THIS IS THE POLICE

Yes americans do really

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He got a refill without paying.

piracy is not stealing, it's ok here in europe

>play the same old vidya over and over again
What now cops?

I bought every game I own. Games are so cheap these days and I play so few of them that buying isn't an issue

I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.

“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”

“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”

“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”

The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”

“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”

“Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”

He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.”

“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”

I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.

“Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.

“Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up.

In my eyes, all pirates are socialists. Fuck Marx and fuck commies

“Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?”

It didn’t seem like they did.

“Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.”

Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.

I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.

“Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled.

Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.

“Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.

I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!”

He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.

“All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.”

“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.

“Because I was afraid.”

“Afraid?”

“Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”

I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.

“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”

He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me for arresting him.

>fucking mcdonalds t-shirt
i will never not laugh at this

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wow

wut?

i dont get it

No

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SteamDeck stolen by a jogger. Look at the box.

WE KNOW YOU SAID "I'M LOVING IT" ONLINE COME OUT AND PAY YOUR ROYALTIES

>McBeeferton has a McDonalds sponsorship patch on his tshirt
These motherfuckers have no legal right to be busting down the door whatsoever. The person inside can legally gun them down for breaking and entering and be charged with no crime. These are fucking private citizens acting like police, not actual police.

>stolen
any chance he just checked the address and saw it was the wrong house? lmao

>Shadman's address

He puts a smug face for the camera, there is no way it was not stolen

Is he part of the special hamburgler tracking division?

>mc donalds
What?

Yeah I'm sure that was it

A bit subtleness is needed

Lol hilarious how Bezos and Fedex all went full woke and started "diversifying" their employees by hiring 90IQ blacks and how now stolen packages are non-stop

This is what they will do when your Yea Forums logs become public in 2025

it wasn't me officer I swear!

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how old is this copypasta now

Is that guy drunk or what? Why's he having so much trouble with that door?

I DIDN'T PIRATE TONY HAWK I SWEAR

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I fucking hate FedEx like you wouldn't believe, they're the worst fucking shipping company of them all

can someone explain to me why only chads are on the police force?

Yeah, Jamal is totally bringing that steamdeck to the correct address any day now

Would McPolice be paid in fries?

Mac has the best fries of any fast food.

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No one is going to risk their job (Which their are always monitored for anyways) over some package that's just a few hundred bucks

It's braced. You can tell how its just bouncing back. My guess is a turned over cabinet or something. If they are particularly lacky they sometimes use hard wood planks to brace doors.

That wasn't a smug face

FedEx Ground drivers are contracts, they don't give a fuck. I'm also pretty sure it's a fucking blue state where it's pretty much legal to steal anything below $1k

Guy is mostly in casual clothes so I'm guessing he was called on short notice and for some reason was wearing a mcdonalds shirt beforehand.

>chris redfield wants his tendies.webm

Don't mine me, just gonna pirate this likeness...

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McDonalds fries are soggy and tasteless, tf are u talking about

i knew that kind of door look familiar

Steam Decks resell for over $1,000 does that count or only original price I wonder

>Military police to raid someone's house

I bet this is over something dumb like drugs and they get people/dogs killed constantly over this nigger behavior.

Naive liberal.

This nigger probably steals everything that looks like a tablet/phone, he even takes it to the frontdoor so he can take a picture of it "delivered", which will probably let him continue to steal for months if not years before someone at fedex catches him

Okay then who has the best fries in your opinion?

Arby's and Chick-fil-A have the best fast food fries.

The gamer's choice

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Yes americans do really

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>Mac has the best fries of any fast food.
this has to be bait, Mac fries are the worst of every fast food i've tried. I bet you're just used to it because you started eating there at early age

“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.

“Because I was afraid.”

“Afraid?”

“Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”

I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.

“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”

He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me for arresting him.

I like how you know exactly what is going to happen the second you see that fat nigger Shanquisha waddle up the path

How does someone have such little morality, or even selfish vanity for themselves, to debase themselves with this behavior over some candy?

im barfin'

So like, wouldn't this driver be absolutely fucked now? Plain as day evidence he stole the package while working on behalf of FedEx, they'd need to literally crucify him or else he held accountable for his actions in a court of law.

>Kid respectfully only takes a small amount
>Garbage ghetto rat mother grabs it all.
Fat cunt.

Are you blind dude?

Every kid knows that the unguarded candy bowl is one of the holy grails of Halloween.

