>"Imagine you live in a WWE Universe that's totally plastic. Who are your enemies, if you're evil? The Patriots. We are the future. We are the leaders. WE ARE 1776!"
YOU DESERVE IT *clap clap clap-clap-clap*
YOU DESERVE IT *clap clap clap-clap-clap*
>"I'm a pioneer, I'm an explorer, I'm a human, and I'm coming. I'm animated, I'm alive, my heart's big, it's got hot blood going through it fast. I like to fight, too! I like to eat! I like to have children! I'm here! I've got a life force: This is a human, this is what we look like, this is what we act like, this what everybody was like before us, this is what I am, I'm a throwback. I'm here! I've got the fire of human liberty! I'm setting fires everywhere, and humans are turning on everywhere!"
"Imagine you live in a WWE Universe that's totally plastic. Who are your enemies, if you're evil? The Patriots...
Bentley Cruz
Kayden Martin
catch him in bed with a goblin
Hudson Roberts
>"So this new Wildcard rule where any four Superstars from Monday Night Raw can appear on SmackDown Live and any four Superstars from SmackDown Live can appear on Monday Night Raw is a blatant attempt by Mr. McMahon and the globalist authority to screw me out of my WWE Universal Championship."
>"They'll claim that it puts more power in the hands of my fellow Superstars but they're LYING THROUGH THERE TEETH! ALL IT DOES IS MAKE IT EASIER FOR ELIAS TO COME OUT AND HELP SHANE MCMAHON BEAT UP MIZ EVERY WEEK ON MY TELEVISION SHOW."
>I'M THE CHAMPION OF MONDAY NIGHT RAW. THIS IS MY SHOW. I'M THE REASON THAT THE PEOPLE TUNE IN EVERY WEEK AND WATCH 1776 HOURS OF WRESTING EVERY WEEK, BECAUSE I'M A STAR. I'M A STAR BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT THE PEOPLE AND AND I KNOW WHAT THE AUTHORITY IS HIDING.
>"THE ANSWER TO BOTH OF THESE QUESTIONS IS THE TRUTH. THESE PEOPLE WANT THE TRUTH AND NOT ONLY AM I YOUR NEW WWE UNIVERSAL CHAMPION, I AM THE TRUTH
Noah Hall
He isn't racist.
James Sanders
>Look; not to brag folks, but I was knocking grown men out COLD,ya understand, out cold when I was, when I was 12, 13 year old...
*Ruffles Paper*
Kevin Peterson
*Young Turks Music Hits*
>Michael Cole: "OH MY GOD, FROM SMACKDOWN LIVE, ITS CENK UYGER
>UYGER: When I was at NXT, I had issues with the McMahon administration....I got told by the person who runs WWE...that the authority was not happy with my tone...This is how they play ball...If you are on the right side and you kiss up to them, then you get goodies. Access to their weasley politicians...and more importantly, championship opportunities
Joshua Jones
Alex Jones would unironically be an amazing heel
>built like arn anderson
>would be the best mic worker of all time
>embraces being disliked
Dimes incarnate
Ryan Evans
>Jones: "LISTEN HERE YOU GOD DAMN SON OF A BITCH. I'M A FIGHTING CHAMPION, BUT THIS CHAMPION DOESN'T FIGHT PEOPLE WHO DON'T DESERVE OPPORTUNITIES. SO HOW ABOUT YOU GET IN THE BACK OF THE LINE AND WAIT YOUR TURN."
>Uyger: "No no no, that's where you're wrong Alex, because its my turn. The people have had to listen to your hissy fits for far too long, and I'm putting an end to it once and for ALL."
Alexander Davis
pic related
James Gray
>"Holla Holla Holla playas! Looks like we need to solve this little dispute with a one on one match."
*pause*
>"For the WWE Universal Championship playas! Holla Holla Holla!
Wyatt Diaz
>"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME THIS ISN'T FAIR"
>"YOU'RE A BIG FAT BULLY SCUMBAG, AND I DON'T LIKE YOU"
Cooper Wright
Book it today.
Grayson Morris
>The following contest, secluded for one fall,
*ONE FALL*
>is for the WWE Universal Championship
Levi Cruz
only absolute fuckin simps listen to Alex Jones but I aint gonna lie he can work the stick
Xavier Peterson
If only simps listen to him, then clearly he isn't that good on the mic, now is he, dipshit?
Kayden Howard
*A grueling 30 minutes of Bruiser Brody level brawling mixed with Kazuchika Okada level workrate takes place*
>Michael Cole: "THE PUNCH THE PUNCH HE LANDED IT! HE CALLS IT THE GLOBAL WARNING! IS CENK ABOUT TO CHANGE THE CLIMATE OF THE WWE FOREVER?"
Landon Thomas
>"Well I don't know about all that. There certainly is a lot of plastic in the world-TOO much plastic . . . but you don't wanna go setting fires everywhere ESPECIALLY around the PLASTIC!"
*Jamie laughs*
>"YA DON'T SET FIRE TOO PLASTIC!"
*Jamie laughs harder*
>"I'm pretty sure those fumes are toxic. I'm sure our friend Henry could tell us all about toxic fumes."
Tyler Powell
>1
>2
>3
Josiah White
But he's 5'8" 290 pounds
Anthony Rivera
Fuck I miss energetic promos so fucking much
Carter Baker
>"NEW CHAMP! NEW CHAMP! CENK UYGER IS THE NEW WWE UNIVER-"
Lucas Torres
>"OH MY GOD NO WAY NO WAY ITS SANDERS IS BERNIE SANDERS CASHING IN?"
Robert Mitchell
>"IT'S JEB BUSH WITH A CHAIR, MY GOD HE SMASHED BERNIE IN HALF"
Jeremiah Ward
>"Congratulations Mr. Uyger. You're going Wrestlemania! That is... if you defeat this man."
Dominic Turner
"SOMEBODY JUST TOLD ME---"
*Entire crowd loses their shit*
Bentley Bell
>"Ladies and gentlemen, Bernie Sanders is cashing in his Money in the Bank contract"
Jeremiah Martinez
>SOMEBODY JUST TOLD ME
JUST
Jackson Rivera
>1
>2
>3
>"NEW CHAMP NEW CHAMP. BERNIE SANDERS IS NOW YOU'RE NEW WWE UNIVERSAL CHAMPION!"
Benjamin Perry
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Easton Harris
Okay this thread was entertaining
Isaac Ortiz
It was good, but the ending sucked. Alex shoud've retained, because he drew the most dimes
Juan Ramirez