Me and my gf want a multiplayer game to mess around in together. We want something that you can goof around in...

seems? have you tried it or are you just making assumptions? try it before you knock something because minecraft fits your bill.

> Also she won't play anything with excessive gore

From that comment alone I can tell she's Asian and that you're in a long distance relationship.

Backing this up fully. Wife and I played it together and loved it.
Don't Starve Together is a thing as well
Minecraft hyper modded (Skyfactory ect.)
EYE Divine Cybermancy
BL2
Path of Exile
SS13 if you care to teach her how to play
Dungeon Fighter Online
Dauntless is free
Vermintide 2 was fun but if she's shit she might be dead weight in harder difficulties
Wakfu is free as well and my wife loved it for some fucked reason.

Wanting a family is disgusting?

This explains a lot on why the game feels so shit in general.

minecraft

Cubeworld when it comes out

Garrys Mod

expecting a woman to stay at home to shit out your babies instead of pursuing a career of her choice is disgusting

>would you fucking hurry up you've been fucking around with your inventory for 20 minutes now FUCK !
portal 2 is my suggestion OP, but if you are good at not sperging out borderlands 2 and divinity are good choices
guacamelee 2 and brothers are also decent for an afternoon