Some people have insane spite over those richer than them

You can't see that it's raining & the floor is wet? When you're holding a heavy object and swinging, you need a stable ground to stand on.

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I've learned over time that being an adult doesn't mean nearly as much as it should.

I dunno man even my mom had something stolen by the delivery man
They put it on the porch, took a picture of it, then took it and left. I'm pretty sure it was just t-shirts or something too.

>He puts a smug face for the camera
you have autism

That is exactly what it looks like he even does that movement pf double checking and you can clearly see he thinks in his mind "sheeet wrong address" but of course the braindead /pol/ faggots will always look at this and think otherwise.

FedEx and UPS are private companies. At worse he will get fired and a fine or let go in the name of diversity

based

Typical cuckservative, bending over backwards to avoid acknowledging the reality of nigger behavior

>White cop with blonde hair
>Door not made of paper
That's not America.

>why does everybody not behave exactly like how my self admonishing moral dogmatism tells them to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
do moralfags really?

Doesn't that make them MORE liable though? How is the company not beholden to the crimes committed by their employees while on the clock, at least to the point of proper compensation and punishment?

nigger

nigger it's just some cheap candy stop being such a bitter fag

stop thinking about that and whine about americans please this is the only place where those americhads cant hurt my feelings and my shitty bicycle driving fifa playing ass

god I wish that was me

how did a woman defeat a man?

A guy I went to school with went to jail for stealing a packaged cell phone while working at UPS(in Portland OR). Don't listen to these retards saying "da criminals are ruling da world, there's never any punishment"

If that was the case that video would have been released to the internet, you didn't think about that, did you?

I know that most UPS drivers would be caught dead stealing packaged, esp. when their job has union protection and other cushy benefits like medical and 401Ks in addition to relatively decent pay.

Why are you so angry, fatty?
Only eaten 50,000 calories so far today?

Only USPS you would get fucked by stealing mail and package because it would be considered a federal crime. In UPS and FedEx case it would be civil crime or misdemeanor.

>hey, that's my Steam Deck!

That's my point. Who acts like this over some fucking candy?

She's actually biting his face btw.

So, it's fake? I've been wondering about the source of this clip for a very long time.

Defeated before he even got to level 1.

One time I was sick on Halloween and I knocked on a neighbor's door and he held a bowl of candy. I accidentally sneezed into the bowl and he gave me the entire bowl of candy. Great Halloween.

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I know I and many other kids would. That shit's like holy grail, second only to visiting rich neighborhoods for the full-size candy bars.

files.catbox.moe/pmliax.mp4
do Americans?

search the video, it was posted by someone in the steamdeck reddit about their stolen steamdeck

I'm sorry! I promise to use my piracy certificate to download CP and the contents of republican laptops only!

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>So, it's fake?
No it's more then likely actual training. Hence why he's taking so long to knock down the door. Even though it does take many times more then one swing to break down a door.

NO NO SEE THOSE ARE MCDONALD KILL SQUADS WHICH MEANS THEY'RE PRIVATE SECTOR
BECAUSE IT'S THE FREE MARKET THAT MEANS THIS TYRANNY IS GOOD

MARKET TYRANNY IS GOOD AND YOU'RE A COMMIE TRANNY IF YOU DISAGREE

>kids
Yeah kids, not adults.

FedEx/Amazon boosted their delivery force by contracting people instead of making them employees.

So your 1200$ videocard is now delivered by a black who is getting paid 12$ an hour and hates white people.

>muh second amendment
Yep.

you see she was actually sparing the other children from her fate of being a lard, if the other kids didnt get candy they wouldnt get fat like her, truly inspiring and heroic

yes, jewish american slave owners imported tens of thousands of niggers from Africa over the span of 150 years which has allowed america to become one massive day care center supported by americans of european ancestry.

My buddy works at Amazon, and they get tracked via GPS. He walked up to the doorstep to pass it off as though he delivered the package. Fed Ex doesn't require taking a picture of the package once it's delivered, but it's not like you can't just steal the package after taking a picture, it's mostly just to let people know where to look for their package.

Aaaaaahhhhhhh, oh my god. Is this the one one where she kills the brother then herslef?

Yes.
He clearly scans the label, before doing the confused double take and walking back. But the Reddit OP that uploaded the video said that the tracking page for his Steamdeck's never even updated to "out for delivery," and that customer service told him his package had just arrived at the sorting center that morning and hadn't been loaded on a truck yet. Then he deleted the post after everyone told him he was a retard.

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I'm so glad I live in a much better country with only niggers in the major cities

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