WWE Fastlane Kickoff thread 0

Femlane 2019 yassss

GOAT PROMO FOR THE MAN

>Bucky Lunch
Anti draw. Zero dimes.

Airing on WWENetwork / WoooTube and TubeOfCozy. Enjoy the show pals. I love you

Mistress T is disgusting

Lynch got old quick desu, also half of the roster looks fucking boring

Coach could ya make it more obvious that Becky’s gonna win?

i'm not watching this cringe shit

Anyone else notice they kept all of ronnies lines out of that package?

>Muh politics
>Muh injuries
>Muh hold gold
>Muh legal opinion.
Bucky Lunchbox is absolutely guaranteed to win and there will be zero tension or drama in her match. Stop trying to sell it.

How the fuck can people stand listening to these cringe ass PreShow streams? I cannot stand Coach and even more, Sam. Dude's a fucking geek.

Women's Tag Team Championships are just a consolation prize that mean nothing.

Shame she had to show up on Raw just to hide the fact Bork wont show up

Jeez there’s a horse with purple hair in the ring!

BASED AUSSIE SHITPOSTERS

Based Iconics

wow I just noticed that was her

Dude
its so obvious who is gonna win half these matches
why is fastlane always so over hyped yet powerfully underwhelming

>literal squawking

Holy crap it’s big bird! As if this stream couldn’t get more annoying.

ffs at least /ourgirls/ arrived

>PeyPey
MUH

MUTE BUTTON ACTIVATE

jesus christ, that plastic surgery on both of them

>Peyton in black leather

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trips

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Is the woman in yellow somebody’s mom?

>quiet down there
WHEN WILL THEY LEARN

Peyton looks great but holy shit the chick in Yellow is awful

JESUS CHRIST MY FUCKING EARS
AAAAAAAAAAAAA

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>Peton and Billie will never bully you

Why do I even go on?

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They would make better cometary then Cole.

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All women’s wrestling is garbage and it’s responsible for the continually low ratings and serious declines in live attendance.

>Mandy defeated on the floor
lads...

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based big dog ding-dong diddly boutta work the smarks

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Put Vicie with them

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What does Coach do anymore. Just PPVs?

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holy shit mandy is terrible on the mic

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>EC3 talking
What is going on?

SHUT UP YOU OLD BAGS!

Sonya looks like Chyna tonight

poor EC3

some link me a stream, reddit doesn't have any

holy shit EC3 speaks

EC3 BB!

Based EC3

>Sonya's pants

Holy shit. I can't wait for the ass shots from later tonight.

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Goddamn they fucking killed EC3

FUCK EC3
FUCK EC3
FUCK EC3

also
Mandy is just less hot better worker Liv Morgan
there I said it

>20 minutes of women's shit interrupted by EC3 being bullied by Sonya

our guy

Sonya Deville's new gimmick is the cockblocker trying to keep all men away from Mandy Rose so she can lez out with her.

Buried by Mandy lol

Sonya looking pretty good

Sonya not letting Mandy get any dick

Will this lead to EC3 turning Sonya straight?

how soaked is Blandy right now

Literally the only reason incels tolerate women’s wrestling

>less hot
Lol

Sonya fiercely marking her territory

>ECBurried

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I'm ok with that

EC*pee* when?

Ec3 is done now. Back to the indies.

BASED JOE

Stay away from my bitch you little punk
Take a hike

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Poor Samoa Joe stuck in this shit angle and company. What a waste.

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>you think it’s fucking funny

WHAO, Vega!

WYMYN BTFO BASED JOE

>mfw Sonya pissing on Mandy vid comes out

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Based Micronesian Mike

>yfw EC3 turns my guy sonya ding dong diddly straight

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And joe get buried by women....

>Sonya v EC3 in a Mandy On A Pole Match
Would you watch that?

We got a 4Way Bois

Hi Yea Forums i love you

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Wtf wasn’t Andrade v Rey supposed to happen

those tats are gross fucking dykes

Card subject to change

thanks bobby luv u 2

>Christian

cringe

Did they changed the Rey/Almas match for another 4-way that isn't on the pre-show?

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Christrian in the house!

Apparently they're re-doing the fatal 4-way instead of Andrade vs Rey. Boo.

