQs, falls count anywhere, everyone is in the match
>last fall in the 3 hour limit get the Universal title
>bell rings

>Buddy Murphy gets the wildcard and debuts a new name, Kenny Beta, a comedy jobber who looks like Kenny Omega ala Gillberg to Goldberg. Jobs to No Way Jose in 5 seconds.
>No Way Jose b. Kenny Beta
>Vince McMahon comes out and formally blacklists Chris Jericho, saying he was a mistake all along
>Usos b. Revival with their new Meltzer Driver finisher
>Michael Cole is in the ring and trashes the fans and tells everyone WWE is the only option for sports entertainment. He introduces the return of Goldust and Stardust, now played by The B-Team.
>Triple H b. Goldust & Stardust in handicap match
>Bobby Lashley live sex celebration with Renee Young
>Natalya farts for 10 minutes
>Advertisement for the new D-Generation X Best Of DVD, with Billy Gunn replaced by Kevin Nash via CGI
>Stephanie McMahon reveals that Charlotte Flair is transgender
>Announcement of Ultimate Warrior vs Yokozuna at Super Showdown
>R-Truth b. Lars Sullivan in a retirement match
>Bayley b. Adam Cole
>"Hangman" Seth Rollins b. "The Perfect 10" Baron Corbin
>Brock Lesnar cashes in and wins Universal Championship

at least you tried

>TIME TO PLAY THE GAME
>Triple H comes out with JUST hair after spending the entire night weeping and prepping the bull. Steph is there too consoling him.
>entire show is just a 3 hour promo by Hunter burying AEW and holding back more tears
>at the end a midget in the Dusty polka dot outfit comes out. HHH pedigrees him and bloodies him up with the sledgehammer
>suddenly a giant black man comes out, puts his hand on HHH’s shoulder and says “C’mon Paul, we got another long night ahead of us” All 3 head into the back as the show ends.

I shut down the company and everyone just goes to work for AEW, ROH, or IMPACT.

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Hell, I'd watch that main event.

>Wide shot of the mildly interested crowd
>BURN IT DOWN
>20 minute Seth promo interrupted by whoever he's feuding with
>tag match involving those two and some shitter team booked for later in the show
>unwatchable tag match
>24/7 title shit
>something involving Braun Strowman
>recap of everything that's happened so far
>AJ styles entrance for some reason
>AJ and some shitter like Finn have a 20 minute match
>24/7 title shit
>Lucha Bros vs The Viking Experience
>Lars Sullivan shows up
>recap of everything that's happened so far
>commercial for Saudi show
>unwatchable Becky Lynch garbage
>24/7 title shit
>backstage segment with women not being used on the show
>Roman promo
>Seth and whoever he's feuding with tag match vs The Usos
>end

Every promo will include "sports-entertainment enthusiasts" at least two times.

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>Vince comes out and publicly fires Kevin Dunn
>Production quality increases by 100 fold
This is what will save WWE

WWE is perfect.

Fires all fans.

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>Booker T is launched into the rafters

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SpoilerCHAD was fired tho, which is why they aren't out yet.

I really hope they shake things up, just imagine that Seth Rollins is out there, and AJ STYLES!!! comes out. AJ Styles says that this is the house that he built, but Seth retorts by saying that he'll burn it down!

I'm palpitating just thinking about how exciting that would be.

vary degrees of cringe

and then the BIG DAWG comes out due to the wild card rule and is like hold on fellas you may build the house but its built on MY YARD!

The yes chants would be crazy wild

Why do the AEWtists hate the 24/7 title?

Hate the look of the title, add it to all the awful looking titles in WWE right now. but the idea is fun.

And then THE CHOSEN ONE Drew McIntyre shows up and speaks some scottish gibberish.
Tedd... whoever is in charge of RAW shows up and makes it a TAG TEAM MATCH!

Wildly fucking accurate.

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>AEW was just a swerve on the audience this whole time

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based and checked

Vince shits in a bowl and everybody claps and and hits cymbals and gongs and dances around claps like in The Last Emperor.

Some faggots Wildcard or whatever.

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>Corbin comes out
>insults the town
>commercial break
>Corbin calls out his goons
>Lashley & McIntyre entrances
>commercial break
>Seth's music hits, begins walking to the ring
>Elias runs up behind him and beats him down
>commercial break
>all 4 stomping Seth in the ring, AJ & Roman run in for the save
>commercial break
>commentary announce a 8 man tag but the babyfaces need to find a partner
>cut to The Revival wearing diapers and begging for milkies
>commercial break

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Triple H, Shawn Michaels, and Road Dogg invade AEW on a freakin' tank!

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>"Walk faster Henry, or we'll miss the start of RAW!"

triple H holds a stardust midget at arms length while it flails its arms at him in futility

Based

>Vince makes a stupid last minute decision
>Kofi and Roman appear
>24/7 title doesn't change hands
>buries Dean and Cody

Where is billy gunn and sean to the xpac

*sniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiif*
yeah, I'm think I smell dimes

How many AEW chants will there be tomorrow?

70%

the other 30% will be CM Punk chants from marks still stuck in 2015

billy gunn works for aew and xpac is anti-dimes

A hobo vince found on the side of the road comes out with the ring name "blody" and an aew t shirt. The hobo gets beat up by every wrestler and then rikishi comes out to stink face him and dance round.

The hobo gets paid with a hotdog and a handshake

Bayley makes the heel turn of the century when he comes down the ring with an AR-15 and proceeds to mow down the audience in a rain of bullets.

>>Dana Brooke gets caught deep-throating a security guard and receives a title shot for it
FUCK

Hi vincent

Hunter starts off in the center of the ring with a grill. He calls each and every talent out and give them 2 hot dogs. At the end he says “this is better than anywhere else in the world to work, you get the foot longs.”

In all seriousness raw gonna be fucked tomorrow. They’re probably going to do a normal show and it will kill them.

>Show starts with Vince, HHH, and Stephanie in the ring
>Looking deadpan into the camera that's slowly zooming in on them
>Vince begins to speak, and then quickly shuts up
>H begins to speak, and then quickly shuts up
>Steph begins to speak, and then quickly shuts up
>All 3 look at each other
>All 3 look at the camera
>All 3 give the finger to the camera, and to Cody
>Rest of the show is TV-14, blood, cleavage, thongs, the works
>End of the show is Vince McMahon telling Cody that if he wanted a war, he had one
>Show ends with a warning that WWE will be shutting down in 2 months
>And in its place, World Wide Wrestling Federation will rise

>MUHAHAHAHAH ITS TIME TO PLAY THE GAME
>haitch walks to the ring
>"so i hear theres a new business in town, well you know, im not bitter, thats why i invited cody christ, moxely and the rest of those guys to come here and talk it out man to man"
>AEW music hits
>a bunch of midgets cosplaying as AEW wrestlers walk out
>HHH precedes to bully them and pedigree them one by one

Based Staten Island mall

Only if it’s halal.

>mfw Renee won't be able to get in a word edgewise. She will get cut off at every moment she tries to interject, any comment that does get through will get sandbagged or buried by both Graves AND Cole. This will eventually lead to her not speaking a word for the rest of the show and any shots of them promoting the show will see her making a tortured face

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>IT WAS ME YOU RETARDs

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get a job ya neet

she's married you le damsel in distress faggot she wont sleep with you

Based