HEY user WHEN WE GET BACK FROM PATROL YOU WANNA PLAY SOME SPLIT SCREEN?

WHY WOULD I WANT SWISS CHEESE?! ARE YOU MAKING SANDWICHES?!

HOLY JESUS
WHAT IS THAT
WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT

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HEY BROS! MY GRANDMA GOT ME A DREAMCAST FOR CHRISTMAS! WE CAN PLAY SONIC ADVENTURE 2, BUT I GET TO PICK SHADOW!

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OKAY! GRANDMA, CHRISTMAS, SHADOW, SAY AGAIN THE REST!

..o-over..

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>be me
>out in the desert
>hot as fuck
>”hey Sgt. user, you even played Played Minecraft?”
>”nah, thats a little after my time newbie”
>”you should join our discord Sgt. user”
>newbie gifted me minecraft on my PC
>now have a farm

I now see on what i missed out

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>2011
>be me 21 years old
>enlist
>considered unfit because of dextroscoliosis
think of the bros i couldve made..

BROS, DREAM, ADVENTURE, TWO CLICKS NORTH

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>be me
>bored in barracks
>someone knocks on my door
>open it
>it’s my Sgt.
>”hey user, you don’t really hang out much, huh? Wanna play COD with me and the boys? You got an Xbox right?”
>”nah, PS4”
>”ah man, you should sell that and get and xbox!”
>”nah man, all my buddies from home are on PS4”
>”oh I see, well wanna come to the bar with us tonight then?”
>”I’m not 21”
>”ah, right.. well lemme know if you ever wanna hang out I guess, you know things are different when we’re not working”
>”yeah alright, see ya Sgt.”
>close my door
>go back to being bored
before you guys call me a downer, my Sgt. and his fag buddies hazed the shit out of me, I don’t know why they think I’d be cool with them afterwards

It wasn't against you private user, you're part of our squad now. Come have fun with us sometime

We salute the rank, user. Not the man. Just join them one time.

What are friends like Yea Forums?

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What a nice little story.

too many fucking expectations and obligations for a whole lot of nothing
trying to meet people was the worst mistake I ever made

A lot of work

god i wish that were me

>american (((army)))

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>old enough to join an army
>not old enough to drink alcohol
what the fuck

This except I was the shitty friend and I regret it when I think about it.

>I was hazed baaaaaaaaaaaw
No user you sound like a limp-wristed faggot. get the fuck over it you fucking autist.

LAND OF THE FREE

>wtf why are there school shooters

>doing barracks room inspections with chief
>random butterbar visiting from another command tagging along because we didn’t know what else to do with him
>get to seaman timmy’s room, pretty spotless
>Timmy is playing something on his pc, ensign admiring the setup through the transparent case
>timmy talking him through the build
>chief comes over
>“I know you haven’t been in the navy all that long timmy, but what is he?” as he motions to butterbar
>”uhhhh, a sir?”
>“technically, but we’ve got a word for that. Officer. We stand when officers address us, don’t we timmy?”
>Timmy’s chair flies across the room and bashes the fuck out of the ensign’s knee

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Because some people are literal pussies who go after unarmed civilians instead of standing up for themselves? What are you, a woman?

lmao youd be the same way you spastic jizzbrain

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Is Breakpoint fun?

>get the shit beat out of you, locked inside of shipping containers for hours in 100+ heat, told to mop rain on libo
>”I should hang out with these guys after this is done”
fuck them and fuck all you cucks who enjoy that shit
I would’ve shot myself on at least three occasions if I wasn’t based an hour away from home where I had legitimate friends and family

Maybe you just dont there? How long are you in if i may ask?