HOLY FUCK PEEPS

>”you and your dirty nigger friend think this is funny? Huh??”

VEGA went wayyy too far there

>yfw joe loses his title in his first defense

Otunga on suicide watch.

>Complaining about the better match

BASED CHRISTIAN BURYING EVERYONE

Christan buries everyone.

Christian chased Edge's wife away, based

THE CHAD CHRISTIAN

>CRINGETIAN

And to think I thought it couldn't get any worse.

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>analyzing matches

isn't this shit fake?

It’s....it’s Christian.

Why isn’t there a dot over his head?

>The Miz is like 40 years old

BASED SAM

CHRISTIAN DING-DONG DIDDLY MAKE RENEE LOSE HER JOB

lol i thought pre-shows start at 7:30

>beating a nobody makes Asuka look good
? Just associating with Mandy has killed her reactions

Honestly, what does he do all day besides workout?

We have seen the mexicans wrestle for the past month. The 4 way is fresher

kek that was based

Every kickoff show that sudden burst of Wootards.

What race would you say Sam is?

Oh look it's that guy who tagged with Edge.

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they need to stop giving this geek a mic

>woo chants
cringe
stfu

Manlets so sleepy

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>literally a repeat of Tuesday’s match

Ricochet is so shit at promos

yes, and it's why its the cringiest thing ever. makes Sam looks like a fucking manchild

Well miz will be future endeavored

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ricoshit is almost as bad as bayley on the mic

>Miz will retire in your lifetime
Why live, bros?

Ricochet and AB couldn't legit be further apart in terms of style and delivery, hope those faggots lose tonight to based Revival

Burgerland is now on the daylight time saving period (+1 hour from yesterday).

he's literally a jewish stereotype in human form

everyone that came up from NXT recently is dog shit on the mic and worse at promos

Reminder that your girls a mark for my big bbc

>face of one of their reality shows
>future endeavored

wait why are they doing the fatal fourway from last weeks smackdown again?

Get this fag OFF my screen

>NO ONE IS TRULY SLEEPY!
>NO ONE IS TRULY AWAKE!
>I TOOK THE UNISOM YOU NEVER COULD!
>AND NOW I'M REALLY FUCKING SLEEPY!

>Paducah, Kentucky

Clocks. Clocks everywhere.

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Hows everyones AAF teams did this week?

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ALEISTER CONFIRMED FOR PURE STRIKER

LE WACKY BLACK PANCAKE GUYS LOL SO RANDUMB

Watching motd because I don't care about pre show shitters

Makes you wonder what theyre teaching them all down there....

>my crush just told me she loves me as a friend
can i get a (You) please

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Fuck Kofi

My kangz fin-na win the ship

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fuck off Sonya

>clip of Kofi getting btfo again
BASED

LOL KO EATS PANCAKES

flips no promos

PANCAKES AM I RIGHT BRO?!

Lol, you're never gonna get laid

KO makes zero sense as a heel.

Was there ever an explanation for the pancakes?

Heavy Machinery is based

Will Becky/Charlotte or Bryan/Owens main event this dumpster fire PPV?

Now it's on the main show, retard.

what do you think dumbass

Meanwhile DB’s heel turn was the best thing that ever happened to him.

is Orton going to come on set and btfo this geek again

They’re wacky and random.

It's really sad how they are trying to spread SCSA persona on other wrestlers

>Sonya with the god i wish that was me face
Would love to see her vs naomi in a strap-on on a pole match

just got here, have i ding-dong diddly missed anything?

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THE GAY COMMUNITY?!

They teach them to make cool entrances.

What they should do is prepare them for a “creative” department that gives them fragmented storylines that don’t make sense and retarded scripts that alienate the fans.

And twitter banter.

>literally sharing a black man the last day of black history month

Is Vincent Kennedy the Omega Michaels?

>AJ demoted to guesting on the pre-show

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DB is one of those few guys who can play both a face and a heel effectively. KO doesn't pull off a face well. And when I say that, I mean that KO is far better as a heel than a face.

sonya cockblocked ec3

AJ’s in his PJs

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Is Sam going for a heel announcer gig?

