How many of you think you can take on a chimp in pure hand to hand combat? Remember, it's an animal...

This is the conclusion I come to when presented with any prospective self defense situation.

>alt-right retards think owning a gun is necessary to prevent gun crime
>they are okay with banning chimps to avoid chimp violence

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fuck off rogan

>Try to fight a monkey without style or grace
>She puts on a funny face
what do

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I've got double the mass of a chimp and have Viking blood coursing through my veins. I'd HEEM the chimp and Dougie over it's corpse

I will just summon my spirit grizzly bear to fight at my side easy

but that's a battle of attrition plus it's an ape wailing around. You'd better have a godlike vice grip if you're gonna go that route.

The chimp will tear your face out, you can't win
youtube.com/watch?v=v1pdvV_gT6I

I'm not okay with that, when the fuck is monkey mondays coming back?

Keep my distance, throw rocks and stab face with branches and hope this dissuades it from getting too close.

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me personally? I couldn't beat a chimp, I'm 6'5 and 350~lbs (160kg, idk the freedom exactly) but I'm too sedentary and weak from lack of exercise

lol tiny dick
i win by default

>chimp violence
it's "gang violence"

They wash us in 1v1. We can't DP them in real life. Also their meter gain is way better than our.

>rips your dick off
>has the bigger one by default
Now what?

Just fart on his face, lmao

Jesus Christ look at the size of that thing. It could easily tear you in half

>1v1 chimp without any sort of weapon/tool
Fairly sure it's not happening.
Chimp is smaller but also stronger, and most importantly the power of his bite is 10x ours, and they are crazy aggressive.

I have high levels of stealth so I would probably try to backstab him.

I mean, if you hypothetically could get your thumbs in it’s eyes before it bites your neck out or whatever, I feel like you could quickly pop them out or dig your nails around and then disengage for a moment and reengage with a now blinded monkey

kek

based Joel enjoyer
piped.kavin.rocks/watch?v=Xqf8jID9TsE

with what? your dick?

chimps maybe STRONK, but they don't know how to use strength properly, they just wave their fists like a monkey. i'm pretty sure a Heavyweight boxer would kick their asses easily.

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Could he win? 7 ft 4 520lb

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I think the only hope a human would have is to try and get it in a headlock and eventually a choke and hope to kill it like that

socioeconomic factors incel

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>and reengage with a now blinded monkey
I'm honestly even more scared by the thought of fighting a monkey literally blind with rage.

I'm a rogue so I don't care about rules. I always have a knife with me on every quest. I wonder what loot he has... few gold coins and probably a club.

>is smaller but also stronger

they're actually pretty similar in strength pound for pound and we are heavier, modern humans are just lazy

wild humans would have been 10x as scary as any predator to ever exist, never get tired, running for 8 hours, throwing shit, coordinated

Yeah they only climb trees and mock fight every day.

user, do you even know what "socioeconomic factors" means?

Chimps have retard strength by default and are hardwired to fight dirty. First thing a chimp will do is try to tear your dick/face off

No one is winning a 1vs1 against s chimp with no tools

You DO NOT want to fuck with a chimp. Ever.
youtube.com/watch?v=Uj2fSt1OPJU

Would jamming your arm down its throat work? Sure, your arm would be fucked up but better than being torn apart completely.

Yeah an excuse for nigger behavior

>597873143
>Reposts the same thing
You don't deserve a (you). kill yourself soon, please

No way Jose
At least they're not particularly fast or enduring compared to humans
I'd turn and sprint and not stop for a good while

>kill chimp
>drops chimp family photo

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>in pure Hand to hand combat
These threads are always so fucking retarded humans aren't made to fight wirh fists they're made to throw things, if I have nothing but some big rocks to throw I will destroy a chimp
Anyone who replies denying is coping, we are made to throw and nothing can stop us
We wiped out thousands of species before the invent of guns with just rocks and hand crafted spears

Forget the chimp, whats the toughest animal you could take on?

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Yeah good point, might be fun though, you could throwing branches and stuff around to try and fool it into blindly attacking a rock or something, just like my vidya

if you banned chimps gun crime would plummet
and by chimps i mean

lol

kek

oof

So what? I'll just bite its dick off first.

>lions
you just know

An explanation is not an excuse, user. Groups of people lack agency. Only individuals have agency.

man is pretty powerful, there are instances of man beating the shit outta wild animals
outsideonline.com/outdoor-adventure/exploration-survival/how-man-killed-mountain-lion-his-bare-hands/
>inb4 clickbait article

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Damn...

>goose, house cat, rat
>all below 80% for men
Where was this survey taken? California?

>in pure hand to hand combat? Remember, it's an animal, so it doesn't follow any rules.
why should i follow the rules then
i'll use a weapon

Saint Floyd breathes on such wisdom

>elephant
>8%
How the fuck are you gonna hurt it?

I could, I'll trap it before the hand to hand fight starts then shoot it with a shotgun until it's head is no longer distinguishable, finally I'll place the shotgun on the ground walk up and kick it
Monkey doesn't follow rules so neither will I

They are physically weaker than humans so you can punch it repeatedly in the face until it's knocked out.
>but chimp strength
Studies have already proven that we are physically stronger than them because we're 6 foot on average and they're only like 3-4 ft tall.

A wooden spear with no trees ez win

In a fist fight?
I could take everything up to king cobra, If you give me a spear or some rocks to throw I could easily take out a wolf but not sure why wolf is higher than chimpanzees wolf would be easier to kill

>Using anything other than your fists
You didn't beat the monkey

Jamie, pull up their hand grip strength stats

>elephants have no fangs
>use arms to block the nose
>use rest of body to block the mouth
ez

A chimp? Your going to need at least an elephant if you want want even playing field

grizzle, lion, elephant, gorilla, crocodile, chimpanzee are absolute nos
wolf and large dog is a slight maybe, depending on how the fight plays out, but would generally end in my defeat
cobra and eagle are situational but mostly in my favour
medium dog, goose, cat and rat are easy wins

ITT delusional faggots

>you cannot kick because YOU JUST CANT

*just runs you over*

Once I see red it's over for that chimp

dodging his attacks and backstab bonus damage

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>kick
Are you some kind of prancing fucking homo?

>why should i follow the rules then
why bother fighting then? why not just stay in your home?
it's a hypothetical question retard, good god.

>doesn't understand the true power of a human

stop thinking like a civilised individual

How the fuck would an eagle kill you lmao

Nigger an elephant's jaw strength would shatter your spine

a large /fit/ human could definitely beat a chimp to death 1 on 1, theres a very real size/weight advantage here.

he's losing some fingers and a nose and possibly his dick and balls in the process, though.

You stupid nigger hunter gatherer people still exist today. They've been stuck in the stone age while we were already developing electricity.
They are weak and short.

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The grip strength of the chimp alone could just tear your flesh right off. It won't be a fucking fist fight.

you played elden ring?

Tanner, is that you LOL

cope, chimp

>africa is home to pygmy and watutsi
>but lets just focus on the short ones

Neanderthals were strong as fuck.

so many fucking retarded americans thinking they stand a chance holy fuck

If it got my eyes in a dive. But yeah, that is unlikely (not impossible, but unlikely), so I marked it up as "in my favour".

noble savage bros....
they're making fun of us again...

Don’t get mad at us just because you’re domesticated

missed the point