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Cool larp.

belong there*
fuck me

>marincrop
>implying army ain’t the dumbest fucks out there
I’m out already, 4 years
made some friends eventually while I was in, but I couldn’t stand anyone who was super moto or pro hazing
our master sergeant had to bring us all in after I broke my corporals jaw cause I was sick of their shit, told us all if he ever heard of anything happening again we’d all get NJP’d so they stopped after that, with me at least

Is it fun being in the military? I considered joining a couple of years ago when I was a NEET.

what is njp

>fun
no
>worth it?
if you survive 22 a day

non-judicial punishment

Yes, it is fun if you have what it takes, otherwise you're in for a really bad time (unless you're a fucking woman).

hell no, army is hell

what does that mean

>if you survive 22 a day

What does that even mean?

non-judicial punishment, aka ninjapunch, meaning you get fucked hard with things like no liberties, no leaving base, reductions in rank and pay, daily room-inspections and check-ins with the duty desk, all depending on how severe command wants to punish you with whatever you did
it’s one step away from being thrown in the brig essentially, but happens way more often and easily

It all depends. If you get a good bunch of Battle buddies and a decent chain of command it is a great time, and some of my fondest memories. Other times it's the opposite extreme and you'll be asking why the fuck you even joined.

22 U.S military members, both active and veterans, kill themselves, every day on average

>join the military
>WOW WHY AM I GETTING HAZED

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Maybe he was a company bitch taking atleast 22 dicks per day.

I kinda get the impression the Army is full of dumbfucks with inflated egos. Is this true?

You have to stand in the corner for an hour.

I know that feel.
>every fucking nigger in the unit thinks we're best buds because we walked down a road together a couple times
>loves to ask for favors and handouts despite doing nothing ever for me in return.
We're fucking co-workers not friends.

dont know about that user be we just had our ass thrown in military analogue of prison in which you also had to work like a slave
basically a demo version of gulag

Wow based

U.S airforce is the worst because they ALWAYS have to say their better than you when in reality they NEVER do anything

very true, army sucks purposefully sucks intelligence out of you
good solider doesn't think he follows orders

most people recover after some time but sometimes permanent damage remains

meant for

planes are cool tho.

Thank goodness I didn't fell for Jewish tricks.

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The Marines, Army, and Navy have planes, user.

lmao look at this fucking welfare nigger

then join the navy

you also have nothing to do in the army but to fuck eachother over for fun
I was literally going insane out of boredom

why don't these guys get prosthetic legs?

how do you fuck up having friends

you just talk to them and play vide games with them

it's not rocket science

THIS IS NOT TIME FOR VIDEOGAMES YOU FUCKS
ENEMY SHILKA, 50 METERS, NORTH

I made the mistake of seeking out people through a common interest
I only interact with them because they play a game I like and I have no other way to play it, I hate their guts otherwise
even if that wasn't the case trying to maintain an actual relationship with more than maybe one person is too much fucking work and not worth it, not to mention the absolute impossibility of meeting and connecting with people in the first place
I fucking despise the song and dance it requires and I can't even stand anybody who doesn't browse here anyway

I can't even stand the faggots that use this website. Half of you niggers don't even want to get along with others.

I'm literally the same, friendship maintenance overhead is huge, I don't have the patience to give attention to everyone periodically, most of the time I just want to be alone and relax.

>special forces

>SHILKA
fighting russians on the ground sounds pretty scary desu
I don’t care how many marines we got, one of those bear wrestling spetznaz hits the field and I’m running the opposite direction from him in fear that he’ll slap my head clean off

Guys in wheelchairs get all the bitches

what fucking book is this from. i remember reading it back in shcool. doesn't the guy get shot and the protagonist can never play halo the same way again? Something about missing his warthog gunner?

normalfags aren't worth getting along with

>be me
more liek >be reddit

>implying cyborgs can’t pull in pussy

i see the problem

you have some form of social anxiety. you think the act of being with friends is a performance of some kind, rather than just relaxing and literally BEEing yourself around other people. you'll likely be upset by me uttering those words since they are a bit of a meme, but that's essentially what makes having friends fun: having people accept your likes and dislikes, your personality and quirks and realizing you aren't alone in the world.

sometimes the person you are when you are BEEing yourself is kind of an asshole, which is likely the case with you, in which case you basically need to perform some careful introspection and think back to all the times you acted like a shithead, and how you would have perceived yourself if you were someone else in those situations. once you feel you hate yourself a bit, you can reinvent yourself and become a bit more chill hopefully. you are likely still young and retarded so you can probably still do this. namaste