Sonya has taken her beta orbiter gimmick to the next level and cockblocked EC3.

AND YOU WILL NEVER BE DID-LY

Shield will be

Did AJ just call the title a strap? Vince isn't going to like that.

It's not my birthday today

ugly midget hag

Predictors got a break on that one.

the shield match

We know what you meant dumbass. This ain’t War & Peace.

>blatantly calls out AJ
>Christian pretending to give a fuck
um
can we just get to this shitty ppv already

I wonder what hair products AJ uses? His hair looks so shinny and soft.

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What’s he gonna do, demote him to pre-show commentary?

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this kofi shit is so corny

>Kevin's a face because he defends the BBC

are the WWE writers using Yea Forums memes now? based.

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The US title match will be the Main event.

Heel Day confirmed?

Looks like they’re on the way now

Is tonight going to be the night of swerves?

The shoot fighter conservative vs. the skinny socialist reject

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Eh at least he's getting over. Kinda refreshing to see a midcarder get a little time in the spotlight

They can't put him into the title match on the day of the PPV, that would be dumb

Holy shit, shinsuke is still employed?

curveballs already

Wtf Pre show day

special guest niggeree

How can this be the PG Era when Big E has his tits out like that?

Why is the Chinaman on the opening match?

They're just gonna announce the winner faces kofi at wrestlemania

AMISH PARADISE

how fucking long are they gonna keep Lana in that boot?

Rusevs new nickname should be “The Bulgarian Pre-Showstopper”

>That Lana haircut
ding-dong-diddly cumola!

>mom walks in

Lana's legs make my wee wee tingle

Something looks really off about Lana tonight.

I hope the crowd shits on this match.

lul that fistbump

Bobby Lashley fan club 4LIFE!!!

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new day entrance is too long

am I the only one who thinks Big E is based?

touch your wee wee when you look at her

Rusev probably just got done stretching her shit-pipe.

reminds me of this

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like my benis

You and the rest of Plebbit

I love me some Big E.

Preshow elimination coming up

imagine unironically being from Ohio

>K...kofi my wife is ready for you now

If you like shines, then sure.

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Hhh is gonna give Kofi the people like you dont win championships here speech.

All of Becky's Mania fire has been doused by terrible writing and that faggot nigger Kofi, it's not fair guys

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He's a future Universal champ desu

Wings are ready!

Let’s get /comfy/! What are you eating / drinking?

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Gremlin toes

Just a heads up, it'll be a while before I upload tonight's predictions, but you guys have some luck, because the Andrade / Rey match has been scrapped.

Two different pickles?

I hope you enjoy the show tonight

Six match tag team cringe match.

>Rusev and Nakamura's only goal is to dominate the tag team division
youtu.be/KdshPyfMBQ4?t=66

>someone in that crowd would literally let Kofi bang their wife if they could at least watch or see video of it

The Lunatic Cringe

What, just took a shower wtf happened?

Dumbass, should keep it if Andrade or Rey wins and scrap it if R-Truth or Rusev win. Was counting on that match to btfo Yea Forums.

watch WWE Fastlane with us, links inside. discord.gg/22Y8bF
or dont idgaf, its that shitty taima link, hoping there's okru or better later tonight.

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good to see you took a belt sander to those fuckin toes m8

looks comfy af
you renting or bought your place?

Holy yuck, what kind of shit wings are those? Some sort of frozen Tyson shit that you toss in the microwave? Disgusting.

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Why do you have a plate full of dog turds next to your wings?

>Scrapping the only interesting match on the card

WHELP

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how do i get in on this again? only been here for a few ppvs

Gerkins and a dill

Thanks boss! you too. Bro five!

What happened so far? Just tuned in

Did i miss any predictions?

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>Ref tells them it's a commercial
>instantly go to rest hold
I always find it funny whenever we get to see what goes on in the ring during a commercial

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shit fucking thread
couldn't find it in the catalogue with that shit imagine not related to the show

WWE IS FAKE
WWE IS FAKE
WWE IS FAKE
WWE IS FAKE
WWE IS FAKE

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Fuckin love me some pickles bro

>kofi isn't wrestling for New Day this match
FUCK, I WOULDN'T HAVE PREDICTED THEIR WIN IF I HAD KNOWN THAT

imagine being big e or xavier while kofi is getting a main event title push and you're on the pre-show having your match being overlayed by clips of roman beating cancer and the miz's dad terrible acting while fans shuffle in from piss breaks and buying chicken fingers and beer how do you think it feels

FUCKING HELL

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cringe

aren't they millionaires

not if you kill yourself, user.

Probably several hundred people in that crowd fit that description

Fatal 4 way for us title now
Sonya defended Mandy from the sexual advances of EC3

>Fucking up the kick

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They got added to the us title match lmao

Hang on if there's 2 matches on the preshow, how can the main thing start in 10 minutes when we haven't had Rey Vs. Andrade yet?
I went out for a smoke and couldn't have missed it in the few minutes I went out.

Nope. Andrade/Rey cancelled for a Fatal 4-way match for the US Championship later tonight.

If i was Rusev or Shinskae i would quit.

what the fuck was that

Shinsuke will never quit WWE, he literally gets paid to surf at this point.

rey vs andrade is now a the same fatal 4 way from smackdown and its on the main show

What the FUCK was that

It was a squash. Andrade pinned Rey clean in 20 seconds.

Get that gook to aew

expecting a midget shitter to kick over the top rope

The state of this card

cringe ass match

Are they in that match?
I can't even remember anything from Smackdown.

Someone needs to be fired for this decision for real

Garbage ass match that just keeps going on and on and on.

>Repo Man HOF 2019
HOLY BASED

>mild clapping

the state of new day

I didn't realize they called that finisher Up Up Down Down
Because of course it is, fucking Woods

SHEBD
H
E
B
D

>OK I guess

Why make them a team just for them to lose even more

this is going to be the worst PPV of all time

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THE JEW IS GOING AGAINST THE SCRIPT LMFAO

Bottom-tier but cheap Little Caesars pizza and a bottom-tier PPV pre-show

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Drinking water, and snacking on pretzels

Having 2 lt. of soda here and going to make me some popcorn later

>he doesn't remember Roadblock End of the Line

I like this Sam Roberts worked shoot gimmick

They should’ve called it “The Paige Turner”

SHUT IT DOWN

Who is this fucking JEW on my screen right now

>Assaker

facing asooka

>Christian can't pronounce Asuka correctly

Kek

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>Ass uh kuh

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Calm down, Simon

it's... it's christian

Holy shit user

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Is this Christians tryout for commentary?

I love that he cucked edges wife’s spot

Don’t mention AEW for the rest of the night thanks

and I'm gonna shitpost for the whole thing

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Everything he says is true, but he says it in such a cunt way

well done

CARLITOS CABRERA Y MARCELO RODRIGUEZ

>Asseruka

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Now I see a lot of people online and in wrestling communities trying to tear down the old Snake with what they consider the "Worst promo of all time" but in reality we the masses have been too dumb to understand the level of kino that Jake was throwing down
>Everyone over the years have attributed the "You wanna play 21? I've got 22" line as being a sign that Jake doesn't know the rules of Blackjack
>In actuality what Mr. Roberts means is that he has a .22 Caliber gun, and that even if his opponent truly has the perfect hand he will not walk away the victor because he is vicious and will do anything to win.
>The line "Do you wanna play blackjack? I got two of those to" is then him saying that he has two actual blackjacks, a type of crude club used to bash people
>Finally the line "You wanna play Aces and Eights? I got too many of those to" is probably the most kino of them all
>Aces and Eights goes by another name. They are called "Dead Man's Hand" because it is said to be the cards that Wild Bill Hickok, a famous outlaw, was holding when he was shot dead
>Jake is then implying that he has led a trail of men who thought they could best the snake only to wind up dead at his hand over the years.
It's time to face the facts, that even while ballooned of his ass on enough drugs to kill a bull, Jake Roberts could still cut a more cerebral promo than anyone else in the history of the business.

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New thread WHEN

Basados
>CAVAAAAAAAALGA

APShark. Make the fucking thread. I'm on mobile so I can't

NEW

Jake drinks piss.

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so flat for her weight

Shane's turning on Miz tonight right?

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nigga is that an SNES classic?

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