>be me
>join Army
>MOS is IT nerd
>Graduate AIT and then have to wait a bit until I ship out to my first Duty Station
>while I'm waiting on that me and a few of my Battle buddies have to do duty shit around the brigade like cutting grass, moving out office supplies from buildings and cleaning up junk yard shit
>have some pick of Sergeants watching over us
>one of them is gay
>talks about his failing relationship and shit in downtime
>Says something along the lines of "I know y'all can't really relate to being gay and all blah blah blah"
>Absolute retard battle buddy outs me as a bifag who could relate
>mfw
>this Instantly perks up the Sergeant's interest
>"This true, user?"
>"H-haha yeah I guess"
>some time after we're back to cutting grass and shit and then finish up
>Sergeant has a pickup truck that he drives us around in, usually we all hop in the back
>Sergeant specifically asks me to ride up front with him
>God damn it
>Battle buddies giggling like schoolgirls
>Begrudgingly get in the passenger seat
>Once we start driving he starts asking me shit like if I like to top or bottom
>shit that would get his ass hit in major fucking trouble in TRADOC
>H-haha idunno, Sergeant, never had a chance
>Visibly excited at that
>uncomfortable as fuck
>whips out his phone, opens up his Facebook messenger and starts scrolling through messages
>whad'ya think of this
>It's a photo of him with cum plastered on his 2/10 tier face
>Real nice, haha
>keeps trying to get me to add him on Facebook, keep feigning that I forgot the password
>Wants my phone number
>Fuck
>Just give it to him despite it being clear this kind of shit is forbidden between NCOs and privates in TRADOC
>we arrive at the Chow Hall
>Get the fuck out as quick as I can
>glaring at retard battle buddy
>Get text from Sgt
>says I have a great ass despite the fucking fact that I'm wearing ACUs that don't show off jack shit
>Try and avoid cutting grass duty for the rest of my time there
Thanks for reading my blog

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>leik
>failed greentext
never been to reddit but I bet you have

dont @ me bootlicker mutt

you could have said you aren't interested but since you acted like a submissive gay princess he now intends to fuck you

congrats

fuck off with this fucking shit
you're exactly the kind of faggot that makes trying to interact with people not worth it

>not a grunt
>calls his friends battle buddies
>faggotry
fuckin’ pog’s man

Thanks for that story, user. You gave me a good laugh. Now post your butt.

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read your own post back to yourself and ask yourself, does this seem like a guy who would be a good friend?

>Now he intends to fuck you
This was years ago, and I got out unfucked. I didn't know how to say no to a Sergeant just yet at the time
>not calling your friends your battles
Homo
No, it's a flat ass which is why he was full of shit, fag

>enlisted
>arguing about consoles
seems about right

>hey that guy told that stupid faggot to fuck off, pretty based

Why are these terrorists yelling at me?

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Don't call me a fag, fag.

>tfw narcissist
I wish everyone who didn't think like me exactly would just die
I regularly have day dreams about hooking up with an alternate dimension girl version of myself

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>not day dreaming about hooking up with an exact clone of yourself
You call that narcissism?

same bro

>being a faggot
you get the rope first
I would like a clone of me to have someone I could actually be real friends with, but why not just do that with girl me and also fuck?
plus I have a big dick so I imagine the girl version of me would have big tits or a big ass at least

A female version of myself would be inherently imperfect because she wouldn't be the exact same as me. Thus, fucking an exact clone of myself would be the perfect scenario.

>being a faggot
no, don't misunderstand
I dont like males, I like myself
I can cum looking at the mirror because I'm that fucking good
If you can't do that you're probably just average looking

personally, I blame ssri's and similar medication being given to the wrong people.

>I can jerk off to males but I'm not gay I swear

Go in front of a mirror and jerk off till you die of dehydration you ass wipes

lol self hating cuck

My fucking First Sergeant was obsessed with COD4 when we where deployed and ordered us to play matches late at night.

HELL YEAH DU-

JOHNY NOOOO!

ILL SPLIT YOUR SCREEN